Fruit of the Contemplative Life
Fruit of the contemplative life: => Contemplative Blogs => : Jhanananda February 19, 2012, 04:07:13 AM
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The Kingdom of God is at Hand,
The Apocalypse is Now.
(for my landlord)
My rent is due,
and I still have six
hundred dollars to go.
I'm a local boy,
and I've never owned
a house in this town.
I rent from Californians
who buy up our land
because it is cheap.
They expect the rent
to be paid on time.
They have come here to retire
when the property values
reach California standards.
We are clinging to a rock
protected by a tiny envelope
of air, and a thin film of water.
I tell myself, its OK
if we blow ourselves to hell,
or annihilate each other
in the slower death
of environmental suicide,
because we are billions
of years old, and when the pearls
of this planet are exhausted
we'll just incarnate on another
to continue our journey
to one simple love.
It seems so silly
to claw our way
onto a heap
trying to see over
a few more ripples
on an otherwise
uniform plane.
I dream I'm a dark horse
leaping over new-wire fences
that waffle the wilderness
into an exclusionary prison.
Anger burns in my joints.
I want to cut myself free.
I feel fences falling
like flesh parting
before a sharp knife.
While I pumped my last buck
into my tank, the Universe
sent me a message.
I watched a prairie dog
sit on the curb
at a mid-town light,
waiting.
When the light changed,
it ran across, and disappeared
into the bushes at the car wash
where Lance-A-Lot limos rest
on tar covering
what used to be
greasewood covered talus
on the bank of a wash
eroded into caliche.
It's now a main street
that floods every monsoon,
and leaves new arrivals
stranded and frustrated
with Tucson's idea
of flood control.
The rent is still due.
I do what I can,
and think of what I can sell.
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Yesterday I had my telephone interview with the Social Security Administration for my disability application. Apparently I have been disabled for so long that I have not paid enough into the system to qualify for Social Security Disability. However, the interviewer did help me file an SSI application.
During the interview she kept asking me about learning disabilities, which led to me providing her with information about the schools I went to from K-12 grades, and university. It was in the US educational system that they found I have some "learning disabilities." To me I just live in a culture that does not value my gifts, because I am not like everyone else.
The interviewer's questions reminded me of my childhood. My family thought I was retarded because I took so long to learn to speak, read and write. Funny thing is, I have an English degree now.
The recollection of my childhood and family always leads to thoughts of suicide and uncontrolled weeping, so I prefer not to dwell upon my childhood or my family. I spent 9 years in weekly psychotherapy, which did nothing but perpetuate my depression. It was meditating every day to the depth of the 4th jhana that lifted me out of depression, suicide and uncontrolled tears.
I could not stop the crying, so at lunch time I put on sunglasses and drove to the homeless feed. I left the sunglasses on the whole time I was there to do what I could to conceal the uncontrolled tears.
Normally I tell the intake person my name, but this time I just gave her my ID. I still had to say: "hot meal, sandwich, mail." They gave me a cup, and I walked on through the intake section to the window, where I was given another choice that I did not want to have to speak. I said, "Hot pork, no bun, on potatoes." I then scooped a large portion of tossed salad onto my plate and on top of that I put two scoops of carrot salad as salad dressing.
As I left the food window Temmy, my hero there, gave me a box of something that I had ordered to further my alternative fuels experiments. I took it in my free hand, and just nodded my head to her in thanks, then I found an open chair in the cafeteria next to friends. I just sat next to them and did not say anything.
Tears were running down my face and collecting in large drops on my chin and dripping off my face the whole time I ate. When this beast's hands shook too violently to eat, then I used my napkin to wipe the beast's face and blow its nose. The lunch tasted like wet sawdust in the beast's mouth.
I ate quickly and left as soon as I could without saying any more. I drove to Chino Valley, where I have moved into a warehouse space to work on my alternative fuels projects. I regained control of the beast after an hour of meditation in the solitude there. I took refuge and consolation in the bliss, joy and ecstasy of the charisms.
After 40 years of deep meditation I am convinced that we are all spirit beings encapsulated in a creature's body. The creature has needs that the spirit does not have. When we meditate we feed the needs of the spirit. The disciplined life of a rigorous, self-aware contemplative is all about disciplining the beast, but disciplining any beast requires meeting its reasonable needs.
When I meditate deeply, groans come from this beast. I think it must be in a great deal of pain, which I am not aware of because my awareness is saturated in the bliss, joy and ecstasy of the charisms.
Memories of this beast's childhood and family cause it to become wild. It has thoughts of suicide and it weeps uncontrollably. Its hands shake, and it wants to howl, but I will not let it, nor will I let it rip its vanes out with its finger nails. This beast of burden will just have to last as long as I can goad it along.
Saint Francis of Assisi called his beast "donkey." He was harsh upon his beast until one cold winter morning in its 35 year, he laid it down, naked, upon cold stones, until the stones sucked all of the heat out of his beast. I imagine the beast convulsed a few times, before it finally died.
In his 80th year Siddhartha Gautama ate something he knew was poisonous, then he went on a three day journey and drank nothing, until he lay his beast down under a tree, then it expired.
The journey of the mystic is hard upon the beast, so friends be not too harsh upon the beast, but discipline it nonetheless.
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I believe that when a strong personality (as all mystics have) is confronted with difficult circumstances, it refuses to rationalize them like ordinary people do. Instead, it tries to internalize its experiences and even chooses to recall its difficulties in an effort to reconcile what's happened with its larger sense of identity.
When this contradiction between events and one's idea of oneself becomes very strong, it becomes literally impossible to maintain the humdrum, materialistic sense of oneself that most people have. Your chemistry starts to change; and then, when you go through the dark night of the soul, you effectively renounce your citizenship in this world, and instead become a citizen of the Other world.
I assume that the 3 hard injunctions of Jesus (chastity, poverty, humility), the virtues of being humiliated, virginal, etc are all there to encourage this swap. And, having experienced it for myself, I can say that it does indeed destroy the material self absolutely. But what alternative is there to finding the Other world? I do not think one exists.
And definitely, this is why so few people become saints and mystics, and why priesthoods and meditation teachers and all these professions are full of charlatans. Because it is a superhuman activity.
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Jeffrey, Your post hits me like a ton of bricks... Groans... groans... groans issuing forth... I talk outloud to my self sentences or args or groans... yesterday I let out a loud groan while getting into my truck and a woman I do not know waved to me. Generally I do what I do rather fully. I apparently operate mostly intuitively. I find myself doing... Then go back into doing. I have developed a pragmatic ego, I, knowing I am. To me the ego,I, is a story. I have long thought what I do is similar to borderline personality. One of my ex's was diagnosed borderline personality -she did not know she changed personalities - she could change 180 degrees instantly. I intuitively change knowingly. So this is where I am now.
Growing up I was different from other people and I tried to fit in/not fit in. If there had been special ed then I would have been in it. I started school and could not relate... I was there because I had to be there. So I tried not to learn to read - the school told my parents I might not learn to read. Then once I learned to read they could not stop me. I had a teacher who allowed me to do what I chose. But then I had to stay after school to learn how to do long division - oh, so tedious. As a natural athelete I related to peers well. I was good at just about any sport without trying. Early on I decided that working for a living was not living. Parents made me go to church - I am a natural singer - the choir would have paid me to sing. I felt nothing sitting in the pew - I looked at my skull ring while sitting there. I failed spelling tests and had to write words mispelled 10 x's each. In those days we had ink wells and a steel pointed pen - I detested penmanship - the little girls did it with ease. I decided not to write mispelled words by getting 100% every time. Then I deliberately failed tests when I knew all the answers. Not surprisingly I repeated a grade. I could never tell what my parents wanted - they told me what not to do, but not what to do. Consequently I became compulsive/obsessive. I figured how to get along in school just barely so I did not have to repeat anything. Then at 13 I started playing tennis. Last man on the tennis team 1 st year; number 2 second year. Almost undefeated third year at 2. Started yoga by the book, that was all we had then, about 1956. Yoga relaxation led to out of body experiences. I looked down to see my body on the bed - in those days I did not go out of the room. People did not understand why I wanted to do yoga. College scholarship for tennis - academically deficient. At this point my bio, see bio section, continues. Except I almost flunked out of college. I went to Air Force Candidates School eventually rose to rank of captain - did not fit in at all - it was the Viet Nahm era. Graduate School on the GI Bill- first history, then philosophy. Started meditation, see bio section, in 1974. Son born GI bill runs out; I ran a year round campground in the California Sierras for 7 years. Throughout my life increasingly agoraphobic - that is another topic. Meditation deeper and to states I wanted to remain in. Back to get a teaching credential - taught elementary school for about 10 years - I did not relate to parents or administrators, but most of the children were great. Will have to allow spirit beings or the idea of to become intuitive if they will. This has taken several gut groaning hours to write I think I lost all track of time. So Jeffrey I must have needed a catharsis, thanks. Must meditate now...
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Thank-you friends for posting your comments to my recent blog. Yesterday, I reflected upon my experience of trauma on the previous day, and the return to ecstasy a few hours later through meditation that produces jhana. I was reminded of the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path.
The first Noble truth is suffering (dhukka) exists. The second is that there is a cause to our suffering, which is craving. Now, I did not have any craving, but having to recall my family and childhood definitely produces trauma (dhukka). The formula of the Four Noble Truths states in the 4th truth that if we follow the Noble Eightfold Path, then we are relieved of suffering (dhukka).
When I practice meditation, which is the 6th fold of the Noble Eightfold Path, then I am brought back to the religious experience, which is the 8th fold of the Noble Eightfold Path, doing so reestablishes bliss, joy and ecstasy, which is the Buddha's definition of jhana, which is the Buddha's definition of the eighth fold of his Noble Eightfold Path (DN-22).
Now, when we examine my life and how I have been marginalized by my family, academia, employment and the institutions of religion; and we see how Stu, and others here have also been marginalized, then we can see how mystics, like many of us here, are consistently marginalized by social systems, and we become outcasts, while the social structures of society become havens for frauds. Essentially, people do not understand or value mystics, and they are even frightened of us, but they are attracted to frauds, and support them.
I do not think there is anything we can do about being marginalized because the "deck" is stacked against us. So, we must just develop a our own community of support. If we develop such a community, then that community can exist as an example of the benefits of the contemplative life, which is becoming a mystic. We can show that becoming a mystic is not becoming a Marvel Comic book character of leaping over tall buildings in a single bound, or parting the seas, or walking on water. But, it is saturating and suffusing ourselves with bliss, joy and ecstasy.
Strive on friends, and become a community of support for each other, because no one else is going to support us, especially not if we do not support each other.
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Here are some recent photos of me using a walker, and two canes to get around. I have been off the cane for about 3 days now. My health is such that if I do almost no physically stressful activity, avoid any emotional stresses, and even avoid environmental stresses, then I will enjoy only moderate stiffness and pain.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Self%20portrait/DSC_02764.jpg)
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Self%20portrait/DSC_02754.jpg)
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Since my health has been spiraling down I have been making enhancements to my equipment-set to handle the heavy lifting. Most of that heavy lifting is lifting and pouring 5-gallon buckets of waste oil that I turn into fuel. Here are some photos of such gear:
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Bio-fuels/DSC_02842.jpg)
Mobile work bench and bucket transport.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Bio-fuels/DSC_02852.jpg)
bucket lift, transport and pouring
I also have to remove the front seats, to work on the engine; and lift waste oil buckets onto the roof of the van, so last November I made a hoist to do that. I recently upgraded it, and installed sockets on the roof rack, so that I can move the hoist around to where it is needed.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Bio-fuels/DSC_02892.jpg)
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Here I am pouring a five-gallon fuel can of home-brew diesel fuel into my fuel tank using the hoist to hold the fuel can in place. In the foreground you can see a role-around that I use to move the fuel cans around the workshop.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Bio-fuels/DSC_02992.jpg)
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About 1.5 years ago I had a blood test that came back showing I was diabetic, and had high cholesterol. It was the first time I had ever had those results, and when I looked up the previous blood test results from only a year earlier, and I purchased at that time a blood sugar meter and tested my blood sugar two days in a row and found normal blood sugar levels, and diabetes does not run in my family, then I decided that the test results were most probably bogus.
Two weeks ago I had another blood test and the results were the same for high blood sugar and cholesterol. After a week on a low carbohydrate diet my morning fasting blood sugar has dropped 100 points. It is still high, but marginally so. So, it looks like I am going to be able to control my blood sugar with diet only.
Diet takes discipline, but I am 40 years into a disciplined life, so there is nothing new or disappointing about fine tuning my discipline. The new low-carb diet means little-to-no sugars and starches. As a vegetarian for 37 years my diet had been fairly high in fresh fruit and vegetables, but there was, arguably, more starches and nonrefined sugars in my diet than needed to be. I have learned to put real cream, stevia and cinnamon in my morning cup of coffee. It tastes good, so it is not a privation.
For the last 12 years I have been working on living a strictly foraged diet, because I find living in the wilderness a great aide in my contemplative life, and with little funding in support of my contemplative life, then I found I needed to figure out how to feed myself at no expense. However, I found I could not forage on a strictly vegetarian diet. So, about 5 years ago I decided that if I was going to forage, then I would have to hunt and fish. The first step in that transformation was being OK with eating meat. It took me 3 years to get accustomed to the idea of putting flesh in my mouth. Now, I have to get used to the idea of killing fish, birds and animals to eat.
Anyway, I am now accustomed to eating meat, which is a good thing, because the low-carb diet has a lot of meat in it. My daily diet has been canned tuna fish, or salmon, rolled in nori, which is seaweed. I like it, it is easy to make, and it has helped reduce my blood sugar considerably. I expect another week on the diet and my blood sugar will be at normal levels.
How do I feel about chronic pain, over all weakness and decline of old age, diabetes, the numbing of the tips of my finger and toes and dramatic reduction of my eyesight due to diabetes, and the dependency upon pain-medication and blood sugar testing? I had one day of deep depression and sadness, when I realized that I could no longer live in the wilderness like I used to, nor live the mendicant lifestyle that has sustained my spiritual life, and teaching. Now, I accept that the beast that I inhabit is in decline, and will not last much longer.
From my years of living close to wildlife I have learned that predators tend to keep a rout whereby they hunt in a wide circle. They sniff and taste the urine and feces of their prey. They look for the tell-tail signs of decline in their prey, because predators cannot afford to take risks, so they prey upon the weak. In this way the predator gets to know every pray animal on its hunting rout.
One does not see wrinkles, loss of hair, lost teeth, stiffness, or any diminished capacity in the wilderness, because pray animals weed the weak out right away. This beast I reside in has all of the above signs of diminished capacity, therefore, it is next to be fuel for the biomass of the ecological niche that it resides within. This beast's declining health explains why that mountain lion took such an interest in it last fall. Something in me says predation is not so bad. It is relief from chronic stiffness, weakness and pain.
I often wondered why coyotes howl, mountain lions roar, and Harris and Red-tail hawks cry out. I think they invite pray animals to come out to have their suffering (dukkha) relieved. The predator does not draw out the fight for life, because it cannot afford the risk of injury. So, it kills its pray quickly.
The mountain lion is my most likely predator. It strikes silently from behind, which is like being tackled by a full-back at high speed. The initial sock of the attack most likely knocks the pray animal unconscious even before the lion's bite to the neck, which is so powerful that it often severs the spinal cord immediately. The mountain lion will hold its pray face down with all 20 of its claws dug into the pray animal's back; and the mountain lion will not let go of its death-grip until the pray animal stops struggling.
When the pray animal lies limp, the mountain lion will drag its carcass to a safe place to eat it. That safe place might be up a tree, or a rock ledge, or under a bush or tree. Then the mountain lion first eats the entrails of its pray animal for quick nutrition. It also makes sure the animal is dead. The mountain lion will revisit the carcass for sometime, until it is picked clean; and it will often remain near its kill to protect it from scavengers. I like the idea of this creature becoming just a scatter of bones under a tree in some obscure location in the wilderness.
So, I have passed on leadership of the GWV to Michael Hawkins and his wife, Karen. I hope others come forward who are equally accomplished as they are to help lead the west in the contemplative arts. I doubt that I will be able to attend many more wilderness retreats, and will have to remain close to doctor's offices, pharmacies, health-food stores and grocery stores; or maybe I will be lucky to meet my predator soon.
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Jeff, I know you do what you need to do. Looking forward to meeting Michael/Karen and others. There are plenty of trees at Rocky Canyon and Lower Gallinas... Stu
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Thanks, Stu, sounds like you have found a good spot for this retreat. I look forward to meditating with you and the others.
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Allergies at this time of year tend to send me to higher elevations where I am likely to find relief from the ploom of dust, spores and pollens that tend to hang in the valleys at lower elevation. So, last night I drove up Thumb Butte Rd, out of Prescott to a familiar campsite. Along the way I saw a small thistle with a brilliant fluorescence, so after parking the van at the campsite where I had been tracked by an adolescent mountain lion the previous fall, I then walked down the forest service road to where I had seen this small plant growing from the berm along the road. It does not look like much.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Wildflowers%20of%20Prescott%20NF/thistle04842.jpg)
But, closer up it has an unusually bright, colorful flower that does not seem to open more than this.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Wildflowers%20of%20Prescott%20NF/thistle04852.jpg)
Here is another image of the flower and leaf
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Wildflowers%20of%20Prescott%20NF/thistle04862.jpg)
Foraging has been a necessity for survival for me off and on over the last 12 years where I have found little support from the Buddhist and contemplative community for being a full-time contemplative and mystic. Thistles are edible and it is the immature flower that is edible, like an artichoke, but much more artichoke-like than artichokes. But, these little thistle flowers would be slim pickings.
I find foraging to be an excellent metaphor for the cognitive skills one must develop to be a mystic. A mystic must learn to distinguish the charismatic phenomena between the mass of sensory input that emerges as one learns to meditate deeply and skillfully.
Like foraging, at first there is a mass of vegetation presented to one in the wilderness, which we have trouble sorting out, but as we develop the skills of a forager, we learn to filter out the mass of useless information in the forest, and we learn discrimination skills to sort out that useless information and search only for the salient items. In foraging it would be the edibles in season.
In meditation the mystic must sort through the mass of sensory data for the charisms. At first we do not know where to look, nor do we know even what to look for. And, our friends, the meditation teachers and priests of our religion rarely are of any help. So, we often go into a quiet place and some times spend years meditating until we finally come across the flower of the charisms.
When we finally find the charisms after a great deal of solo meditation, then we spend a considerable time with them in deep meditation in solitude and silence. Once we have spent this time savoring the blissful charisms, then we find we can return to the noise and distraction of the city and find the charisms loudly resonating within us, even in the roar and whine of the city.
We go to our meditation teachers, priests and friends, to tell them of our find, like a vein of gold buried in rock. Our meditation teachers tell us we have become bliss bunnies and jhana junkies. Our priests tell us we are possessed and we need to be depossessed. Our friends and family shake their heads and say we have gone insane. So, we return the wilderness to enjoy our charims in solitude.
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I returned to Prescott yesterday to check on my mail. In my PO box I found 2 packages from a friend in China. She contacted me a few months ago regarding the manifestation of charisms. At first she was very thankful for my help, but then she went to the priests of her church, which was Catholic, and they convinced her that she was possessed and it was my fault. This is typical of mainstream religion, because it is bad for the business of religion for the followers to have more spiritual attainment than the priests. So, then she demonized me.
The packages contained several things. The smaller package held a new NIV bible and a crucifix, and a note.
"Please do not contact me until you become a proper Christian..."
I thought, a "proper Christian" in this context, is one who byes into the lies of the church. I am not at all interested in lies, Jesus was a mystic, like Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross. He was not the "Only begotten son of god" who was raised in a town called "Nazareth," nor did he "die for our sins," so I will not be a "proper Christian" in her, or her priests, eyes. I put the crucifix on as a reminder that the mystics of all religions are marginalized. I put the bible into my reference library if I want to document the gross translation errors in that book of propaganda.
The larger of the two boxes contained food, most of which I can no longer eat as a diabetic, so I gave away to the homeless anything that mentioned carbohydrates and sugar in excess of 5%. It left me with some Edo crackers made of almonds, etc. with remarkably low carbs and sugar. I had missed crackers, and I have quite a few containers of peanut butter, so I smeared the peanut butter on the delicious Edo crackers at the campsite while I watched the afternoon monsoon clouds pass by. The US market needs a low carb cracker, and the world needs to unpack their religions. I am sure we will see a low carb cracker long before the world unpacks its religions.
At the homeless feed I found another package from an Asian friend. Sam Lim sent me medicine for my diabetes. Thanks, Sam.
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(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_05232.jpg)
A rigorous contemplative life that leads to mysticism often leads to wandering, homelessness. The term for the wandering, homelessness contemplative life is mendicant. Mendicants through history have led simple lives while wandering from place to place. Along the way they spend most of their time in the wilderness, and occasionally the come into town. And, even more infrequently they meet someone along the way, who may be inspired to lead a rigorous contemplative life.
The biblical term for a mendicant was Nazarite. Jesus, his father and John the Baptist were Nazarites, as well as several of the Old Testament Patriarchs.
The Sanskrit term for a mendicant is 'sramana.' The Pali equivalent of the term is 'samana.' Siddhartha Gautama referred to himself and his followers a samana.
The Sanskrit term 'sramana,' and its Pali equivalent samana are the origins of the term 'Shaman.' So, the concept of a wandering, homeless contemplative predates civilization.
A mendicant must learn to live simply, and often on alms, or foraging. The can of stew, above, was free from the local Food Bank, and I heated it on the engine, while I drove out of town into the mountains to meditate and sleep in the quiet wilderness near Thumb Butte.
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A personal contemplative journal
By Jhananda (Jeffrey S. Brooks)
September 16 to 19, 2012
(Copyright 2010, all rights reserved)
Culagosinga Sutta, MN 31
10-17. "Good, good Anuruddha. But while you abide thus diligent, ardent, and resolute, have you attained any superhuman state, a distinction in knowledge and vision worthy of the noble ones, a pleasant abiding?"
"Why yes, venerable sir. Here, venerable sir, whenever we want, secluded from sensory stimuli, secluded from unwholesome states, we enter upon and abide in the first meditative absorption (jhana)"...(through 8th samadhi)
Based upon a translation of the Majjhima Nikaya trans. Bhikkhus Nanamoli & Bodhi, Wisdom, 1995, Edited by Jhananda
http://www.greatwesternvehicle.org/pali/tipitaka/2Sutta-Pitaka/2Majjhima-Nikaya/Majjhima1/025-nivapa-sutta-e1.htm
Sunday 09-16-2012
After dropping off a load of 90 gallons of waste oil and three crates of hardware at the Sedona research lab I then drove back along the Perkinsville Rd back to Chino Valley. However, this time I decided to explore the Forest Road 318A route. Immediately I found the road much rougher, as it is not maintained at all.
Shortly after entering the road I stopped at a pullout near a stock pond to camp for the night. It was not quite sunset when I arrived so I took a walk along the road to see what was ahead, and found a point of a low ridge that jutted out from the road, so I walked along the point to see the view.
As I walked toward the commanding view afforded by that prominence, being the archaeologist that I am I could not help but look down as I walked, and I noticed a quarts flake on the dried, red mud. I then noticed several more flakes and a few scrapers, which qualified the area as an archaerological site, most probably a campsite for hunting. There are several cliff dwellings and ancient Indian ruins in the area. I did not; however, bring my camera along to photograph the lithic scatter.
Monday 09-17-2012
I have been packing and moving from the warehouse in Chino Valley to another warehouse in Sedona since last Saturday. My method has been to spend the day sorting, packing, loading and waiting for deliveries until 4:30PM, then I take a shower, then I drive the Perkinsville road from Chino Valley to the old mining town of Jerome.
The Jerome-Perkinsville road is a 30-mile long backcountry road that is well graded and passes through some beautiful countryside. I typically stop to camp halfway for the night. I find it cool and quiet and ideal for camping. This night I camped off the road in a new campsite to me. It was just east of the local Tibetan Buddhist monastery.
At dusk that evening I walked along the jeep trail and found an excellent chert scraper sitting in the mud in the middle of the road. I photographed it.
Top
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Perkinsville%20Rd/scraper.0623.2_zps072d82bf.jpg)
Bottom
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Perkinsville%20Rd/scraper.0621.2_zps902b148a.jpg)
Tuesday 09-18-2012
After a night of silent meditation and interactions in the immaterial domains I rose well before dawn and meditated until 6 AM, when there was enough dawn light to see the road well. I drove the remaining 20 miles of scenic by-way at about 10-20miles per hour. Along the way there are some steep grades on the one-lane road with no guardrail and drop-offs of hundreds of feet. I had been using engine breaking extensively to slow the vehicle on the steep down grades, because the breaks had become mooshie.
I arrived at the Sedona warehouse by 8AM, and unloaded 60 gallons of waste oil, and three crates of hardware; then I washed my hands and face and arrived at a nearby Internet café in time for the morning conference call via Skype with my fellow colleges in research at 10AM. I spent an hour after the conference call doing my morning Internet maintenance, email responses and forum dialogs.
By 11AM I set out for the return trip to Chino Valley via the 30-mile long Jerome-Perkinsville backcountry road. The van had a blow-out just 4 miles short of Chino Valley on the widest and flattest part of the Perkinsville Rd. Right away I pulled over to the side of the road as far as I could get, and ate lunch, because I knew changing the tire was going to be hot, and exhausting work.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Perkinsville%20Rd/flat%20tire.0625.2_zpsa250d80d.jpg)
After lunch I got out the tools to do the job, making sure I had everything, because if I did not, then I would call AAA to tow me back to the warehouse, but I did not want to use up one of the 3 tows per year on a road maintenance issue that I could resolve myself.
The large spare truck tire is mounted on the roof rack, and about 10 months earlier I had built a hoist for the roof specifically to make putting the tire back on to the roof easier. I had been using it to hoist full 5-gallon fuel waste oils buckets and crates of hardware onto the roof. But, to get the tire down, I just unscrewed it from the roof rack and rolled it off the roof making sure there was no traffic passing at that moment.
The tire bounced a few times on the dirt road, then over the birm and rolled into the pasture where cows were cautiously grazing, while keeping one eye upon me. When the tire went bouncing off my roof and into their pasture they were sure I was up to no good for them, so they started lopping single file back to the ranch.
I got off the roof and retrieved the spare tire, which I found was in good shaped and still held air from a year ago, when I had to use it for another blow out.
Fortunately I had a floor jack stashed under my bed in the van, and I had not buried it deeply under the bed. And, I noticed that I had not stored my star wheel wrench, but, even better, I had a ¾” drive breaker bar and set of ¾” drive sockets that fit the wheel lugs. I made sure I could break loose each of the wheel lugs before I bothered to jack up the tire. In the past I have gone to all of the work to replace a tire, and found one or more of the wheel lugs was on so tight from an impact wrench that I could not break it loose.
It took me about an hour to replace the wheel and I used the hoist to set the flat tire on top of the toolbox, which is mounted on my rear pumper. I then set off to Prescott, where I could get the tire repaired or replaced for a reasonable price, and deal with the worsening breaks, which were making the drive a white-knuckle experience.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Perkinsville%20Rd/flat%20tire.0624.2_zps34def943.jpg)
In Prescott the tire shop owner showed me that the tire had a large rough hole in the center of its tread from running over a sharp rock. A year ago the tire had developed a slow leak, which I had repaired then, but it had begun to leak again; so I did not mind having to replace it. At the time I ordered 2 tires to match the front tires, so that I had more flexibility the next time I had to have a tire repaired.
He said, “They will be in by 10AM on the delivery truck.”
So, I called my born-again mechanic friend and told him I was in town for the night, and asked him if he could help me evaluate my break problem.
He said, “I am at the grocery store shopping with my wife, but we are about finished, so I can meet you somewhere after I drop her and the groceries off.”
I said, “I can meet you in the parking lot of the abandoned furniture store down town, where there is shade.”
I hung up with him and drove there. He arrived about 30 minutes later, and he looked at the front calipers of my van, and said, “Those big groves in your front discs is the reason why your breaks have gotten week. If you do not have the money to have your drums turned, then I suggest that you put on new lifetime warrantied pads, which are harder, and could work out those groves, then, when you have more money, you can have the disks turned or replaced and replace the pads for free.”
It seemed like a good idea, but it was getting toward sunset, so I arranged to meet him there under the shade trees to do the work the next morning, after I had the tires replaced.
I drove to a familiar place to park along the creek to city camp until the auto repairs could be completed. I sat enjoying the evening cool air, and was visited by my Ananda Marga yogi friend, Martin. It was dark when he arrived and darker still when he left; and I retreated to the van for the night.
Most of the night my immaterial domains were occupied with a Catholic congregation. Most of my interactions were with young men who were inspired for deeper conversation and some spiritual attainment, so I trained them in contemplative prayer. Even some of the priests engaged me in such conversations.
I said, “the thing to understand is the spiritual life is about more than just prayer, but prayer that leads to contemplation. The way Saint John of the Cross used the term ‘contemplation’ was as a synonym for the religious experience. Prayer is a one-way monolog toward god. Meditation is learning to listen to god, and contemplation is what happens when god starts to make his presence known to you.”
In dialog with the priests, I said, “Political influence in any social system is bought, whether that influence is in politics or religion. So, even a protestant convert to your religion could buy sufficient influence to be priest, or bishop or cardinal or even pope.”
I smiled, the priests looked unhappy with my comment, but understood its truth nonetheless.
-
As a demonized contemplative, who has been forced into the mendicant life, I am forced into a close relationship with the homeless. I have learned many survival strategies from the career homeless.
You know a career homeless person when you see how well they have worked their lifestyle. Most of them live in an old van. Often that old van is a Chevy G-20, like mine.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/Vansnow92.jpg)
The career homeless often work their van over and over again as life long project to make it comfortable, safe, and invisible. Last year I carpeted the inside of my van, cleaned it out, and organized it.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_49853.jpg)(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_49823.jpg)(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_49833.jpg)(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_49843.jpg)
Keeping warm in the winter is important to someone who lives in a van, because living in an automobile is like living in a heat exchanger, they are hot when it is hot outside, and cold when it is cold outside. So, to keep warm in the winter time I have used curtains made of towels, blankets, and clothing; and I heat the inside with candles.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_00173.jpg)(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_00183.jpg)
The career homeless often apply Double Bubble Foil Insulation to the windows as well; not just for warmth, but also for privacy. So, more than a year ago I bought a large roll of the Double Bubble Foil Insulation to apply to my windows and insulate my ice chests. Since then I found some 2" thick sheets of polystyrene insulation, which I shaped for my windows. I cut them in two length-wise so that I could open my windows. It worked great for keeping warm in the van last winter in Prescott, AZ, which is at 5,500 feet (1600M) of elevation, where the temperatures can drop down to 0F (-18c) at night. The insulation also helps to keep the van cool when it starts to warm up in the spring time. I remove and store them for the summer months
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_06652.jpg)
The career homeless often have one or more ice chests, and I have noticed that some of them have improved its insulation with Double Bubble Foil Insulation, aluminized bubble insulation. I noticed that when I recently turned a 5-gallon plastic bucket into an ice trap for distillation of waste oils that the ice remained in it for more than 24 hours. So, yesterday, I improved the insulation on my two ice chests with the Double Bubble Foil Insulation.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/icechest06642.jpg)(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/icechest06632.jpg)
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Providing services for the contemplative community has become increasingly hard for me to justify. It has become clear to me that almost no one meditates deeply, and no one really cares to. Most people are just playing mind-games when they think they are meditating, and they will donate mountains of wealth to frauds, before they will even send a nickle in support of an authentic contemplative tradition. So, I am going to find something more constructive to do with my time.
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Jeff, I have often wondered how you do what you do... But then we have met and I know how egoless you are. You are an incredible person who is very skilled in advising contemplatives - sometimes a single word from you has my helped my journey. This summer when you told me "you are a major financial contributer to the GWV" I was surprised. I live in medium poverty and although I had a homeless period long ago, I have been a homeowner for 16 years. I have donated money to the GWV when I could. Others might donate to GWV if they only knew you. This past summer Jeffrey, self ordained arhat, ordained me a once returner... GWV members you do not know what you are missing... Stu
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Thanks, Stu, for your kind and continued support. You have been a steady contributor in one way or another to my work longer than anyone. It goes to show your choice of a simple lifestyle, and dedicated contemplative life has born much fruit. In fact you have more attainment than any Roche, or Rimpoche I ever met. It also shows that few people are as dedicated to the simple, contemplative life, as you and I are. Blessings to you,
-
A storm rolled through Sedona last night. I found it very pleasant listing to the rain patter upon the roof of my van, as I waited to enter the immaterial domains. I found myself thankful for the peace, quiet and solitude I find here.
This morning it was a bit cold for me, so I went inside the warehouse that a friend allows me to take refuge in, if I need it. There I lit 20 candles to warm the main workroom, which is also a kitchen.
Last winter I found a box full of candles at a yard sale for very little money. I bought it then, when I had a little money, and a fresh memory of how cold it had been the winter before. I did not burn many of the candles last winter, because it was a warm winter.
The candles are seasonal candles, mostly for Christmas, so they are not practical shapes for candles. This means at least 1/2 of the wax goes to waste when the candle had burned itself out. I have been collecting the wax from the burned out candles into a plastic bag from a 10-pound bag of ice. The bag is now full, and I this fall I have already burned through half the candles.
So, today I worked on reviving 2 votive candles that had burned out with half the wax left. I found I could heat them on one of my candle-stoves until all of the wax melted, and add more wax until it was full, then I pressed into the molten wax a taper, which would be the new wick. I placed tweezers around the top of the taper to keep it centered as the wax cooled and solidified around it.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/votivecandle07932.jpg)
This candle stove is big enough for 2 4-hour candles, but I only need one for this project.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/2candlestove07962.jpg)
I also used a diffuser to avoid over heating a small portion of the glass and causing it to shatter. The diffuser is just an electrical cover, but it happens to fit over the candle-stove perfectly, and works very well as a diffuser.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/2candlestove07942.jpg)
This morning I also fired up a candle sensor, which I had found in the yard here, and I placed some pine sap on the burner so that the warehouse smelled like the forest.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/candleinsenser07982.jpg)
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Tooth decay is one of the many realities of impermanence that we all must face in life. A mendicant has to deal with the results of tooth decay without the aide of a dentist. The root of a tooth that has been falling apart for years, finally came out this morning while sipping hot soup.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/tooth07992.jpg)
There was no pain or discomfort, but there was some sensitivity in that area of my mouth until it finally came out this morning.
Free at last. Thank God all mighty, free at last!
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With the arrival of cold winds, clouds, rain and snow, exacerbating my arthritis, it became imperative to work in a warm, dry place, so for the last few days I have worked on insulating and heating the workshop space in the warehouse. Even though the temperatures dropped to about 25F (-4c) I found the office was a fairly comfortable 50F (10c) when I came in from my van this morning.
Over the weekend, I insulated the 2 major heat loss zones, which were the chimney for a fire place,
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/insulation08232.jpg)
and a vent for the swamp cooler.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/insulation08222.jpg)
I plugged them both up with poly styrene foam sheets, which I found in the yard, and cut to fit.
I heated the office with candles. I found it took about 20 candles to warm the office up to a comfy 65F (18c)
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08062.jpg)
I have a solar array of 30 136watt solar panels
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Solar%20Energy/solararray07532.jpg)
So, since I was not running the waste oil distillation system, then during the day I dumped excess watts into lights which heated the office, which also dried the hand-laundry
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08072.jpg)
Needing to cook and heat and light mostly with candles, especially after sunset meant I was back to making candles and candle-stoves.
I converted a mint tin to a two-burner 4-hour candle stove
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08042.jpg)(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08052.jpg)
I also converted an empty can of stew into a 4 burner 4-hour candle stove,
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08152.jpg)
but I typically find I only need 1 candle to heat a cup of coffee up, or 2 candles to warm up a can of stew
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08162.jpg)
Burning 20 candles a day means I am going through a lot of candles. Fortunately last winter I bought a box full of candles, but they are pretty inefficient, so I have burned most of them already, and they have left me with 2 large bags of stubs. So, I modified the candle stove and 2 more empty cans of stew to function as a candle making oven.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08172.jpg)(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08182.jpg)
I cut the top off of a 1-gallon water container and turned it upside down to function as insulation for the candle-oven.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08192.jpg)(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08202.jpg)(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08212.jpg)
Using the candles-oven to make jar candles with canning jars, which were here at the warehouse, and many of the candle stubs I had, then yesterday I made 5 canning jar candles
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08132.jpg)
I also repaired 2 votive candles
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08112.jpg)
I found over the years that votive candles are one of the cheapest sources of fuel and light, so I have been using them for years to keep warm in the winter in the van. I made harnesses for all of my votive candles to keep from tipping them over.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/DSC_08122.jpg)
But, I am really happy with the canning-jar-candle so I plan to make harness for them and get away from votive candles. Also, thrift stores and yard sales are turning out to be the cheapest way to get wax, and candles.
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While keeping warm this fall I have made, and burned, a lot more candles. I also found a large pile of wood, from a recently cut tree, sitting in the alley nearby, so I carted some of it to the garden. I have been chopping wood for the last 2 days.
I got the fireplace in the warehouse functional, and I have been keeping very warm next to it. The grate for burning wood was too wide, so I recycled the fan shield from the roof top air-conditioner that I recently found by the dumpster.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/fireplace08442.jpg)
Today a $10 donation came in through PayPal, as a thank-you for my alternative fuels work, but it is not going to cover the immediate needs to keep moving forward, as I need about $15 worth of fuel and some batteries.
It occurred to me today while scrounging through boxes for the two 9-volt batteries needed to operate a thermocouple gauge and my multimeter, which are needed for distilling waste motor oil, that I could be looking for sponsorships to support my research. I am not sure how to go about it, but I would be happy to put a decal on my van, and/or place a link and an image for a sponsor on the website and forums.
Perhaps some readers here will give me some goo ideas for sponsorships.
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Beans are ready
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/fireplace08802_zps94773e45.jpg)
Rain and snow arrived here Friday night, and it is now snowing, and we are expecting a major snow storm to start any minute, so it is a good thing that I found some free firewood, and I chopped it all just before the storm hit. But, most of the wood is now gone. With the wood nearly gone, and this warehouse being a cement tomb, means it is going to get very cold here before the end of the day, so i broke out my thermal coveralls to keep warm inside. If I only burn one stick every hour, then I can make it to 7PM tonight. I feel like the little match girl.
Michael and Karen Hawkins came by for a visit on Michael's way to and from a retreat that was held here by someone else. I started soaking a pot of beans 2 days before their return, and started them cooking 24 hours before, but the beans were not finished cooking for 2 more days, after they left. I am a novice at cooking in a fireplace. In a fire pit I would have just put the pot on top of the coals and we would have had beans in a few hours.
Sponsorships have not yet been figured out, but some donations came in, so I was able to get the gasoline I needed to make fuel, and the batteries for the multimeter, thermocouple gauge and my headlamp. The GWV Yearly Hosting Renewal is due for website, forum,s and domains, at $120.00.
The recent donations allowed me to run my waste motor oil distillation system again. It was a very successful run, but there were some problems, which indicated a few upgrades for the system were needed. When more money comes I will be able to install the upgrades, which will hopefully get the waste motor oil distillation system fully functional.
I looked around to see how I could winterize this warehouse to make it more comfortable for the winter. Four sheets of insulation could be used to cover the 3 doors, which would go a long way to making the fireplace room a comfortable sitting room.
Still firewood is all but gone, so wood will have to be secured very soon. It occurred to me that once I can make fuel for the van with the waste motor oil distillation system, then I could purchase a firewood gathering permit and drive out into the national forest, which is just a few miles away, and gather wood every weekend for keeping warm during the week.
A long-term solution has to be worked out, because I have solar panels, but it has been cloudy for the last 2 days, and it will be cloudy all day today. It is 10:30AM, and there is only 36watts of gain, which is enough solar gain to power the computer, some low power lights, and the internet router, there is not enough gain to power the electric water heater, or an electric space heater, or the waste motor oil distillation system.
Being able to make diesel fuel, I searched the web for portable generators that run on diesel fuel, and found Steele Products SP-GG200 2000 Watt diesel Generator (http://www.buy.com/prod/2000w-4-cycle-open-frame-compact-generator/227959418.html?listingId=211215076), which runs for 9.5 hours on only 1.3 gallons of diesel fuel. I can make 10 gallons of diesel fuel in that time, so only 13% of the fuel I make could go into running the generator, and the rest could go into powering my van to get groceries, firewood, and more waste oil for fuel. The generator is only needed on cloudy days.
I can also use the generator to power the water heater on cloudy days. It is also light weight enough that I could mount it on the rough of my van to power the waste motor oil distillation system, which will be mounted on the pumper when it is done. And, I could run the portable diesel generator indoors, with the exhaust piped outside, and the heat generated by the engine would more than heat the entire warehouse. So, it seems like a sustainable solution for a 21st century mendicant. Now all I need is the money to buy one.
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It has been back-to-back winter storms here now for weeks. I have spent most of my time chopping and burning wood. I burned the free fire wood up in the first 2 weeks. Last week I burned through scrap lumber that lay in piles around the yard.
Yesterday I drove to Prescott, where I received two small grocery bags of food from the local food bank, and I collected about 12 gallons of waste vegetable oil from a local restaurant, which will be turned into enough fuel to get back there in 2 weeks when I expect to find more waste vegetable oil, and some more groceries. I also found two wooden pallets which I strapped to the rear of the van to be burned later.
One of the local church groups which serves the homeless meals on a regular basis had a turkey dinner starting at noon. So, I ate there before leaving for Sedona.
Today I chopped up the two wooden pallets that I had recycled in Prescott, and I warm warming my feet by the fire, which is made from those pallets. I also drive around doing errands today, and found two more wooden pallets. It looks like one wooden pallet will keep me warm each day.
Recent donations have thankfully come in to support the GWV. So, the web-hosting for the website, and two forums, and domain names has all been paid. There was some funds left over, so I purchased some materials for the pyrolysis project. The goal of the pyrolysis project is to be able to turn almost anything into fuel.
The original goal of the GWV's alternative fuels project was to come up with a technological solution to the problem of funding. That project culminated in producing a mobile waste oil processing system, pictured below in a recent article published on the GWV's alternative fuels project in a local new paper in Prescott. The project has been fully operational for 6 years, and it can turn waste vegetable oil into diesel fuel, and the van can run on it just fine.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Bio-fuels/Jeff.jpg)
However, since 2007, when fuel prices skyrocketed, waste vegetable oil has become more difficult to come by. Since then I have been working on ways to transform other waste oils into diesel fuel. That project just about ruined the engine on my van, and left me stranded numerous times. However, I have developed methods to convert almost any waste oil, other than waste motor oil, into diesel fuel with the equipment attached to the rear of the GWv's van.
Starting about 8 months ago I began working on a way to distill waste motor oil so that it can be used as diesel fuel. That distillation project has since been expanded into a pyrolysis project in which almost anything can be converted into fuel including recycling plastics, and even wood. The ultimate goal of the pyrolysis project is an extension of the original goal to fuel the GWV on waste oils.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Hydrocarbon%20Cracking%20and%20Distillation/Vacdistillationunit08583.jpg)
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With the cold weather, rain and snow here in Sedona, AS, USA, some times I do not have enough solar gain to power the water heater. Most days I am huddled by the fireplace to keep warm in this, otherwise, unheated warehouse. So, I have spent my time thinking about and tinkering with wood stove designs that would work for firing my 6-gallon (24L) pyrolysis unit with, and heating water, and cooking, and keeping warm with.
I started experimenting with a 14oz (400ml) soup can-stove, and turned it into a little hobo stove.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/can%20stove/can-stove09302_zpsa3fff97e.jpg)
I then graduated to a 26oz (770ml) soup can-stove.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/can%20stove/can-stove09322_zps346151fd.jpg)
Then I moved to a 49oz (1.5L) broth can-stove
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/can%20stove/can-stove09332_zps9a8c514f.jpg)
I then put the 26oz (770ml) soup can-stove inside the 49oz (1.5L) broth can-stove so that I could rest the pot on top of the stove without choking the fire
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/can%20stove/can-stove09392_zpsebeb227f.jpg)
Then I moved to a 2lb (.9kg) coffee can-stove
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/can%20stove/can-stove09352_zps1fea5cc9.jpg)
Today I made the big jump to a 5-gallon (20L) bucket-stove
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/can%20stove/can-stove09452_zps023d0db2.jpg)
The holes around the bottom let air in to fuel the fire. The holes around the top of the can help the fire burn cleaner. There is no smoke, or soot, or smell from burning wood in these cans. I found I could even burn painted wood cleanly in the 5-gallon (20L) bucket-stove.
There are 2 contractors here who produce a lot of scrap wood, and they like to recycle, so they bring it back to me to burn. I plan to try running a batch of scrap wood through the pyrolysis unit to see what I get. Then after the wood has been baked I will have charcoal, so I plan to burn the charcoal residue to fuel the next pyrolysis run.
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I have kept warm burning pallet wood this winter. I drive around every 3 days, find 3 pallets, then take them back to the warehouse and chop them up. The last batch of pallets kept me warm during this last 2 day winter storm in which it either rained or snowed non-stop.
This morning I burned the last of the copped up pallet wood, so I started dismantling the last of the pallets. My back went out so bad from chopping and prying, that I am now back on the cane.
Chopping and hand sawing are going to have to be out from now on. Since it was warm and sunny today, I would normally collect pallets, but I could barely walk, so I drove to the hardware store and looked into buying a kerosene heater. They did not have one, but they had kerosene at $10/gallon. Well, that is out.
I could extract the kerosene fraction from my distillation and pyrolysis runs, but that needs to go to fueling the van. because every gallon of gasoline I make, will make 5 gallons of diesel fuel; and every gallon of kerosene I make, will make 3 gallons of diesel fuel. I need 10 gallons of diesel fuel every week to get groceries and check my mail at the Food Bank; as well as collect at least 10 gallons of waste oil, that I can turn into enough diesel fuel to get back to the Food Bank. So, I pondered other options.
I have plenty of solar gain from the solar panels now, and expect to have so through next Fall, with the exception of our infrequent rainy days in Norther Arizona. So, I decided that I could purchase an electric circular saw, with which I can cut pallets apart, as well as use for the occasional building project. I also plan to make fuel from dead and down wood while camping, so I could use the electric circular saw for that, powered by my solar panels, 6 batteries, and for a last resort the alternator on the engine, through a 2KW inverter over 200 feet of electrical extensions cords that I have already.
The declining back injury and chronic joint pain tell me; however, that this body is on the last go around.
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Relaxing for the rest of the day yesterday did not relieve the pain in my back sufficiently to rest well at night, so I drove to the emergency room, where I waited for 2 hours to be treated. After 2 hours the nurse shot me up with something, and I drove back to the warehouse, and slept in the van for the night.
I awoke around 4:30AM, which means I slept in about 2 hours later than normal. My back still hurt, but I could move. I went inside I burned the last of the wood keeping warm. I resolved to make it easier on this old beast from now on, because it is almost spent.
After the last of the wood was burned it was late morning and the temperatures outside were quite reasonable. So, I drove to the hardware store to price an electric chain saw, and/or a circular saw. I found the electric chain saw was $105, while the circular saw was only $60. So, I bought the circular saw reasoning that it was about the same price as 5 gallons of kerosene, and it would last longer.
I then drove around the neighborhood in search of waste wood. It was a good day for waste wood. I brought three loads of scrap wood back to the warehouse.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/palletwood10462_zpsdff9bbf3.jpg)
I then ran 100 feet of extension cords (which I had already) out from the solar-powered inverter, then I used the new circular saw to cut apart one pallet.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/palletwood10482_zps5c3d495b.jpg)
Into a stack of fire wood
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/Mendicant/palletwood10492_zps754d2c79.jpg)
It took about 5 minutes, and did not cause much stress upon this old beast's back.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/can%20stove/5-galwoodburner09692_zpsd497605d.jpg)
This evening I burned the wood in the new 5-gallon wood burner, which I have been using for a month now.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/can%20stove/potatoeoven09753_zpsf76bfd76.jpg)
Finding success in free-fuel I tried baking a potato in a can. It worked great
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/can%20stove/woodburner10152_zps8b01be5d.jpg)
Recently I transformed an old 20-gallon oil drum into a can stove and tested it. It worked great.
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This looks like a project that actually may have some effect for the homeless.
http://www.wickedlocal.com/cambridge/features/x574261777/Signs-of-Hope-Project-aims-to-humanize-homelessness-in-Cambridge
Last week I was having one of many interesting conversations with some of my fellow homeless people at a feed, when I realized that all of us were geniuses, and that on any given day there are more geniuses present at a homeless feed than present in any university colloquium I ever attended while doing research at the University of Arizona.
We can thus gauge the sustainability of any culture by how they treat their geniuses. If they alienate their geniuses, like the USA does, then we can conclude that it is the next dead civilization. Whereas, any civilization that constructively employs its geniuses, honors and respects them, will be the next great civilization.
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Friday I sold my bus, and the new owner asked me to drive it for him to Tucson, so I did. It took about 6 hours of driving, which was tiring. Along the way we drove through 2 cities having rush hour traffic, which was anxiety producing. Driving an old bus 235 miles was also anxiety producing. We also drove through rain storms along the way, which was also anxiety producing.
The contemplative who wishes to make progress toward mysticism really needs to radically modify his or her lifestyle to reduce anxiety. We often times end up living simple lifestyles, which means little money coming in.
However, sometimes life simply presents stressful situations for us to deal with, so while I drove the ancient bus on the highway, I recognized the rise of tension in my body as a response to these anxiety producing situations. I relaxed the body, let go of the tension, kept my mind empty, and still. Every time anxiety arose due to a thought regarding the stressful situation that I was in, I would simply release the thought, and take refuge in the still mind of the second jhana, and the charisms that arise in the 3rd.
We drove in convoy and arrived in Tucson around 8:30PM. I parked the bus in the yard of its new owner, and made a bed for myself on one of the platforms that I had built, and rested for the night.
Rainstorms had passed through the city, which had made the air cool and most, so with the windows all open, I felt cool. The city had its noises, which kept me awake, so I rested in deep meditation until I left the body into the immaterial domains for a few hours around midnight.
The next morning AJ, the bus owner took me out to breakfast. We had quite an interesting conversation while we waited for my bank to open to get the money out to purchase a truck that I had been shopping for to replace the bus. It turned out that he too is a genius, and he has had a number of religious experiences.
After breakfast he drove me to Benson, Arizona to inspect the truck. It turned out to be even better than I expected from the stand point of features, such as it has a crane that it can deploy with considerable lifting power, but the crane folds up against the bed of the truck and takes up little room otherwise.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/M756A2/M3517362_zpse52bd06e.jpg)
The truck is an M756A2 pipeline construction truck, driver's side, which based upon the chassi of the M35A2 troupe carrier.
When I first heard of the Multi-fuel M35A2 engine about 7 years ago I thought it would be the perfect engine to run alternative fuels, and since I like to camp off-road in remote areas, then the M35A2, deuce and a half, 6x6, 2 1/2 ton vehicle, seemed to be the perfect match for my interests.
So, after much research, and tracking people who want to sell surplus military vehicles, I finally found one that had more of what I needed than the average M35A2. It is a 1968 M756A2 pipeline construction vehicle from Kaiser Jeep Corporation. It is based upon the M35A2 but was modified for pipeline construction. It has 3 winches, and a A frame boom that the winches operate to move large equipment around.
(http://i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j411/jhananda/M756A2/M3517352_zpsc55ac519.jpg)
M756A2 pipeline construction, front.
I plan to run it on my waste oil-gasoline blended fuel.
Driving it back to Sedona was another anxious sequence, because it is a large vehicle, which I had no experience driving. The truck came with a 5-speed manual transmission with over drive, so on the rolling flat from Tucson to Phoenix I was able to get the truck up to 60mph (96K/H). The vehicle turned out to drive even better than the old bus.
However, just north of Casa Grande the vehicle had a blow-out, which caused it to swerve radically to the right. Fortunately I was in the right lane. The vehicle drove across the shoulder, through the medium, across an on-ramp, which thankfully had no other vehicles on it, before I brought it to rest on the shoulder of the on-ramp, just before a ditch, which brought me to wounder if a 6x6 can be rolled. The maneuver required me to stand on the brake peddle with all of my weight, while pulling to the left with all of the strength in my arms.
The advantage of a contemplative life that bares fruit is I was able to keep my mind still to the depth of the 3rd jhana throughout the event. However, once I had the truck at rest I found myself shaken and week.
I sat on the door step in the shade from the southern Arizona summer sun, and called AAA. I had just upgraded to AAA RV, which states its use is for large vehicle, such as RVs, motor homes, and trucks with campers. They told me they do not service surplus military vehicles. But, they did send out one of the local tow truck drivers to help me figure out how to change my tire without a jack or a lug wrench.
The local tow truck drivers told me that when he had heard that an M35-class vehicle needed service he jumped for the chance to help. However, he could not help me. He spent an hour calling every tire shop and commercial road service business in the area, and found one of them would come at any price. So, he left.
I called the man I bought the truck from, he couldn't help. I called the man I sold the bus to, he was willing to help, if I could not find another option. Then I called Daniel, my friend in Prescott, who I call Superman, because he comes to the rescue of homeless people. He was homeless until he met and married a woman on disability, so you can imagine that they do not have much money. The local churches and service groups in the area cover his expenses for driving the disabled, homeless, and veterans to their medical appointments, and rescues of road gypsies, like me.
While waiting for Daniel to come I sat in the shade of the disabled truck. It was hot, so I ended up drinking all of my water before he arrived. It was 150 miles drive for him, so it took him 3 hours to get to me, which was well after sunset. He bought me a 20 ton bottle jack, and his 1" socket set, and a 10foot long 1" pipe to use as a cheater on his 1" ratchet to move the 1 1/2" lug nuts. We needed the cheater.
Once we had the truck raised on the jack and the flat off, the fresh tire was too tall to fit on with the jack fully extended, so I had to dig a pit under the tire to get it to fit. We then lifted the spare onto the truck, which took everything both of us could muster. It nearly did my back in.
Once the spare was tied down, I then tried starting the engine, but the batteries were dead. I inspected the battery box where 2 12 volt batteries are tied together in a 24 volt array, and found that the battery cables to one of batteries were not even tightened, and one of the cables had come off, and the other had shorted out on the metal battery box. The two batteries were ancient as well.
So, I called AAA, being a good member for years, for a jump. They told me that none of the tow trucks in the area had the ability to jump start an auto with a 24 volt system. So, there was a 24hr-Walmart super center only 5 miles away. So, Daniel drove me to the 24hr-Walmart super center where I bought 2 of the largest 12 volt batteries they sold at $100 each.
We then drove back to the military truck and I loaded the batteries into the battery tray, and wired them properly to the electrical system, then I tired starting the truck. It started right up.
Daniel lent me his 1" ratchet set in case one of the other old tires gave on along the way. I stowed my new 20 ton bottle jack with the 1" ratchet set under the driver's seat and set off to Sedona, with Daniel following me at 45 m/h (70K/H). It was 10 M/H below the speed limit, but acceptable, because it is a big, old truck, and it was by then late at night and traffic was low.
Daniel suggested that I stop at the first exit for us to inspect the tire and tighten the lug nuts again. We found the lug nuts needed considerable tightening.
After getting underway I stopped again after an hour of driving just south of Phoenix, where we inspected the tires again. The lug nuts needed a small amount of tightening. The spare that we had just put on had never been used. It still had the nubs on it from manufacture; however, it was ancient and was heavily checked from sun damage. Daniel noticed a large chunk of the tread was hanging off. So, I stopped again just north of Phoenix to inspect the tire. I could see no more deterioration of the tire, so I figured it would get me back to Sedona. We checked the torque on the lug nuts and found them all tight.
It was very late by then, so I told Daniel, "When I get to the steep incline coming up soon, the truck is likely to slow down to 25M/H, so you are welcome to head home, because I think the truck should make it the rest of the way to Sedona."
He said, "My old van needs to run above 35M/H to keep cool to avoid overheating, so I will run on home. Give me a call if you have any more trouble."
From my window I waved goodby to him and yelled, "Thanks for everything."
The old military truck drove fine the rest of the way on the flats. It did well on the gentle slope leading up to Black Canyon City, so Daniel followed me. However, driving up the steep slope toward Cortes Junction, the truck slowed down to 25M/H, so I put on the wrecker lights that the truck came with, and Daniel drove by waiving out his window.
I stopped at Camp Verde to take a break and inspect the tires and the rest of the running gear. There was still no further evidence of tire deterioration from the mounted spare. I checked the heat on all of the tires with my hand and found them all cool. Rains had passed through the area earlier and had cooled everything off. I even rolled up one of my windows. I also checked the heat of all of the hubs and inspected under the vehicle. There were no drops of oil, but there was a spider web oil stain on one tire, which suggested a break fluid leak, but the breaks were very good, and not spongy, so I concluded that the driver side front hub was most probably leaking lubricant; however, it was not hot, so I figured I could continue on.
I drove to Cottonwood; where I found the whole Verde River Valley was filled with fog. I also noticed a glow on the horizon, and was confused by it, until I realized that it was 5 AM. I drove on to Sedona, and arrived there by 5:30AM. I had not slept in more than 24 hours, and slept little the night before, so I was exhausted. I parked the truck in front of the warehouse, and went straight to bed and slept for several hours. I spent the rest of the day resting.
Even though we contemplatives with attainment radically modify our lifestyle to maximize our religious experiences, sometimes we have to rise to the challenges of life. While I was exhausted, could still feel the charisms that accompany me every day all day long, and I rested well, and entered the immaterial domains with ease, where I was rejuvenated somewhat. Form experience full recovery can take days to weeks or rest and meditation.
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It has been a while since my last blog entry. I have been pondering human social systems, and why they are so bent against mystics; and how mystics survive at all. Here are a few thoughts that I wish to share with my fellow mystics:
We are known by the company we keep.
The wise associate with the wise.
Fools associate with the fools.
Since we know a tree by its fruit,
then the wise are known for discipline
whereas, the fool is known for foolish behavior.
Which one are you?
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We are deeply impoverished in the United States. We have no concept of "yogi," "saint," or "mystic." But, who knows Jhanananda, maybe you will be the first of something new for America?
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Thank-you, Alexander, I like to think that the entire community of the GWV, which includes this forum, will set the standard for American mystics.
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The mystics, prophets, buddhas and avatars of the word come from the wise, not necessarily the: learned, priests or devout.
Since we know a tree by its fruit,
then the mystics, prophets, buddhas and avatars of the word will be known by their superior fruit (maha-phala).
The fools of the world will be known by their rotten fruit.
Fools behave foolishly.
Whereas, the wise behave wisely.
The devout are known for their blind faith,
not for their critical thinking.
Whereas, the wise are known for their cogent and logically true philosophy.
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Genius is expressed in critical thinking. Stupidity is expressed in blindly following others. Just because billions believe something does not make it true.
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Warm Greetings to you, my friend, Jhananda.
I have not been around much, as the effort and time needed to survive and provide for my family has grown. However, I still meditate in the truly rare moments I can find quiet. I wish you to know I have been teaching samadhi to those willing and interested, but so far I've not taught any who've established themselves.
With the brief update out of the way, i wanted to share something I wrote today for my philosophy class which your posts have brought to mind. I have found the class to be helpful in improving my ability to bridge the gap between samadhi and the general public. However, I have much to learn. I do my best to avoid speaking to openly too quickly about my samadhi experiences, but rather entice the reader to wonder. It is my hope that this will help at least one of my classmates to seek more information. This is a consolation, as I would much rather be meditating.
"The average human cannot say they know the "world around them". They can more accurately say they know the human concept of the world around them. Math, for example, is a human concept in which any human can rightly say they know 2+2=4. A human concept, like math, is bound to the common agreement of humans to be considered true within the realm of human experience. Human concepts include absolutely everything humans experience during ordinary human states of consciousness. A tree, plane, field, and cloudless sky are all human concepts. In this way, we can say we know the the human concept of "the world around us."
The primary problem with actually knowing "the world around us" is lack of non-human perspectives which would verify or invalidate our human concepts of it. Within the world of human concepts, If I'm looking down the barrel of a gun, it will be difficult from this perspective to gauge the dimensions of the gun. But if I also have access to the perspective of an onlooker standing at the side, I can more readily know the dimensions of the gun. Likewise, in regards to true knowledge, it would require a human to have access to non-human states of consciousness, such as what the Buddha tried to teach his disciples to access.
In the rare exceptions of humans who develop access to non-human states of consciousness, we could reasonably infer they actally "know"--just as the human who sees the barrel of the gun from both perspectives can know the dimensions of it. But, then how would they explain their knowledge to a human who hasn't developed access to non-human statse of consciousness? Through the use of human concepts? Human concepts, as stated, are limited to that which is generally experienced and accepted by the human population, and so this is not possible. Not unless the human has had at least some experience of non-human states of consciousness. Therein lies the circular problem regarding true knowledge which keeps philosophers from coming to definite conclusions, and the ones who do from convincingly explaining them to their philosophical peers."
Please do let me know your thoughts, or otherwise I hope you at least found it worth the time to read it.
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Warm Greetings to you, my friend, Jhananda.
It is good to read you on here again,Jhanon. I hope you are well and at ease.
I have not been around much, as the effort and time needed to survive and provide for my family has grown.
The struggle for life certainly poses a great obstacle for the future mystic. It is the mystic who figures out how to become one.
However, I still meditate in the truly rare moments I can find quiet. I wish you to know I have been teaching samadhi to those willing and interested, but so far I've not taught any who've established themselves.
Teaching others what one has learned through direct experience is the best way to teach. If more people who meditate deeply were willing to share their experiences, then there might be a new major religious movement.
With the brief update out of the way, i wanted to share something I wrote today for my philosophy class which your posts have brought to mind. I have found the class to be helpful in improving my ability to bridge the gap between samadhi and the general public. However, I have much to learn. I do my best to avoid speaking to openly too quickly about my samadhi experiences, but rather entice the reader to wonder. It is my hope that this will help at least one of my classmates to seek more information. This is a consolation, as I would much rather be meditating.
"The average human cannot say they know the "world around them". They can more accurately say they know the human concept of the world around them. Math, for example, is a human concept in which any human can rightly say they know 2+2=4. A human concept, like math, is bound to the common agreement of humans to be considered true within the realm of human experience. Human concepts include absolutely everything humans experience during ordinary human states of consciousness. A tree, plane, field, and cloudless sky are all human concepts. In this way, we can say we know the the human concept of "the world around us."
The primary problem with actually knowing "the world around us" is lack of non-human perspectives which would verify or invalidate our human concepts of it. Within the world of human concepts, If I'm looking down the barrel of a gun, it will be difficult from this perspective to gauge the dimensions of the gun. But if I also have access to the perspective of an onlooker standing at the side, I can more readily know the dimensions of the gun. Likewise, in regards to true knowledge, it would require a human to have access to non-human states of consciousness, such as what the Buddha tried to teach his disciples to access.
In the rare exceptions of humans who develop access to non-human states of consciousness, we could reasonably infer they actally "know"--just as the human who sees the barrel of the gun from both perspectives can know the dimensions of it. But, then how would they explain their knowledge to a human who hasn't developed access to non-human statse of consciousness? Through the use of human concepts? Human concepts, as stated, are limited to that which is generally experienced and accepted by the human population, and so this is not possible. Not unless the human has had at least some experience of non-human states of consciousness. Therein lies the circular problem regarding true knowledge which keeps philosophers from coming to definite conclusions, and the ones who do from convincingly explaining them to their philosophical peers."
Please do let me know your thoughts, or otherwise I hope you at least found it worth the time to read it.
This all seems good, except the "non-human states of consciousness." As you know humans can have these states. Others in the past have called them "super-human."
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But we're not a human when we've traveled past 5th samadhi, are we? The body is still there, yes, but our consciousness is not in it. And 5-8 samadhi , so far, have been what gifted me the most knowledge.
Is this inaccurate?
Thank you, Jhananda. I am generally at ease, considering my circumstances.
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OK, that is one way to describe it, that samadhi 5-8 we are angles, not humans anymore.
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Well, I didn't necessarily mean angels at the time. I suppose I didn't think enough about it.
Also, I read a translated (somewhat poorly by Ajahn Geoff) text by Ajahn Lee Dhammadaro or something like that, and realized he actually described meditative absorption accurately. The primary issue is that they call it "watching the breath", but I noticed they mean two different things by that. It's under the assumption that the reader thinks breath is both air going into your lungs, and "spiritual" manifestations (charisms.)
Anyway, my point is that in this little book he wrote, he talks about directing ones mind to direct knowledge while in the 4th jhana. Or anything one wants to know, for that matter. And it coincided with my recent experiences of 4th (and to a lesser extent 3rd) jhana.
So, what I wrote could be confusing, just like this "Ajahn" calling charisms "breath." But either way, one is absorbing into an immaterial body that most humans completely neglect.
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Anyway, I think I'm gonna go through my rather large collection of translated works of Thai Ajahns, and see if anymore of the teachers actually knew what they were talking about--it's just the students and translators that fouled it up. A lot seems to have been lost in translation. And I can see how an English student just barely learned in Thai could not fully understand the teachings of an Ajahn.
I required some pretty exact and yet broad language of gnosis in order to finally understand and actualize, thanks to a certain anthropologist. So this makes sense to me.
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Anyway, I think I'm gonna go through my rather large collection of translated works of Thai Ajahns, and see if anymore of the teachers actually knew what they were talking about--it's just the students and translators that fouled it up. A lot seems to have been lost in translation. And I can see how an English student just barely learned in Thai could not fully understand the teachings of an Ajahn.
I required some pretty exact and yet broad language of gnosis in order to finally understand and actualize, thanks to a certain anthropologist. So this makes sense to me.
I have had good experiences with Southeast Asian meditators. I wonder why that is. It could be the translations of the Buddha's discourses into Thai are done in a high quality way. At the same time, I have not found someone from that region who has the complete picture. But there are many there who seem to understand samadhi correctly.
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So, what I wrote could be confusing, just like this "Ajahn" calling charisms "breath." But either way, one is absorbing into an immaterial body that most humans completely neglect.
I agree here.
I have had good experiences with Southeast Asian meditators. I wonder why that is. It could be the translations of the Buddha's discourses into Thai are done in a high quality way. At the same time, I have not found someone from that region who has the complete picture. But there are many there who seem to understand samadhi correctly.
I do agree that I have more agreement with Theravadan Buddhism, than any other form, because at least they have the Pali Canon, even if they have no idea what it says.
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Last night we had a big storm break. It began with high winds that buffeted the van that I slept in. The winds kept pulling me out of the immaterial domains where I was ferrying people to the Krishna Loca (domain of Krishna).
There is no separate domain for Krishna, and another for Jesus, and still another for Siddhartha Gautama. It is just one high, high domain, where the distinction of religion was left far, far behind.
Since one who is out-of-body, and thus has no body, and therefore has no mental processes, then there is no identity, just awareness. So, I am not sure what those whom I ferried thought of me, as they too would not have had a body, nor mental processes; however, if they returned to a body they might have thought I was their Krishna. Who knows?
This is the work of a mystic. Most of our work is not even on the material plane. So, those who want to experience the greater aspect of this work, then they must develop a meditation practice that leads to deep meditation, and lucid dreaming.
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Interesting. One day but not right now.
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There is no separate domain for Krishna, and another for Jesus, and still another for Siddhartha Gautama. It is just one high, high domain, where the distinction of religion was left far, far behind.
I find it so true. There must only be one cosmic truth in anyway, and I believe all religions merely differ in their perspective on it. Thank you for sharing, it does motivate me much more to keep up with the discipline of a mindful lifestyle.
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I can only live to inspire the few who will put down the burden, and take up a fruitful contemplative life.