My meditation story

[Yogi123]

Hi All

I would like to introduce myself on this forum today. Please excuse my English. Possibly it may sound funny sometimes....

A few days ago I came across the GreatWesternVehicle homepage looking for some orientation and inspiration. I read a lot of the contents and felt most inspired by Jhananda's person quest and striving in the meditation process as well as in his worldy life. Wow, what a determination! R-e-s-p-e-c-t.

I started meditating rather by chance at the age of 20 in 1980, when I was traveling in India with highschool friends. My friends went back home after a few weeks  while I kept on on my own. After visiting the Jagannath temple in Puri I felt an urge to start doing Hatha yoga on my own in the guesthouse in Konarak near the Temple of the Wheel. Before this, I was a tourist and had no idea or clue of spirituality.

When in Nepal another traveler gave me the hint of a Buddhist meditation retreat offered in Bodhgaya / India, the Buddha's place of enlightenment. I straight away registered.

So, there is where I started out: 14 days of sitting for one hour - walking one hour - sitting one hour.... The first Noble truth became quite evident: Dhukka in my knees and hips and thoughts running everywhere plus the mosquitos.
I stayed on after the 14 days, because of feeling "I didn't understand anything and must find out more". I learned about a retreat lead by Christopher Titmuss in the Thai temple in Bodhgaya which sounded good to me, as the monk where I stayed didn't speak much English and therefore couldn't explain much to me.

The Thai temple retreat really got me more into it, I felt more settled though still restless - and mostly confused. I enjoyed the atmosphere and the support of the quite large group of meditators. Besides of Christopher's wonderful talks given in English.

As I was traveling on a basis only limited by financial ressources - I had finished highschool and had no other goal in my life at that moment - I stayed on in Bodhgaya in the Burmese vihar. Sleeping on the side of a Buddha statue as so many people were there and rooms were all full. Thus I could visit the various temples: Japanese, Tibetan, Vietnamese. And the Buddha tree and the Mahabodhi temple and could walk around the countryside of Bodhgaya. Wonderful.

Still, I felt I didn't understand much of what was going on with "this meditation" I had a strong drive to carry on - and went almost straight to an address in Burma / Myanmar for intensive practice. I threw myself into the practice of "noting, labelling" as per the Mahasi Sayadaw method from morning until night. Due to the very helpful advice of the teachers there ("We think you are suffering of some self-indulgence. When restless, you can sit a little less and walk a little more. Dont put too much pressure on yourself" etc. etc.) and daily talks given by a leading monk my meditation progressed. Some weeks passed with almost no pain - and almost no thoughts. Ah, feeling free, peaceful, wonderful.

The situation was fitting me so much: wonderful support, atmosphere, some other foreigners who practiced there at the same time, teachers who could establish exactly the points where ones meditation was at. Daily talk subjects fitted my meditation progress. I felt a strong connection to all of that.

One day, I wanted to become a monk. I had seen the Buddhist monks in the monastery and somehow made a connection. The teachers warned me: “Better think about it one more week. Your meditation is going so well. Becoming a monk will be a huge disturbance as there are so many rules to observe.”

Nonetheless, after one week I again asked to become a monk. In a small procedure I became a monk. And thereupon the meditation went downhill – as preseen by the teachers.

Probably some more self-indulgence came up after a few more weeks of practice - "I have reached peace, so now I could do something else, again".
I disrupted my practice through wishful thinking, changing sitting posture.
And, hopps, knee and hip pain started again including restlessness.

When I told the teachers that I wanted to leave, they advised me „to go with the second wind, try to keep my good concentration“ etc. etc.. But my mind was made up. So, I left my robes on the steps of the teacher's house and left
the monastery in this state.

After two years of traveling in India, Sri Lanka, Nepal, Myanmar and Thailand I returned home. My meditation and state of mind were slowly but surely going down. I started studying. I finished a professional education and jumped into work. Parallely I tried to keep up the meditation practice, did a lot of esoteric workshops (rebirthing, astrology, holotropic breathing as to Stanislav Grof etc. etc.). I progressed in my business career, but meditation was toppsyturvy: I went for retreats with Tibetan Rimpoches, did two Goenka retreats, meditated at home on my sofa.

After finding a new teacher around 2009 I started practising Sufi zikhr. This practice including my Buddhist practice made me high. Even during work I felt like flying. My mind kept saying: “Ah, enlightenment energy is there! IT could happen any moment”! But: it didn't.

I married (again) and had a lot of upheaval due to traveling, visa questions for the immigration of my wife. In 2012 I became a father of a wonderful daughter. However, being used to solitude and a mostly quiet life – after work – this was a huge change. Through practising Sufism I accepted that spiritual life and worldly life are not really separate. I admired my new relatives for their immense patience and perseverance! I felt this is what I must learn, too.
Ooooh, how difficult is this???!!!!!

As in the meantime I am a pensioner due to health reasons I could travel to Thailand last year with my small family with the (side) intent to pick up on my meditation practice: for 5 weeks I went to a temple every other day to meditate for one hour. The effects have been wonderful, I feel like I am set on track again!

From the forum I already gained a lot of inspiration! My motivation has become better and I feel more optimistic. At times, I felt really dejected and thought:
“If I cannot practice absorption, there will be no progress in my meditation. My life is slipping away”. Jhanananda's advice to meditate 2-3 times daily and to try to stay in the second jhana is of great value to me: this will help erase more of the unconscious mind and bring more stability as well as decrease impulsiveness. That is really needed, indeed.

So, far so good.

In my case it has been me myself who has left the Sangha. And I didn't further connect again. I have also applied some other practises.
I feel I am rather more dependent on the “right conditions” for a good meditation. Then, peace comes by itself. I feel like sharing with everybody
on an equal to equal basis.

I am not a learned Buddhist, neither a highly studied Sufi. I just take it as it is: sometimes upheaval, worries, tension. Sometimes peace, heaven on earth, loving kindness for all sentient beings. Sometimes angry and resentful and distressed. I flourish in nature, peace and around kind persons.

However, I am lucky to have met a lot of very good teachers in this life.

Keep on the good work.

P.S.:
I have searched for homes around Prescott, Arizona, on the internet in the last two days. To get an impression of how it is 'there'. I guess, very hot and dry?
Possibly expensive (Sedona, ohh)...


Some links as information on meditation for a read:

Practice for enlightenment -
www.panditarama.net/ebooks/inthisverylife.pdf

On Streamentry - Aggacitta Bhikkhu -
https://soundcloud.com/sasanarakkha/aggacitta-bhikkhu-guaranteed-for-stream-entry-before-death
He was a student of U Pandita Sayadaw; now own meditation center in Malaysia: http://www.sasanarakkha.org/

On jhana - http://www.wisdompubs.org/author/shaila-catherine

[Jhanananda]

Hi All

I would like to introduce myself on this forum today. Please excuse my English. Possibly it may sound funny sometimes....

Your English is fine.  You will find a significant proportion of our members are from all over the world.

A few days ago I came across the GreatWesternVehicle homepage looking for some orientation and inspiration. I read a lot of the contents and felt most inspired by Jhananda's person quest and striving in the meditation process as well as in his worldy life. Wow, what a determination! R-e-s-p-e-c-t.

Thank-you, so much for expressing your kind thoughts for the GWV.  I dearly hope that you are not disappointed.

I started meditating rather by chance at the age of 20 in 1980, when I was traveling in India with highschool friends. My friends went back home after a few weeks  while I kept on on my own. After visiting the Jagannath temple in Puri I felt an urge to start doing Hatha yoga on my own in the guesthouse in Konarak near the Temple of the Wheel. Before this, I was a tourist and had no idea or clue of spirituality.

I traveled through Asia in the mid-60.  Then I was a teenager still living at home.  I became curious about meditation, but, like you, I did not take it up until I turned 20.  It has been 45 years.  A fruitful journey.  So, I wish for you to have the same successes with deep meditation as I have, or more.

When in Nepal another traveler gave me the hint of a Buddhist meditation retreat offered in Bodhgaya / India, the Buddha's place of enlightenment. I straight away registered.

So, there is where I started out: 14 days of sitting for one hour - walking one hour - sitting one hour.... The first Noble truth became quite evident: Dhukka in my knees and hips and thoughts running everywhere plus the mosquitos.

I stayed on after the 14 days, because of feeling "I didn't understand anything and must find out more". I learned about a retreat lead by Christopher Titmuss in the Thai temple in Bodhgaya which sounded good to me, as the monk where I stayed didn't speak much English and therefore couldn't explain much to me.

The Thai temple retreat really got me more into it, I felt more settled though still restless - and mostly confused. I enjoyed the atmosphere and the support of the quite large group of meditators. Besides of Christopher's wonderful talks given in English.

As I was traveling on a basis only limited by financial ressources - I had finished highschool and had no other goal in my life at that moment - I stayed on in Bodhgaya in the Burmese vihar. Sleeping on the side of a Buddha statue as so many people were there and rooms were all full. Thus I could visit the various temples: Japanese, Tibetan, Vietnamese. And the Buddha tree and the Mahabodhi temple and could walk around the countryside of Bodhgaya. Wonderful.

Still, I felt I didn't understand much of what was going on with "this meditation" I had a strong drive to carry on - and went almost straight to an address in Burma / Myanmar for intensive practice. I threw myself into the practice of "noting, labelling" as per the Mahasi Sayadaw method from morning until night. Due to the very helpful advice of the teachers there ("We think you are suffering of some self-indulgence. When restless, you can sit a little less and walk a little more. Dont put too much pressure on yourself" etc. etc.) and daily talks given by a leading monk my meditation progressed. Some weeks passed with almost no pain - and almost no thoughts. Ah, feeling free, peaceful, wonderful.

The situation was fitting me so much: wonderful support, atmosphere, some other foreigners who practiced there at the same time, teachers who could establish exactly the points where ones meditation was at. Daily talk subjects fitted my meditation progress. I felt a strong connection to all of that.

One day, I wanted to become a monk. I had seen the Buddhist monks in the monastery and somehow made a connection. The teachers warned me: “Better think about it one more week. Your meditation is going so well. Becoming a monk will be a huge disturbance as there are so many rules to observe.”

Nonetheless, after one week I again asked to become a monk. In a small procedure I became a monk. And thereupon the meditation went downhill – as preseen by the teachers.

Probably some more self-indulgence came up after a few more weeks of practice - "I have reached peace, so now I could do something else, again".
I disrupted my practice through wishful thinking, changing sitting posture.
And, hopps, knee and hip pain started again including restlessness.

When I told the teachers that I wanted to leave, they advised me „to go with the second wind, try to keep my good concentration“ etc. etc.. But my mind was made up. So, I left my robes on the steps of the teacher's house and left
the monastery in this state.

After two years of traveling in India, Sri Lanka, Nepal, Myanmar and Thailand I returned home.

It sounds like you had a very good beginning to the contemplative life.  However, I have not surprised that you left Buddhist monasticism; because, I have never met a Buddhist monk, or lay meditation teacher who understood the 8th fold of the Noble Eightfold Path; because, it is common in Buddhism to use the English term 'concentration' for the experience of samadhi.  Understanding this difference is what the GWV is all about.

My meditation and state of mind were slowly but surely going down. I started studying. I finished a professional education and jumped into work. Parallely I tried to keep up the meditation practice, did a lot of esoteric workshops (rebirthing, astrology, holotropic breathing as to Stanislav Grof etc. etc.). I progressed in my business career, but meditation was toppsyturvy: I went for retreats with Tibetan Rimpoches, did two Goenka retreats, meditated at home on my sofa.

I did all of these esoteric workshops and more.  I never found any of the people who led and/or taught these things understood samadhi.

After finding a new teacher around 2009 I started practising Sufi zikhr. This practice including my Buddhist practice made me high. Even during work I felt like flying. My mind kept saying: “Ah, enlightenment energy is there! IT could happen any moment”! But: it didn't.esoteric workshops

It sounds like your zikhr was bareing fruit.

I married (again) and had a lot of upheaval due to traveling, visa questions for the immigration of my wife. In 2012 I became a father of a wonderful daughter. However, being used to solitude and a mostly quiet life – after work – this was a huge change. Through practising Sufism I accepted that spiritual life and worldly life are not really separate. I admired my new relatives for their immense patience and perseverance! I felt this is what I must learn, too.
Ooooh, how difficult is this???!!!!!

I too married twice, and fathered 3 children.  All through my professional career, and marriage, and fatherhood, I meditated at least 2 times per day, and sat at least 1 10-day meditation retreat.  I found my children would crawl into my lap when I sat to meditate.  They both lead a contemplative life, and have born fruit in that contemplative life.  I love them dearly, but fatherhood and marriage were the most difficult things I ever did. If I were to do it over again, I would stick to celibacy.

As in the meantime I am a pensioner due to health reasons I could travel to Thailand last year with my small family with the (side) intent to pick up on my meditation practice: for 5 weeks I went to a temple every other day to meditate for one hour. The effects have been wonderful, I feel like I am set on track again!

Good to read that you have returned to a fruitful contemplative life.

From the forum I already gained a lot of inspiration! My motivation has become better and I feel more optimistic. At times, I felt really dejected and thought:
“If I cannot practice absorption, there will be no progress in my meditation. My life is slipping away”. Jhanananda's advice to meditate 2-3 times daily and to try to stay in the second jhana is of great value to me: this will help erase more of the unconscious mind and bring more stability as well as decrease impulsiveness. That is really needed, indeed.

So, far so good.

In my case it has been me myself who has left the Sangha. And I didn't further connect again. I have also applied some other practises.
I feel I am rather more dependent on the “right conditions” for a good meditation. Then, peace comes by itself. I feel like sharing with everybody
on an equal to equal basis.

I am not a learned Buddhist, neither a highly studied Sufi. I just take it as it is: sometimes upheaval, worries, tension. Sometimes peace, heaven on earth, loving kindness for all sentient beings. Sometimes angry and resentful and distressed. I flourish in nature, peace and around kind persons.

However, I am lucky to have met a lot of very good teachers in this life.

Keep on the good work.

P.S.:
I have searched for homes around Prescott, Arizona, on the internet in the last two days. To get an impression of how it is 'there'. I guess, very hot and dry?
Possibly expensive (Sedona, ohh)...


Some links as information on meditation for a read:

Practice for enlightenment -
www.panditarama.net/ebooks/inthisverylife.pdf

On Streamentry - Aggacitta Bhikkhu -
https://soundcloud.com/sasanarakkha/aggacitta-bhikkhu-guaranteed-for-stream-entry-before-death
He was a student of U Pandita Sayadaw; now own meditation center in Malaysia: http://www.sasanarakkha.org/

On jhana - http://www.wisdompubs.org/author/shaila-catherine

It sounds like you are well on your way to recovering your earlier fruitful contemplative life.  Welcome to this forum.  I look forward to reading what you have to say.

My health has been up and down for the last 7 years, so I might at times be too ill to respond.  Hopefully then other senior members here, like: Stu, Rougeleader, Cal, Michel,  and Michael Hawkins will pitch in to keep this forum dynamic.

[Yogi123]

Thanks, Jhanananda, for your kind words! Our lives' journeys seem to be very similar.

With your changing health I wish you all the best: the best support - inner and outer.
What can I say?

I am grateful for your inspiration on this path. As I am of the wavering and wobbling kind ("Walk when you walk, run when you run. But dont wobble.") who is also easily influenced from the outside, I truly value companionship - no matter the outer distance in this world.

For the teachings I received on my journey I am more than grateful. I highly estimate the Burmese Sayadaws: they have quite a longstanding experience in establishing yogis on the path. There are some Sayadaw names coming to my mind: Taungpulu, Pa Auk, Webu, Mahasi, U Pandita and there are certainly many more.  In many places in Myanmar there is active teaching happening. And the surrounding conditions in my opinion are very helpful. Though the Rohingya approach is appalling indeed. Loving kindness? Where is it? Fruits of the practice? This is very sad, especially as I am connected to both countries, Myanmar and Bangladesh. Nonsensical borders, divisions between human beings, suffering on all sides.

On my trip to Phuket in Thailand I found out that there is a 50/50 distribution of Buddhists and Muslims: in Patong I found 2 Buddhist temples and 3 mosques. And they are getting along well and saying of each other "they are good neighbours". So, what is the point?


Que sera, sera. Wonderful song and lyrics.