Psychological Leaning | How Do We Master the Connection?

[dakkhaSankappa]

Hello everyone - I would like to ask y'all a question.

A few years ago I became so averse to what some psychologists call "psychological leaning" (which is when people seek attention/connection in a way which is borderline emotional blackmail) that it caused me to suffer.  There were 2 causes:

1. I desired to be free from all nuerotic attachments within myself.
2. I felt people caused their own sufferings to recycle, due to an unwillingness to let go of the instant acceptance of others.

Eventually I found answers and a solution, but I was wondering.

What keys to happiness and acceptance have you found in this area?

What were skillful practices while going through similar transformations?

Which other valuable insights have you attained here?

[Sam Lim]

Welcome to the forum. Please read the four noble truth. That is how one achieve happiness. Cheers

http://www.buddhanet.net/4noble.htm

[dakkhaSankappa]

Dear gandarloda,

Thank you for your reply -- and kind pointer towards the 4 Noble Truths.

Thanks also for compelling me to introduce myself in this respect.

I originally contacted Jeffrey in 2012 2002 having experienced wonderful [and confusing] religious experiences - following extended periods of prolonged breathing and walking meditations. For the next 7 years I read many religious and spiritual texts, including the most famous volumes of the Tipitaka. I covered and contemplated the 4 Noble Truths and the 8 Fold-Path several times -- I even used a color scheme to memorize the 8 fold path, and visualized shrines to remember the 4 Noble Truths. When I finished reading Buddha's words, and having found relative peace myself, I concluded that he was a man who truly knew.

However, I have a slightly different interpretation of some of the teachings to mainstream Buddhists, today, and I struggled a little bit with the 4 Noble Truths and 8 Fold Path -- perhaps my interpretation of those contemplations, investigations and practices are slightly off-point today... but the way I see them they are a brilliantly simple, and completely logical, way to look at one experiences - and a scientific method of correcting behaviours/situations/conditions...

But you see, I don't work well with that kind of practice...

I look for depth in real-world experience and then I'm able to reflect on experience [with these kind of teachings] in hindsight, and add tangibility, words and deeper understanding to what I've been through.

I tend to connect much better with stories.

With that in mind

I was wondering whether anyone had stories about their experience of dealing with attachment-disorders in other people skillfully? Whether anyone went through the similar difficulties with desiring to be personally free from nuerosis? and possibly had similar uneducated/inexperienced beliefs about behaviours and communications that people might respond to as such?

E.g. here's something I found.

People don't like to be ignored, it tends to alienates them, and to be ineffective.
People don't like negative critique, it alienates them; it's much better to affirm positive qualities.

[Jhanananda]

Welcome, dakkhaSankappa, to this forum.  I believe we have known each other much longer than since 2012, so I believe that is a misprint. I read your first post here and I was reflecting upon a response.  It just so happens that one of the other members here, who has been going through one of the spiritual crises, had posted me an off-forum inquiry into his spiritual crisis.  It seems to me that both of these messages refer to the same issue, but reflect differing ways of dealing with it.  In response to both I am reminded of a quote that Michel posted here...

"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted
to a profoundly sick society."

It is my finding that the human world is full of raving lunatics, who are profoundly stupid, and hopeless addicted, so they tend to look in all of the wrong places for the solution to their problems, and tend to viciously abuse those who correctly assess the problem of the human condition, and intuitively find the solutions, and follow them with discipline.

So, I have not found success in being with most humans; therefore, I have withdrawn from society as one of the many solutions that have led me to relative freedom from addictions (fetter/sins) and the suffering (dukkha) that they bring.  While I recommend this solution to most people, I do not doubt that you have found other solutions that work better for you. 

Nonetheless, to affirm Sam's response regarding the 4 Noble Truths, the reason why people are prone to "psychological leaning" is due to craving (3rd Noble Truth).  If they lead a rigorous, self-aware, and disciplined contemplative life, which is reasonably described by the Noble Eightfold Path, then they are likely to stop "psychological leaning," which will make it easier for us all to get along with each other.

[dakkhaSankappa]

Hey, Jhanananda.

Thanks for your reply -- I had replied, but I decided to go away and think a little more about this.

I think there's a lot to be said for your solution -- it's not unlike mine. The traditional psychology I've encountered fails to explain the human condition authentically enough for me. We are creatures of likeness and habit, I feel.... Too many words here -- and so many contexts! I think quality time alone or in smaller groups may be key to understanding, and sensibility, in our day-and-age -- in my experience solitude was essential to cut through most of the nonsense.