mapelis blog

[Alexander]

Good to hear from you mapeli. Yes, I did save one of our dialogues from years ago which I felt was very interesting. Good to hear you are still committed to the quest.

In regard to your struggles - know I am in the same boat. I often sit for hours fruitlessly, get frustrated (my new health issues don't help either - or the exhaustion I have after the work day), give up praxis, then repeat. But, I am always inspired by the experiences of others here.

[mapeli]

So good to hear back from you, that you for your replies. Loneliness keep coming up as a theme currently so even a "hello" every 7th year is fantastic.

I wouldn't say, Alexander, that it makes me happy that you are in a similar situation, but it does make me feel less lonely and more included here.

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Regarding the Gospel of Tomas, I found it amazing to see that recommendation coming up here, because while contemplating the idea of basically changing "moods" (or negative states) at will, as discussed above, the idea about "eating a lion or being eaten by a lion" came up as good image for that. Either the negative states consume me, or I consume them. I knew it was from one of the "other" gospels, and now it showed up here. Thanks for that that!

I also think it's an idea that has been undersold then. If it's the thing that got Jhanananda out of the Dark Night, then that's a very  important piece of information. Perhaps I should start a separate thread about it? Writing this, though, I realize that as much as I know most of the classic GWV articles by heart, I have not kept up with this forum so perhaps it's here already.

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I've started contemplating (in the pondering sense) the topic of the OOBEs as I feel that it is somewhat unclear to me whether I need to "do" something (besides keeping a rigorous practice) to get there or not. Sometimes I read that it comes naturally, then I read "but some exercises what useful for me" or something like that. I know it doesn't really change anything either way, I'm investing in cushion time with or without OBEs, and I feel less intent on chasing fruit, and more intent on peace and soaking in non-suffering right now.

But. I have also notice that I've been frequently told that I'm sleeping (because of snoring or heavy breathing), and have been for a while, whilst I feel like I'm still meditating and am not asleep at all. When I'm woken up at those moments I don't perceive having gone from waking to sleep and back to waking but others in the room say that I've no undoubtedly been asleep.

So I'm playing around a little bit with that in-between state and am trying to prepare myself to be a bit more detached to this body than I'm accustomed too. It also helps that I don't know how much cushion time I can get each evening so I've started practicing my lying down meditation more intently.

So this night the dream world gradually introduced it self, and I saw myself crossing a road and sneaking over a hill, and a beautiful village emerged on the other side. And the colors where deep green and radiant, just like those never-ending summer sunsets up North, where the green somehow looks a bit purple. And I was thinking, oh so this must be a dream-place and I'm here fully conscious. It had nice wooden houses and a beautiful lake a bit off. And I was thinking how lucky the people living here must be. As I was wondering if I'd meet someone I became too self-conscious and figured I need to quiet myself down more, as the village seemed to be very quiet, and I could still feel myself too loud within and was worried that I would come across as loud or crude. At that point I decided to go back to my body and practice some yoga before my next bedtime and work on having stilled my mind more before getting back there. But somehow that place made it into my heart and as I'm writing now I really hope I can get back there tonight. I'm feeling a tinge sentimental, and full of love and joy thinking about that place. And I mostly certainly  didn't notice an interruption in the stream at all. I also know what in my body and sleeping habits made me want to go back to the body so I will work on addressing those issues.

Wow, reflecting on this, somehow I really love that place.

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Regarding the retreats, I suspected the case was that I had missed my chance of that, Jhanananda. Is it any day now you will leave us, or is it just that you can't do retreats anymore? I would very much like to meet you in some capacity, face to face. I'll even settle for Zoom, that cursed replacement for real human interaction, if it's all I can get. If that is too much too, then I will gladly accept. I've had plenty of time but used it unwisely. And it's not like you haven't left a written legacy.

[Jhanananda]

One of the many things to understand about a contemplative life that seeks depth is humans are just another animal on this planet, and all animals have powerful biological drives, which are imperatives for survival.  So the sexual drive and loneliness are all part of that biological imperative.

As a contemplative seeking depth we shed the elements of identity as we go deeper into meditation. Aspects of our identity is bound up in our human biology. Thus, at some point we stop being human and we start becoming pure spirit.  When we are spirit we are no longer animal.  We become spirit when we leave the body in an OOBE; however, in the lower levels of the OOBE we still retain a lot of the programming of what it is to be human, so we have to move above the biological programming when we get to the 6th samadhi, which is the second level of the OOBE (2nd ayatana).

So, when we are out of body and yet experience being in a body and communicating with beings who appear to be in a body we are still functioning on a fairly low level of the OOBE at the first stage.

When we rise above the lower levels of the OOBE we become pure spirit, and thus we cease to have a body and interact with other anthropomorphic beings and are functioning on a level in which we are just a point of awareness, love and light; and all others we interact with are also just the same. 

So, keep meditating with the aspiration for depth. One who seeks depth in meditation will occasional have an OOBE. When one consistently mediates to the depth of the 4th samadhi (4th jhana), then on will begin to be consistent in having OOBEs to the point that one may become self-aware 24/7 as I have become for the last 47 years. At that point one will traverse the 4 primary levels of the spirit domain on a nightly basis.

As for my health.  I was diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure over 10 years ago.  Diabetes is not seen in the medical community as something one gets over.  It is known as a progressive debilitating disease that shortens one's life so that one is not expected to live a long life.  And combined with high blood pressure and age, heart attacks, strokes, kidney disease and cancer are the likely and expected outcomes.

A little over 3 years ago I was diagnosed with COPD.  When you get the diagnosis of COPD they don't tell you it is a death sentence. They tell you it is a progressive debilitating disease, which means you never get over it, and for the rest of your life you will be dependent upon machines. Combining the COPD diagnosis with my age and other comorbidities means death is likely to come sooner than later.

However, through research and development I have developed a set of respiratory equipment that has improved my health significantly.  If I ever see my doctors again I think they will be very surprised to see my improvement. So, the reality is that I could drop dead any minute, but if I can keep my respiratory equipment running I may live a few more decades.

I like the idea of participating in some kind of group video call; however, most days I only have access to the internet with a smart phone with an unlimited plan, but I am rural, so cell service is not good, and the unlimited plan throtles back to barely functional most of the month.

And, I am working on moving to a ranch where I have been asked to caretake.  It is so remote that just to communicate with anyone I have to put my cell phone up 20ft into a tree just to send a text.  Or, drive a few miles so make a phone call.

So, for the present this is the best we are going to get, and I may not be able to get on line every day to check in here, so you all are going to have to belly up to the table to support each other, because I am surely not long for the world.