I like reading everyone's experiences.
I did a Goenka retreat in 2009. It was nice to be taken care of, not having to prepare meals and do housework. I was able to fully concentrate on meditation for 8 to 10 hours a day.
Thank-you violet for posting your comments regarding your 10-meditation experience. I agree, attending a retreat gets us away from the day-to-day drudgery of life so that we can take some time to just ponder the universe and our place within it.
For me it was not so much what the meditation technique felt like and how I progressed in the area of concentration, but more about what I realized about myself. I realized that when I was depressed or angry, I did not accept other people's kindness towards me. As though I wanted to wallow in these feelings. I have a history of depression, being depressed even as a child. But at the end of the retreat, I changed that. So that was huge.
Overcoming mental habits, such as depression, or anger, etc. is huge, and a 10-day meditation retreat is a place where people often overcome such mental habits. Overcoming the fetters and hindrances is known as a fruit (phala) of the contemplative life. It is a sign that one is making significant progress.
I observed how I had mood swings also. Sometimes I wanted to laugh, sometimes cry, sometimes get mad. But after the retreat, I was a lot calmer, and more aware of what I felt.
This is an aspect of equanimity, which is one of the signs of absorption (jhana-nimitta).
On the physical level, when I looked at myself in the mirror on the evening of the second night I think, my eyes had changed. My eyeballs sort of projected out and my eyes seemed illuminated from inside. I saw this in other meditators eyes too. It was strange.
I recall seeing the same thing at one of my earlier retreats. It reminded me of an old horror movie called "The Village of the Damned." But, it did not frighten me to see the glow in my eyes, and those of others who were meditating deeply.
But I did not like certain elements of the retreat.
I've journaled for several years, so not being permitted to do so was disappointing, and I'm sure it would of helped to clear my thoughts and put things in perspective more easily (apparently, that would of been too distracting). So after the ten days, I bought a little notebook at a gas station and wrote everything I could, spilled my thoughts on paper before the trip home, not wanting to forget anything for future reference. I went through my notes for this post, so maybe it was useful after all.
Journaling was a key aspect of my contemplative life. I took a journal with me to every retreat. I would find not being allowed to journal at a retreat a clear sign the teacher was a serious bozo.
I did not like what Goenka had to say on the second day, in the recorded talk. He said that “weak minded people” often left the retreat on the second day.
At the one and only Goenka retreat I attended I was accused of being "weak minded" by the assistant teacher for experiencing jhana, which for me was further proof I was in the presence of total amateurs. So, I was happy to leave, when they asked me to go on the 8th day.
Actually, what I observed at our retreat is that those who had left were not physically able to sit cross legged for long periods of time, even if they tried (like a woman in her mid-sixties). Chairs were offered to those who really needed them, but I had the impression it was not encouraged and you really had to prove you needed them. You had to sit through the pain... Or some people left because let's face it, there are a lot of things at the retreat that clash with western cultures. It's understandable that some people panic and leave because they think it's cult like...
Forcing, are expecting, or instructing people to sit through the pain of a long meditation sit, is just another piece of evidence of the amateur aspect of a Goenka retreat. I am surprised that so many people go to them. If so many people were not so self-abusive Goenka would find no one to attend his retreats.
All through the retreat, I followed the method as best I could, but I admit I did not immediately accept things that were said by Goenka in the recorded talks. At that time, I was really into the instinctive meditation technique of Lorin Roche. He warned that all schools of meditation claimed to have the best meditation technique. Well Goenka was like that, he claimed that vipassana was the only way to liberate oneself, because this technique goes to the roots of the mind. So other mystics that found their own way, were not liberated?!
Good point. In fact there is no place in the suttas where a meditation technique is called "vipassana." Thus, the claim is a complete fraud.
Goenka also said that it you did not feel the benefits of this meditation, it was because you did not practice correctly... Did the Buddha not teach several types of meditation for different people?!
Yes, and all of the terms for those techniques used 'sati' as a prefix or suffix. Not only that, but there is a body scanning meditation technique in the suttas with a whole sutta dedicated to it, but it is not called "vipassana.' It is called
Kaya-gati-sati-sutta MN-119. Obviously Goenka does not know his suttas.
One of the assistants, a young woman like me, had it in her head that I should wear longer pants, below the ankles (mine were well below the knees, they were not revealing). She told me twice, saying it was a very serious matter. So I wore other pants, still thinking it was not necessary, but not wanting anymore attention. I saw a couple of other women still wearing pants above the ankles, until the end of the retreat. They were not reprimanded. That really peed me off. Maybe it was just a question a of small power trip from the assistant.
Amateur meditation teachers elevate morons to run retreats, but then anyone who studies the suttas would have no interest in attending a Goenka retreat.
At the end of the retreat, when everyone could talk again, I did not want to talk again. I'm not much of a talker in everyday life anyway. Maybe I was attached to the silence... Also, people seemed so happy. It all seemed fake and alien to me for some reason. They laughed loudly when they could, almost as tough to convince themselves and others that they were happy. People tried to make me talk, and I felt I had to be polite, talk a little and smile, but I really did not feel like it. I did not have anything to say.
The thing that I have noticed about Goenka devotees is they all act as if they survived a train wreck, and it was that common trauma that holds them together. It is worth noting that a classic way that cults work is to force people through some kind of traumatic initiation process, which subliminally programs them for life.
This is funny, in my notes after the retreat, I wrote that I wanted to read the Pali canon, but not the translation from the Vipassana Foundation... I don't remember why I wrote that, maybe because these were the only translations they talked about in the retreat and I found that suspicious... ;-)
Typical of the cult, and in fact main stream religions is they all have their own translations that they teach from. Any scholar would see the blatant translation errors in those books. But, if you have made a 40 year career out of telling people the Buddha taught a meditation technique that he called "vipassana," when he did not, then you have to translate your own version of the suttas to cover up the lie.
I did feel calmer after a few weeks the retreat ended, but then life/reality, came on full force, and a lot of changes happened. It has happened to a lot other people apparently, lots of changes happen after the retreat that are very challenging. It's like you attract it.
I used to attend 1 10-day meditation retreat every year. There I would meditate deeply, and I would resolve to bring that enlightenment home with me, but it would fade in days, even with maintaining a daily meditation practice. I have since realized that enlightenment is not a moment in time, or a deep meditation experience. It is a lifestyle that maintains enlightened meditation experiences every day. To have that lifestyle we all have to make a lot of radical lifestyle changes.
As Jhananda has said many times, these retreats often fail at making people like meditation. They liked that they went through the whole experience once (like me), but won't do it again. Personally, I'd rather rent a small cabin or shack or pitch a tent in the woods, have my own schedule, write when I feel like it and read the teachings for myself. I've had deeper experiences and charisms when I did this.
Yes, meditating through the pain is not likely to develop a love for meditation. And, I agree with you, I got more out of solo camping in the wilderness meditating, reading the suttas, and journaling that any meditation retreat I ever attended. On the other hand the GWV retreats are organized so that people are free to attend any part of the retreat they want to, while keeping to themselves if they want to. So, hopefully, we have created the best of both worlds.
Thank-you, Violet for posting your thoughts and experiences here. We need more comments from women.
