Making the Contemplative Life Work

[Jhanon]

Greetings friends,

This may not be the correct categorization, but the only other one I could think of was "General Discussion." What appears to be a crucial transition period in my life is on the horizon, and I am posting here in request of guidance and perspective. First, a brief back story to show the context of my dilemma.

Like most mystics I've researched, I have many mental "disabilities".  My mind, from what appears to be progress on the spiritual path, works fundamentally differently than most of society. It is my theory that it is acclimating to higher realms, and therefor becoming challenging to live within the human realm which has different values. The primary impact comes from a combination of what doctors call PTSD, ADHD, and Bi-Polar Disorder. I've learned how to cope and retain inner stability in the face of these challenges.

Since being made to leave my parents home at 19, I've experienced a recurring cycle which, despite various efforts, I've been unable to transcend. What happens is that I find some form of income, usually a job, and find a place to live off the funds from said job. However, despite my greatest efforts, I have been unable to keep a job for longer than a year. I've had upward of 20-28 jobs in the last 10 years, and also have moved many times in search of shelter.

This has become increasingly frustrating, especially since such a wide variety of therapy/meditation and medication/drug have been employed. And also considering how much effort I put into making it work. When I lose the job, I sometimes quickly get another, and lose that one even faster. I've even been self-employed and experienced the same inevitable outcome. This causes even more frustration and discouragement which leads to me being unemployed and usually living off the kindness and generosity of others. During these past times of unemployment I have gone to school (mostly for the financial aid money), received unemployment payments and/or applied for social security disability. If not having to worry about shelter or food during these periods I am rather happy and at peace because I am free to lead a contemplative life. Once I've "recharged" myself during these down times, I usually throw myself back into a job (due to necessity).

I'm happiest when I have the time, freedom and shelter to live a rigorous, self-aware contemplative life. This makes me think that being a live-in monk at a monastery (wish it could be GWV) would be the best option--but I am getting ahead of myself. I don't need much. I now face a similar situation. I've lost my jobs, yet again, but now it is even more complicated and challenging.

I have a newborn that I spend almost every waking moment taking care of and cleaning up after my partner in order to keep the house decent. It is difficult for me to do two things at once  (like take care of my daughter and read, for example) without getting frustrated or angry--this is likely because of the ADHD and PTSD. Actually, it seems logical that the majority of these problems and cycles come from my "mental disabilities".

My current living situation is coming to an end as my partner has opted to move with my daughter back into her parents home. This leaves me with no place to live, and since I am busy almost all day every day, I have very little time to set up a plan to have shelter when they move in a couple months. Obviously this means it is not possible for me to get a job so as to have funds when I lose my residence here.

I am tired of repeating this cycle. It has become my opinion that I do not belong within the workforce, or perhaps even a laylife. I am ultimately unhappy that these jobs and responsibilities keep me from my contemplative practice, and this likely factors into losing these jobs--even when I try so hard to keep them. Perhaps in the near future I can write a book about what I've learned and experienced through the GWV/contemplative life--and this could help support my minimal needs for practice. But I need a more short-term solution right now. I have been unable to find shelter with any friends or family, so it seems I will have to do something different this time. Here are the options I am considering. They are in order of what seems the most likely to work.

1) Ordain as a live-in monk at Metta Forest Monastery (Thanissaro Bhikku's monastery near San Diego). Of all the mainstream Bhuddist teachers, books, and monasteries I've reviewed, this seems the best fit--if at least temporary fit while I seek a more long-term solution. My experience doesn't agree with everything taught by Thanissaro. But his teachings are the closest to what we practice here at the GWV, even if still rather far away. I would most likely utilize this time to apply for Social Security Disability. I must be unemployed during the application process or they won't consider me for it. If awarded it, I could use the funds to live out of a van or something similar like Jhananda did/does. It is possible I could even subtly help this monastery toward realizing genuine jhana and its importance in the Buddha's teachings.

2) Find other sincere meditators who've found a way to make the mendicant life work, and attempt to learn from and live with them. I have not had much success finding how I could make this work.

3) Find some way to live on the streets in the city which my daughter and partner will be living, while I apply for social security or look for a temporary job.

So, that's as much as I can think to say about this. This life could end at any moment, and my most important goal is to ensure I will never return to the human realm again. I'm thrilled that it strongly appears I'm actively on that path, but I do not want to take seven more lifetimes to leave this realm behind.

I hope you'll offer your opinion, experience, guidance and any additional options you can think of. Thank you, friends.

[Jhanananda]

I am sorry to hear, Jhanon, of your difficulties, but I understand them.  It seems there is "no room at the inn" for any sincere contemplative.  I wish the GWV had a place of refuge for other contemplatives, but we do not.  The best I can offer is some advice on how to make it as a homeless person and mendicant.

1] Without a money stream, it is not possible to keep a vehicle running.
2] It is possible to live out of a backpack, or from a bicycle, but it requires decent camping gear, and some skill
3] There are a number of Buddhist monasteries where one can take refuge.  I can understand that a Theravadan one would be useful to you. 

Thai forest tradition Buddhist monasteries are open to jhana. Metta Forest Monastery might accept you.  There is also Abhayagiri Buddhist Monastery.  There is also Wat Promkunaram, Buddhist Temple of Arizona.  There is also a Tibetan monastery called the City of 10,000 Buddhas. Generally one must spend months, if not years, getting to know the monks and abbot of a monastery to gain permission to live there, so start now, and see where it takes you.

Otherwise every city has homeless shelters and food banks and free kitchens.  You could always fall back upon them, as I have had to do.

I wish you well, and keep in touch, if you can.

[Alexander]

2) Find other sincere meditators who've found a way to make the mendicant life work, and attempt to learn from and live with them. I have not had much success finding how I could make this work.

This would never work. There aren't enough people in the world who are like us for this to be possible, and even in such a case everyone would be on a very different level from everyone else, so we'd all struggle to assist one other.

3) Find some way to live on the streets in the city which my daughter and partner will be living, while I apply for social security or look for a temporary job.

The trouble is if your wife (?) isn't a Noble Person, then she isn't going to understand what you're going through. Having her nearby as you navigate the spiritual crises will just impede your mortification, and prevent you from divesting from all concerns and worries (i.e., including her).

1) Ordain as a live-in monk at Metta Forest Monastery (Thanissaro Bhikku's monastery near San Diego). Of all the mainstream Bhuddist teachers, books, and monasteries I've reviewed, this seems the best fit--if at least temporary fit while I seek a more long-term solution. My experience doesn't agree with everything taught by Thanissaro. But his teachings are the closest to what we practice here at the GWV, even if still rather far away. I would most likely utilize this time to apply for Social Security Disability. I must be unemployed during the application process or they won't consider me for it. If awarded it, I could use the funds to live out of a van or something similar like Jhananda did/does. It is possible I could even subtly help this monastery toward realizing genuine jhana and its importance in the Buddha's teachings.

I think this is a very good idea. Even if you forsake life and everything to it for several years, you can re-engage with it later after you've sorted your house out and navigated the spiritual crises. Also, if you really think about it, monasteries were built for exactly what you're talking about! All these people otherwise are just occupying space.

[Jhanananda]

This would never work. There aren't enough people in the world who are like us for this to be possible, and even in such a case everyone would be on a very different level from everyone else, so we'd all struggle to assist one other.

You make some very good points, aglorincz; however, I have learned my skills of survival on the street from the career homeless.  Most of them are not mystics, or having completed the spiritual crisis, but they are the ones who have mastered how to survive on the street.  The key in survival as a homeless person is to avoid anyone who abuses substances, because they are all praying upon the newbes.

The trouble is if your wife (?) isn't a Noble Person, then she isn't going to understand what you're going through. Having her nearby as you navigate the spiritual crises will just impede your mortification, and prevent you from divesting from all concerns and worries (i.e., including her).

Yes, I agree, it is not likely that the ex-wife is going to be supportive of her ex-husband taking up the mendicant life.

I think this is a very good idea. Even if you forsake life and everything to it for several years, you can re-engage with it later after you've sorted your house out and navigated the spiritual crises. Also, if you really think about it, monasteries were built for exactly what you're talking about! All these people otherwise are just occupying space.

Monastic institutions have their own problems, because they tend to weed out the mystics among themselves; and surely none of them are mystics, otherwise there would be a record newer than Teresa of Avila's.

[Michel]

There's a great deal of advice on how to survive on the streets on the web:

http://listverse.com/2008/01/22/top-10-things-you-need-to-survive-the-streets/

[Jhanananda]

Nice link Michel, but I have a few comments on is, since I have spent so much time homeless.

10. Sleeping Bag
Down, absolutely, but I agree 2 fiber bags can be be double bag effectively, but very bulky and one has to be able to travel light.

9. Matting
Forget the sleeping pad, unless you have one.  Large sheets of cardboard is readily available at the dumpsters behind many commercial buildings, especially appliance stores and bedding stores.  So, that one could find cardboard to sleep on every night, and it works better than the best sleeping pads, but it does get soggy in the wet.  Large boxes can also be used for an insulated living space in the cold.

8. Backpacks.
The smaller and the lighter the better, but not a cheap one if you can help it.  DO NOT ever leave your gear unattended, no matter how well you think you have it stashed, because it will be ripped off.  However, locking your gear up at a train or bus depot locker system is a good idea, but it cost money that you may not have.

7. Toiletries
Don't bother to spend any money on toiletries, because it is free at most homeless shelters, food banks and free kitchens.  In fact at many of these places one can get backpacks, sleeping bags, tents, clothing and winter ware for free.

6. Useful Items
a) a small sewing kit or just needle and thread, yes.
b) a couple of pens or pencils and a note book, yes.
c) both types of can opener, or one that opens all cans, yes.
d) a small a pair of scissors, yes
e) forget the box of matches, because they get wet, but a lighter is a definite yes, but they are easily found in parking lots, so is spare change, so checking parking lots on a regular basis can make all of the difference in improving your survival chances.

5. Clothes
minimum clothing, which can be layered, but looks good, because you want to be below the radar, which means DO NOT look homeless, which also means cut your hair and shave regularly. Have both wool and cotton socks, which you can layer for warmth.  And, if you have cotton sox under wool socks then the wool socket will not get stinky so frequently, and if you are homeless, then you are likely to be walking a lot and wearing wool socks will cushion the pavement so that you will not tire so quickly.

4. Headwear
baseball cap for warm weather and a good warm ski knit hat for cold weather, yes.

3. Shoes
a good quality pair of shoes, hiking or work boots, in the winter and light foot ware/sandals for warm weather.

2. Bags
Plastic bags are cheap rain gear to cover yourself and your gear.

1. Miscellaneous extras
You will absolutely need a flash light, but make it an LED head lamp.  They are light and the batteries last for months, and homeless shelters and food banks will often give you batteries for free.  But, be mindful that it is a beacon that will broadcast your presence, and you will be likely trying to be below the radar, especially when you are sleeping.

A free priority mailing envelope is a good idea to keep important papers in to keep them from getting ruined.  And wrap it in a plastic bag to keep it from getting wet.

Note:
Never sleep behind a dumpster, because the garbage truck comes early and could put the dumpster down on top of you.

Sleeping under a tree or behind a bush works great, especially if the bush or tree is next to a building and you can sleep dry and anonymously under the eves, and behind a tree or bush, as long as you are not under a window.

[Jhanon]

Well that's basically what the Buddha did, yes? He just wandered from location to location, never being too far from home. Maybe that is how it will always be.

It would be good if a handful of us with live-in vehicles could wander in that same way together.

[Jhanananda]

Well that's basically what the Buddha did, yes? He just wandered from location to location, never being too far from home. Maybe that is how it will always be.

It would be good if a handful of us with live-in vehicles could wander in that same way together.

This seems to be the most likely scenario, but the caravan has yet to form.

[Jhanon]

Well that's basically what the Buddha did, yes? He just wandered from location to location, never being too far from home. Maybe that is how it will always be.

It would be good if a handful of us with live-in vehicles could wander in that same way together.

This seems to be the most likely scenario, but the caravan has yet to form.

I'll admit this is scary for me, but if I'm able to get social security disability, then I see no reason why I couldn't be sustained out of a vehicle in this way. Would you be physically able to do this, Jhananda? And what about you, Michael? What obstacles or concerns lay in the way of this caravan idea? And anyone else interested in this idea?

Apologies once again if I am hi-jacking this thread. Please feel free to move this post if necessary.

[Jhanon]

Thank you, all. Your responses have been very useful in providing perspective and motivation. I cannot respond to all of them, because I simply don't have the time. I need to utilize what little time I have for finding a sustainable shelter. However, I would like to clarify some things.

My partner is not my wife or ex-wife. When we engaged our relationship, we determined to simply be life partners, making every effort to avoid the problems and expectations that plague most traditional relationships. So, the only change happening here is that we will not be living together for some time. She has only meditated a few times, but does find my adventure as a mystic to be interesting. She can't fully understand what I am going through, but she is mostly understanding of how it effects her. She has given me permission for at least the next year to do what I need to. This will be while she is getting her degree to obtain a good paying job. It is possible she might engage in another relationship during this time, although there has been no evidence so far, and I consider her free to do as she sees fit.

I watched a recent video of Metta monastery where a 1-year retreatant was shown in their avacado grove. It looked sublime. This would work for me. So I called Metta, and got a hold of Thanissaro. He said the first retreat can only be two weeks, and the first availability is April 29th. I scheduled for it, and pressed the issue, hoping to gain exception so that I could go on a 6-12 month retreat there. However, no exception was made. I would certainly feel most comfortable there. I wonder if I should perhaps call again in a week and try to find a way to gain exception. A side note that they have stopped accepting applications for ordination due to the volume and available space.

I'm now in the process of reviewing the other monasteries that jhananda has provided. It seems most likely and conducive to find a decent monastery/retreat center in the warmer regions California and Arizona where I will be allowed to retreat for 6-12 months. The only pre-requisites I have is to find a relatively stable and safe environment that is encouraging of a meditative life. It would also be ideal that I could have occasional access to internet and mail so as to continue the application process for social security.

Are there any additional suggestions or ideas based on this response?

[Jhanananda]

I'll admit this is scary for me, but if I'm able to get social security disability, then I see no reason why I couldn't be sustained out of a vehicle in this way. Would you be physically able to do this, Jhananda? And what about you, Michael? What obstacles or concerns lay in the way of this caravan idea? And anyone else interested in this idea?

Apologies once again if I am hi-jacking this thread. Please feel free to move this post if necessary.

Please note I split off this thread from Michael's blog, and put it here.

A money-stream can make all of the difference in the quality of a mendicant's life, so disability could work, as long as you are disciplined about your money expenditures. 

Additionally, if you purchase a diesel vehicle, then I can make fuel for you whenever we are in the same place.  I imagine if a GWV caravan formed, then it would be mostly diesel vehicles, and we would be cooperatively making our own fuel.

Until a GWV caravan forms, then staying at a monastery seems very practical.  I would not; however, press any organization or leader for staying longer than they initially offer, because pressure is a characteristic of the material life; whereas acceptance and submission are characteristics of the contemplative life; nonetheless, it is perfectly acceptable to voice your aspiration to remain longer, but one is not likely to receive permission to stay longer until they have a chance to get to know you in retreat.

On this topic, Santa Cruz, CA has quite a few meditation organizations, some of which offer residencies.  I just received a phone call this afternoon from a contemplative friend who has been living there for sometime.  He said it worked for him for a while just to live on the street there, because Santa Cruz is kind to their homeless, mendicant population.

[Jhanon]

Interesting how often Santa Cruz has come up for me in the last three years. It was actually my "dream town" for a long time.

Today I spoke with a western monk I've become friends with at the local theravadan monastery I used to frequent. He gave me a list of jhana-friendly (or at least tolerant) monasteries that he knows residencies to laypractitioners for years at a time. Like the local monastery, these are ones which view jhana as the foundation and insight as the fruit. Most are on the west coast. Some are not very popular, and with the assistance of reference from my local monastery, it seems more likely to work out.

Hesitantly, I shared the extent of development of my recent meditation experiences, even the deva visit, and he validated them as well as implying these other monasteries he provided would also see them as valid experiences. I noted some differences in how he regarded the experiences manifested, but I still feel comfortable moving forward with his suggestions.

He also stated that it is rare to get a hold of Thanissaro via phone, and was surprised it happened upon my first call there. Additionally, as you suggested Jhananda, he suggested that proving my sincerity and efforts at the 2-week retreat could very well land me a longer stay than 2 weeks. Since there is three weeks between the time I lose my home and when this 2-week retreat is scheduled, he said I could probably stay at the local monastery until the retreat at Metta began. Even if I find a monastery that will agree to put me up (before I have a chance to meet them in person), I will most likely attend the 2-week retreat at Metta first, and use the former as a fall back. I get a really good feeling from the Metta monastery.

I intend to visit him again and ask if he might discuss the issue with the Abbot, and ask the abbot to contact Thanissaro as a reference to my character and sincerity. Perhaps a simple confirmation of my intent from a reputable source will go far.

I feel that I will end up in the Santa Cruz or San Diego area. I've experienced many apparent synchronicity in relation to these locations and monasteries over the last few years. But I can't really know that for sure. Who knows, maybe the caravan will work out, or maybe something I've not even considered. Thank you for providing more information about the caravan idea, Jhananda. It helps to put it in practical sense.

I would be interested in learning more about your Santa Cruz friend. Does he still live there? Is he living in a meditation residency? Is there maybe a way I can get in contact with him?

Thank you for supporting me as I figure this out. When I talk about it like this, I get encouraged to take action--like I did today.

[Jhanananda]

Interesting how often Santa Cruz has come up for me in the last three years. It was actually my "dream town" for a long time.

Today I spoke with a western monk I've become friends with at the local theravadan monastery I used to frequent. He gave me a list of jhana-friendly (or at least tolerant) monasteries that he knows residencies to laypractitioners for years at a time. Like the local monastery, these are ones which view jhana as the foundation and insight as the fruit. Most are on the west coast. Some are not very popular, and with the assistance of reference from my local monastery, it seems more likely to work out.

Technically, in the suttas both the religious experience (samadhi/jhana) and insight (vipassana) are superior fruit (maha-phala).

Hesitantly, I shared the extent of development of my recent meditation experiences, even the deva visit, and he validated them as well as implying these other monasteries he provided would also see them as valid experiences. I noted some differences in how he regarded the experiences manifested, but I still feel comfortable moving forward with his suggestions.

Getting validated for one's religious experience in any religion is new and refreshing.  I wonder why.  I suppose it is because some mendicant monk bothered to check the translation of the suttas, and expose a 2000 year lie.  I wonder who that was?

He also stated that it is rare to get a hold of Thanissaro via phone, and was surprised it happened upon my first call there. Additionally, as you suggested Jhananda, he suggested that proving my sincerity and efforts at the 2-week retreat could very well land me a longer stay than 2 weeks. Since there is three weeks between the time I lose my home and when this 2-week retreat is scheduled, he said I could probably stay at the local monastery until the retreat at Metta began. Even if I find a monastery that will agree to put me up (before I have a chance to meet them in person), I will most likely attend the 2-week retreat at Metta first, and use the former as a fall back. I get a really good feeling from the Metta monastery.

The photos of the landscape surrounding the Metta monastery look very appeal for a contemplative.

I intend to visit him again and ask if he might discuss the issue with the Abbot, and ask the abbot to contact Thanissaro as a reference to my character and sincerity. Perhaps a simple confirmation of my intent from a reputable source will go far.

I feel that I will end up in the Santa Cruz or San Diego area. I've experienced many apparent synchronicity in relation to these locations and monasteries over the last few years. But I can't really know that for sure. Who knows, maybe the caravan will work out, or maybe something I've not even considered. Thank you for providing more information about the caravan idea, Jhananda. It helps to put it in practical sense.

I look at the GWV caravan as a long-range plan.  It will of course require people to participate in and support it.

I would be interested in learning more about your Santa Cruz friend. Does he still live there? Is he living in a meditation residency? Is there maybe a way I can get in contact with him?

My mendicant friend in Santa Cruz, CA is an Irish medical doctor who practiced in Canada for a number of years, got wealthy while practicing meditation for decades under a number of disciplines, including TM, then bought himself a sail boat, retired and sailed across the Pacific.  When he got to the other side he was broke because the stock market had collapsed.  He has been a homeless mendicant since.  He was living on the streets of Santa Cruz, CA.  Nothing opened up for him, and I guess it is cold and wet there right now, so he plans to head back to warm, sunny Tucson, AZ. for the winter, where I met him when he was living on the street there.

Thank you for supporting me as I figure this out. When I talk about it like this, I get encouraged to take action--like I did today.

You are welcome.  Good luck, and keep in touch.

[Jhanananda]

I have lately been contemplating the contemplative life, the mendicant life, and my life.  The problem with all of our lifestyles is they can be too complex, which distracts from the contemplative life, and tends to disrupt the peace, tranquility, and equanimity, which are the core of a successful contemplative life.

Owning and operating an automobile is a challenge for a contemplative, because automobiles are complex machines, and complex machines need maintenance, and they wear out, and the older they get, the more prone to failure they become.  However, if one had enough money to purchase one, and maintain it, then I have found living in an old van works quite well.

If one does not have the many and/or skills to fuel and maintain and old van, then a touring bike that is fully equipped with camping gear can be an ideal mendicants more of transportation.  In the homeless community of central Arizona I see quite a few homeless people getting around on such bicycles.  There are even free bicycle workshops, where a homeless person can maintain a bicycle.

Otherwise a backpack, and living in a community that is surrounded by national forest, where one can hike in and out of town to get food, but retreat into the forest for solitude.

Another mode of transportation and lifestyle that occurred to me that could work quite well for a mendicant, is owning a small boat that can be paddled or poled, and possibly has a small sail.  One could live along the shore line, or a river system, and live quite well on fish, bird eggs, birds, other small game, and various foraged items.

Most of these strategies require a person with a level of fitness, skill and intelligence to succeed.

[Zack]

I think as civilization gets more complex, it is making most everyone crazy in their own way. There are a few basic ideas which seem to have attached to the human mind at a deep level and these are what are driving this insanity: capitalism, agriculture, the idea of ownership, this ridiculous growth mentality, etc. These ideas are perverting what life should be, a simple co-existence with the natural world and all its other inhabitants. Instead it's a reckless pursuit to dominate, commodify, destroy, pathologize, ostracize, and on and on. Humans seem intent on changing the world to their liking so fundamentally, and mostly just out of anxiety, and for those that don't want to live in that ever-towering construction of hell, it is hard to find a place to exist outside of it. The fact that the infrastructure of the U.S. (and a lot of the world, but here it is hard to escape) has grown up and been built around the very idea of the personal automobile is a sign of how unconscious and stupid humans are: take the human ego, add millions of years of fossil fuels, and you get this paved-over hellhole. Every weed growing through a crack in the sidewalk is something to rejoice.

I find it heartening that there are many out there seeking a simpler way of life, even if for most it is not through an overly spiritual impulse. That may lay at the heart of what they are trying to do, because well, that may be the heart of what people really need; nevertheless, the mere fact that people are being drawn back to wanting a simple lifestyle at all is great. My own forays and studies into finding a simpler lifestyle (permaculture, homesteading, all things DIY, etc) got sidetracked by emotional problems and heavy confusion and delusion about what actually constitutes the spiritual life, but as I come out of that to some degree, I'm finding many of my old plans resurfacing effortlessly and moving back into place in my life. This has been relieving, fulfilling, and encouraging. I'm not really confident about the kind of lifestyle I can envision actually coming to fruition, because this system is so built now to crush anything of the sort, but hopefully I will end up with something half-way decent before I keel over or get smacked by a bus.

Unfortunately, I've moved through some of the communities of people trying to move away from the mayhem, both via working on farms and staying in squats, and I was immediately suspect in all because I didn't have any interest in donning an identity to match. It is an indication that simply doing away with a few layers of societal ambition doesn't mean much if you don't move even further to undue the layers of inner conditioning, which humans seem loath to do. Being dictated and corraled by a couple of former corporate insurance drones who have seamlessly transported their indoctrinated way of thinking to a farm ("homesteading") structure is one of the quickest ways to burn through illusions of humans going "back to the land." I don't think there is a lot of changing the giant, lumbering beast that is human stupidity. It seems the only thing to do is get out of its way, notice the back door, and walk out.