In 2007 I was injured at work. Due to circumstances surrounding the events, I continued to work with these injuries, untreated. This compounded my problem. After finally making the decision to seek medical treatment, I was terminated. And so started my addiction to prescription pain medication. (My injuries were herniated discs in my back, 1 @ the neck, the other 2 in the low back. The other was a fractured ankle with a badly torn tendon.)
After 6 months of recovery time of my back injuries, I had worked my way up to a prescription of oxycodone. Employers viewed this as an "illegal drug" due to its schedule 2 classification from the DEA, making employment impossible while continuing to use the drug. The problem was, I was utterly addicted to them...they had absolute control over every choice, every thought, every movement I made. I used my injuries as excuse to the point that it nearly cost me my marriage, our home, and my daughters future. I continued to take them until our savings were exhausted and my wife was ready to leave me. I kept telling myself "I need them." "They make this easy....they make life easy."(The opiod, not my family) During this time, i was able to find Christianity. I have, since i was very young, been one who "thinks too much" and it didnt take long for me to realize how contradictory it was...but the morals therein were invaluable. I was able to stop taking the Opiod and return to work and life went on for awhile.
About a year later, the still not-taken-care of injuries in my ankle really started to make themselves known. This was another excuse, yet it didnt matter, as I was very much a selfish being. I started seeing an orthopedic surgeon, and elected to have surgery. After the surgery I woke and immediately demanded that I have some sort of Narcotic pain medication. I had created a scenario in which I could "get away with" having my drugs. (Not to say that my ankle was not in need of some serious attention, only that I used this as an excuse.) This was the chapter of my life addicted to synthetic heroine, Oxycotin. The drug was so good and terrible, that I had to take an anti-nausea with it. (The surgeon that I had found, was one I knew from friends, that would give me whatever i wanted) So he prescribed me Promethazine for the nausea. I had since then let go of any ties that I had previously made with any kind of religion, and immersed myself into a world of gaming and just not giving a shit about anything but myself. (AGAIN)
I have been riding this roller-coaster of pain meds for 7 years now. It had, over the last year, come to the point that I was no longer being prescribed these drugs. Instead, I had been spending well over $800 monthly to buy my drugs, illegally. Thankfully, i was never given any kind of drug testing, and have been steadily employed. I say thankfully, yet, this is nothing to be thankfull for, I have been dishonest to myself, and my family for a long time. I cannot make it clear enough how instrumental meditative absorption has been in relinquishing the hold these drugs have had on me. I stopped taking a does of Hydrocodone, 10-12 pills per day (10/325's), cold turkey, 13 days ago. The inspiration to love I've gained from meditative absorption is beyond measure and I cannot thank this community enough for the guidance all of you have provided. I write this in hopes that my "open book" will provide a relation in which to progress from.
Sincerely,
Calvin
