This was an experience, much like many others, where through visual and proximal feeling, I have become immersed in an environment during deep meditation. As far as the above, I had directed awareness first into the Kasina, where I was then removed from what I stepped into, and "taken" to the place of fuckface assbags, and then, by what seems to have been by acceptance, but non-relation to them, I was able to move onward to another, less familiar place. This has become a common theme in deep meditation, although I tend to just drift with them, so I may spend time near someone here or elsewhere.
The " fuckface assbags," that you have been speaking of are demons. Everyone has to traverse the domain of demons. Just keep meditating deeply, and developing equanimity, so that you can get through the domain of demons with little trauma.
I really should stop referring to them as if I am afraid of them. I've had way too many encounters with them to be afraid of them. It's more like I hate them, and when I see them I taunt them. When they are messing with me, I mess with them back. This gets even worse when I see qualities in them within myself. Ya know, Robert Monroe talked like they are all human; I dont know where the hell he has been, cause these things arent human. And if they are, then I'm not human.
There are times that I have been completely impartial to them, and those have been the best times. But this usually only comes when I have just given up for a time of battling with myself and them.
A few nights ago I had another experience like this in where, as I focused awareness into my visual, something like a dark tunnel opened up, and behind it were the stars in pristine clarity. I have seen this place one other time to my recollection, however, intuitively, it seems more familiar than I think it is. This place seemed like an endless space, and as I ventured in, it felt as though I could expand into it, and admittedly, that was a pretty scary feeling. Preceding this was a familiar feeling of rushing through the tunnel of the OOBE, however I did not leave the body, as I normally do not. Instead I sat with awareness present in this place with both mind and awareness, aware; and here-in lies a problem.
This is an intermediate stage where one can observe immaterial phenomena, or material phenomena at great remote distances. This is called “remote viewing.” It is the stage just prior to the OOBE. But, you are very advanced nonetheless, because you are getting to this level. Most people who meditate do not get as far as you have. So, you are close, and all you have to do is keep practicing deep meditation.
What I am trying hard to understand right now is how I have developed this through much strife and patience, yet in reading Robert Monroe, it seems like he bypassed this. How does he go from opening a single chakra in the solar plexus, (and man he must be a wuss the way he described it made me chuckle) to a week or two later casually rolling out of the body. I do not understand this. There have been many things in his book thus far that have left me feeling like he is self-promoting. I also seen the same things with that other man who does the OOBE videos, the one Alexander linked a few months back. The only way I can explain this is through ignorance. That they are lucid in the sleep states, cause I have yet to see either actually describe the transitions between stages or the intensity of the separation that I have known myself. I do not see that acute awareness in them...its mind boggling to me, because they are describing very real things in the OOBE.
This particular meditation did produce something new; an expansive view of a beautiful, inviting, cool in feeling light blue encompassing visual view, that was accompanied with very fast, smooth motion. The coolness had a likeness of a magical feeling raindrop gently hitting my face. Yet I was moving much faster than I ever had before. I experienced this after an almost week long, sit after sit agony in the form of bad pressures and vertigo in the head. After the experience there was an odd break where I felt no charisms at all; holy crap that was weird. But I continued the sit regardless and the black tunnel showed up sometime after. I was left with a feeling as though this was a test, not the break, but the pressures and pain, and this light blue space was the reward. Often I have felt tested.
At the lower levels of the OOBE there is still a since of body, which one uses as a vehicle for flying, so this might have been an OOBE. How we know whether we are in an OOBE or not is whether we have any sense of the surroundings of the body, and/or the body at its material location.
This is what confounds me, as when I am viewing anything, I have zero sense of the body. It is not until I become aware of the body that the experience can slow, and then stop. I experienced this I believe five times last night, where it was the same in feeling, although less intense than the above, and there was no light blue. Things just start rushing, and I lose sense of the body wholly, until I have sense of the body, and it stops, or I try to move out of the body. For some reason I am unable to disconnect at this point. My thoughts do not become alarmed, but my body does, or something does. I swear there is a fucker sitting on my back, or hiding from me, and when I find it, hes not gonna like me so much. There are times that I feel it, yet never long enough to bring awareness to it, or in a way that I know to bring awareness to it. It's pissing me off. Last night it felt as though, as this was occurring, there was a hand pushed into my mouth and then expanded, and then pressed firmly as if to push through me. During another bout with the same, it was if something grabbed my eye socket a very "unkindly" attempted to remove it from my head. It attempted to remove my teeth at one point even. I'm gonna get this thing thats doing this, when he stops being a fucking coward!
Recently I have spent time reading the writings of St. John of the cross, Journeys Out of the Body, as well as some other oddities; and I've got to say i am kicking myself for not reading them previous. Too often, I suppose, I tended to lean on assumption. This particular assumption is that i will find out in time. So I sat time and again, alot of time in agony through some very real and and immersive meditations. In these writing I have found many descriptions to experiences that were real to me, although some of them we "foggy" in my minds eye; something that is also described a lot by Robert Monroe. It makes sense, the way he seen things, how they were blurred; I've been there. This is not the way things are anymore, and have not been for awhile, clarity is in abundance at least at the visual level. Yet I feel as though I do not experience the entirety of these event; as while I have been there in awareness, it has been in "joint venture" with this stupid meat husk.
I suppose I has questions as to why this is the case; and I have searched inward for the answer and have received nothing, or that I cannot discern it. Its like there is a broken "information" pipe in my head that is flooding. Also, through these readings I have not found description of these things outside of OOBE, yet they still resonate with experiences I have had in viewing; why is this that I can see them, but not as others have/do, in the OOBE?
Sexual desire may have a play in this. But I just dont fully understand. It's as though I am constantly bombarded with influence, many influence, and to decipher them it takes an exhausting amount of insightfullness. There are times, for reasons beyond me, that I am able to hone in precisely to them, but its not sustainable. I'm more likely to go mad than to attempt this often, as I cannot fully dis-connect; so lately, I have just ignored them. I know this another problem. I just don't know anymore.
You are definitely in the stage of Alice in Wonderland falling through the rabbit hole, or through the looking glass. This stage is nothing like most well respected contemplative writers have ever written about, other than the true mystics, so it is good that you are now reading John of the Cross. Keep reading the mystics, and keep meditating deeply. You are doing well, but keep in mind it just gets more weird the deeper you go.
Please forgive my anger. Something happened last night that I am unaware of, as I do not recall my dream, but only that I had dreamed something. The feelings surround it are of the dream. So at some point today, I'll return to meditation and be free of this. But first I will attempt to move my awareness into the center of my mind to that place out of reach. When I reach it I will expand it and hopefully know the reason why or what happened to leave me frustrated and angry.
Yes, thank-you. I am not as concerned with it getting weird-er as I am with not having a point of reference, one with a less convoluted perception. I feel as though it would help immensely if I were to able differentiate this massive amount information that has been flooding in, more outside of a physical context. I need, it feels, to be able to draw a line in the sand, expereintially, to this was OOBE so that this information can be stored as such. I cannot live in lala land and expect to function.
