Inaction and the Dark Night

[Alexander]

(From The Dark Night of the Soul, Ch VIII)

"But there is another thing here that afflicts and distresses the soul greatly, which is that, as this dark night has hindered its faculties and conditions in this way, it is unable to raise its affection or its mind to God, neither can it pray to Him, thinking, as Jeremias thought concerning himself, that God has set a cloud before it through which its prayer cannot pass. For it is this that is meant by that which is said in the passage referred to, namely: "He hath shut and enclosed my paths with square stones." And if it sometimes prays it does so with such lack of strength and sweetness that it thinks that God neither hears it nor pays heed to it, as this Prophet likewise declares in the same passage, saying: "When I cry and entreat, He hath shut out my prayer." In truth this is no time for the soul to speak to God; it should rather put its mouth in the dust, as Jeremias says, so that perchance there may come to it some present hope, and it may endure its purgation with patience. It is God Who is passively working here in the soul; wherefore the soul can do nothing. Hence it can neither pray nor pay attention when it is present at the Divine offices, much less can it attend to other things and affairs which are temporal. Not only so, but it has likewise such distractions and times of such profound forgetfulness of the memory that frequent periods pass by without its knowing what it has been doing or thinking, or what it is that it is doing or is going to do, neither can it pay attention, although it desire to do so, to anything that occupies it."

One of the struggles of the Dark Night is we often feel a challenge from ordinary life to engage with it. Surrounded by people with human expectations, it is reasonable to understand their challenge for us to work, to engage in relationships, and so on. At the same time, we feel (1) an intuition that we must continue on the secluded path we are on, and (2) that even if we desired at this time to engage with life, we could not do so, because the Dark Night is so personally debilitating, and takes up all of our energy and attention.

Can we maintain the faith that each day we are making progress, that we are being purified like gold in a crucible? Can we know that all our imperfections are being uprooted, that we are creating two parts distinct in ourselves, the sensual and the spiritual? When we have finished this great quest in the spirit, we can engage with ordinary life with supernatural vigor.

[Michael Hawkins]

One of the struggles of the Dark Night is we often feel a challenge from ordinary life to engage with it. Surrounded by people with human expectations, it is reasonable to understand their challenge for us to work, to engage in relationships, and so on. At the same time, we feel (1) an intuition that we must continue on the secluded path we are on, and (2) that even if we desired at this time to engage with life, we could not do so, because the Dark Night is so personally debilitating, and takes up all of our energy and attention.

Can we maintain the faith that each day we are making progress, that we are being purified like gold in a crucible? Can we know that all our imperfections are being uprooted, that we are creating two parts distinct in ourselves, the sensual and the spiritual? When we have finished this great quest in the spirit, we can engage with ordinary life with supernatural vigor.

This is an excellent and (for me) timely post, Alexander.  Thank you.

Along the path of my spiritual unfoldment, there have been very high highs on which, at the time, I decided that I'd passed through the Dark Night and it would be clear sailing ahead, for sure... only to come crashing down through some emphatic inititative emanating from beyond my indivdual will.  I remember, during the late 90's when I participated on several Advaita discussion boards and was beginning to attract a "following," a crotchety old mystic who called herself "El" laid some heavy-duty truth on me -- that I was not ready, basically, and I should stop putting myself out there as such, ASAP.  I was VERY angry for about three days, before it occurred to me that she was saving me a lot of grief and I should engage her around the insight she was providing.  Instead of having "arrived" at some "clearing" that could be called enlightenment, it was back to the drawing board for me -- deflation, deconstruction, forced self-honesty... corresponding emotional descent.

This has happened so many times in my life -- reaching a spiritual high, thinking "this may just be IT," only to come crashing down.  The time it takes to "ascend" again varies greatly, and each time an upward trajectory commences, I feel as though the Dark Night has finally passed.

This most recent version of Dark Night has lasted probably 5 years now.  There has been a LOT of self-judgment during this time, as external life has gone nearly dormant -- other than doing "business" type things for food and peace (HA!) within relationship.  During this time, there has been a constant state of anger, resentment, aggression and hatred -- dark emotions that, over time, have formed a persistent field of dense, palpable darkness that is nothing like so-called depression (been there, done that).  It's been so intense at times that I've definitely contemplated relief via exiting this plane of existence -- but for the most part, it's been a drone of managed explosiveness punctuated by occasional volcanic, over-the-top, messy eruptions of emotions I never knew were there.  My being has instinctively retreated into the cave, as I don't want to "infect" anyone with what is always here, simmering beneath the surface.  I spend hours each day on the meditation cushion (or in shivasana), staring helplessly into the Void, recognizing that I've long-since been taken-over by the vibrational frequencies of jhana/samadhi, but unable to find solace that would help me know it will all pass into something else, eventually.

A dear friend made a suggestion a while back that goes like this:  Drive to the trailhead below Mt. Sanitas (I live in Boulder, CO), hike up the mountain, find a place to sit away from the trail... and spend whatever time necessary to establish a strong connection with the spirit of that place.  Feel it in the trees, plants, grass and wild animals.  Obtain permission from the spirit of Mt. Sanitas to pass all my most intense, dense, overwhelmingly hateful, violent, cruel and angry emotions into the trees, plants, grass, rocks and animal beings, so that the energy begins to move and lighten up.

The insight I got when I went up there was that, if my head is truly in the tiger's mouth -- if I've genuinely gone beyond the point of no return with my practice (and I have) -- then this is IT -- there is no escaping the felt experience of moving ever deeper into the Garden of Fetters -- where my pain and suffering, my anger and agression, my darkness and Void... merges with the collective.  It occurs to me that when we get to this place, we are doing work not only for ourselves, but for everyone.  We are navigating these deep, dark places, and we are being asked to master the path well enough to be able to move the energy -- keep it flowing, rather than (as I've been doing) getting mired in the muck for weeks and months at a time.

All of this is to say that, if any of this resonates with one or two readers... do get yourself to the Cathedral of Nature, and do open up to the spirit of that place.  Even if there is no belief that it is "working," know that it may take time for the flow the be established.  Avail, avail, avail -- and make it a constant practice to acknowledge the natural world around you, which is ready and waiting for us to utilize its miraculous ability to not only share the load, but transform it.

Thanks for reading....

[Jhanananda]

Good to read some inspiring writing of yours here in this forum, Michael.  I enjoyed your recommendation of retreating into the wilderness for renewal.  To me enlightenment is learning to live a lifestyle whereby we learn to renew ourselves whenever needed, as well as frequently and often, which is of course practicing meditation to depth every day, as you do.  If we need nature to do that, then great, because I need it to.

Just for an interesting circle of bazaar intertwining circles of life, I inherited El's forum, Kundalini Heat, after she committed suicide.  After reading through that forum I did not find that she had found much at all.  She was busy trying to shut out what we here call 'jhana,' instead of finding consolation in it, as you and I, and so many here do.

[Michael Hawkins]

We may be talking about a different El, Jeffrey.  The El I knew lived in Paradise, CA (up the hill from Chico), and had come back from terminal cancer by writing -- word-for-word -- the entire text of Nisargadatta's I Am That by hand.  My friend Erin lived in Chico at the time and would get groceries for El from time to time.  I think El just died in her sleep -- although she did have a stash of opiates in the freezer to do herself in if the pain from her cancer ever got too intense.  She recommended the Sedona Method and did not meditate or work with kundalini, as far as I know.  I respected her a lot, but her "rough edges" alienated a lot of people -- it took some getting used to, for sure.

[Jhanananda]

Yes, Michael, it does sound like another El, who lived in California, because cancer was not her issue, but unresolved psychological problems, plus completely misunderstood charisms, that she associated with an incorrect understanding of kundalini that she got from Gopi Krishna.  I guess that is California for you.  Good to read from you again, my friend.

[stugandolf]

I am glad to hear about various encounters with the dark night of the soul.  I have practiced being a contemplative mystic for 40 years, well that is what it is and now I have to sort out which which downturns, tangents, which events were deep or deeper dark nights.  I am getting more and more agoraphobic- even so it would be great to have the dark night as a topic to be considered at the next  retreat.  I am available after July 17 and onward.  So where do we stand on the next retreat?  My most recent, and on going DNS, has lasted about 8 months.  Stu   Thanks to all who have contributed to this topic. 

[rougeleader115]

Hello Michael Hawkins,

It is always wonderful reading your posts, even if they are not on a pleasant subject. I do not have much to say, except I am grateful for the honesty in your posts. It helps me to hear from others who have given their life to this and have plenty of years experience. You help me to not feel so guilty for my own darkness and failures. I do not know still if I have entered the Dark Night of the Soul at any point, but I know that things have been dark, and very confusing at times for me, especially the past 3 years. And your post very much touches my own experience, though I do not think it to be as serious as what you are going through. I hope there is relief for you in the near future.

A dear friend made a suggestion a while back that goes like this:  Drive to the trailhead below Mt. Sanitas (I live in Boulder, CO), hike up the mountain, find a place to sit away from the trail... and spend whatever time necessary to establish a strong connection with the spirit of that place.  Feel it in the trees, plants, grass and wild animals.  Obtain permission from the spirit of Mt. Sanitas to pass all my most intense, dense, overwhelmingly hateful, violent, cruel and angry emotions into the trees, plants, grass, rocks and animal beings, so that the energy begins to move and lighten up.

Jeffrey gave me this sort of advice a little while ago, it seems like the thing to do.

I am getting more and more agoraphobic- even so it would be great to have the dark night as a topic to be considered at the next  retreat.  I am available after July 17 and onward.  So where do we stand on the next retreat?  My most recent, and on going DNS, has lasted about 8 months.  Stu   Thanks to all who have contributed to this topic. 

I feel I am getting more agoraphobic as well. I surely wont be able to make it to this retreat, but this sounds like a great topic to be gone into again. It seems many of us are dealing with anxieties and depressions whether related to the Dark Night of the Soul or not. I do not know how much it is to request this, but I would really appreciate it if someone attending the retreat could record an audio or video of this talk if that is at all possible.

[Jhanananda]

I am getting more and more agoraphobic- even so it would be great to have the dark night as a topic to be considered at the next  retreat.  I am available after July 17 and onward.  So where do we stand on the next retreat?  My most recent, and on going DNS, has lasted about 8 months.  Stu   Thanks to all who have contributed to this topic. 

I feel I am getting more agoraphobic as well. I surely wont be able to make it to this retreat, but this sounds like a great topic to be gone into again. It seems many of us are dealing with anxieties and depressions whether related to the Dark Night of the Soul or not. I do not know how much it is to request this, but I would really appreciate it if someone attending the retreat could record an audio or video of this talk if that is at all possible.

It would be excellent if Stu, Michael, rougeleader115 and others joined us this year on retreat, and the topic of the dark night of the soul sounds like a good idea, and timely.  We will do what we can about recording the retreat discussions.

[Alexander]

A quote about inaction and the dark night:

"The Ordainer controls the fate of souls in accordance with their destiny. Whatever is destined not to happen will not happen, try as you may. Whatever is destined to happen will happen, try what you may to prevent it. This is certain. The best course, therefore, is to remain silent." -Ramana Maharshi

[Jhanon]

(From The Dark Night of the Soul, Ch VIII)

"But there is another thing here that afflicts and distresses the soul greatly, which is that, as this dark night has hindered its faculties and conditions in this way, it is unable to raise its affection or its mind to God, neither can it pray to Him, thinking, as Jeremias thought concerning himself, that God has set a cloud before it through which its prayer cannot pass. For it is this that is meant by that which is said in the passage referred to, namely: "He hath shut and enclosed my paths with square stones." And if it sometimes prays it does so with such lack of strength and sweetness that it thinks that God neither hears it nor pays heed to it, as this Prophet likewise declares in the same passage, saying: "When I cry and entreat, He hath shut out my prayer." In truth this is no time for the soul to speak to God; it should rather put its mouth in the dust, as Jeremias says, so that perchance there may come to it some present hope, and it may endure its purgation with patience. It is God Who is passively working here in the soul; wherefore the soul can do nothing. Hence it can neither pray nor pay attention when it is present at the Divine offices, much less can it attend to other things and affairs which are temporal. Not only so, but it has likewise such distractions and times of such profound forgetfulness of the memory that frequent periods pass by without its knowing what it has been doing or thinking, or what it is that it is doing or is going to do, neither can it pay attention, although it desire to do so, to anything that occupies it."

One of the struggles of the Dark Night is we often feel a challenge from ordinary life to engage with it. Surrounded by people with human expectations, it is reasonable to understand their challenge for us to work, to engage in relationships, and so on. At the same time, we feel (1) an intuition that we must continue on the secluded path we are on, and (2) that even if we desired at this time to engage with life, we could not do so, because the Dark Night is so personally debilitating, and takes up all of our energy and attention.

Can we maintain the faith that each day we are making progress, that we are being purified like gold in a crucible? Can we know that all our imperfections are being uprooted, that we are creating two parts distinct in ourselves, the sensual and the spiritual? When we have finished this great quest in the spirit, we can engage with ordinary life with supernatural vigor.

I did not read any further than this, Alexander. An interesting and profound series of "sign" events occurred, bringing me to the forum. I'm having a storm of things to write, to think, to say, to learn. I intuitively clicked this thread first, and your first post hit the nail on the head. I am starting, finally, to become aware of how thoroughly I am saturated in the Dark Night, and to recognize it in my daily life. I always am, and always have been in the Dark Night. Or, at least as early as 5 years old. I am not entirely sure it ever ends (although that should be impossible), as I believe I have read recent posts by Jhananda where he described his body crying behind sunglasses while he ate some kind of free food at a shelter.

I want to believe that I am making progress, and enough of it that I can find a way to crank out some helpful books, attain some income to support and grow my family and the GWV, and get off the medicines.

I don't think the Dark Night is something that starts and stops. In my experience It's always ebbing and flowing, changing here or there its appearance.

[Cal]

(From The Dark Night of the Soul, Ch VIII)

"But there is another thing here that afflicts and distresses the soul greatly, which is that, as this dark night has hindered its faculties and conditions in this way, it is unable to raise its affection or its mind to God, neither can it pray to Him, thinking, as Jeremias thought concerning himself, that God has set a cloud before it through which its prayer cannot pass. For it is this that is meant by that which is said in the passage referred to, namely: "He hath shut and enclosed my paths with square stones." And if it sometimes prays it does so with such lack of strength and sweetness that it thinks that God neither hears it nor pays heed to it, as this Prophet likewise declares in the same passage, saying: "When I cry and entreat, He hath shut out my prayer." In truth this is no time for the soul to speak to God; it should rather put its mouth in the dust, as Jeremias says, so that perchance there may come to it some present hope, and it may endure its purgation with patience. It is God Who is passively working here in the soul; wherefore the soul can do nothing. Hence it can neither pray nor pay attention when it is present at the Divine offices, much less can it attend to other things and affairs which are temporal. Not only so, but it has likewise such distractions and times of such profound forgetfulness of the memory that frequent periods pass by without its knowing what it has been doing or thinking, or what it is that it is doing or is going to do, neither can it pay attention, although it desire to do so, to anything that occupies it."

One of the struggles of the Dark Night is we often feel a challenge from ordinary life to engage with it. Surrounded by people with human expectations, it is reasonable to understand their challenge for us to work, to engage in relationships, and so on. At the same time, we feel (1) an intuition that we must continue on the secluded path we are on, and (2) that even if we desired at this time to engage with life, we could not do so, because the Dark Night is so personally debilitating, and takes up all of our energy and attention.

Can we maintain the faith that each day we are making progress, that we are being purified like gold in a crucible? Can we know that all our imperfections are being uprooted, that we are creating two parts distinct in ourselves, the sensual and the spiritual? When we have finished this great quest in the spirit, we can engage with ordinary life with supernatural vigor.

I did not read any further than this, Alexander. An interesting and profound series of "sign" events occurred, bringing me to the forum. I'm having a storm of things to write, to think, to say, to learn. I intuitively clicked this thread first, and your first post hit the nail on the head. I am starting, finally, to become aware of how thoroughly I am saturated in the Dark Night, and to recognize it in my daily life. I always am, and always have been in the Dark Night. Or, at least as early as 5 years old. I am not entirely sure it ever ends (although that should be impossible), as I believe I have read recent posts by Jhananda where he described his body crying behind sunglasses while he ate some kind of free food at a shelter.

I want to believe that I am making progress, and enough of it that I can find a way to crank out some helpful books, attain some income to support and grow my family and the GWV, and get off the medicines.

I don't think the Dark Night is something that starts and stops. In my experience It's always ebbing and flowing, changing here or there its appearance.

From reading the posts of Michael and Jhanon, I would have to agree. The Dark Knight in this interpretation  would make perfect sense. After to getting to know some of you and reading your stories on the forum, I've come to an understanding that it is very possible that most of us have lead a VERY similar life. In respect to certain "events of a forced inward thinking", and then we've found what we've found. With that said, is it really fair to interpret the Dark Knight of the "soul" to be anything of this physical plane? To be anything of physical perception or feeling? I know i ask for debate with this post, but Alexander brings up a very good point in his post as well;

A quote about inaction and the dark night:

"The Ordainer controls the fate of souls in accordance with their destiny. Whatever is destined not to happen will not happen, try as you may. Whatever is destined to happen will happen, try what you may to prevent it. This is certain. The best course, therefore, is to remain silent." -Ramana Maharshi

I have the feeling that we are all on a predetermined path, it is all in the way we get to the end. Let be what is, and do not focus on what is out of control. I think Jhanananda would say to search for answers in meditation. Perhaps, it is the inability to still the mind, that the absence of the spiritual becomes clear, and thus the interpretation.

I apologize, as this could be seen as aggressive, which is not the intent.

[Zack]

All of this is to say that, if any of this resonates with one or two readers... do get yourself to the Cathedral of Nature, and do open up to the spirit of that place.  Even if there is no belief that it is "working," know that it may take time for the flow the be established.  Avail, avail, avail -- and make it a constant practice to acknowledge the natural world around you, which is ready and waiting for us to utilize its miraculous ability to not only share the load, but transform it.

Thanks for reading....

Thank you for this. It is this kind of honesty left out in the open for others to find that gives me hope, or at least a feeling of like-minded communion. I attempted to write some more but really all I have to say is thank you, and that it resonates deeply.

[Michael Hawkins]

It's good to know that these words reached you, Zack, and that you made the effort to connect through them.  I hope you find in our community many opportunities to deepen your practice and presence in an otherwise oblivious world....

[Jhanananda]

Good to hear from you Michael.  Your writing has been much appreciated here.