Awakening: Bi-Polar, PTSD, ADHD, Anxiety, Healing, Kundalini, Jhana

[Jhanon]

Hi Friends

I will come out and say it right now that for the last two years I've been really enthusiastic and excited about finally finding my way (back) to the contemplative life. I am especially so because of finding the GWV. This is all kind of new to me, and admittedly exciting. And because of that, I apologize if at times if I am "too much". So much has been repressed for so long, and after 20 years of effort to find my way, suddenly everything has come together and come out like a big bang. I know I have a long way to go, still. This post will be long, but it is my sincere hope some will find it helpful, uplifting, comforting, and illuminating.

As a youth, being very happy, energetic, and told I was very intelligent, I was forced at the age of 7 to take Ritalin for "ADHD". This is a significant part of how I found Jhananda and the GWV. I read Michael's blog last week while continuing my 2 year search for credible jhana instruction and he made a comment about how society labels ecstatic individuals as ADHD and medicates them to fit in with the status quo--or something to that effect.

Anyway, I remember at the age of 5 thinking to myself "How can I be sure life isn't some kind of dream, and that everyone and everything else isn't also "me"?" This kind of thinking, my sensitivity, nearly limitless enthusiasm and curiosity is what landed me under this label of ADHD.

Born in a highly dysfunctional family of contemplatives who haven't realized they are contemplatives, and due to the unbalanced state that Ritalin and an inability to fit in with the rest of the herd caused; I gradually spiraled into a deep depression, and was eventually diagnosed with bi-polar depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. I tried to fit in, but what most people were interested in just seemed bland and superficial--something I didn't admit to myself until somewhat recently. This continued to create many other problems as well, such as finding almost no value in what everyone else expected me to do. I was miserable (and often suicidal) from the age of 10 to 25, during which time I spent over 15 years with therapists and psychiatrists, and over 20 different medications (none of which i found effective).

I remember my Mom asked me at 16 what I wanted to be, and at the time I was unaware of meditation, at least on a conscious level. I was also very confused due to repression of most of my early life. After being pressed for an answer, I told her I wanted to be a bum, which in retrospect I know I meant I wanted to become a recluse contemplative...

At 23 I lost my job, my home, my girlfriend, my car, and was trying to get on Social Security Disability so that I could sit and figure everything out (which never happened). Losing everything at 23 was not new to me. Despite how hard I tried with therapy, prescription drugs and alcohol to make worldly life easier, I could never sustain motivation for worldly life, no matter how hard I tried. And so I went through cycles of losing everything. This tends to happen to people diagnosed with "ADHD". And every person I have met like this is also intensely interested in drugs, psychedelics, and/or mystic states.

But this losing everything at 23 was preceded by discovering the teachings of the Buddha. As soon as I read it, despite the fact I could make no sense of it; I KNEW THIS WAS THE WAY OUT. I started to try to meditate, which consisted of me spending 5 minutes trying to get comfortable, and then 3-5 minutes of getting overwhelmed by thoughts and the discomfort of my highly-sensitive senses. I pretty much stopped meditating after a few tries.

I then started using illicit drugs which finally provided some relief. At the age of 26 I began researching the less-discussed forms of healing. Primarily that of psychedelics (can I say that? If not, please feel free to edit). After a few experiences, layers started peeling back. The relief was profound, and suddenly for the first time in over 12 years I began to realize what mattered to me. I spread what I knew to other people with similar difficulties.

I came across a psychedelic forum where some of us members were talking about microdosing. A couple of senior members commented that the others would be better off "tapping into the mind's endogenous psychedelics" through meditation. I did a little bit of research, and saw the link between psychedelics, healing, and meditation. I would then meditate 3-4 times a week for a few months. But a lack of quality study materials and guidance (as I'm sure you've all experienced) caused me to eventually give it up. I continued my psychedelic journey--which did lead to more healing. I began noticing charisms and experiencing kundalini while I listened to music.

Because of the kundalini I listened to music almost non-stop for a year, and it was also very healing. But sometimes I would just experience kundalini and other phenomena during regular moments. I didn't know exactly what it was, but all I knew was it felt amazing. The relief was like opening a gate from which tears of joy flowed often, and I could tell I was healing--this was something important. But there was still some competition between the worldly "young adult" and the ecstatic kid I was at 6 and 7. I tried to utilize this transformation to do worldly things, but another side of me was pulled strongly to meditation and non-physical phenomena. The psychedelic use began to fall away, and I then came across "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

I was reading about what he calls the "Inner Body" (a tingling feeling in my hands and feet that I noticed after I finished a few psych journeys), and he was basically walking the reader along in getting in touch with it throughout the body. Then it came to where he instructs the reader to feel it as "one field of energy"; the tingling increased more and more and more, past the limit I thought it would have. I was caught by surprise. My jaw dropped, my mind stopped, and an intensely powerful and blissful kundalini shot down my spin--sending intensifying shockwaves into the energy body vibrations.

My eyes were still open, but I was only seeing light. It was pure ecstasy. Then intuitive insights began to come, faster and faster, and they seemed to magnify the rest of the effects. When it was over, tears of intense relief came. I felt like I had finally returned to the home I didn't realize I had been searching for. Still feeling the kundalini energy in my body, I went downstairs to my friend who had hurt his back and stayed home for the day. Intuitively, I focused on feeling/sending energy from my body into my left hand, then briefly touched his back where it hurt (without letting on to what I was doing or what had happened). He immediately told me that his intense pain strangely disappeared.

It is then that I reflected that a few months ago I had briefly met a person who I somehow knew was special. We had a brief chat, and as I walked away she told me my name (real name) meant "healer". The thought of finding the most powerful way to heal others brought an intense feeling of satisfaction to me. I later healed others with profound success a few other times with other people. Or at least I can't explain their healing otherwise, and I did intentionally make efforts to heal them. I began to connect kundalini with the possibility to heal others.

From that very point I was intent of finding a way to access this whenever I wanted, or even be in that state all day long. I wanted to feel good, and I wanted to heal others. I kept the tactile charism in my awareness all day for 2-3 months, meditated often (with a couple 1st jhana experiences) and I experienced many similar phenomena, but not the super strong kundalini I yearned for. And because of that, I hadn't yet realize I had entered meditative absorption a couple times.

I also watched myself sleep a few times, but was barely aware that it wasn't a dream until I reflected on it later. A few times I also woke up with an intense tactile vibration in my body (which also turned out to be jhana). A couple of those times a milky white light grew to cover my visual field, and I became terrified because I could feel myself somehow being threatened. At the time it seemed some of my identity was going to be destroyed if I continued to place my awareness on the light. I was scared, jumped up and had a couple shots--much to my disappointment immediately afterward.

Then worldly life happened, and I stopped focusing on the charism throughout the day. But I continued to meditate. I spent about a year searching through all the bogus books on meditation, and only a couple brief jhana experiences (again, I wasn't sure it was jhana yet.)

For these last 5 months, I have been considering ordaining, although I couldn't find the confidence to do it because something didn't feel right about the best monasteries I could find. They didn't seem to really know much about jhana or mystical experiences that I had had.

Last week I found out I would have at least a week with minimal obligations in which I determined to meditate and study only. I don't normally do this sort of thing, but I asked in my mind "If I am meant to ordain, please give me a sign this week." I figured, what the hell? What could it hurt. In the back of my mind I wanted jhana as that confirmation. Less than 30 minutes later I came across Michael's blog. That same night I found the GWV. The next day I reviewed the GWV site, asked Jhananda some questions, and that night I attained, beyond a shadow of a doubt, jhana. And since then I have consistently attained it every time I meditate, as well as enjoyed a mild-moderate saturation throughout the day. Needless to say, I have nothing but good things to say so far about Jeffrey and the GWV.

Since then I've learned so much. I finally know where my heart has been (ecstatic contemplation), and I understand so much about my nature that could never make sense before. I felt like I was broken, and that I would never find others like me, but now I know differently. This is just from looking over the videos, essays, listening to the retreat audio, and looking over some of you on the forum. Thanks to meditation, contemplation, and morality, I've left almost all addiction to substances behind.

Thank you so very much, my friends. I look forward to meeting as many of you as possible

May we all attain enlightenment in this lifetime.

[Michel]

Hello Jhanon. Welcome to the forum. You have a very interesting story.

I have also been diagnosed with bipolar by the psychiatric community, and as a result I'm forced to take medication. I'm on 2.5mg of Zyprexa per day, a nasty little drug with all kinds of side effects and extremely difficult to withdraw from if you've taken it over long periods of time. I also take Lamotrigine - it's a mood stabilizer. I wonder sometimes if these antipsychotics interfere with our meditation practice?

You remind me of the individual with healing powers in one episode of Star Trek NG where Worf's broken back is healed by the touch of a healer.

I look forward to reading your future posts.

[Jhanananda]

Welcome Jhanon, and thank-you for posting your honest case history.  Sadly we can see from your case history and Michels, that western values tend to dismiss the mystic and medicate him or her until he or she drools.  I was naturally afraid, call that intuition or insight, to reveal the nature of my religious experiences to the psychiatric community, or my family.  I did not have such good intuition when it came to the religious professionals, so I was marginalized by every religious and/or contemplative community I came to. 

With your case history showing you have quite some attainment already, then, after a year of participating in our programs and contributing to dialog, then I see no reason why the GWV would not be very happy to ordain you and/or certify you as a contemplative philosophy and meditation teacher. 

the Great Western Vehicle Ordination Program
Teacher Certification Requirements

Healing was a feature of my early work about 40 years ago.  I found a natural connection between cultivating the religious experience through deep meditation, and healing.  Perhaps, if you are interested, we could work together on developing a jhana and healing program?

[Jhanon]

Hello Jhanon. Welcome to the forum. You have a very interesting story.

I have also been diagnosed with bipolar by the psychiatric community, and as a result I'm forced to take medication. I'm on 2.5mg of Zyprexa per day, a nasty little drug with all kinds of side effects and extremely difficult to withdraw from if you've taken it over long periods of time. I also take Lamotrigine - it's a mood stabilizer. I wonder sometimes if these antipsychotics interfere with our meditation practice?

Hi Michael. I have some experience with Zyprexa. It was so expensive that I stayed on it for a very short period of time. I will have to to try to recall how it made me feel and experience life. I only remember chowing down on tons of sweets late at night while I was on it. But, although I wasn't yet aware of charisms or mystical phenomena, I do recall feeling as though a very essential part of life was missing--and I believe I was intuitively sensing a decreased connection/ability to the mystical.

I believe I can help you with your question. When I was using psychedelics for their healing properties (which can simulate or help one enter into mystical experiences), I kept some of my old Zyprexa and other anti-psychotics nearby because they discontinue the psychedelic experience almost immediately when taken. Look it up if you're not familiar with this. In the case the psychedelic experience becomes too much, I could take geodon, and empty it under my tongue. This would end the experience within 10 minutes.

So in that situation, I am very grateful for anti-psychotics. But I am going somewhere with this. Someone I have known very closely for a long time (being a very gifted mystic whom I think has been in the dark night since youth) is or was on anti-psychotics, and as far as I know, these impaired (or at least made them not as apparent) natural charisms and mystical experiences they used to experience. So, while I cannot say with 100 percent conviction Zyprexa would impair your ability to reach mystical states, it does seem probable it will have at least some effect on the meditation experience.

HOWEVER, I encourage you not to worry about that too much. For almost a year I worried that the only remaining mild herb I was taking was getting in the way of attaining jhana. I was so distracted by this and my unsuccessful attempts to force myself off it, that I didn't even realize I had already attained 1st jhana a few times.

Moreover, I do think that the mystical experience loses some of its charisma and benefits when under the continuous influence of some medicines or plants. For example; Jhananda talks of when he quit coffee, he had no energy for a while, despite the fact he was attaining deep absorption. But after a month, suddenly he began getting a lot of energy from meditation (I think that's what he said). My observations with my own herb appear to agree with his. It seems that the mystical experience will take you as much as it can. It appears that the primary effect I use this herb for, will ultimately be replaced by a better, more sustainable yet similar effect from jhana (just like the coffee with jhananda). But it also appears I will have to leave the herb behind to find out

Have you been able to attain Jhana? Tell me how deep some of your deeper experiences have gone. What charisms did you experience? Were you on anything at the time?

Welcome Jhanon, and thank-you for posting your honest case history.  Sadly we can see from your case history and Michels, that western values tend to dismiss the mystic and medicate him or her until he or she drools.  I was naturally afraid, call that intuition or insight, to reveal the nature of my religious experiences to the psychiatric community, or my family.  I did not have such good intuition when it came to the religious professionals, so I was marginalized by every religious and/or contemplative community I came to. 

With your case history showing you have quite some attainment already, then, after a year of participating in our programs and contributing to dialog, then I see no reason why the GWV would not be very happy to ordain you and/or certify you as a contemplative philosophy and meditation teacher. 

the Great Western Vehicle Ordination Program
Teacher Certification Requirements

Healing was a feature of my early work about 40 years ago.  I found a natural connection between cultivating the religious experience through deep meditation, and healing.  Perhaps, if you are interested, we could work together on developing a jhana and healing program?

That is an insightful comparison between western medicine and religious "professionals". I too learned I had to avoid talking about many things with almost all professionals of western medicine, as they would always discount my observations and theories in one way or another. Turns out the direction I always wanted to go with their help, yet they refused to play along, was the way to healing.

And, to be honest, I am still a little bit shocked that it appears so few meditators have found their way to bliss, joy and ecstasy! Or at least that so few are talking about it.

Jeffrey, I would be honored and pleased to be a teacher or in some way help progress the GWV. What you just said, I can't adequately express the deep sense of fulfillment and motivation I feel. I cannot think of anything that would make me happier, nor anything better I can do for others. Except other forms of healing which you also mentioned I am working diligently to cultivate kundalini again, and as often as possible (hopefully soon whenever I need to) so as to explore the extent of this ability to heal. So I look forward to the opportunity. Should I apply now?

I would very much like to work together towards developing a jhana and healing program. For what it's worth, I'm also a certified Holistic Health Coach where I studied holistic health of many traditions, including recent evidence, and learning to counsel others. Can you paint me a slightly more detailed picture of what you might have in mind?

[Michel]

Jason:

Someone I have known very closely for a long time (being a very gifted mystic whom I think has been in the dark night since youth) is or was on anti-psychotics, and as far as I know, these impaired (or at least made them not as apparent) natural charisms and mystical experiences they used to experience. So, while I cannot say with 100 percent conviction Zyprexa would impair your ability to reach mystical states, it does seem probable it will have at least some effect on the meditation experience.

Hello Jason. I  feel really sad when I hear stories similar to your friend's of mystics who are labelled  crazy, then heavily medicated, and shunned by the rest of the so-called sane world. I've been forced to take Zyprexa for the last 3 years. Everything seems grey and dull while on Zyprexa. It is a benzodiazepine derivative and is highly addictive with extremely unpleasant withdrawal -- lasting several months. It's far worse than heroine withdrawal. I almost died when I went off a similar drug back in 2001. And -- I do not exaggerate this. I turned to alcohol instead to alleviate the withdrawal, which was a big mistake. So I'm telling everyone here to -- beware of this drug. Do your research. It is the drug of choice for psychiatrists for treating schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I have been meditating everyday for the last year and a half, and I have never gone past the 1st jhana. I wonder if I'll ever go beyond this level while I'm taking Zyprexa. Nobody seems to know, and hopefully we'll hear from someone on this. But if I do get beyond, I'll let the world know -- believe me.

You have experimented with all kinds of drugs and herbs, and  seemingly you're still standing. It's very valuable experience that you have, as well as your background in the healing arts. We will all benefit from your wisdom and knowledge. I look forward with enthusiasm and interest to your future posts.

Please refer to me as "Michel" and not "Michael" to avoid confusion in your future posts.

[Jhanon]

I apologize, Michel. I don't usually make errors like that.

Yes, it is sad, and Zyprexa (and many other benzo-type drugs) are very dangerous. They might as well let people take opiates or opiate-like medications, which in my experience, are far superior for bi-polar, anxiety and depression when the proper one is used medicinally. And their withdrawals are just about as dangerous as zyprexa and similar medications (which is usually one of the excuses doctors give for not allowing opiates to be used for mental illness).

But the individual has to be interested in getting off medication, rather than dependent on it. It's a slippery slope, and it's unfortunate doctors are afraid to think outside of the medical box. But I also see why they are. It's a very complicated situation, and that is what led me to conclude the only way (for me) was to trust myself to do things my way in an effort to transcend all of it. I knew this meant I would have to invest years of study, experimentation, and take risks, but so far it has paid off.

Seems like you might be trying to transcend it all as well? Or at least we had similar paths to meditation. When I find time, I will look over your meditation records. Perhaps I can be of assistance--but perhaps it will be the other way around

.
You have experimented with all kinds of drugs and herbs, and  seemingly you're still standing. It's very valuable experience that you have, as well as your background in the healing arts. We will all benefit from your wisdom and knowledge. I look forward with enthusiasm and interest to your future posts.

Most people don't see it that way because of external pressures from society. And so I appreciate your words here. I am not a junkie--I've only ever used substances in an effort to heal. And I always stayed away from the ones with no medicinal value or too high of risks. Every plant is on this planet for a reason, and it is interwoven with humanity. We appear to have evolved alongside these plants and animals for quite a while, and so it is only natural that they would offer us benefits and uses so that we would cultivate more of them. It isn't much different than how an animal evolves to develop survival techniques and characteristics. But now that we have introduced technology and so many rapid changes to society, it is becoming difficult for nature to continue benefiting humanity in this way. And this complicates things further. At least this has been my observation.

I hope I can be of help. There are few worldly experiences better than assisting fellow beings.

[Michel]

Jason:

But the individual has to be interested in getting off medication, rather than dependent on it. It's a slippery slope, and it's unfortunate doctors are afraid to think outside of the medical box. But I also see why they are. It's a very complicated situation, and that is what led me to conclude the only way (for me) was to trust myself to do things my way in an effort to transcend all of it. I knew this meant I would have to invest years of study, experimentation, and take risks, but so far it has paid off.

I like your approach to all of this. It's intelligent and skillfull.

[Jhanananda]

And, to be honest, I am still a little bit shocked that it appears so few meditators have found their way to bliss, joy and ecstasy! Or at least that so few are talking about it.

I too had a lot of trouble accepting that most people who claim to meditate get nothing out of it, but when I found such a negative response from the contemplative community to my case history, there could be only one explanation.

Jeffrey, I would be honored and pleased to be a teacher or in some way help progress the GWV. What you just said, I can't adequately express the deep sense of fulfillment and motivation I feel. I cannot think of anything that would make me happier, nor anything better I can do for others. Except other forms of healing which you also mentioned I am working diligently to cultivate kundalini again, and as often as possible (hopefully soon whenever I need to) so as to explore the extent of this ability to heal. So I look forward to the opportunity. Should I apply now?

Application accepted.

I would very much like to work together towards developing a jhana and healing program. For what it's worth, I'm also a certified Holistic Health Coach where I studied holistic health of many traditions, including recent evidence, and learning to counsel others. Can you paint me a slightly more detailed picture of what you might have in mind?

I believe that Michael and Karen Hawkins are interested in the same subject, so let us all start a dialog on it, and see where it goes.

Hello Jason. I  feel really sad when I hear stories similar to your friend's of mystics who are labelled  crazy, then heavily medicated, and shunned by the rest of the so-called sane world. I've been forced to take Zyprexa for the last 3 years. Everything seems grey and dull while on Zyprexa...

I too am saddened by the way the world treats its mystics.  I have been aware for a long time that what is called schizophrenia is very similar to the religious experience. Perhaps this is work for the GWV.

I have been meditating everyday for the last year and a half, and I have never gone past the 1st jhana. I wonder if I'll ever go beyond this level while I'm taking Zyprexa.

Zyprexa should not interfere with the stilling of the mind, when you can still your mind, then you are in the 2nd jhana, so just work on stilling your mind.  When you are well established in a still mind, then you will be able to deal with withdrawing from, and convincing your psychiatrist, to with draw from Zyprexa.

[Jhanon]

Michel, you say you are "forced" to take this medication. Do you feel comfortable elaborating what you mean by that? Do you mean you are court ordered to do as your psychiatrist says or something? If you're not comfortable elaborating, or would prefer to message me, I understand.

I think Jhananda has a good point to work on cultivating the mental qualities jhana can bring. Tranquility, equanimity, etc. I doubt Zyprexa can interfere with that. Or try to cultivate anything which even shows a little bit of itself, like that sensation in your head. Experiment on the level of cause to make the qualities deeper, and see what happens.

My experience with altered or higher states has lead me to believe these states, like jhana, will meet us where we are at. With the mental quietude which provides us a vantage point over cause and effect, it shows us what is left to relinquish and hints at how much more it can offer as we relinquish more and more. Now I am not necessarily saying that is only Zyprexa for you  (or the herb for me), as you will see next: Despite often reaching deep states, i have trouble really giving myself to the experience. The ever-vigilant mediator and relief of a dysfunctional abusive family is there telling me not lose myself too much in the experience, and to watch over my shoulder. Perhaps this is even the source of why I still use the herb.

So because of that part of the psyche, my experiences of jhana often feel empty--as it seems Jhananda is aware of. I have had some wonderful moments in the last two years, mostly during music, where this pained side of my psyche takes a back seat, and it feels so good. It is a massive relief to let that part go. In fact, I am just now realizing all of this, AND starting to think this part of the psyche might also be the cause of the headaches I get after a deep jhana and the lack of kundalini I experience while in jhana! So that really goes to show what I am getting at here.

But anyway, I know it is there and possible to let go of more baggage. For me, it seems I am always removing small pebbles, one at a time, and sometimes (like while listening to music, especially lately) the big rocks budge and I feel what it would be like if I totally removed them. One day soon, probably while listening to music, I will take a snapshot of what happens to cause me to relinquish that part of the psyche. Then during jhana I will work at recreating that cause until I feel the effect of relief and joy which confirms I found it. And since it will feel good, I will be naturally inclined to repeat it until it's solidly in place. And I am willing to bet this is the basic kind of way that most contemplatives will release their baggage. Jhana is like a laboratory where we are both scientist and guinea pig--and the effect we are looking to create is more fulfillment, joy, bliss, ecstasy etc. 

So my point is to observe and experiment at the level of cause, and keep an eye out for effect, especially during jhana, whether we are on Zyprexa/Herb or not. This may all sound obvious, but as I've just realized all this while typing, there is an extra power that comes with consciously knowing we are looking for the causes of what is wholesome and unwholesome.

This all came out a bit random and unstructured, but it feels significant. Just typing this out has helped ME immensely, and I hope it will do so for you and others as well.

[Michel]

Michel, you say you are "forced" to take this medication. Do you feel comfortable elaborating what you mean by that? Do you mean you are court ordered to do as your psychiatrist says or something? If you're not comfortable elaborating, or would prefer to message me, I understand.

No, not by court order. It's quite complicated in my case, it's a combination of: family politics, private insurance, power of attorney, threat of being placed in a group home, etc... Thanks for your advice.

[Jhanon]

Michel, you say you are "forced" to take this medication. Do you feel comfortable elaborating what you mean by that? Do you mean you are court ordered to do as your psychiatrist says or something? If you're not comfortable elaborating, or would prefer to message me, I understand.

No, not by court order. It's quite complicated in my case, it's a combination of: family politics, private insurance, power of attorney, threat of being placed in a group home, etc... Thanks for your advice.

That does sound complicated. I am sorry. I'm also sorry if the big long page I wrote out wasn't helpful. It began small, and then I started realizing things. I figured since I was realizing them while attempting to be of use to you, maybe I should lay them out like I did. In your case, maybe because it hits close to home for me, I really want to be of use to you. A big part of what motivated me when I wasn't getting results I wanted in my practice, was that I really wanted to finally be of use to my family and friends who were all in the same boat with me of complicated situations, medications, and psychiatrists.

Anyway, I haven't seen you post much lately. I hope your practice is going well.

[Michel]

... I really want to be of use to you. A big part of what motivated me when I wasn't getting results I wanted in my practice, was that I really wanted to finally be of use to my family and friends who were all in the same boat with me of complicated situations, medications, and psychiatrists.

Anyway, I haven't seen you post much lately. I hope your practice is going well.

You are of use, Jhanon.  Like everyone else I learn from your comments. These days I'm busy doing a lot of reading. I've noticed that I like getting away from the forum since it is distracting to the practice.  And I hate writing. If I could I would totally isolate myself in a permanent retreat.  A good place for a guy like me would be a life sentence in solitary confinement in a good old fashion Canadian penitentiary with health care, 3 squares and internet access. What more could a contemplative possibly want. Anyways I'm lying low for now.

[Jhanon]

... I really want to be of use to you. A big part of what motivated me when I wasn't getting results I wanted in my practice, was that I really wanted to finally be of use to my family and friends who were all in the same boat with me of complicated situations, medications, and psychiatrists.

Anyway, I haven't seen you post much lately. I hope your practice is going well.

You are of use, Jhanon.  Like everyone else I learn from your comments. These days I'm busy doing a lot of reading. I've noticed that I like getting away from the forum since it is distracting to the practice.  And I hate writing. If I could I would totally isolate myself in a permanent retreat.  A good place for a guy like me would be a life sentence in solitary confinement in a good old fashion Canadian penitentiary with health care, 3 squares and internet access. What more could a contemplative possibly want. Anyways I'm lying low for now.

LOL! Wow! Prison in Canada sounds lovely! 

And you are right about the forum. I've never felt much like I belonged in a forum previously, so I find myself on here a little more than I should. But as you can see above, I also learn a lot. Perhaps I should be working on saturation instead of responding here. Point taken.

I also need to find some new reading material. Maybe Rumi.

Be well, friend.

[Jhanon]

NOTE: I have not found this information ANYWHERE else, including that of meditation teachers.

I know many people who have "ADHD", and every one of them is spiritually inclined. David Wolfe once said "ADHD is attention directed to a higher dimension." I actually found this basically true, and have yet to meet someone who has ADHD and isn't spiritually inclined. As someone who struggled to discover if I needed to be absolutely clean of psychoactive drugs or not in order to attain samadhi, I feel it is my responsibility to address it clearly--especially for anyone who has been diagnosed with ADHD. I will not go into detail here about my thoughts on ADHD. Suffice it to say, it is a condition.

In my extensive experience, NO, one does not need to abstain from all psychoactive substances in order to have access to samadhi. Some might benefit from "going it clean," but I, and most who have ADHD I've met do not. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was very young, and there is no question that I am a "classic case."

I've found the better I am medicated, the quicker and deeper I enter samadhi. There are, of course, many other things to consider when attempting to develop samadhi. But it is my conclusion, that generally speaking, someone with ADHD who is medicated daily with a stimulating substance such as Adderall, Provigil, or even lower doses of opioids, will do better than if they were to concern themselves with going "clean."

Please, do not attempt to convince me that no one needs medicine, they just need to evolve, enlighten and adapt. As much I wanted this to be true, and I tried to make it true--it simply isn't. If one who thinks this had access to all knowledge of my lifestyle, diet, and profession, there would be nothing more to talk about.

Now, for the benefit of those who have ADD or ADHD, I will list the medicines I've had tremendous success with. The first listed, Provigil (Modafinil), was in my system for the first time when I finally established myself in samadhi.

- Provigil (Modafinil)
- Adderall (and similar amphetemine class medicines)
- Ritalin (methylphenidate)
- Opiates/Opioids  (In smaller doses, most opiates/opioids are stimulating more than they are sedating)

Please, allow me to stress that so-called "recreational" (higher) doses of these medicines are not effective for samadhi. I do not encourage anyone to abuse these medicines for any reason. It's not logical. Instead, I encourage people to find their "happy medium." Strive balance in all areas of your life. Find what actually works, and try to use at as an ally, rather than abusive. Medicines are a lot like relationships. If you use, instead of utilize and appreciate, it will only lead to difficulty.

Lastly, let it be noted that i personally respond far better to instant release versions of any medicine. The "extended" or "sustained" release versions of these medicines I found to be extremely detrimental.

What medications, medicines or plants help you most may be different for you at different stages of your life. I am by no means saying that only the listed medicines will work well for you. Use your logic, reason, and critical thinking.

I have endeavored to impart hard-earned, straight-forward wisdom I've attained in my 6 year meditation practice. As I have found this information NO WHERE else on the internet, I hope you find it useful

[Jhanananda]

Thank-you, Jhanon, for posting more information regarding learning to meditate deeply with the medications used for treating ADHD.  I know others who find themselves in that situation would be very interested in what you have to say on the subject.  I have not had to learn to meditate while under the influence of the medications used for treating ADHD, so I would not know how to do so, but you have learned to meditate deeply under these conditions. So, I hope that you do not mind that I merged your recent post with another you posted on this subject.