This is where one needs to learn when to dump the meditation technique, because you were drifting into the 2nd jhana, but your attachment to your meditation object prevented you from leaving the 1st jhana. So, do keep in mind that the 2nd jhana is when the mind becomes still. When the mind is still the meditation object becomes dropped. If we persist in attending to the meditation object, then we cannot go deeper into meditation.
Yes, I noticed I would forget what number I was counting and it would be time to let go and enter the 2nd jhana.
I was given a job last week as a pool cleaner. But decided against it as I would be working with chemicals. I could not get any other jobs, so I return to university next week.
Since I was smothered by that 'shadow person' my meditation practice has lacked depth; only the first jhana. The experience brought back memories of how I saw it when I was a child and also the feelings of being scared, alone and vulnerable; I remember being so scared to look outside at night and having to close my curtain for a long time. But I think facing my fears is better than returning to insanity.
My recovery is going well, I will write a blog about it soon. I hope you are all well.
