Lonely?

[rougeleader115]

I wasn’t sure where was best to post this. But I figure it would be related to the spiritual crisis on some level. I did search lonely here on the forum and only found a few entries.

Does anyone else suffer from loneliness? I usually am fine, but I am feeling so badly lately how I wish there were people close to me that I could just be around. I still have my partner who is more than I could ever ask for. But I just wish there were more people in my life that weren’t so concerned with material life, but still able to feel deep love for their fellow human.

I’m not saying I’m perfect at all. I just want people in my life that inspire me with how they live and love. I’m not even saying it’s not out there. Just when i feel dim or like I’m going through darkness, where else can I turn besides this forum? It does pain me sometimes and as I said especially lately.

I’m sure it’s tied to a fetter in some way, but I wanted to hear some thoughts here, please from anyone. And Jhanananda especially because you have been alone for such a large portion of your life, how do you navigate that feeling if it even bothers you?

Rougeleader

[Alexander]

It is an interesting question. I myself have not experienced loneliness for 15 years. I always imagined this "siddhi" (to not feel lonely) to be a linear attainment: one obtained by anyone at this stage of development. But, now you are making me reconsider this. I always considered you more advanced than me in meditation. But, there are many mysteries to this quest I am always learning. Perhaps it is not a linear process.

I did follow a very ascetical path in my own journey. I have not had a long-term partner. I viewed this privation as a part of my training. Something given to me as a challenge by the divine. I saw it as a means of giving me something to struggle with, so I could be awarded a "spiritual crown" through long suffering and patient endurance. It was a hard path; but the friction of it I do believe caused an alchemical change... I do not experience loneliness or despair. I have become a different kind of animal. (If I were to speculate on what this means I would suspect it has something to do with my I-hood transitioning away from the material self and building and strengthening a base in the immaterial self that is not affected by the world of matter.)

Another perspective on this... If we are all One, how can I ever be alone? It does not make sense. If we are all part of a divine Unity, how can I ever be separate? Is it not an illusion that I feel privation, loneliness, poverty? Are we not always One? Are we not always United?

Another idea. Am I not here on a temporary departure? Are my peers not the great ascetics, yogis, philosophers, and saints? Can I not count Socrates, Christ, Buddha, Juan de la Cruz, Teresa of Avila, Walt Whitman, and Patanjali among my friends? What better friends are there than these? Will I not be reunited with them, with the gods and noble ones, on my exit from this human life? What a great company of spiritual friends we can count on.

[rougeleader115]

Hello Alexander,

You very right in how it feels to be connected to a very blessed lineage of individuals. I do feel that and have for my path, it has given me much comfort and reminds me of the depth of life and death capable to a person. I think that is more what I am trying to say, not just the company of others in general. I want to be close to people that are growing to become full mystics in this lifetime. I want to feel the song of god buzzing through someone near me, instead of just me. I want to meet someone else hopelessly in love with the ever deepening connection to the godhead. I want someone that feels as impassioned about finding their true self before they die.

I want someone who is not afraid and feels the heartbeat of love pulsing underneath all of this mundane existence. Someone who’ can’t help but sing or draw or dance because of the fiery flame of god blistering in their heart. I’m tired of feeling like I just want to burn up over and over and sing of the glory of it all. I feel like a loving songbird with no one near me to sing with or sing to. It’s less a feeling of utter despair, more that I feel saddened that the world can’t feel anything that is alive in me. I feel an oozing love building in me all of the time, and I have experienced the source of that nectar. It is always on the level I am willing to abandon myself that I find every deepening layers to that experience. But most people I interact with or love in my daily life, besides my partner, have never even had a drop of what meditation and this path can offer.

It just feels weird, I thought I would meet more people with the strange dedication I found to this kind of path in the past decade. Like I said, I am by no means perfect, and I have not “completed” my journey. I think I may have been too hopeful about the percentage of proto-mystics and full blown mystics that are just walking around. At least where I live.

Thank you Alexander 🙏

Rougeleader

[Jhanananda]

Hello, Rougeleader, I too experienced loneliness as a contemplative.  I found every time I felt loneliness I would just go meditate deeply, and I would no longer feel loneliness.  I do understand that humans are gregarious and require fellowship, but too few people engage in a rigorous, self-aware contemplative life, so spending time with others who are not only leads to drama.  This is why I prefer to live in solitude in the wilderness.

[Rodan]

This might sound stupid Rogue, but have you attempted to make friends in the astral, with some type of guru or some angelic figure. I've heard of people making contact with entities in that realm to make friends or teachers.

Jhanananda, what are your thoughts on this? It sounds a bit silly but it seems like it would be fruitful as other contemplatives would be in the astral regularly.

[rougeleader115]

Hello Rodan,

That does not sound stupid at all to me, and it has been my intention for a few years. I unfortunately  have not attained that level of mastery. I am still building my consciousness to remain fully aware during the sleep cycle. The frequency of my fully lucid dreams are just far enough apart that I often get so taken by the freedom I feel that I start dancing and twirling and flying through the air. I haven’t been able to keep myself still enough to call for assistance. My true ambitions are really on going up to space and the heavens where Jeffrey is guiding me.

I would like to know your thoughts too Jhanananda on the subject. I know we have talked a little on it before, but is there a specific way to call on people in the astral world?

[Rodan]

Also might I add, thank you for coming back to this forum to speak again Rougeleader, when I joined, your posts and the posts of many others veterans like Alexander and Jhanon's were helpful in my journey.

[Jhanananda]

In my experience of OOBEs I have most certainly encountered many beings at many different levels, and meeting previous masters on the Astrol plane has certainly bee inspiring, but I am not sure if it helped with the loneliness. It was getting to the higher domains where I felt unity with all beings that erased the loneliness.

[Alexander]

This might sound stupid Rogue, but have you attempted to make friends in the astral, with some type of guru or some angelic figure. I've heard of people making contact with entities in that realm to make friends or teachers.

Jhanananda, what are your thoughts on this? It sounds a bit silly but it seems like it would be fruitful as other contemplatives would be in the astral regularly.

There is a remembering-forgetting barrier between the physical and nonphysical states which would be the biggest obstacle. Sometimes it is a struggle to remember anything. The Greeks gave it a colorful name - the "Lethe" or river of forgetfulness.

I have been reading Robert Bruce's book on OOBEs and he speculates that consciousness "grounds" itself in whatever is the lowest state. So while we are here, our most tangible experiences will be physical-body related. When the physical body dies, he speculates that memory, perception, and other powers would increase with our new "primary" location.

I've read some Christian theologians who state that mystics are really the members of the human race who are hurtling forward... that these phenomena are normally accessed only upon the death state. This makes people like Jeff who achieve consistent nighttime lucidity very remarkable.

From what I understand about the higher domains (Jeff would be able to comment from direct experience), the human mind struggles to cognize what is experienced there. So, you could have an extraordinary experience, but then awaken and not be able to express it in our language (or remember it).

I do get intuitions from time to time from what I call the "Inner Director"... what exactly it is - the higher self, a guide, a being - is a question. It is certainly the best source for guidance. But, it only acts at its own discretion. It is silent for most of any given year - but it does intervene at crucial times. It has told me to say, do, and create many things over the years. I assume the activities of most higher mystics are dictated by such forces.

[Jhanananda]

Good points, Alexander. The key thing to get between common OOBE discourse, and mine is all of the major mystics, including myself, were contemplatives, whereas, the OOBE preachers do not tend to be.  So, the OOBE preachers are not going to understand the spiritual dimension at the greater depths that the mystics who are contemplatives. This is why I emphasize deep meditation practice because the stages of samadhi are necessary to develop the depth of consciousness we acquire.

[rougeleader115]

Thank you Rodan. I am glad any of my writings help, I often worry I may have been too emotional and repetitive at times to be palatable, but I wanted to be as honest as I could be about my experience. Ive learned the most from mystics on this path that were very open about their human experience and all of the mess that can come with it.

Jhanananda, I agree that getting myself to the higher domains does seem the more conclusive option. I don’t need a workaround if the path I’m treading will lead to what I want. It honestly fires me up to dive deeper with passion.

Alexander, I am aware of a veil that one passes through to the astral and coming back. If your ability to remain aware is not “strong” enough, it is easy to forget dreams, and hard to remain lucid in them. And I do have experiences and see beings that are hard to put in words, which is why my artwork is so important to me. I am at the point that I remember my dreams almost every night for years. But having my daily consciousness actually inhabit the dream I’m experiencing consistently is what I’m struggling with. I have that happen a few times a month and it has increased frequency over the years.

I have very crazy, fun, scary, unimaginable dreams every night, and I write down most of them down. But bringing my full daily consciousness is requiring a consistent concentration throughout the day, a deeply saturated energy state, and deep detachment from emotional expectations and experiences. And as I get myself loose enough to become lucid in my dreams, I have an emotional trigger somewhere in my life or in myself directly in the days after. Then I have a spiritual crisis and my practice deepens past that level of my psyche. It’s like riding the waves of my psyche deeper and deeper. Every time I feel less of the emotional barriers even though the experiences are oftentimes far more than I’ve ever dealt with. So I know a progression is happening so that I can actually let go fully and be in a loose enough psyche to drop out of body consciously like Jeffrey. I agree that the stages of samadhi are necessary and build the concentration, energy, and detachment required to have authentic depth in the OOBE.