mapelis blog

[Jhanananda]

Still adjusting a bit to having moved back, I have had the chance to practice moment to moment mindfulness. When I lose that, I will almost immediately find myself annoyed and uncomfortable because of the road of cars I can hear constantly in the background or some social relationship that I had fled going up north.

I'm not yet fit for the mendicant life-style and live where it is too cold most of the time to camp even in a van. So I always figured I would have to find some way of living in between. A simple cottage away from noise will do, and some work I can do from there with as little effort and time as possible. But now I find myself looking at camp gear and contemplating relocation to a hotter country.

There are many ways to live a dedicated contemplative life.  One way is just to get good at the moment-to-moment mindfulness; and learning not to get distracted by life.

A few years ago I was in Alamosa, CO, for the summer.  The summer was quite pleasant, and there was a shelter where 3 free meals a day were served.  I washed dishes to help out after each meal.

There I found a secret place behind some bushes along the Rio Grande, where otters, beavers, geese, ducks, fish, etc. lived.  It was a beautiful and inspiring place, but the temperatures dropped to freezing each night by September first, because Alamosa, CO is at about 7,000 feet (2100M) of elevation.  The winters can drop to -30 F/C.  So, I considered digging a pit house in the bank of the river.

A bit house is a simple igloo-style house made of mud, and dug at least 1/2 way down into the ground.  Sticks and limbs are used to build a vaulted ceiling; and a fire-pit is in the middle of the floor, and the vent/smoke stack is directly above the fire.  There is typically a short crawl space that is commonly dug below grade to accommodate entry.  A skin or blanket can be placed across the entrance to keep the wind from howling through.  A pit-house should be quite warm regardless of the outside temperature, as long as there is wood for making a fire.  It would not have to be a large fire, because the house is the fireplace.

I think that I have started to trust the process of negotiation a bit. So far I have ended up on the contemplative side of available choices without having any options really. It has been the way it has to be. So keeping up this direction by daily meditation and stillness of lifestyle, things will have to work out. After all, it was soon five years ago that I quit my last employment, and I still don't know how ends have met. But compared to my friends I live really simple and cheap.  So, quitting the day job was the large step, after that things have been simpler.

I like the term 'negotiation' the way Jhanananda talks about it. It is one of those things that really stand out as brilliant and unique. There are many more such things, of course.
Having been around this forum for not too long, many more such concepts have uploaded into my mind recently, to great joy.

The negotiating is not just life, but every day. Learning to keep equanimous in new environtments and new situations seems like an essential part of the training. I seem to have a couple of areas where I am under-developed, but these days I discovered something that helps a bit in those situations, so I will share it with you.
Since becoming comfortable in the third jhana, and after Jeffrey pointed out the connection between the jhanas and the chakras, I seem to be able to fall back on, or rather flee to equinimity even when my saturation in penetrated, by simply treating my loss and lack of equanimity equanimous (note to future self: invest in spell checker). That is, when annoyance has its course through this body and mind, I 'apply' equanimity to it by accepting it and sort of smiling kindly towards myself instead of working up more unbalance. When I can't find the stepping stone to do this I focus on, and flee to, the third-eye chakra.
This might not be very sane, because the spontaneous thing to go for when losing balance would be the first jhana and thereby the heart chakra. But I find that usually the heartand throat are too much compromized and don't  give enough pull into wholesomeness, in a 'war situation' outside of a meditation session, that is.
 As always I might by fooling myself and over theorizing, but I guess I might also be right. "What ever works for you. No one can tell you how todo it."
When in meditation, I go for permanence, saturation, 'becoming' and all stems from peace and stillness and surrender. Therefor it was not obvious to me how to 'apply' things found in the jhanas outside of meditation, outside of saturation.
I think in terms of backburner-bliss or meta-joy. 'A joy that is not of the senses' even when the senses and mind signals unjoyfulness.

Well, it is best to find some comfortable place in the religious experience that one can get to every time one meditates.  If it is the 1st jhana, then one starts there; but if one can keep the mind still all day, and equanimous, then one can start at the 3rd jhana.  Or, maybe one can start at the 4th jhana, every time one meditates.

When one can meditate deeply, then the world is not so distracting.  However, when one gets to considerable depth in the religious experience, then one no longer has need for the world.  So, we work from where we are, to maintain progress.

Excellent progress.  Now see if you can maintain some stability.

[mapeli]

Thank you again for awesome advice and kind encouragement!

Last night I got to the fifth sammadhi again. This was the first since coming home, but also, it means it has happened three times in less than two weeks (or something). This is most astonishing and cool. Coming here to report about it I find Jhananandas unvaluable comments encouraging stability, and I for once feel up for the challange and on par for the course. It seems my conscience is alot more content since actually living up to the rigorous contemplative life, and not just reading or thinking about it.

I still have an ongoing posture experiment and the last few days ive been integrating some old yoga techniques into the sitting. That means starting with yogic breathing (integrating both belly and torax breathing) and applying the bhandas to the lower chakras on exhale, and relaxing them on inhale. This circulates energy around and the bliss intensifies faster. After a while I will keep all the lower locks and really suck the belly in and lift up the ribcage.

As I did this last night I just drifted right through the fourth jhana into the fifth sammadhi, very surprisingly, and that deep gratitude and bliss and joy was all that was. I felt like crying and laughing, I felt like running over to my neighbours to hug them. As my body awareness faded away I felt I was sinking through the floor and felt hilarious about it. As the body was left to do its own business a last bit of worry came over me, wondering If the body would collapse on the floor or pee itself or something, but instead it felt good too so I faded away into a sphere of blackness and joy. Man, these states are awesome.

Afterwards I felt like going out to stroll through the summer night, but I also need sleep and another session this morning, so I just ended up on the balcony overlooking the forest, and feeling really connected and blissful, content and like life is sacred.

I moved away from yoga some time ago after realizing it is far too easy to strain and force what should be natural and hard wired, so Im reluctant to recommend any yogic practice without staying one step ahead in meditation, so that I will always promote surrender rather than forcefulness.

This night I dreamed new traumatic dreams of being bullied. Pretty sure it was a recollection of a previous lifetime. It had that flavour, and it was more like a movie than the ones where lucidity is discovered. I then got up and felt a bit heavy about the dream content but also motivated for a morning sit.

When using the yoga-techniques I move alot faster into higher jhanas and was not disturbed at all of the surroundings, the way I was the first days here. It seems each place has its own requirements and teachings embedded for the mystic. I totally missed out on some stuff I should have noticed, so I was at least in the third,  but I also tink I got into the fourth because I got that feeling of being out in the clear, like I could sit for ever.

I also learned something about silence these last days. I used to consider silence "the pause between the words of thought" but I now concluded that that is the wrong domain - the silence of the second jhana is really another place than that of the thoughts, that is why a single thought will not ruin the jhanas straight away. Like Jhananda says, it seems odd, but one really can focus on silence.

Love and blessings to all!

[Jhanananda]

Thank you again for awesome advice and kind encouragement!

Last night I got to the fifth sammadhi again. This was the first since coming home, but also, it means it has happened three times in less than two weeks (or something). This is most astonishing and cool. Coming here to report about it I find Jhananandas unvaluable comments encouraging stability, and I for once feel up for the challange and on par for the course. It seems my conscience is alot more content since actually living up to the rigorous contemplative life, and not just reading or thinking about it.

Continuing to find the levels of the religious up to the 5th samadhi available to you while home after your retreat is certainly an encouraging sign of success in your contemplative life.  So, just remember that there are ups and downs in any contemplative life, but one aspires for some stability, and a base attainment.  If your base attainment, for example, is the 4th jhana every day several times a day, then you are likely to get to the place where you are completely free of cravings.  At that point we can then call you an arrahat.

I still have an ongoing posture experiment and the last few days ive been integrating some old yoga techniques into the sitting. That means starting with yogic breathing (integrating both belly and torax breathing) and applying the bhandas to the lower chakras on exhale, and relaxing them on inhale. This circulates energy around and the bliss intensifies faster. After a while I will keep all the lower locks and really suck the belly in and lift up the ribcage.

The important thing for any mystic to find is what works for you.  What works for you may not work for another, so we cannot demonize a lifestyle or spiritual practice that works for a mystic.  We can only look at the method, and maybe try it out for our self, to see if it works, if not we move on.

As I did this last night I just drifted right through the fourth jhana into the fifth sammadhi, very surprisingly, and that deep gratitude and bliss and joy was all that was. I felt like crying and laughing, I felt like running over to my neighbours to hug them. As my body awareness faded away I felt I was sinking through the floor and felt hilarious about it. As the body was left to do its own business a last bit of worry came over me, wondering If the body would collapse on the floor or pee itself or something, but instead it felt good too so I faded away into a sphere of blackness and joy. Man, these states are awesome.

Afterwards I felt like going out to stroll through the summer night, but I also need sleep and another session this morning, so I just ended up on the balcony overlooking the forest, and feeling really connected and blissful, content and like life is sacred.

From the level of bliss saturation you got, then you know what works for you.  So, keep it up.  Find what works, and keep doing it.  Over time see if you can hone it.  Honing the spiritual practice and lifestyle typically results in more bliss saturation.

I moved away from yoga some time ago after realizing it is far too easy to strain and force what should be natural and hard wired, so Im reluctant to recommend any yogic practice without staying one step ahead in meditation, so that I will always promote surrender rather than forcefulness.

I found a regular daily hatha yoga practice helped me to modify my posture so that I could maximize my meditation sitting time; and increasing my meditation sitting time maximized my bliss, so I recommend a daily hatha yoga practice, but I never found it had anything directly related to increasing my bliss.  It is just an exercise system that works for me.

This night I dreamed new traumatic dreams of being bullied. Pretty sure it was a recollection of a previous lifetime. It had that flavour, and it was more like a movie than the ones where lucidity is discovered. I then got up and felt a bit heavy about the dream content but also motivated for a morning sit.

Recollection of a previous lifetime during dream time is common for me, so I would expect it to be common for other rigorous, self aware contemplatives, such as yourself.  At those times we receive insight as to its origins.  If insight says it is a previous lifetime recollection, then it is.

Insight is not mindfulness. Mindfulness leads to insight.  Insight is intuitive and revelatory and subjective.  Only the subject knows whether it is insight.

Insight and Recollection of a previous lifetime are both superior fruit (maha-phala) of attainment.  They are a sign of success in one's contemplative life.

When using the yoga-techniques I move alot faster into higher jhanas and was not disturbed at all of the surroundings, the way I was the first days here. It seems each place has its own requirements and teachings embedded for the mystic. I totally missed out on some stuff I should have noticed, so I was at least in the third,  but I also tink I got into the fourth because I got that feeling of being out in the clear, like I could sit for ever.

I also learned something about silence these last days. I used to consider silence "the pause between the words of thought" but I now concluded that that is the wrong domain - the silence of the second jhana is really another place than that of the thoughts, that is why a single thought will not ruin the jhanas straight away. Like Jhananda says, it seems odd, but one really can focus on silence.

Love and blessings to all!

You know you are making excellent progress when you can sustain your level of attainment when you return to the world after a retreat.  And, as you keep returning to these religious experiences you will continue to learn new things from them.  If you listen to this intuitive inner advice, which is true insight, and head the advice, then you will progress.  If you begin to ignore the advice, then you will begin to lose yourself into worldliness, which is enticing, seductive, and delusory.  Good work.  See if you can keep the momentum going for the rest of your life.

By the way, since you live in Scandanevia, then you might enjoy seeing this YouTube video of a guy who runs on old Volvo truck from WWII on wood http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSgL0Ie4zrI

[mapeli]

So, coming out of retreat it seems like I'm not blogging here as much. Every now and then I check in and re-read Jhananandas replies and scan the forum for new topics, but it seems like I'm a lot more passive and I will not log my progress and practice for a while, perhaps until next retreat, or when I have something particular I want to share or discuss. I just wanted to make that known, so you know that I'm still around and am keeping up my practice, although not posting as much.

It seems progress outside of retreat still happens so I am happy to keep practicing although sadly a lot less intense. Lately I had a most wonderful but super-simple revelation - that silence is a skill of the faculty of (inner or outer) speech, not of hearing. This explains why I felt that the silence to be focused upon is located "somewhere else", and independent of the charism of sound. At least it seems so for me right now. I think it is a good sign to seek joy in the simpler insights and phenomena of meditation, and not just the full blown wiping away of everything. But yeah, I'm probably just compensating for the longing after the deeper states.

Like the rich youngster in the gospel who turned away from Christ, maybe his so called riches where psychological compensations.

There is an interesting possibility that Christ was not only not paranoid, but that he was not sane at all, and that the expression "the Kingdom of Heaven" refers to a state of mind not likely to be had by sane people. Let us discuss some of his utterances in the light of this possibility.

Matthew 13: 45-46
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls; who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.

Mark 8: 36-37

What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and loose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

To suggest that one single thing could be worth more than everything else put together is, I feel sure, an immature attitude.

Matthew 7: 13-14
Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

This is scarcely democratic and I do not see what a modern Christian can make of it. But it is a realistic assessment of the number of people likely to take up single-mindedness at all seriously.

Matthew 22: 37-38

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

Matthew 7: 7

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

Sane people are obviously not likely to qualify for anything on these terms.

They cannot want anything very much, or try to get anything very hard. They accept the first compensation that comes their way.

Luke 6: 24-26

But woe unto you that are rich! for ye have received your consolation.

Woe unto you that are full! for ye shall hunger. Woe unto you that laugh now! for ye shall mourn and weep.

Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.

Does this really sound as though he was in favour of the jolly, well-compensated man-in-society?

Matthew 19: 21-23
Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.

But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions.

Then Jesus said unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven.

A rather more interesting reading becomes possible if it is supposed that "riches" means "compensations".

The above is from the wonderful "The Human Evasion" by Celia Green (found here: http://deoxy.org/evasion/) where she explains the concept of  "sanity". I suspect at least one around here might enjoy her wit.

Blessings to all of you, and thank you for this wonderful community of contemplatives.

[mapeli]

After having posted the above yesterday, some time later I almost started laughing. What an utter fool I must come off as. Regarding, at the moment, the issue of silence manifested  and speech vs hearing. It is strange both how things separate out when meditating, and how things have been and are grouped together in strange ways. Erroneous bindings seems to be the recurring theme in the life of the contemplative.

[Jhanananda]

Thank-you mapeli, for keeping your blog going.  I think reading how you are attempting to keep some rigor in your contemplative life after your retreat is as useful as what took place during your long retreat.  The challenge in life, is not how we set aside a small amount of time for a retreat, but how we integrate the contemplative life into our day-to-day life, and how it results in manifestations of the charisms.

Also, you do not seem to be ranting, and contemplatives, who meditate deeply, tend to be hypersensitive, so I suggest that you drop the "rant" from the title of your blog, and you might find more people reading and responding to it.

[Jhanananda]

I have re-read your last two messages in your blog several times.  I agree, that psychological compensation is what is behind all of the 7 deadly sins; and the sins are just old terms for obsessive-compulsive behaviors.  People learn to cope with their anxiety in many unsuccessful ways, which are the 7-deadly sins. 

The successful contemplative becomes a mystic, and in that process learns to not bury their anxiety under a mountain of lust, or greed, or addiction, but to deal with anxiety directly.  To me the modern life is anxiety producing; whereas, the hunter gather lifestyle, which I believe is at the heart of the mendicant life, is essentially anxiety freeing. 

However, sadly, those who give up everything for the holy life are seen as insane by this insane world, because to the masses addiction, and anxiety are normal.  So, taking the retreat home, is learning how not to take on the anxiety, and the unwholesome coping mechanisms that the masses believe is normal, and live in the world without anxiety.  This, I believe, is being in the world, without being of the world.

[mapeli]

Thank you for your comments and encouragement. I agree that sharing the challenges of life outside of retreat is also an important part of being part of a fellowship of aspiring contemplatives.

Regarding the use of the term 'compensation' it hits just the spot for me, in explaining why I keep enforcing fetters or sinful or addictive behaviour. Like you wrote, it is because I'm not facing the anxiety or suffering directly. But also, it explains why such behaviour becomes less and less relevant as the mystical life unfolds. The price increases and the effects diminishes for the compensations of the world, whereas the joy of the contemplative life increases. So, I agree, the conclusion for the brave is to be not of the world at all.

For periods of time this works for me, but every now and then the fetter of sexual lust makes it self known and I find myself engaging dishonestly in some worldy activities, like a party with some old friends. But I soon leave and get back to my rented room filled with sadness and wired up by having been out in the social wilderness. I feel like crying both from feeling lonely, and from having fooled myself thinking I would enjoy it and maybe find someone to have an intimate relationship with.

After having stopped feeling sorry for myself, I can find joy and gratitude in this. Because never am I so glad to be the way I am, doing what I am doing, as when I'm walking home with Beethoven in my ears to drown the noise of the city, and reaching the outskirts where I hide, hearing the noise tune down and the starry sky making it self known, knowing that soon I will be calm again, after having navigated through all the upsets, and starting to relax again. I do feel lonely and sad, but now I know that I can't seek release from that in compensations like a party or something like that.

Outside of retreat I need to have a more sensitive relationship with meditation and with myself. Resting and relaxing and letting the absorbtions come and go on their own. A softer grip perhaps. This has started to become a more trusting relation. When I slack to much in my practice, for instance, ending the night sit too early because of some excuse, the next day I will feel the charisms more intensely than usual, like they are reminding me, or seducing me. This works for me, like, oh yeah, that's what it is about, I better shape up.

I also find that I need to keep a bit more actively interested in the topic of mysticism because through reading I reach the absorbtions and the cushion seems closer. I think part of the value of this is explained by the fact that these meditative states really are altered states of consiousness, and the ordinairy life state keeps forgetting what the jhanas are about, until they arrive, and then I can't understand how I could forget.

Maybe I should rename the blog and lose the ranting-part, but I do have issues with an awareness of how poorly my words matches any truth and how probable it is that I mislead anyone rather than help out and inspire. So I called it ranting so that anyone could discard it as mumb jumbo. Yes, I am now compensating for lack of self esteem and fear of not being understood.

I do get encouraged by your replies though, it seems, so I will attempt to keep this going.

[Jhanananda]

Thank you for your comments and encouragement. I agree that sharing the challenges of life outside of retreat is also an important part of being part of a fellowship of aspiring contemplatives.

It is good that you understand the value of fellowship both for you, and for inspiring others to fallow your example.

Regarding the use of the term 'compensation' it hits just the spot for me, in explaining why I keep enforcing fetters or sinful or addictive behaviour. Like you wrote, it is because I'm not facing the anxiety or suffering directly. But also, it explains why such behaviour becomes less and less relevant as the mystical life unfolds. The price increases and the effects diminishes for the compensations of the world, whereas the joy of the contemplative life increases. So, I agree, the conclusion for the brave is to be not of the world at all.

I think your use of the term 'compensation' is right on the mark as how the whole world seeks to avoid their anxieties by compensating for them through the pursuit of the 7 deadly sins, instead of dismantling them, through leading a contemplative life.

For periods of time this works for me, but every now and then the fetter of sexual lust makes it self known and I find myself engaging dishonestly in some worldy activities, like a party with some old friends. But I soon leave and get back to my rented room filled with sadness and wired up by having been out in the social wilderness. I feel like crying both from feeling lonely, and from having fooled myself thinking I would enjoy it and maybe find someone to have an intimate relationship with.

The species Homo Sapiens Sapiens is a gregarious species, so seeking the necessary solitude of the contemplative life is at odds with an essential species survival mechanism.  However, since the species at large is in mad pursuit of the seven deadly sins, then we contemplatives are constantly bombarded by innumerable opportunities to evade the source of our anxieties in endless distractive pursuits when we hang with the herd.  So, we have to seek solitude, but when we do, then we become lonely for company in the herd again.  However, when a contemplative becomes deeply saturated in the deeper levels of meditation, then the longing for being part of the human herd diminishes, as we learn to savor the succor of the religious experience.

After having stopped feeling sorry for myself, I can find joy and gratitude in this. Because never am I so glad to be the way I am, doing what I am doing, as when I'm walking home with Beethoven in my ears to drown the noise of the city, and reaching the outskirts where I hide, hearing the noise tune down and the starry sky making it self known, knowing that soon I will be calm again, after having navigated through all the upsets, and starting to relax again. I do feel lonely and sad, but now I know that I can't seek release from that in compensations like a party or something like that.

When the charisms become your constant companion, you will never experience loneliness again.  You will then miss the solitude of seclusion every time you find yourself back in the herd.

Outside of retreat I need to have a more sensitive relationship with meditation and with myself. Resting and relaxing and letting the absorbtions come and go on their own. A softer grip perhaps. This has started to become a more trusting relation. When I slack to much in my practice, for instance, ending the night sit too early because of some excuse, the next day I will feel the charisms more intensely than usual, like they are reminding me, or seducing me. This works for me, like, oh yeah, that's what it is about, I better shape up.

Yes, the charisms of the holy spirit are seductive, intoxicating, and transformative.

I also find that I need to keep a bit more actively interested in the topic of mysticism because through reading I reach the absorbtions and the cushion seems closer. I think part of the value of this is explained by the fact that these meditative states really are altered states of consiousness, and the ordinairy life state keeps forgetting what the jhanas are about, until they arrive, and then I can't understand how I could forget.

We cannot meditate all of the time; however, we can remain saturated in the charisms of the holy spirit all of the time.  So, reading the writing of the mystics, makes for excellent company, and companionship.  I have only left a short list of the mystics who inspired me, but surely there are many more.  So, I look forward to the mystics here who discover other mystics and share them with us here, so that we can all be enriched by a shared experience of the sacred, which is as uncommon and as elusive as the North American jaguar, but it is nonetheless there for those to find who seek it.

Maybe I should rename the blog and lose the ranting-part, but I do have issues with an awareness of how poorly my words matches any truth and how probable it is that I mislead anyone rather than help out and inspire. So I called it ranting so that anyone could discard it as mumb jumbo. Yes, I am now compensating for lack of self esteem and fear of not being understood.

I do get encouraged by your replies though, it seems, so I will attempt to keep this going.

If you had not said that English was not your native language I would not have guessed, because your use of the language is excellent, and you are clearly an accomplished contemplative and well on your way to being a full-blown mystic.  So, I am pleased that you have found this forum, and that you have chosen to share with us your journey, and I hope you continue to do so; because accomplished contemplative and mystics are too few and far between to meet them in person, but if we can find those rare people, such as yourself here, then others will find company and companionship in reading our story, even if we are long dead.

[mapeli]

I will go on then.

Tonight I managed to do a new thing in the area of dream recollection. I would drift in and out of dreams and in between I was somewhat more lucid, so that I was able to remember not only the most recent dream but the one(s) before that. So between each dream I got to reiterate the list of previous dreams and so could remember more than I am used to when finally sitting up in the body and grabbing the pencil to record it.

The only relevant dream that has kept me company during the day was about a kindof race, or competition, like that odd sport that combines shooting with skiing. I was going around the circular track crosslegged and in bliss. The only trouble was I seemed to rotate slowly towards the center of the round track, like towards the center of a wheel. The others aimed their guns (I had none) outwards so I was a litttle bothered at first. But it was great fun not having to ski but going faster effortlessly, up and down the not too steep slopes of the track, so I didn't mind.
When I started thinking about what I should do, a door opened out of nothing in the center of the large track. Someone spoke to me reminding me that the race was just a game and the lesson would soon be over, and I knew that it was so, and that all that I thought I needed to do was completely useless. I also understood that that was the reason I had been slowly turned - I had started to drift towards the center, whereas the other competitors, that seemed unaware that it was just a lesson (like a PE class in school) was turning outwardly, trying to shoot on their targets. This was very clear from the insight - like a game during PE is forgotten when the bell rings, so would my worldly efforts be forgotten. Or rather, useless. This was not sad nor a relief, it was just so. I did not feel any urgent conclusions neither, things were already in order and all was fine.

This might seem like a cynical or self centered experience, but I don't mind. It was inspiring and uplifting, and I feel encouraged to carry on.

On the worldly side of things this body seem to have contracted a cold or flu and is rapidly degrading its comfortability in order to counter the attacks. I have spend the evening and afternoon laying down and the blissful states have been the most wonderful company. I do feel a bit like I am cheating though; my awareness hoovering just outside the reach of the uncomfortability, enjoying the charisms.

Every now and then that state is broken and I need to treat the unrest. I wish I had the company of a beautiful woman that would give me chicken soup and hugs. Like I would also like to be on a beach in the Bahamas smoking a ... Something legal. But neither scenario is compatible with my lifestyle since long ago and nothing more than idealized brain farts. It would be like turning outwards, trying to shoot on just the right target whilst balancing on skis. I just don't think I would be able to accomplish such balancing acts anymore.

[Jhanananda]

I will go on then.

Tonight I managed to do a new thing in the area of dream recollection. I would drift in and out of dreams and in between I was somewhat more lucid, so that I was able to remember not only the most recent dream but the one(s) before that. So between each dream I got to reiterate the list of previous dreams and so could remember more than I am used to when finally sitting up in the body and grabbing the pencil to record it.

This is excellent results.  It means that your sleep state is becoming more lucid.

The only relevant dream that has kept me company during the day was about a kindof race, or competition, like that odd sport that combines shooting with skiing. I was going around the circular track crosslegged and in bliss. The only trouble was I seemed to rotate slowly towards the center of the round track, like towards the center of a wheel. The others aimed their guns (I had none) outwards so I was a litttle bothered at first. But it was great fun not having to ski but going faster effortlessly, up and down the not too steep slopes of the track, so I didn't mind.

I would call this an OOBE; after all you are flying, even if close to the ground.  Also, flying with crossed legs means that your meditation practice is penetrating your sleep state.  Very good.

When I started thinking about what I should do, a door opened out of nothing in the center of the large track. Someone spoke to me reminding me that the race was just a game and the lesson would soon be over, and I knew that it was so, and that all that I thought I needed to do was completely useless. I also understood that that was the reason I had been slowly turned - I had started to drift towards the center, whereas the other competitors, that seemed unaware that it was just a lesson (like a PE class in school) was turning outwardly, trying to shoot on their targets. This was very clear from the insight - like a game during PE is forgotten when the bell rings, so would my worldly efforts be forgotten. Or rather, useless. This was not sad nor a relief, it was just so. I did not feel any urgent conclusions neither, things were already in order and all was fine.

This might seem like a cynical or self centered experience, but I don't mind. It was inspiring and uplifting, and I feel encouraged to carry on.

Another side to this "dream" is you were the only one in the "dream" who was lucid enough to know that it was not just a dream.  They were, on the other hand totally caught up in the story of the dream.

On the worldly side of things this body seem to have contracted a cold or flu and is rapidly degrading its comfortability in order to counter the attacks. I have spend the evening and afternoon laying down and the blissful states have been the most wonderful company. I do feel a bit like I am cheating though; my awareness hoovering just outside the reach of the uncomfortability, enjoying the charisms.

I believe you have already found that retreating into the religious experience is a far better way to treat a health condition, than wallowing in worldliness.  Keep it up, because it only gets better.

[mapeli]

It has been a while, a month or so, but as often I find myself back here after something cool has happened. Ironically I rather like that this forum has a rather slow posting frequency, because that means that I can catch up even if I haven't participated actively for a while, and it also means that whatever is actually posted is probably going to be interesting.

The last night I have had rather good depth in meditation, which has not always been great since coming out of retreat. And during sleep tonight I found myself walking among some warehouses in the dream world. I was fully consious and walked around pondering something. I then decided that it was just silly thinking about what I was thinking about, and let go of it, and felt a great joy and a longing for flying. I was a bit unsure if I was in a domain where flying was possible or not, and I chuckled because I knew "as a matter of fact" that flying is surely impossible, and I wondered when I made the transition into considering a part of my natural experience. I chuckled some more considering what people would say if they knew I was seriously considering flying, and felt in my memory what it feels like, as I have done it many times before. I decided I didn't care at all and started jumping a bit, trying to get stuck in the air, growing less and less certian that flying is impossible (actually, more in regards to what domain I was in - I was absolutely positive that it was this ordinary earth plane) - and on the third attempt I stuck in the air. And I remembered. Oh yes. It is possible. I keep forgetting. Man, this feels wonderful. I felt a deep joy and love, and my whole body started tingeling with intense energy and the heaven (of that plane) opened up in to an ever increasing bright light that sucked my in and I dissapeared. It was one of the coolest, most wonderful experiences so far.
Then, coming back I'm back in my body. Seriously confused. The kundalini is still moving around in my body and I feel truly great. But really surprised that I'm back in my body (because I did think I was already, remember) - and a little bit dissapointed. Like, having gotten access to flying, first thing I do is traverse that domain, going through the teleporting light and ending up back in my body where I'm pretty sure I can't fly. Or wait minute... Nope. Can't fly here.
Good thing is though, it was all worth it. Because that white light teleporter thingie is awesome. I used to do drugs a while back, but that is nothing compared to this. The transitional effect is still fresh in my memory and I enjoy it alot.

I went up and realized I had slept for just over an hour, it was 1:30 and I was feeling as fresh and alive as if I had been on a spa for a month. And this world, and my room seemed just wonderful and I greeted this world with love. Today I will try to stick away from reflecting on the bitterness and sickness of our society and just soak in that loving feeling instead.

Blessings to you, fellow contemplatives and friends.

[mapeli]

I will also add one more thing to the above post, that I need to put in black and white. Reality is started to get seriously confusing. I used to see how it could be like that and have it as a philosophical point, but now I'm getting seriously messed up. And it seems to be a good thing. It's seems to be going from better to better, and I hope it will get good enough for me not having to come back to the more hellish domains ever again.

The last period of time for me has been about renegotiating a lot of what I considered non issues, in the domain of ethical living, and what an ethical life style (as Jhananda puts it) consists of. It all started with another addictive behaviour dropping off. I quit drinking black tea. I prouded myself quitting coffee and nicotine some six month ago, after having spend the last years letting go of alcohol and other drugs. But I was absolutely shocked what an impact black tea had on my body and after the initial head aches where wearing of my body felt awesome. Super calm and relaxed. The meditation quality deepened a lot. This made me consider what else I could do to help my meditation, because now when not in retreat I need all the help I can get. So I started a rigorous diet (from drbass.com) and PE-routine (settling now with the so called Five Tibetans) and I'm also getting interested in Qi Gong. All to preserve energy and saturation.

Besides now starting to pay off in my religious experience, one major benefit is that I don't seem to need as much sleep anymore, and therefor can do my daily survival chores and still have time for my spiritual aspirations. That is very good.

Up here in the northern Scandinavia, the fall is very beautiful currently, and everyone, man and nature, seem to collect themselves for the coming darkness of the winter. For a contemplative, it is a rather nice period. Really dark most of the time, but the few hours of daylight is really bright because of all the snow. Hopefully I will have an economic arrangement set up soon, so I will be able to be stress free and focus on contemplative matters throughout this period.

[Jhanananda]

It has been a while, a month or so, but as often I find myself back here after something cool has happened. Ironically I rather like that this forum has a rather slow posting frequency, because that means that I can catch up even if I haven't participated actively for a while, and it also means that whatever is actually posted is probably going to be interesting.

Welcome back mapeli.  It is always good to read your meditation reports.  When I was a seeker I always found it inspiring to read about the religious experiences of the saints.  We here can serve as living "saints" to inspire each other, if there is a community who care to listen. However, the lack of posting here shows that there are very few people who are willing to make the lifestyle changes necessary to meditate deeply, and therefore very few people meditate deeply.

The last night I have had rather good depth in meditation, which has not always been great since coming out of retreat. And during sleep tonight I found myself walking among some warehouses in the dream world. I was fully consious and walked around pondering something. I then decided that it was just silly thinking about what I was thinking about, and let go of it, and felt a great joy and a longing for flying. I was a bit unsure if I was in a domain where flying was possible or not, and I chuckled because I knew "as a matter of fact" that flying is surely impossible, and I wondered when I made the transition into considering a part of my natural experience. I chuckled some more considering what people would say if they knew I was seriously considering flying, and felt in my memory what it feels like, as I have done it many times before. I decided I didn't care at all and started jumping a bit, trying to get stuck in the air, growing less and less certian that flying is impossible (actually, more in regards to what domain I was in - I was absolutely positive that it was this ordinary earth plane) - and on the third attempt I stuck in the air. And I remembered. Oh yes. It is possible. I keep forgetting. Man, this feels wonderful. I felt a deep joy and love, and my whole body started tingeling with intense energy and the heaven (of that plane) opened up in to an ever increasing bright light that sucked my in and I dissapeared. It was one of the coolest, most wonderful experiences so far.

This "dream" indicates a number of things:
1) Your deep meditation practice is paying off in the form of increasing lucidity in your sleep domain.
2) You are developing the OOBE.
3) You made it into one of the higher stages of the religious experience (high samadhi).

How we know that you made it into a higher stage of the religious experience (high samadhi) is the deep sense of joy (sukha), love (piiti), and whole-body  tingling with intense energy (virya) and the heavenly plane (Deva loca) opened up to you in ever increasing bright light that sucked you in and you disappeared into a non-dual plane of existence (loca/ayatana). 

It sounds like you made it to the Domain of no evil (Akincannayatana), Absorption or union (yoga) with the Infinite in a non-dual state such that the contemplative cannot distinguish between either this nor that, neither self nor other, neither self nor god. "I am That" Tat Twam Assi.

Then, coming back I'm back in my body. Seriously confused. The kundalini is still moving around in my body and I feel truly great. But really surprised that I'm back in my body (because I did think I was already, remember) - and a little bit dissapointed. Like, having gotten access to flying, first thing I do is traverse that domain, going through the teleporting light and ending up back in my body where I'm pretty sure I can't fly. Or wait minute... Nope. Can't fly here.

As you can see that, no we cannot fly here, even though there are lots of religious myths about levitation.  You can also see that the religious myths about levitation are most probably driven by the experience of an OOBE, because the OOBE is so lucid it is hard to tell at first whether one is in the physical world, or an immaterial domain.

Good thing is though, it was all worth it. Because that white light teleporter thingie is awesome. I used to do drugs a while back, but that is nothing compared to this. The transitional effect is still fresh in my memory and I enjoy it alot.

Yes, the religious experience is so compelling, ineffable, that it surpasses any drug experience.

I went up and realized I had slept for just over an hour, it was 1:30 and I was feeling as fresh and alive as if I had been on a spa for a month. And this world, and my room seemed just wonderful and I greeted this world with love. Today I will try to stick away from reflecting on the bitterness and sickness of our society and just soak in that loving feeling instead.

Blessings to you, fellow contemplatives and friends.

Yes, the religious experience is more revitalizing than any health experience, because it fills us with virtue (virya/kundalini).  Enjoy the after-glow high of virtue (virya/kundalini), and keep coming back for more. 

I will also add one more thing to the above post, that I need to put in black and white. Reality is started to get seriously confusing. I used to see how it could be like that and have it as a philosophical point, but now I'm getting seriously messed up. And it seems to be a good thing. It's seems to be going from better to better, and I hope it will get good enough for me not having to come back to the more hellish domains ever again.

Well, you can see how the religious experience is so compelling that we will want to keep coming back for more, and more; and we are even compelled to make radical changes in our lifestyle to the point that some of us might just take up the homeless life for it. 

Also, the contrast between the heavenly planes (deva loca) and here becomes so dramatic, that here starts to look more like hell every day.

The last period of time for me has been about renegotiating a lot of what I considered non issues, in the domain of ethical living, and what an ethical life style (as Jhananda puts it) consists of. It all started with another addictive behaviour dropping off. I quit drinking black tea. I prouded myself quitting coffee and nicotine some six month ago, after having spend the last years letting go of alcohol and other drugs. But I was absolutely shocked what an impact black tea had on my body and after the initial head aches where wearing of my body felt awesome. Super calm and relaxed. The meditation quality deepened a lot. This made me consider what else I could do to help my meditation, because now when not in retreat I need all the help I can get. So I started a rigorous diet (from drbass.com) and PE-routine (settling now with the so called Five Tibetans) and I'm also getting interested in Qi Gong. All to preserve energy and saturation.

The genuine religious experience is truly transformative, it compels us to give up our bad habits, and take up good one.

Besides now starting to pay off in my religious experience, one major benefit is that I don't seem to need as much sleep anymore, and therefor can do my daily survival chores and still have time for my spiritual aspirations. That is very good.

The result of giving up bad habits and taking up good ones, and developing the religious experience is it makes us more productive.

Up here in the northern Scandinavia, the fall is very beautiful currently, and everyone, man and nature, seem to collect themselves for the coming darkness of the winter. For a contemplative, it is a rather nice period. Really dark most of the time, but the few hours of daylight is really bright because of all the snow. Hopefully I will have an economic arrangement set up soon, so I will be able to be stress free and focus on contemplative matters throughout this period.

Thank-you for posting.

[mapeli]

To my great joy, frequency of OOBEs seems to be increasing. I more often am able to remember that flying is possible in the immaterial domain. Lucidity comes gradually though, because often I will at first not recognize that I am dreaming and can do what I want and go where ever - no at first I often find myself sick of having to walk, walking to some perceived destination, and then realize that it would be faster and cooler to fly there. Or I will simply feel a longing for flying.
Some times I seem to be meant to go somewhere, and flying somewhere else becomes almost a struggle, like I am pulled towards where I was going. I think this happens when I am supposed to see something, in the psychological-lesson kind of dream.
At other times I become seriously extatic like described in a previous post, and just go up and dissapear into the light.
Last night though was the first time that I could lift off and fly out into space. When realizing I can fly I got very happy as usual and just soared upwards. Soon I came out of our atmosphere and saw our beautiful planet. I stopped there and was full of awe. Both of the view and that I was fortunate enough to have this kind of an experience, that I have longed for. Then I got back into this body.
The pattern for me seems to be that these things happens afterhavig sleept only an hour or two, and then I wake up. The rest of the night was mostly symbol/lesson-style dreams.