Jay's Online Dream Log

[jay.validus]

I write quite a bit on dreams and OOB's in this forum, so to streamline future posts I am writing most of those topics on this thread.

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I wanted to share this common theme that seems to be quite prevalent in my dreams the past week: drug use.  It is not about a craving towards any intoxicant.  Rather, I am experiencing the effect of cannabis and other psychedelics in my dreams, in a very vivid state of awareness.

Two key examples of this: First, I was walking through downtown in dangerous places, relishing in my exploring, but I was very high and could not fully defend myself as necessary;  Second, in my dreams I am at times on a psychedelic trip, and is very nonsensical.  One example is in my dream, I took this synthetic drug, not sure what, with the purpose to understand the use of consciousness after bodily death. 

There are times the depth of the experience is lost to me when I wake up.  What is interesting is I am not currently consuming any intoxicants that would produce such an experience.  It is just happening.  I have never been a huge drug tripper.  I have had my cannabis phase, and I used to drink like a horse.  But these substances are not largely a part of my life anymore, save a couple beers with family or friends the odd time.

It has nothing to do about any cravings or desire, rather it is just happening, and it is very vivid and intense.  I am not scared.  It is interesting, but I do not get why it is happening.  Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?  And why?  I observe it, I ponder it, I move on, and it is interesting.

[Jhanananda]

Thank-you, Jay, for posting honestly regarding your dream content.  Many of my lucid dreams, and OOBEs, especially in the early days, had such drug associations, even though I was clean and sober.  I interpret this as the mind attempting to make sense of the charismatic phenomena of the OOBE, which can parallel the psychedelic experience enough that one can interpret it as a psychedelic-like experience.

[jay.validus]

I want to master awareness during my sleep cycle.  In my eyes, mastery is awareness of your entire sleep cycle, from laying down to getting up, and of what one experiences therein.  This has been very difficult.  I have forgotten more lucid and vivid dreams than most people have in a lifetime, but I am not satisfied.  There are layers upon layers of the mind that can easily be seen in deep states.  There is a whole other reality I am choosing to bring awareness towards.

Let's look at where I am at presently.  I have always dreamt every night since childhood.  Vividness has increased since then.  In a given week, I can expect two to five vivid or lucid dream experience.  Experience with the black ebbs and flows... I have noticed that this coincides with the moon cycle.  Sometimes I may be sleeping, than randomly just become aware for a while.  I have been at the point for a year and half where dreams are real, I have no doubts.

Out-of-body experiences have happened.  The last time a demon came to help me.  He said get up as you move your arms across your legs.  It worked.  There has always been so much fear, and I do not know why.  Yes, with awareness during the sleep cycle, but just in general in my life.  I don't understand why it is there, as I have proven to myself many times over I have physical and emotional strength. 

I don't want fear to be my centre anymore, but at the same time, I want to embrace my primal nature, the parts of our human psyche free from fear.  I cannot become a whole person ignoring whole parts of who I am.  This is difficult.  It is like there is a locked door inside myself, and the person on the other side either will not come out, or something else in my mind is preventing it from coming out.  Fear.

I don't know what will happen if I unleash my true potential.  I know I am sick of being less of what I can achieve just because I am my biggest obstacle.  Sometimes the world starts to feel like it is not real, I get dizzy, but not in the many ways it has manifested before.  I don't lose balance.  A friend helped me one time, and she said relax.  I relax now when this happens. 

I will conquer this, I am just tired of spending my whole life going through this already.  There is no need.  I can live without fear.  I can change without being scared.

[Zack]

I tend to stay aware of the moon cycles and phases (we're headed towards a solar eclipse on Sept 13, at the waxing square now; then a total lunar eclipse on the 28th. I see people all around me already feeling the eclipse), and find it is a useful tool for staying aware and observant of the ebbs and flows of life. I can't say much to correlate the moon phases with my dream state because I'm not aware enough how they correspond, but I can say meditation seems to have a certain quality during the balsamic moon phases (aka the dark of the moon, the several days preceding the new moon each month) or during the void-of-course moon, which is when the moon is astrologically no longer making any more aspects to other planets/celestial bodies before changing zodiac signs, and happens at different times throughout the month. There are other times, for instance the moon in water or making certain aspects, but anyway it just often feels easier to 'slip away' at those times; the reins of the mind and emotions are much looser. I'm not a master meditator or even necessarily that good at it, so this is just my limited personal experience. I'd be interested in how the moon cycles work for you. I think tying that into dream journaling would be interesting.

I also have found the intensity and vividness of my dreams increases with the depth of meditation I'm able to reach during the day. At times when my practice is a little stagnant, which it often is, I have trouble remembering my dream state, but when I am consistently letting go to depth for days at a time, my dreams have been hyper-real and often shockingly vivid. So for me personally I've found the vividness of my dream state has mirrored what I am able to give towards my meditation. I can only see myself being completely aware during the sleep cycle when I have totally given myself to the meditative lifestyle, which I haven't been able to manage yet. I'm going to add moon data to my journaling though, I think.

About fear, I think the only way to deal with that is to continually face it. It's constrictive. For me it has helped to have a one-pointed goal, which in effect cuts right through whatever I may be throwing up to obstruct or defend myself, and that one-pointed goal is to just sit, and meditate.

[Jhanananda]

I want to master awareness during my sleep cycle.  In my eyes, mastery is awareness of your entire sleep cycle, from laying down to getting up, and of what one experiences therein. 

Yes, I agree, because this is how it works for me.

This has been very difficult.  I have forgotten more lucid and vivid dreams than most people have in a lifetime, but I am not satisfied.  There are layers upon layers of the mind that can easily be seen in deep states.  There is a whole other reality I am choosing to bring awareness towards.

Let's look at where I am at presently.  I have always dreamt every night since childhood.  Vividness has increased since then.  In a given week, I can expect two to five vivid or lucid dream experience.  Experience with the black ebbs and flows... I have noticed that this coincides with the moon cycle.  Sometimes I may be sleeping, than randomly just become aware for a while.  I have been at the point for a year and half where dreams are real, I have no doubts.

Out-of-body experiences have happened.  The last time a demon came to help me.  He said get up as you move your arms across your legs.  It worked.  There has always been so much fear, and I do not know why.  Yes, with awareness during the sleep cycle, but just in general in my life.  I don't understand why it is there, as I have proven to myself many times over I have physical and emotional strength. 

Lucidity takes practice, and we may find help in unexpected places.

I don't want fear to be my centre anymore, but at the same time, I want to embrace my primal nature, the parts of our human psyche free from fear.  I cannot become a whole person ignoring whole parts of who I am.  This is difficult.  It is like there is a locked door inside myself, and the person on the other side either will not come out, or something else in my mind is preventing it from coming out.  Fear.

I don't know what will happen if I unleash my true potential.  I know I am sick of being less of what I can achieve just because I am my biggest obstacle.  Sometimes the world starts to feel like it is not real, I get dizzy, but not in the many ways it has manifested before.  I don't lose balance.  A friend helped me one time, and she said relax.  I relax now when this happens. 

I will conquer this, I am just tired of spending my whole life going through this already.  There is no need.  I can live without fear.  I can change without being scared.

Fear and anxiety are core problems, which we tend to overcome with continued diligent practice.  Relaxation is also a core skill that one needs to develop for progress.  So, you are doing well, and just keep moving forward.

[jay.validus]

I came home to nap after work.  I laid down at 6 o'clock and now it is close to 10.  I am so sick of feeling tired all the time. During my nap, I lost consciousness for the first hour, coming partially to awareness a few times.  The last two hours I did not succumb to unconsciousness .  I just laid there thinking I was not asleep.  Despite that, still I felt the heaviness of sleep in my eyes, spine, and extremities.  It was intense, and I did not feel any desire to move.  That said, I could move if needed to switch positions.

Lots of deeper thoughts came to the forefront.  Things like fears, deeper emotions, and deeper desires.  Sometimes it gets very intense.  I am scared of going to sleep.  If I look back at my life, always if I couldn't pass out right away I would keep myself up doing something.  Why?  I would just lay there, completely aware, feeling rested, but my mind races with so many unpleasant thoughts, emotions, and fears.  Sleep is not even relaxing!  I've learned to lay there for a while, then switch position because I will then pass out.

I realized I needed to start applying some principles I learned with my meditation practice to my sleep (took long enough).  With that said, the magnitude of dealing with deeper aspects of the self is much more difficult sleeping than while I am awake.  Letting go in sleep feels like a decent in hell, a decent in madness (Then day comes and the light comes back!  Christian stories, how they give me strength, my partial family religious heritage) .  Self-talk barely works, except with a few key insights I have had during my life said at the right moment, like saying relax, it's all good

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On the week-end, I got four hours sleep on Saturday.  I was having this dream, I believe set in the 40s, I lived on quite a nice property with my then wife.  Soliders starting attacking, and we tired to run away.  One of them caught me, we fought, and the gun went off under my chin.  It was quite painful but quick.  This happened three times.  I realized now, they probably raped that woman, my wife in this dream. 

It's not that these "bad" dreams are difficult.  Actually, I have no trouble with them at all.  Images or sensations don't bother me.  I hope I am not rambling at this point, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.  I am just tired and not getting enough rest.

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I tend to stay aware of the moon cycles and phases (we're headed towards a solar eclipse on Sept 13, at the waxing square now; then a total lunar eclipse on the 28th.

Hey Zach!  Thanks for replying to my post.  Interesting to read your experiences on the moon phases.  I noticed on new moon (is that balsamic moon? Never heard that term before) that my mind is not as fluid.  It feels more dense.  The physical world feels more real at this time, and it some way it can be very relaxing because of that fact.  I see a couch, and it's just a couch.  I can feel so relaxed and at peace.  When a full moon comes around, my mind gets more fluid.  At this time the spiritual world becomes more real.  This is a time when I could look at a couch, and it not the couch, its the perception of the couch.  Let go of that perception and you become an empty vessel.  I become less real.  I always feel the higher in the mind I go the more icy and mechanical it becomes.  Sometimes it is lots of fun to discover, other times it has become too intense for me because I don't know what I am looking at or what I am experiencing.

[Jhanananda]

Yes, Jay, sorry to read you have some work to do on your psyche, but we all do.  Yes, applying what you have learned in meditation to your sleep cycle is skillful means.

Interesting dream sequence.  It sounds like a recovered previous lifetime.  When you are done with reviewing that one, and you continue to develop deep meditation practice, then there is likely to be more recovered previous lifetime material in your sleep state.

Good work.

[PeacefulDodo]

Sounds pretty intense Jay, lot's of stuff deep rooted coming out in the dreams, i have a suspision that this occurs more and more as you get more aware of your dreams.  It may be an idea to do "reality checks" throughout the day such as checking your hands or a clock face as both are obscured in dreams, pinching your nose and trying to breathe if you can your dreaming or just pinch your self to see if there is any pain, if not your dreaming.  The dream world is a bizzare and crazy place!  This has allowed me to become lucid when i have practiced it throughout the day as it becomes habit.  I had a fairly intense lucid dream which felt as real as waking reality by doing this. 

I fell out of my bed, tried turning on the light switch but it wasent working so i went over to the lava lamp but it was a pile of gold and red feathers, realising i was dreaming i span around ( a way meant to make your dreams more stable) then pinched my nose and tried to breathe to confirm.  I then went through my bedroom wall, it felt like going through those foam rollers at a fun park soft play area from when your a kid, and i came out above the clouds despite being on the ground floor.  Flew around for a while and was jumping in and out of clouds until i saw the earth which looked like colored sections for each continent, aka europe green, america red etc, then a dove flew by me and i was moved by its beauty then i lost control and woke up hah, was the most lucid dream i have ever had and was awesome, you can feel the water droplets on your face as you dive between clouds etc. 

Most of my dreams follow the theme of fire breathing T-rex's (!?!), giant robots chasing me around places like brazilian favelas, training with UFC/MMA fighters or having an MMA fight, my old village and my friends from primary school. 

A reocurring dream i have had since childhood is looking from this exact position (this is a beach from my childhood - 18, still live near and its very close to my heart) and seeing huge waves with a huge moon illuminating them from behind, and when wave forms i see the silluoetes of all types of sea creatures such as whales, squid, sharks etc.  Although it has changed recently from that to being at that beach and there being pure, clear see through water and killer whales swimming underneath the surface.  There is a strange type of awareness in these dreams for instance as i was always dreaming about it was telling my family in a dream that i always dream of killer whales whilst dreaming of killer whales, and a type of ironic humor about it all but not quite lucid enough to make sense of what was going on hah, very bizzare!

A dream i reflected on recently was climbing up this hill, again in the old village, and badgers being there, which i percieved as a threat.  I was climbing up and this badger ran up and came face to face with me, i then dropped a giant stone on it and tried to run but woke up.  Interesting that it was a percieved threat, but when looking back i realise they were not being aggresive at all, also in school my nickname used to be badger, maybe about trying to destroy an old identification.  Who knows, dreams are so very odd. 

I wish you luck with you awareness in sleep Jay, it is something that im interested in as well but im just going to let it develop naturally as my sati during the day gets bettter and better and my meditations get deeper. 

[jay.validus]

Thanks Jeffrey.  Yup, nobody is perfect.

Thanks PD for sharing the stories.  To be honest, I find the reality checks don't work for me.  Meditation has been the biggest help in awareness during the sleep cycle. 

Your dream of the killer whales and telling your family about it, I feel the same way at times.  If only we could share what we internally experience to those close to us, but our words cannot do justice.  Nobody who does not experience it deeply will understand, and sometimes labels and judgements will come if you share something too soon to another.  Although, everyone had ideas of reality and God, and all people do have some form of spiritual experiences nonetheless.

About your dove dream, yeah I find if I stop surrendering to the experience, then it falls flat too.  Shitty deals, eh? (That's the Canadian in me coming out).  My content is not like yours, with fighting and fire-breathing t-rexes.  It usually relates to the nature of reality in some form, and I watch as a part of myself is cataloguing the experience and trying to understand it.  It is like feeling webs upon webs of thoughts work themselves out.

Thanks for the good wishes, I am trying my best to purify myself during my sleep lol! 

[Jhanananda]

Sounds pretty intense Jay, lot's of stuff deep rooted coming out in the dreams, i have a suspision that this occurs more and more as you get more aware of your dreams.  It may be an idea to do "reality checks" throughout the day such as checking your hands or a clock face as both are obscured in dreams, pinching your nose and trying to breathe if you can your dreaming or just pinch your self to see if there is any pain, if not your dreaming.  The dream world is a bizzare and crazy place!  This has allowed me to become lucid when i have practiced it throughout the day as it becomes habit.  I had a fairly intense lucid dream which felt as real as waking reality by doing this. 

I keep mindfully self-aware as my method of developing lucidity.

I fell out of my bed, tried turning on the light switch but it wasent working so i went over to the lava lamp but it was a pile of gold and red feathers, realising i was dreaming i span around ( a way meant to make your dreams more stable) then pinched my nose and tried to breathe to confirm.  I then went through my bedroom wall, it felt like going through those foam rollers at a fun park soft play area from when your a kid, and i came out above the clouds despite being on the ground floor.  Flew around for a while and was jumping in and out of clouds until i saw the earth which looked like colored sections for each continent, aka europe green, america red etc, then a dove flew by me and i was moved by its beauty then i lost control and woke up hah, was the most lucid dream i have ever had and was awesome, you can feel the water droplets on your face as you dive between clouds etc. 

This was an OOBE, which is beyond lucid dreaming.

A reocurring dream i have had since childhood is looking from this exact position (this is a beach from my childhood - 18, still live near and its very close to my heart) and seeing huge waves with a huge moon illuminating them from behind, and when wave forms i see the silluoetes of all types of sea creatures such as whales, squid, sharks etc.  Although it has changed recently from that to being at that beach and there being pure, clear see through water and killer whales swimming underneath the surface.  There is a strange type of awareness in these dreams for instance as i was always dreaming about it was telling my family in a dream that i always dream of killer whales whilst dreaming of killer whales, and a type of ironic humor about it all but not quite lucid enough to make sense of what was going on hah, very bizzare!

You may have been a killer whale in a previous lifetime, so your dreams about killer whales might be recalling that lifetime.

I was salmon in a previous lifetime, so I have had many lucid dreams of being a salmon.

[PeacefulDodo]

Jay your dreams sound far deeper than mine, and very interesting, probably because you are really trying to keep that awareness going throughout your sleep and thus deeper elements of the self get exposed if your more aware.  Interesting to hear others experiences as many of my friends and workmates state that they dont dream at all, which im assuming is simply them not remembering their dreams very well. 

How do you Jay and Jeff remain aware whilst asleep, when sleeping it's more like everything is shutting down, i guess there is a level of awareness beyond the body and mind which sleeps, which would make sense.  A few times i have been aware of my body and brain shutting down but the recognition of that odd state kind of jolts me out of it, so i can see how it would be possible with training.  Actually just typing that reminded me of when i was having a debate with my friends who i lived with recently, they  believed that it was impossible to walk around the village without thinking, they also thought it impossible to count to 30 without thinking mentally which somewhat blew my mind as they all train their bodies to achieve greater levels of control and prowess so why not the mind!? Anyway i have digressed.

Jeff, i must say your comment about being a Killer Whale in a previous lifetime made me chuckle quite alot, although im sure if you had that intention.  I never even considered that tbh.   Does any dream which becomes sufficently lucid automatically become an OOBE?

[Jhanananda]

Jay your dreams sound far deeper than mine, and very interesting, probably because you are really trying to keep that awareness going throughout your sleep and thus deeper elements of the self get exposed if your more aware.  Interesting to hear others experiences as many of my friends and workmates state that they dont dream at all, which im assuming is simply them not remembering their dreams very well. 

Yes, most people dream, they just do not recall them.  My father thought he did not dream either, because he could not recall them.

How do you Jay and Jeff remain aware whilst asleep, when sleeping it's more like everything is shutting down, i guess there is a level of awareness beyond the body and mind which sleeps, which would make sense.  A few times i have been aware of my body and brain shutting down but the recognition of that odd state kind of jolts me out of it, so i can see how it would be possible with training.  Actually just typing that reminded me of when i was having a debate with my friends who i lived with recently, they  believed that it was impossible to walk around the village without thinking, they also thought it impossible to count to 30 without thinking mentally which somewhat blew my mind as they all train their bodies to achieve greater levels of control and prowess so why not the mind!? Anyway i have digressed.

Becoming fully lucid in the sleep state is just a natural "fruit" of the contemplative life for those who learn to meditate deeply.  It was known in the suttas as 'amatta' the deathless, because it was believed at the time of Siddhartha Gautama that the dream world was where we went when we died, so one who was fully lucid in the dream state, is one who has arrived at the deathless.  I happen to agree.

Jeff, i must say your comment about being a Killer Whale in a previous lifetime made me chuckle quite alot, although im sure if you had that intention.  I never even considered that tbh.   Does any dream which becomes sufficently lucid automatically become an OOBE?

Yes, but the degree of lucidity has to be greater than the waking state, so that one is hyper-aware, or super conscious.

[jay.validus]

Greetings.

This was an interesting experience.  I went to sleep early at 8, right after mediating and passed out.  I woke up at 1, decided to meditate another hour, and then laid down for a couple hours till I drifted deeper to sleep. 

I awoke several times in my dream.  My apartment was black, the lights wouldn't turn on, and the stove clock read differently each time.  One time it was 8 'clock, another it was 1:30.  Another time was 11:11, somehow regarded as a spiritual number in New Age circles... I think it's bullshit to be honest.  Eventually I realized I was formless.  I had thought I had died, especially after going through so many sequences and not be able to wake my body up.   I accepted I died.

Then, the fun parts began.   I decided to jump out my room.  This is where I started to note some interesting things.  I wondered why certain parts of my vision was so clear, but if I turned my head it was blurry or dark. Shifting between the black and dream environments/OOB's has happened many times before, but not when I turn my head left it is black, but I turn it back to the environment it is lush, clear, and vivid again.  At one place I visited it was winter and cold.  Usually if my dreams are cold like this, I am cold while sleeping and I would just wake myself up to put the covers on.   This time I just accepted the cold, and I felt liberation. 

There was also another part, where I was meeting a certain aspect of my personality.  He was middle-aged and what I considered ugly.  It was the sexual passion-filled part of myself, but he lived in a posh home with his partner living a content existence.  When I entered his home, I saw my reflection, and it was me -- black hair, hazel eyes, athletic build.  I was told, and I cannot remember the word used, that I was the glue that held the entire personality together.  A few other parts made there notice to me through some symbols, and I caught one of their names, Querl or Quill. 

I finally woke up and realized I was deep in sleep.

[Jhanananda]

Lucid dreaming often provides insightful content, as your dream here did.

[Zack]

I tend to stay aware of the moon cycles and phases (we're headed towards a solar eclipse on Sept 13, at the waxing square now; then a total lunar eclipse on the 28th.

Hey Zach!  Thanks for replying to my post.  Interesting to read your experiences on the moon phases.  I noticed on new moon (is that balsamic moon? Never heard that term before) that my mind is not as fluid.  It feels more dense.  The physical world feels more real at this time, and it some way it can be very relaxing because of that fact.  I see a couch, and it's just a couch.  I can feel so relaxed and at peace.  When a full moon comes around, my mind gets more fluid.  At this time the spiritual world becomes more real.  This is a time when I could look at a couch, and it not the couch, its the perception of the couch.  Let go of that perception and you become an empty vessel.  I become less real.  I always feel the higher in the mind I go the more icy and mechanical it becomes.  Sometimes it is lots of fun to discover, other times it has become too intense for me because I don't know what I am looking at or what I am experiencing.

The balsamic moon is the period right before the new moon, the waning crescent. The new moon would be the distinct shift when the Sun and Moon conjunct each other. The coming eclipse I mentioned is on the exact degree of my own natal moon in Virgo and opposite my Pisces ascendant, so I am feeling it particularly acutely. It feels like a giant force homing in on me. What will come after it, I have little clue.

Sorry, don't mean to take away from the dream subject.