Alexander's Blog

[Jhanananda]

Thank you, Jeff, for the very interesting thoughts. Yes, for some reason I have felt compelled to pursue the OOBE now, and also to recount my experiences here. I generally look to your thoughts and to my Inner Director for guidance. So, my Inner Director is the one encouraging this and compelling me to record these things here; I try not to write unless I feel the inner "push" to do so.

You are welcome, and following one's inner guidance is a good thing, as long as we are skilled at stilling the mind, so that our inner guidance does not end up being a mind-game.

I find this a very interesting idea. If I recount some of the "charisms" I have experienced, such as the "inner sound" (tinnitus), the "vibrations" (feeling the nervous system), "inner heat" (warmth in the chest), and so on, they might be attributed to physical phenomena that we are simply becoming more sensitive to. One interesting point I read recently was a writer discounting the visions of orbs and light (I have not experienced these), and disembodied sounds, as hallucinatory phenomena, which would be in accord with this idea.

Yes, here I believe the orbs of light seen just prior to the OOBE might just be the body being so relaxed causes the irises of the eye to dilate, and the focus of the eyes becomes so relaxed and pulled back that the retina is resolving the empty space made by the retracted iris.  This could explain why some people see different colors of light orbs.  I tend to see blue orbs, and my irises are blue.  Thus those with brown eyes would see brown, or golden orbs.

This is an interesting question, and one which I in humility have attempted to discern. The first jhana (self-arising joy) and second jhana (the still mind) are very clearly definable, while the third and fourth are less clear. If the third is defined by equanimity, the long martyrdom (we are venturing into Christian mysticism here...) I experienced over the preceding years is unambiguous training in the perfection of this attribute. The fourth jhana I am less clear on; the Pali definition is "no pleasure and no pain." The transition state to the OOBE involves viriya (the vibrations in the body?), which are affirmed by Monroe.

When you fully develop the charisms, then the 3rd jhana will become more apparent to you.  Also, the 4th jhana is also characterized by a sense of timelessness.  Say, an hour or 2 meditation will go by and we may only think it has been minutes, or minutes go by and we think it was hours.

Yes, I was rereading your biography on this recently and trying to get a better sense of it. You have followed a very different path than me. You had these OOBEs starting from a very young age. Having these from the beginning would likely make the whole experience with meditation very different.

Yes, and no.  While I had a consistent series of OOBEs at an early age, nonetheless, there was no cultural context for the OOBE until William Monroe and others started publishing books on the subject.  Before then I thought I might be going crazy.  It was my early mentor, Francis Grow, who gave it a name, and eased my concerns.  So, I see it that this is my goal here:
1) inspire people to experience the charisms;
2) help people understand the strange world of the immaterial domains.

[Jhanananda]

1. Been asking my Inner Director "what should I do?" and "where should I go from here?" It has led me rightly throughout the whole journey till now. However, it is silent. No strong instructions, no strong "push" to do one thing or the other.

2. Trying to fully comprehend Buddhist cosmology and after death states. For example, in Buddhism there are the four noble ones:

I. Streamwinner (can only be reborn in human world or higher)
II. Once-returner (once more as a human)
III. Nonreturner (reborn in heavenly world)
IV. Arahant (enlightenment)

I have ponder these stages for years.  I have read Buddhist teachers speculating that the 4 stages of noble beings represent attainment of the 4 jhanas.  I do not see this. 

I. Streamwinner represents one who has attained many of the charisms, so this would be 3rd to 4th jhana.
II. Once-returner suggests one who has attained the immaterial domains via OOBE on a consistent basis.
III. Nonreturner represents one who has so mastered the OOBE that no craving remains for the material domains.
IV. Arahant (enlightenment) is one who has fully negotiated the 4 immaterial domains, and has thus completely lost the sense of self, so that there is no craving for identity.  This one will see that the entire universe is one's body, and all beings are just cells in one's organism, which is infinite.

Based on the above, when one attains nonreturning one is reborn in the heavenly worlds. Though this raises several questions. In Buddhism, nonreturners don't return to lower worlds. But this seems to contradict the idea that higher world existence is impermanent; that the devas can descend to lower states of existence. Does this mean that one can be reborn in higher worlds just due to virtue or good karma, but without the quest for liberation?

While the altruistic states are valued in the Pali Canon; nonetheless, altruism is seen in the Pali Canon as the product of correctly following the Noble Eightfold Path, which culminates in negotiating the 8 stages of samadhi.

3. The OOB state is making me reconsider what the definition of "enlightenment" is. It seems many people have these OOB experiences with no interest in religious-philosophical questions. It makes me recall the Buddhist sutra I mentioned earlier - when the Buddha said one might go OOB but not be enlightened. Though the experience necessarily results in a dramatic change of views, the question arises: are all those who have OOBEs enlightened? Or can one have these experiences and not be?

By my definition above, then attaining the OOBE may represent stream entry requiring attainment of all 4 jhanas, plus attaining the 5th, which is the OOBE, but not consistently.

4. This raises the question: what is enlightenment? This is such a hard question to answer; scouring all of Christianity and many of the world's religions and philosophies there are few answers. The best we have likely lies in Buddhism, relying on the fetters to judge progress:

I. Overcome
- Identity view
- Attachment to rites and rituals
- Doubt about the teachings
II. Weakened
- Sensual desire
- Ill will
III. Overcome
- Sensual desire
- Ill will
IV. Overcome
- Attachment to form based existence
- Attachment to formless existence
- Conceit
- Restlessness
- Ignorance

I will agree that the fetters are removed for one who is fully enlightened, but it requires full attainment of all 8 stages of samadhi.

This then raises the further question: can one be enlightened and not have the OOBE? Though it is unlikely one could fully overcome ignorance or the desire for existence with or without form without it.

Well, no, see above.

Log
Experiments this week were mostly unsuccessful.
5/3 Attempted to repeat the "WBTB" experience using the "bladder method." This time I consciously tried to drink a lot of fluid to wake up in the middle of the night. Woke up at 11 PM (drank too much). No results.
5/4 A second attempt with the "bladder method." Woke up at 5 AM (drank too little). No results.
5/5 Last attempt with "bladder method." Woke up at 4 AM. Interrupted dreaming. I was in a "dreamlike" consciousness with many images spontaneously flowing. I only make note of this as it is mentioned as being significant by some OOB writers. Very hard to keep the body motionless and relaxed. No results.
5/6 It seems like I am wasting too many days with the bladder method. This time I set the alarm clock for 3 AM. I woke up then and a few other times in the night. The early awakenings were very stressful; high drowsiness and restlessness. Woke up at 4 AM and was able to be motionless and relaxed with the aid of music for about 20 minutes. No results. I am questioning if it would be prudent to physically get up or give the mind some time to reorient itself before making the meditation attempt.

Good tries.  Your use of music reminded me often we have background sounds that can interfere with going deeper in meditation.  I recall about 20 years ago I used to lead the meditation sits at a vipassana group in Tucson. I noticed that the meditation hall had a clock on the back wall, and it ticked loudly.  I found the ticking interfered with my normal depth of meditation, so I removed it from the hall, and found I had my normal depth restored.  So, I do  not recommend meditating with music, or guided meditation, nor clocks, or other cyclic mechanical devices, such as refrigerators, etc.

1. Remembering more and having more entries for the dream log. Though I am likely still forgetting much.

2. It seems that the mind goes through phases during sleep:
https://i.imgur.com/S7DFLAk.jpg
According to one sleep scientist the brain enters dream-sleep several times in the night. That means when one recalls things for the log it is likely only from that last dream-phase. At the same time it is comforting as it means I am not forgetting many hours worth of dreams - most of the night is not spent dreaming.

3. Much of the dream content is nonsensical; like low value flotsam, it consists of images and information from media, TV, etc. It is just disappointing this is what my unconscious spends its time engaged with.

4. After reading Monroe's account of the "vibration" state I am becoming more conscious of it as a possible phenomenon. Have felt a couple occasional tingles now and then over the past weeks, often emerging when in a relaxed state. Though, they do not deepen to anything. It could just as well be imagination.

Your dreams are quite normal, and common for most people who are not contemplatives.  A contemplative who wishes to have many of the superior fruit (charisms) often finds they will need to radically change their lifestyle.  For instance, at about the same time I began making progress with the OOBE is when I stopped watching TV.  Since then TV has not been a feature of my daily life.

[Naman]

Its great to have you back. I was wondering if your health was ok. Glad to know its not too much of a trouble, your health.

Everyone, please excuse the long delay since I last replied here.  As many of you know, my health is quite poor, and I am getting old.  We here in Prescott, AZ are well into our 5th month of record allergens, and allergens are at the root of my problems.  If I stay in my camper van, and regularly change my HEPA filters, then I enjoy relative good health.  If so, then I have not been able to get on line, because I needed to use the library's computers.  Thank-fully a friend fixed the OS on a laptop that was given to me last winter.  Now I can park in handicapped parking across from the library of the local junior college, where I have acquired internet access via WIFI.

Jeff, you are in a persistent thoughtless state correct? As I have been able to still the mind for ages - not silence it however.

Yes, I learned to silence the mind decades ago; however, I use it as a useful tool when needed.  I call it learning to find and use the off-switch for the mind, but using it for useful purposes, just not being addicted to the mind, as most people are.

I feel I have been waiting at the door to enter the final chamber for years now; struggling with what the issue is. At first I thought it was the traumatic stress thoughts - but those have subsided now.

Is a still mind sufficient for charismatic phenomena?

A still mind is the doorway to the charisms, as well as 6 more 'chambers' to pass through for final liberation.

Is there something necessary about prolonged bodily motionlessness?

Is that my issue?

Motionlessness, within the context of deep meditation here does not refer to rigidity.  To go deeper in the experience of deep meditation requires deep relaxation, so if one is being hyper-vigilant to keep the body from moving might be being rigid, and tense to keep the body from its automatic movements.  I find when my mind is still, then my body is so relaxed that, if I am sitting up to meditate, then my body may sway slightly as the major arteries and veins will cause a deeply relaxed body to sway slightly.

As I have been thinking for so long the "quest" is a purely cognitive activity. I notice when I sit for long periods the body begins to paralyze itself. Should I just be satisfied with the still mind and stay motionless for long periods rather than commit all this labor on the silent mind? Would that be my error? What do you recommend? What might I be missing?

Here I have to disagree.  The experience of deep meditation is relative in depth to how much cognition one has let go of, as the states are self-arising when the mind is still and relaxed.

Possibly what also is needed is to recognize the arising of the charisms, so that one can attend to them as if they were a meditation object.

I always thought if I got "stuck" on the path I'd just come out there and put myself under your yoke; though my Inner Director doesn't compel me to do this.

Well, people are welcome to visit me, and we can work out a mutually convenient time to do so; however, I am so ill with an over-loaded auto-immune system that I cannot breath the local air for more than an hour without it turning into a trip the the ER.  So, it is best for now that a serious contemplative find a conducive environment for deep meditation, and engage in it for at least 3-6 hours a day.

[Alexander]

Thank you again, Jeff, for the very interesting thoughts.

I have ponder these stages for years.  I have read Buddhist teachers speculating that the 4 stages of noble beings represent attainment of the 4 jhanas.  I do not see this.

I. Streamwinner represents one who has attained many of the charisms, so this would be 3rd to 4th jhana.
II. Once-returner suggests one who has attained the immaterial domains via OOBE on a consistent basis.
III. Nonreturner represents one who has so mastered the OOBE that no craving remains for the material domains.
IV. Arahant (enlightenment) is one who has fully negotiated the 4 immaterial domains, and has thus completely lost the sense of self, so that there is no craving for identity.  This one will see that the entire universe is one's body, and all beings are just cells in one's organism, which is infinite.

How sure are you of this? As it goes against what my Inner Director has taught me about these stages. I, II, and III I have understood as all pre-contemplative attainments - that while rare they are possible for all those who are sincere and earnest on the spiritual path; while III and IV are attainments of contemplatives proper.

If you are certain I will not dispute it, though it would imply entry into the stream is almost impossible. It also nullifies the experiences of most human beings. It means if one is a non-contemplative, a life of accumulating virtue or wisdom has no value. It means all those throughout history who pursued a life in the spirit but had no knowledge of meditation had experiences of no value.

[Jhanananda]

Thank-you, Naman, for posting your kind thoughts regarding my health.  I am just old, and not much longer in this world.

okay so here are my findings. im uncertain about getting oobe through meditation alone. Cause i havent yet reached that state, however ill make a point about it as well. People who are solely trying to pull out oobe using sleep alone will have hard time doing it, if done it will be difficult to repeat.

I have never been a follower of buddhist path i actually joined this forum cause i like ways of Jeffery  and how he also connects samadhi with jhanas. I will try to explain in terms of energy and chakras which is related to what i have been followings all these years. I will let you know that my main aim was to attain self knowledge (enlightenment if u wud call it). So how much energy or awareness u gather around your 6th chakra i.e. third eye, decides if u will be able to project or not...

Thank-you, Naman, for telling us your OOBE method.  In support of your statement regarding the importance of "building energy around the chakras," and specifically the 3rd eye; It just so happens that my early meditation methods were focused upon the third eye, so it is possible that one of the reasons why I had such early success with the OOBE was my focus was on the 3rd eye, as you recommend.

However, I am not so sure why reducing your meditation time would aide you at all in the OOBE.  I found to the contrary the more I meditated the more facility I had with the OOBE.

[Jhanananda]

How sure are you of this? As it goes against what my Inner Director has taught me about these stages. I, II, and III I have understood as all pre-contemplative attainments - that while rare they are possible for all those who are sincere and earnest on the spiritual path; while III and IV are attainments of contemplatives proper.

If you are certain I will not dispute it, though it would imply entry into the stream is almost impossible. It also nullifies the experiences of most human beings. It means if one is a non-contemplative, a life of accumulating virtue or wisdom has no value. It means all those throughout history who pursued a life in the spirit but had no knowledge of meditation had experiences of no value.

Considering most mystics are marginalized by the devout, and the devout are often the cause of why the contemplative component of religion is most often lost, then it seems reasonable to me to consider seriously that mere devotion only leads to belief delusion, and otherwise no genuine spiritual attainment.

[Jhanananda]

Hello Naman,

Thank you again for the very interesting thoughts.

1. Yes, I was reflecting yesterday myself on the value of this community. It started small but has become quite decent in size now. Actually I was realizing that it is probable nothing like this has existed before in human history. This community was made possible due to the Internet, in particular the modern (not dial-up) kind...

Yes, I too have often reflected upon how unique this forum is, as most of us live at quite some distance from each other, and we most probably would not have met, and learned so much from each other, in any other civilization until the advent of the internet brought us all together.

[Jhanananda]

I was rereading a post Jhanon had made years ago, and it got me thinking about it.

We are treading very close to "sexism", but I wish to express that I am not "sexist." I have some questions for you, Alexander, that I wish to know how you see.

1) Why are there so few woman seekers of enlightenment?
2) Is it because their ticket to enlightenment is companionship with a man headed to enlightenment?

On the topic of enlightened women in history: Teresa of Avila, my teacher Francis Grow, and Socrates teacher were all women.  This fact should suggest that women have an equal capacity for enlightenment; however, they are less known in history, possibly due to a number of factors, such as: 1) Humans tend to get their guidance from men, even when there are no enlightened men around.  Also, women tend to be passive, and acquire their wisdom in secret. 

I know that this forum has had quite a few women, who tended to send me inquiries off-list.  Some women on this forum even took a masculine name, and person.  However, I am also aware of a propensity for women to believe that by having sex with a master, she will acquire enlightenment, which is simply not true.  I personally would like to see more women on this forum, because I am certain our dialog would be much better for it.

[Jhanananda]

1. Progress? The previously written about "tingles" or changes felt in the body have changed into something that can no longer be attributed to imagination. The sensation is consistent with the "vibrations" written about by Monroe. As of now they seem very hit-or-miss. They seem confined mostly to the hands and feet, though the sensations have also been felt elsewhere as well. When taking time to sit or be motionless, sometimes they are present, sometimes they are not. Sitting for longer periods does not seem to necessarily amplify the sensation, but the feeling correlates with 1. relaxation and 2. motionlessness.

Congratulations, because it appears that the charisms (jhana-nimitta) are appearing, which means the 3rd jhana has arrived.  Here your new meditation object will be the charisms themselves; however, you may have to give rise to the still mind of the 2nd jhana, before the charisms return, then switch to the charisms as they arise.

2. It is the middle of the work week now so I cannot experiment more with long sits. Although, I may investigate focusing on relaxation and being motionless while keeping the eyes open for brief intervals throughout the day. It is not clear whether closing the eyes or not is significant. If I close them at work it will stick my contact lenses to my eyes. But, it seems my goal now should be to try to figure out a way to amplify these vibrations.

Just by making the vibrations your object of meditation should amplify them significantly.

3. It is interesting that the sensations focus on the hands and feet. This does correlate with the meridians described in occult literature, or with the locations of the "holy wounds" of Christ.

Yes, I do not see this as a coincidence.

4. One of the things that left an impression on me when I read Patanjali's Yoga Sutras years ago was at one point he makes a reference to omens. At one point he says something along the lines of "by discerning omens, the yogi gains knowledge..."

The way you use the term 'omen' is in the same sense that the term 'insight' (vipasana) is used in Indic literature.  Insight to to see into something at great depth.

There was one "omen" I saw as a teenager when out on a solitary walk, in which two large, mating? dragonflies passed in front of me. This was very pertinent at the time, as I was still conflicted over the usual socially-induced sexual repression taught by society. It made clear that sexual desire was a natural part of the human experience and that what society taught about it was dysfunctional.

Yes, I too have had this insight.  I find sexual repression is at the root of human neuroses.

Over the past two years, I have developed a pain in my abdomen, on the right side between the end of the ribs and the start of the stomach. It seems to be localized to a certain "spot" or point. I was concerned about this when it did not go away, and went to the doctor's for it. The doctor conducted a number of tests, and an ultrasound, but could not find anything where the pain was. Since it has been two years I have since concluded "well it is just a pain I permanently have now" and that it is benign. Perhaps a muscle or a nerve that has been permanently damaged. It was only yesterday when I realized the location of the pain correlates with the injury of Longinus. "Well, great." Didn't ask for that one. Now, it could be complete accident, or it could be something of significance. But, it is one way to interpret the permanent pain there.

One of the gifts (charisms) that contemplative acquire is a high level of bodily awareness.  So, you may have acquired this charism.  Let your insight direct you to ways to improve your health so that the abdominal pain goes away.

[Naman]

However, I am not so sure why reducing your meditation time would aide you at all in the OOBE.  I found to the contrary the more I meditated the more facility I had with the OOBE.

Hello thanks for you feedback. What i meant was, people who are working towards getting oobe, and who cant do it in meditation, if they use sleep to do it after meditating it will be easier and possible. However i didn intend to say that less meditation promotes oobe.
 My finding was that
a) I cant do it in meditation when im totally aware, full conscious.
b) If i meditate minimum of 50 minutes before night sleep, i will wake up in sleep paralysis somewhere during my sleep, dream will be very lucid leading to waking up with a frozen body.
However if i meditate less than 50mins it will only make my dreams lucid but no sleep paralysis or oobe.
c) If i wake up lets say after 3 hrs of sleep and meditate for minimum 35mins and goto bed again, same as (b) sleep paralysis will happen.
d) If i wake up after 1 hour before my regular sleep, this is the most appropriate time with minimum 20 mins of meditation if i go back to bed, oobe will happen.
e) if i get full 8hr sleep, and meditate no matter how much and lie down, nothing happens.

I hope now people can find the correlation. Somehow dumbing down you awareness through sleep makes easier to goto sleep paralysis and obe.

My most unintentional and first hyper real oobe was when i meditate for around 3hours and i went to sleep. I was more awake than awake.

I do believe more we meditate and evolve, reduces the minimum amount of meditation we need for each a), b), c), d).. timings may vary for people. Finally leading to needing no sleep at all but meditation to do it.

[Naman]

Im thankful for this forum.

Hello Naman,

Thank you again for the very interesting thoughts.

1. Yes, I was reflecting yesterday myself on the value of this community. It started small but has become quite decent in size now. Actually I was realizing that it is probable nothing like this has existed before in human history. This community was made possible due to the Internet, in particular the modern (not dial-up) kind...

Yes, I too have often reflected upon how unique this forum is, as most of us live at quite some distance from each other, and we most probably would not have met, and learned so much from each other, in any other civilization until the advent of the internet brought us all together.

[Alexander]

Hello thanks for you feedback. What i meant was, people who are working towards getting oobe, and who cant do it in meditation, if they use sleep to do it after meditating it will be easier and possible. However i didn intend to say that less meditation promotes oobe.
 My finding was that
a) I cant do it in meditation when im totally aware, full conscious.
b) If i meditate minimum of 50 minutes before night sleep, i will wake up in sleep paralysis somewhere during my sleep, dream will be very lucid leading to waking up with a frozen body.
However if i meditate less than 50mins it will only make my dreams lucid but no sleep paralysis or oobe.
c) If i wake up lets say after 3 hrs of sleep and meditate for minimum 35mins and goto bed again, same as (b) sleep paralysis will happen.
d) If i wake up after 1 hour before my regular sleep, this is the most appropriate time with minimum 20 mins of meditation if i go back to bed, oobe will happen.
e) if i get full 8hr sleep, and meditate no matter how much and lie down, nothing happens.

I hope now people can find the correlation. Somehow dumbing down you awareness through sleep makes easier to goto sleep paralysis and obe.

My most unintentional and first hyper real oobe was when i meditate for around 3hours and i went to sleep. I was more awake than awake.

I do believe more we meditate and evolve, reduces the minimum amount of meditation we need for each a), b), c), d).. timings may vary for people. Finally leading to needing no sleep at all but meditation to do it.

Thanks, Naman, for this. Yes, I think you have the right ideas here. I am trying to put many of these into practice.

[Naman]

I will be glad if it can help. thankyou Namaste

I wanted to add one more point:

f) If you just use sleep without preceeding it by meditation. It wud depend on how evolved you are to make it happen, It wud be accidental i wud say.

Meditation gives temporary boost to our energy levels but to sustain them like natural state is what can be called evolution.

[Jhanananda]

Hello thanks for you feedback. What i meant was, people who are working towards getting oobe, and who cant do it in meditation, if they use sleep to do it after meditating it will be easier and possible. However i didn intend to say that less meditation promotes oobe.
 My finding was that
a) I cant do it in meditation when im totally aware, full conscious.
b) If i meditate minimum of 50 minutes before night sleep, i will wake up in sleep paralysis somewhere during my sleep, dream will be very lucid leading to waking up with a frozen body.
However if i meditate less than 50mins it will only make my dreams lucid but no sleep paralysis or oobe.
c) If i wake up lets say after 3 hrs of sleep and meditate for minimum 35mins and goto bed again, same as (b) sleep paralysis will happen.
d) If i wake up after 1 hour before my regular sleep, this is the most appropriate time with minimum 20 mins of meditation if i go back to bed, oobe will happen.
e) if i get full 8hr sleep, and meditate no matter how much and lie down, nothing happens.

I hope now people can find the correlation. Somehow dumbing down you awareness through sleep makes easier to goto sleep paralysis and obe.

My most unintentional and first hyper real oobe was when i meditate for around 3hours and i went to sleep. I was more awake than awake.

I do believe more we meditate and evolve, reduces the minimum amount of meditation we need for each a), b), c), d).. timings may vary for people. Finally leading to needing no sleep at all but meditation to do it.

My findings agree with yours.

[Jhanananda]

Some thoughts on sexual practices and the spiritual life.

1. The "Middle Way" is usually taught to be between the extremes of asceticism and materialism, though the Buddha's prescription is still for contemplatives to be nonsexual. There is a famous passage in which the Buddha rebukes a contemplative for having sexual relations.

Worthless man, haven't I taught the Dhamma in many ways for the fading of passion, the sobering of intoxication, the subduing of thirst, the destruction of attachment, the severing of the round, the ending of craving, dispassion, cessation, unbinding? Haven't I in many ways advocated abandoning sensual pleasures, comprehending sensual perceptions, subduing sensual thirst, destroying sensual thoughts, calming sensual fevers? Worthless man, it would be better that your penis be stuck into the mouth of a poisonous snake than into a woman's vagina. It would be better that your penis be stuck into the mouth of a black viper than into a woman's vagina. It would be better that your penis be stuck into a pit of burning embers, blazing and glowing, than into a woman's vagina.

A similarly great spiritual teacher is also quite clear on his thoughts on sexuality.

If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life (zoe) with only one hand or one foot than to be thrown into eternal fire with both of your hands and feet.

There are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.

But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Patanjali - consistent with the yogic idea that through celibacy, "energy" is gained or the spiritual body is "transformed":

Brahmacarya pratisthayam, virya labhah
[When] continence [is] well established, energy [is] gained

2. I had a very attractive young girlfriend when I was a teenager. Around this time, I experienced an "awakening" to begin the spiritual quest.

Two revelations occurred to me at that age: 1. that my inner world was a mess and 2. that there was a great inner "work" that could be accomplished and would lead to freedom.

These realizations made me feel that the relationship was not appropriate, given the inner work that could be completed. "I should set my inner house in order," I thought, "before complicating my situation with a relationship." I ended the relationship and decided to work on these new revelations. It could not have been a great experience for this young girlfriend.

3. A revelation also came to me at this same time about sexuality. I remember the sense that there was something very "quaint" about human sexuality. By this I mean I felt a kind of condescension about it, the sense of "oh that is so charming," as though sexuality was a simple, basic, perhaps even silly version of something higher. I felt that all the stresses and conflicts felt by people over it were very silly from the perspective of an "adult" or an "old soul" (?).

These intuitions resulted in a very different relationship with sexuality. The idea of a compulsive pursuit of it become impossible. At the same time, I do not mean to say that I became "un-sexual."

4. A sense of contentedness and dispassion developed; and, like one trusts in the cosmos to deliver one from everything, I expected once progress on the psyche had been achieved a good relationship would follow. This did not come about.

5. It is here where one does consider - if one's partner really knows one better than anyone - an issue with one engaged on this "quest." As it is not so easy for a partner to fully understand the niceties of this "work." It is an issue with exploring the ideas of "esotericism."

6. When I say that I did not become un-sexual, I mean that it came to me that human sexuality could reach its highest expression in a sexual "idyll." That such a thing was possible. However, it also became clear to me that realizing this ideal was very elusive and (for the most part) not achievable in the average lifetime.

It also occurred to me 1. how unimpressive my own physical form was and 2. the shortcomings of most partners in also meeting such an "ideal." I realize this may come off as a narcissistic line of reasoning.

There is a very unique passage from Buddhism which fits this, however:

Then, taking Ven. Nanda by the arm — as a strong man might flex his extended arm or extend his flexed arm — the Blessed One disappeared from Jeta's Grove and reappeared among the devas of the heaven of the Thirty-three [Tāvatiṃsa]. Now on that occasion about 500 dove-footed nymphs had come to wait upon Sakka, the ruler of the devas. The Blessed One said to Ven. Nanda, "Nanda, do you see these 500 dove-footed nymphs?"

"Yes, lord."

"What do you think, Nanda? Which is lovelier, better looking, more charming: the Sakyan girl, the envy of the countryside, or these 500 dove-footed nymphs?"

"Lord, compared to these 500 dove-footed nymphs, the Sakyan girl, the envy of the countryside, is like a cauterized monkey with its ears & nose cut off. She doesn't count. She's not even a small fraction. There's no comparison. The 500 dove-footed nymphs are lovelier, better looking, more charming."

We see that even the pursuit of pleasure and apparent selfishness, if fully followed, is leading one toward a higher end. Thus, it is important not to discount sexuality, infatuations, or relationships as antithetical to the spiritual quest.  As while they may be selfish, un-ideal, or imperfect, they are also expressions of the desire for union.

7. A claim sometimes made by spiritual teachers is it is possible to reach a completely "dispassionate" state. That this is in some way an ideal, a goal. I was thinking about this in relation to a line from Buddhism:

Secluded from sense pleasures, the aspirant abides in jhana.

The word "secluded" is what I find interesting here. On the one hand, "seclusion" suggests a state of dispassion, a state in which one does not feel the "fire" of desire. At the same time, "seclusion" also implies a "fleeing," a putting oneself in a situation in which one is not exposed to temptation. So, it is an interesting word to use, and suggests there is no ideal dispassionate state.

8. The values of celibacy are questionable. The idea that continence is spiritually transformative, or results in the production of new energies, is questionable. True, the simplification of life is a value; true, the quelling of passion and the increase of dispassion are a value; and true, the reduction of conflict and stress are a value. But, there is little to be said for the practice beyond this.

There are many contradictions here in all this, but somewhere in it is wisdom.

Well said, and many of the same insights that I had.  As I gain in age, and decline into decrepitude, I find moderation in all things is best.