Fruit of the Contemplative Life
Fruit of the contemplative life: => Spiritual Crisis => : Alexander June 22, 2014, 04:27:31 PM
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One phenomenon I have found that is explored in the Western tradition, but not the Eastern, is that of mystic crying or mourning.
In the writings of the hesychasts, Margery Kempe, John of the Cross, John Climacus, and others, there is an expression of a period during which one undergoes sobbing from no apparent cause.
Often, this experience accompanies an introversion into oneself. As one learns more about one's past experiences, these memories become painful and cause suffering.
However, while this sobbing is very sad, the consequences of it are positive. One effect is it leads to a significant humanizing of the individual. Another effect is it leads to a re-evaluation of all one's values and ideas.
There are two interesting points we can mention about these mystic tears:
First, they accompany the "opening of the heart" as referred to in hesychasm. In the East, this is called the opening of the heart chakra. Either case represents our accessing the seat of our superior emotions, which for the ordinary person are inaccessible. By accessing them, we have reached an intermediate stage of spiritual development.
Second, some argue that the crying itself is an expression of a chemical (or alchemical) change that is going on in the body. This argument helps explain why the crying sometimes just happens, with no particular cause. According to this view, sobbing facilitates the "transmutation" or transfiguration of the body.
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In my case random tears began to occur sometime in the 90s, I think, I cannot recall now when, but it was in association with deeper meditation practice. It reminds me somewhat of what fqmorris has been writing about here. I think they are one in the same.
In my experience the tear were random. They were not connected to anything occurring in the moment. I guess sudden outbursts of anger, with no causal relationship, might just be the same phenomena.
I just call all of this random emotionalism of the mystic, shedding. We are shedding the trauma of life.
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Something I finally noticed today, which has been happening for, well, since the first "spiritual opening" experience, is tears without any apparent emotion or cause.
For example, I'll be reading or meditating, and then realize there are tears slowly rolling out of the eye. It is not profuse. They are simply there. Possible alternative reasons are very minor allergy, or closing the eyes tightly (which is not the case with the examples in mind.)
More interesting, I've noticed recently that some of my tears are very warm. And I mean noticeably warm, almost hot. These are accompanied by moments of shedding conditioning (old ideas and beliefs). I've also noticed that the "inner heat" which Alexander describes is the "burning of desire." I've had it all my life, and thanks to Alexander, I finally understand how to be rid of it. However, in this context, my suggestion may seem strange, but is it not possible that this "inner heat of desire" can be expelled through the tears during shedding of the foundation OF the desires? The desires are a product of conditioning, yes?
If this seems unlikely, I want to mention that the inner-heat I've experienced all my life was accompanied by sweat all my life. So, I know this inner heat is not just non-physical.
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Something I finally noticed today, which has been happening for, well, since the first "spiritual opening" experience, is tears without any apparent emotion or cause.
For example, I'll be reading or meditating, and then realize there are tears slowly rolling out of the eye. It is not profuse. They are simply there. Possible alternative reasons are very minor allergy, or closing the eyes tightly (which is not the case with the examples in mind.)
Tears are common for those who learn to meditate deeply. I agree that the tears are part of the emotional shedding process, but there might be other reasons as well, such as realizing that the world does not value its mystics.
More interesting, I've noticed recently that some of my tears are very warm. And I mean noticeably warm, almost hot. These are accompanied by moments of shedding conditioning (old ideas and beliefs). I've also noticed that the "inner heat" which Alexander describes is the "burning of desire." I've had it all my life, and thanks to Alexander, I finally understand how to be rid of it. However, in this context, my suggestion may seem strange, but is it not possible that this "inner heat of desire" can be expelled through the tears during shedding of the foundation OF the desires? The desires are a product of conditioning, yes?
Yes, the tears are in part the product of conditioning, and the shedding of that conditioning. Once the de-conditioning is complete, then it is possible that this heat will subside. On the other hand the spiritual energy (aka kundalini) often comes with heat.
If this seems unlikely, I want to mention that the inner-heat I've experienced all my life was accompanied by sweat all my life. So, I know this inner heat is not just non-physical.
It is possible that your body just runs hot, or that your inner air conditioning works better than others.
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By inner heat I mean the sensation of the spiritual heart. I have had the experience many times in my life of a phantom warmth in the chest. I have concluded that this is supernatural, and I have linked it to spiritual development. What you describe, however, could be related to this.
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By inner heat I mean the sensation of the spiritual heart. I have had the experience many times in my life of a phantom warmth in the chest. I have concluded that this is supernatural, and I have linked it to spiritual development. What you describe, however, could be related to this.
I am familiar with the inner heat of the spiritual heart. And now that you mention it, it does appear to be hottest in the center of the chest. Recalling memory, it has always radiated from that point. But, then again, most of the heat producing physical organs are in that area, no?
Yes, it is possible I simply have better "inner air conditioning." However, being in a cool environment didn't abate this. I would still have inner heat and sweat, but be freezing externally.
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I have to agree with the internal heat, I have also had it, for as long as i can remember. Not just the inner heat, but an outward heat that felt to come from the inside. Oddly enough, I have not felt this heat since after starting meditating. My wife used to call me her heater, as I would never cool down, now she snuggles a lot more and i havnt heard any complaints of me being too hot =)
Thinking on it a little more, when I first learned to abosrb, I felt this heat around my body, along with the tactile sensation. I was able to increase it in my area of focus even. I am no longer able to do this. hmmm
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Cal, you already know we are the same in this respect. But I left out some details that I only sent in a message to Alexander earlier this week, and mentioned in passing to you.
I call it the "burning of desire" because it is directly linked to desires. When I begin to get this internal and external heat, I place Awareness inside of it, and desires "extrapolate" into the mind. Maybe it is a desire for a drug I am no longer taking. Maybe it is a desire to escape or avoid something. They subsequently vanish through the benevolence of the charisms.
After realizing this, I was lead by intuition to read The Power of Now. The very page I opened to he mentions that emotions manifest in the body before the mind (which any of us can easily confirm in the case of "lump in the throat" for example.) Furthermore, lower emotions, as I am referring to, are conflict. Conflict is friction. Friction produces heat. This is further credit to the insight. The above treated uncomfortable inner/external heat and lower emotions/conflict/friction.
Lastly, when fruition of attainment occurs, there is an extended period without any of this uncomfortable inner heat. Yes, there is comfortable inner heat, but no discomfort.
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I believe it does coincide with your definition, Jhanon. It was removed with equanimity. Yet i do desire the charisms? Although, the word "desire" doesnt quite fit the mold of what I feel...
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As I alluded to, fruition removes most of this "inner heat", at least for a time. More broadly, however, the kind of "internal discomfort/friction" changes throughout the entirety of our practice. So, it seems something like a sudden pain without explanation, or a "tightness" in a muscle, or sometimes the vaguest internal sensation will be hiding emotion/conditioning. It's not necessarily that it bothers an individual, but that it is detected and discomfort. Equanimity can transcend it, but in my experience does not alone resolve these internal frictions, although it is necessary to have equanimity when discernment and awareness pull the emotion into the mind from inside the body.
It's my theory that this internal discomfort does not entirely dissipate until arahantship. Keeping the awareness on the charisms inside the body enhances likelihood of discerning internal friction from past conditioning, thus bringing it into Awareness for dissipation via equanimity. The "definition" of which coincides with the aforementioned definition. It's another theory that this is why Yoga is becoming popular.
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We continually talk about the bliss, joy, and ecstasy of deep meditation, but I feel there are not enough topics on weeping. I say weeping because it goes beyond traditional sadness. Yes, we are sad when a loved one dies. This hurts our being, and we wish they are okay, we wish we had done things differently. Weeping is something more than tears we might cry. It is an action of despair, one which saturates our being with no hope in sight. We here are more aware of our bodies and our minds. We here don't shy away from internal sensations, memories, or other charismatic phenomenon. We take it on full force because we know we can take on the challenge and overcome them.
Then, as our equanimity improves, what we weep for changes, deepens, and becomes more refined. Our awareness has improved, and where loneliness might have been unpleasant before, now we experience loneliness free from contact with the senses. We are truly alone. We weep. What arises with stronger equanimity is now beyond the capability of most other people to understand. We ourselves might not even understand what it means. Others might understand part of our grievances, but they do not understand the depth. They do not know why we weep. We are even more alienated than before. We weep. Worse than being alone, now our ability to connect with others has diminished.
The world starts to change as we ourselves changes. What was once solid, something to centre ourselves upon is now not there. We are empty. We weep. How do we fill this void if there is nothing? We weep. The next challenge has brought itself. The fear over seeing a new part of ourselves and the universe slowly dies, and we become stronger. Equanimity improves. By this point we may have become better people. We start giving more, smiling more, and loving more. We are truly becoming living embodiments of God.
Then the next challenge brings itself. Reality starts to become deconstructed. Ideas and experiences we might have had piecemeal before now start their energetic process. We begin to weep, but why? Awareness is deeper than before. Equanimity has improved. We might have started having dreams when we did not before. If we did dream before, now our dreams are lucid. We might be experiencing the blackness of sleep. We might be travelling on the spiritual planes. With increased equanimity, now we cannot ignore ourselves. We cannot ignore our sufferings.
The next challenge presents itself. We weep, but we don't know why anymore. It is like we are weeping for God. Equanimity and awareness are deepening quickly into areas we never thought possible. The world stops feeling real. We weep. What is wrong with me? We weep. Am I becoming mentally sick? We weep. As equanimity improves our fear of opening up new realms of existences fade. We become stronger. Then, the next challenge presents itself, and weeping will continue its process until we improve our equanimity once again.
We talk lots about bliss, joy, and ecstasy of deep meditation here, but I don't feel there are enough topics on weeping. It is part of the process, one that shouldn't be ignored, and one that should be nurtured until we reach our salvation and enlightenment.
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Thanks, Jay, for making this thread. I think the weeping is one of the most beautiful parts of becoming a mystic. We develop a humanity and an emotional depth that isn't there in other people. I started weeping when I studied the hesychasts. They taught about repentance and opening the heart. There are references to weeping throughout Christian mystical literature: in Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, John Climacus, Margery Kempe, and many others. It's surprising there are almost no references to it in oriental literature, as far as I'm aware. The western mystics are usually much more personal, so probably more likely to write about it; the eastern mystics are more impersonal.
You might like this thread on mystic weeping, Jay:
http://fruitofthecontemplativelife.org/forum/index.php/topic,738.0.html
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Thank you for posting this....
I find weeping in many things... i see the state of the world and I weep... i weep when i am filled with joy.... i weep when I feel moved or filled with energy... I find it like a breaking down of something solid, where I am silently surrendering...
Perhaps that is the root of metta?
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I hope you all do not mind that I merged the two topics, and then moved the merged topic from Contemplative Christianity to the spiritual crisis, which is where I believe it belongs, and might be easier to find.
Yes, it is true that weeping is not even a topic in Asian forms of religion. They instead tend to be stoic; whereas, it is a common topic in Christian mysticism, which would explain why the topic was originally there.
Weeping has been a feature of my contemplative life for about 20 years, so my conclusion is, if you do not weep every day for the corruption of the world, then you are not enlightened.
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I hope you all do not mind that I merged the two topics,
I felt the topic "Weeping" had a slightly different feel, that is why I kept it in its own thread. I would prefer its on its own, but if you feel it needs to be here then let it stay.
Thanks, Jay, for making this thread. I think the weeping is one of the most beautiful parts of becoming a mystic. We develop a humanity and an emotional depth that isn't there in other people. I started weeping when I studied the hesychasts. They taught about repentance and opening the heart. There are references to weeping throughout Christian mystical literature: in Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, John Climacus, Margery Kempe, and many others. It's surprising there are almost no references to it in oriental literature, as far as I'm aware. The western mystics are usually much more personal, so probably more likely to write about it; the eastern mystics are more impersonal.
This is one aspect of eastern mystics on which I do not agree. I do not see the value in living so detached, but I can definately understand their way of thinking. Keep in mind, I am making a distinction between being detached and the non-duel experience. I see many who stay detached as suppressing innate human desires and instincts. That suppression is only a denial mechanism, and many times you see it come out in ways the person is unaware of, and they feel a little too cold. Whereas someone who embraces their emotion you feel the love that comes from them.
I find weeping in many things... i see the state of the world and I weep... i weep when i am filled with joy.... i weep when I feel moved or filled with energy... I find it like a breaking down of something solid, where I am silently surrendering...
Perhaps that is the root of metta?
I see it as a matter of perspective, either one can surrender or hold onto control. If we want the world to be a perfect place and its not, we get upset. We could just get right back to the four noble truths, and see how our desires are causing us to suffer, to ultimately weep continually.
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Some quotes on mystic tears from John Climacus, in his book The Ladder of Divine Ascent:
6. The man who has withdrawn from the world in order to shake off his own burden of sins, should imitate those who sit outside the city amongst the tombs, and should not discontinue his hot and fiery streams of tears and voiceless heartfelt groanings until he, too, sees that Jesus has come to him and rolled away the stone of hardness from his heart, and loosed Lazarus, that is to say, our mind, from the bands of sin, and ordered His attendant angels: Loose him from passions, and let him go to blessed dispassion. Otherwise he will have gained nothing.
6. Greater than baptism itself is the fountain of tears after baptism, even though it is somewhat audacious to say so. For baptism is the washing away of evils that were in us before, but sins committed after baptism are washed away by tears. As baptism is received in infancy, we have all defiled it, but we cleanse it anew with tears. And if God in His love for mankind had not given us tears, few indeed and hard to find would be those in a state of grace.
7. Groanings and sorrows cry to the Lord. Tears shed from fear intercede for us; but tears of all-holy love show us that our prayer has been accepted.
12. He who has obtained heartfelt tears will find any place convenient for mourning.
18. I cannot be silent about the story of Hesychius the Horebite. He passed his life in complete negligence, without paying the least attention to his soul. Then he became extremely ill, and for an hour he left his body. And when he came to himself he begged us all to leave him immediately. And he built up the door of his cell, and he stayed in it for twelve years without ever uttering a word to anyone, and without eating anything but bread and water. And, always remaining motionless, he was so rapt in spirit in what he had seen in his ecstasy that he never changed his place but was always as if out of his mind, and silently shed hot tears. But when he was about to die, we broke open the door and went in, and after many questions this alone was all we heard from him: ‘Forgive me! No one who has acquired the remembrance of death will ever be able to sin.’ We were amazed to see that one who had before been so negligent was so suddenly transfigured by this blessed change and transformation.
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This is one aspect of eastern mystics on which I do not agree. I do not see the value in living so detached, but I can definately understand their way of thinking. Keep in mind, I am making a distinction between being detached and the non-duel experience. I see many who stay detached as suppressing innate human desires and instincts. That suppression is only a denial mechanism, and many times you see it come out in ways the person is unaware of, and they feel a little too cold. Whereas someone who embraces their emotion you feel the love that comes from them.
Yes, I agree there does seem to be an aspect of repression in the eastern way, which may not be very successful, since the various eastern religions seem to have corrupted their own religions in their own way.
Thank-you, Alexander, for posting the quotes from John Climacus on weeping. I found reading them very comforting.
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I went through a similar process of shedding tears throughout the years. It took me years to understand it was a purification process.
I remember the first time I cried with joy in a dream...it was during a very strange dream where I met a goddess and before her I had a vision of a newborn baby. I continued to cry when I woke up.
The second time, I was leaving a town and someone was following me. There was an alley of trees, and in front of me was a gigantic tree in the shape of a fir tree, but all in rose bloom - I felt a very strong emotional shock, without understanding what was happening. I cried out: what does this mean? The person behind me was smiling and silent. Still crying when I woke up... I understood what the tree meant a couple of weeks ago.
Unexpected tears happened in waking life as well
A friend mentioned Rudolf Steiner (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudolf_Steiner) and sent me a list of titles of books he wrote. Reading the list I suddenly wept without understanding what was the reason. It happened again months later when I was in a restaurant and had a glass of wine (this was before my body rejected alcohol). I didn't understand then I looked at the bottle and saw that it was a biodynamic wine (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biodynamic_wine) using organic farming and where soil supplement were prepared according to Rudolf Steiner's formulas, following a planting calendar that depends upon astrological configurations, and treating the earth as "a living and receptive organism."
Before my second little death in 2016, I had intense emotional release in dreams living different life experiences of extreme despair, loss, etc.
For almost 2 years I woke up almost every day weeping with a wet cushion.
Over the last years, tears still came occasionally unexpectedly with inner joy. Then the feelings of joy fade away, but I continue to feel content and mindful. Sometimes happiness is there sometimes not. I'm mostly focused and present as if sitting by a peaceful lake, undisturbed by the world. I don't feel much emotional disturbance at the moment.
My grandfather and his father died very young from a heart attack. I have a deep feeling they didn't cry and let go of the accumulated pain. That's why so many men are dying this way. The sadness needs to pour out and the emotions need to flow. It's part of the water purification.
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Yes, Jean, I find crying very cleansing. I am glad you have found it as well.
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I just stumbled upon a nice quote by Jeff Foster on that topic :
"THROUGH CLEANSING TEARS
Grieve out the past you ‘could have had’.
Grieve out the terrible lie of ‘better yesterdays’.
Understand that grief is a direct portal to presence.
And you are bigger than you know.
Surrender ‘what could have been’.
Offer it up now to the sky, the moon, the mountains.
Feel the ground so solid beneath your feet.
Hear all the sounds of the morning around you.
Yes, enter the morning with fierce loving attention:
The familiar church bell knows no ‘could haves’.
The soaring skylark sees no ‘might have beens’.
The longing in your belly does not know time.
Turn towards this day, grieve out the fantasy of another.
You are here. It is now. Life must be lived forwards.
Touch the simplicity of a single exhale.
Find gratitude for existence itself,
even if it breaks your heart.
A new life will be built from today.
Out of the rubble of the old.
Through cleansing tears, you awaken:
No other past was possible."
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Thank you, Jean, for the on-topic reminder to be in the present moment, to remind everyone here that our problem as humans stuck on the earth-plane is we tend to obsess over both the past and the future, and if we want to experience the bliss and joy of the present moment, then we have to stop obsessing over both the past and the future, and just live our life in the here and now, and when we do that then when we sit in meditation daily, then it will be much easier to experience the even greater bliss and joy to be found in a still mind which is just a doorway to much greater bliss, joy and ecstasy, which is what the forum is all about.