Hello everyone. This community has helped me realize that it is possible to be free in this lifetime. Honest effort just has to be put in. I feel lucky have access to someone like Jhananda that shares so much of his time, patience and wisdom, and he never asks for anything in return.
I grew up surrounded by nature and had minimal supervision. I had lots of unstructured playtime. So I had both the physical and mental space to be free as I wanted. I realize now how mindful I was as a child and how observant I was of nature and its laws. Religion was not part of my family's life.
I did not have any strange experiences growing up but I did have the impression I could read minds, especially when people tried to lie, hide things or had intense judgements but were not verbalized. Maybe I had just a good sense of observation, able to read body language, but sometimes, I really did have the impression that I heard thoughts very clearly. I still get these impressions today.
I have a theory that if we lived in our natural state, which is hunter/gatherer, then many of us would be enlightened, or at least have access to some of the superior fruit (maha-phala). Insight, which is intuitive and revelatory, and not mindfulness, is one of those superior fruit (maha-phala). It seems that your unstructured time as a child might have resulted in developing some insight for you.
I too had a lot of free time to explore nature as a child growing up in the desert, and I too developed more insight than others, and could tell when people were lying to me, which was frequent and often in my family.
I was depressed as a child, not being accepted by others. I was also depressed because I knew early on just how much people lied, were hypocritical, irrational, judgmental, etc. In turn as an adolescent, I got very irritable and angry, just tired of living in such a world. One day I just said to my family “I am not human”. That's how alien I felt.
Well humans have turned this Garden of Eden into a hell-plane, so not wonder you were depressed, and felt alien, as a child.
It is just that when I started to practice meditation around five years ago, and open myself to new ideas, that interesting things started to happen. I never thought I'd have these kinds of experiences.
First off, just after a few weeks of practicing insight meditation for around 25 minutes a day, a family member noticed a difference when we were talking on the phone. She was wondering what was going on because I seemed so happy. I told her I started meditating. She said that before, it was like she was walking on eggshells around me. When she told me I sounded happy we both almost cried.
Later, I meditated around an hour a day. It made a significant difference in my mood. I have not been depressed since I started meditating. That is huge for me because depression had been such a part of my life, it was part of my personality. I had to adapt to being happy (!). I still feel sad sometimes, but it does not possess me. I can keep on living.
Since you were meditating in hour-long sessions daily, then it sounds like you must have made it to at least the 1st jhana, part of which is experienced as greater happiness.
An interesting experience happened while I was on a solitary retreat in the forest a couple of years ago. While meditating, a very clear image of a fox's head appeared in my mind's eye. Three days later, while walking in the forest, a panicked hare came running out of the branches, touching the heels of my boots as it ran to the other side of the road back in the forest. A few seconds later, a beautiful orange smiling fox ran a few feet in front of me, concentrated in the hunt, and also disappeared in the forest. The hare eventually screamed and died most probably. These animals rarely come so close to humans.
I too have had many such close encounters with wildlife while on solo retreat in the wilderness. It seems they get used to us, and realize that we are not a threat to them.
Lately, new experiences have begun to happen. I've had both visual and auditory hypnompic hallucinations (upon waking). The first visual one was scary. Waking up very early in the morning to see in my darkened room what seemed like a circle of yellow light being projected on my ceiling, with a mandala made out of shadows of candle-holders that started spinning.
Spherical hypnompic lights are called 'kasina' in Theradana Buddhism. In my experience they can be used as a mediation object, and if so, then they can be used as a portal into the immaterial domains.
Auditory hallucinations have included my front doorbell ringing several times, a man's voice emanating from my heart or talking over my forehead or a digital sound coming from my nose like something shutting down...
When we first start having Auditory hypnompic hallucinations the mind tries to make sense out of it. But, as the contemplative learns to meditate deeper, then one gets to a place beyond the mind engaging in interpreting hypnompic hallucinations. At that point the hallucinations just become raw data streaming in, and have no real world counter part.
I've read about hypnopompic hallucinations and was comforted to know that these happen to a lot of people, more often to those with narcolepsy. If you don't have this condition and get this often, supposedly your risk of psychosis is pretty big. I don't think I'm going crazy. It's just when I don't sleep well, or am stressed, I get these.
No researches, other than myself, have studied rigorous, self-aware contemplatives who meditate deeply, so they have no reference for us. And, the academic community is not interested in this work. Thus the mystics, and each other, are our only reference points.
I mostly do insight meditation, focusing on the breath, sounds, sensations, metta, etc. I try to meditate at least an hour a day. But eventuality I want to meditate for at least 2 hours each day. I have neglected my practice somewhat in the last two years because of intense work and study, but I now have time to meditate more, so I'm trying to do that. I have started reading the Dhiga Nikaya.
Life seems to conspire against the contemplative, but it is good that you are getting back to your meditation practice and reading the Discourses of the Buddha. You will need some of your insight to be able to read through the many translation errors in it.
Often when I meditate, my hands and feet get really hot and start hurting a little, it's bearable. I hear the a kind of hum, louder or with many different tones (I've had this since I was a kid). I see shapes, colors and lights, sometimes having the impression a light outside my body was passing me or shining on me. A few times, I think some of my chakras have opened; I've felt like someone was poking and searching in my third eye or feeling empty in the heart area.
At this point you should only use the meditation technique to get to these charisms that your described. If you want to go deeper, then use the charisms as your new meditation object and dump the lame meditation technique.
Also, you have not mentioned whether you still your mind, but if you do, then that is the point to dump the lame meditation technique and just use the still mind as your meditation object. Then when the charisms arise, then use them as your meditation object.
Once I remember that I did not feel anything, all was dark, but it was not scary.
Lately, I feel like I could be ready to have an OOBE, because each time I go to bed at night in the last few months, I get this kind of vibration in my body. I just don't know how to get out and I even though I know it's safe, losing some control of my experience is scary I guess, because I know how much of my reality I try to control (mostly avoiding social situations) in my waking life. I've had severe social anxiety in the past because of traumatizing experiences with people. It's manageable now, but I still don't always know how to act with certain people, I hate having to speak up, being the center of attention, etc.
The vibration in one's body that arises just before sleep is the precursor to an OOBE. The way to use it as a vehicle for the OOBE is to use the vibration as your meditation object, while relaxing deeply, and keeping the mind still. It is all about letting go, and allowing the religious experience to take over.
I always remember my dreams. On rare occasions I lucid dream.
Lucid dreaming is an OOBE, but one just does not experience leaving and reentering the body.
So that's that, other interesting things have happened to me, I may share them at another time. If you're new to this forum, please share your story in a new post. I love reading them and it helps others feel not so alone.
Thank-you Violet, for posting here your case history. Case histories are valuable for others to read, so that they can realize that the religious experience is valuable and not scary.
