Greetings to all
Im a new member and by chance,i stumbled upon this site a few days ago that has hepled me in my continual path for the truth.Ill try to keep it as brief as possible,and include the main areas that have brought me to where i am presently.
We all have sufferings that we go through in life.I bought a lot of sufferings to others that have changed their lives substantially.Having finally come to the realisation of this suffering i had caused,i started to ask a lot of questions of myself.I fell into a very deep suicidal depression after my fathers death.But wasnt the best for a few years before knowing my father had limited time to live.I was on the edge of insanity.I remember in the depths of my hell saying to myself,i wouldnt wish this on anyone,numerous times and saying to God,im very tired.Clearly i couldnt keep going on.I was burnt out from the insensensitivities of the rat race.And still having to function was extremely difficult.There was no option of taking a break.
Living on my own for the first time in my life independently,and free from all family and life ties started to ease the burden on my mind.My time to think.Then i started looking for answers to everything.Why i am here? Why is their so much suffering in me and the world? The questions were endless.I looked into religions,politics,financial systems,educational systems and could see what was happening and who was behind it all.Well wasnt that an eye opener.I cant emphasise enough how important it is to look with your heart and not your head into everything you do.The answers are always from the heart.
I delved into astrology and the connection with the zodiac and its individual tailor made characteristics of a human being based on time and date,which ive never believed in,and it confirmed what ive felt all of my life that we are all from the universe.Thats our original home.What im getting at is i came to the realization that we were something so massive beyond what i could understand.At this point i was comlpetely overwhelmed with these thoughts and finding answers.Its all i ever thought about and was uplifting from the hell i was in.I was finding true purpose.I could feel the difference.From no hope to all hope.The tears ive shed,and the personal hell ive lived in my mind is beyond words.Not a good place to be,but as ive since discovered is very necessary.The ego must be put in its rightful place.
There are just too many areas of contemplation that i could describe here that ive gone through.From the extreme pleasure in watching everything in nature from insects to animals to the plants and the trees and the loving connection of everything to me and me to it.The balancing of my masculine and feminine sides was a very big breakthrough for me in particular.Way too much masculine going on.To think and feel from a feminine perspective does something very special to an imbalanced male.Ive since discovered the Nag hammadi lost papyrus scrolls that have had a major effect on me.I asked the heavens several times to show me the truth and that i wanted to know who i am before i die with heartfelt intent.Be careful what you ask for because it may just come true.
During June/July of 2011 i discovered a whole lot of other information through spiritualism that i read on the net.This combined with the lost truths of the Nag Hammadi did something else to me.More truths.The anxiety i had because i couldnt get enough knowledge into my head was overwhelming to the point of tears and more direct verbal heart felt communication for more answers.This communication went on numerous times.The pleas of desperation for more direct all knowing knowledge that could just be put into me without all this reading.I loved reading but i wanted direct experience.Something to show me i was on the right path because i sure felt it was.Around that time of such depth of unrelenting searching is when it started.
First ill admit im a heavy marijuana user and at no point in my life under the influence of it have had any wild,out there experiences.During one evening in June/July of 2011 late at night while reading all night again i took a break and dozed off on the recliner chair in front of the television with lights out.Now this may sound weird but its what i have experienced,and this is the right place i feel to tell it.Some nights i get a little more stoned than usual.Not because of better quality or of smoking more.It just happens,and i doze off occaisonally.Maybe for 10 minutes maybe for an hour.
After waking from a sleep,i saw on the bottom centre of my television while turned on a pure white being with no features other than the outline of a head and shoulders in pure white light.It was unmistakeable.I closed my eyes and opened them several times and asked myself if i was dreaming but i wasnt.After 20 or 30 seconds it dissapeared.Shortly after,maybe around 2 to 3 weeks later i saw the same being on my laptop computer screen on waking up from a similar sleep,but this time i saw what it seemed to be at least 3 of the same white light beings.This time i knew what they were and i noticed that they were coming in and out in waves.When i would concentrate on them they would come into a more clearer picture and when id let my concentration wane they would keep fading out until they eventually dissapeared.
I couldnt believe id seen the same being again but this time there were more.I scoured the net for something that looked familiar and couldnt find anything.But i did find something when i just about gave up hope,that looks similar and have saved it.I questioned my sanity at this point.Shortly after this episode i had another night of reading which was every night and just stopped to give my eyes a break.I needed to rub my eyes.It was that kind of long,deep rubbing than usual and at the same time i thought to myself lets see if i can see anything with my eyes closed.Weird but thats what i needed to do.When rubbing my eyes,i first i see bright white flashes everywhere.I thought that strange as i always see black but disregarded it.Because of the lights coming from the television i covered my eyes with my hands lightly and saw the normal blackness but it quickly turned to a very dark grey almost black.
In the middle of this greyness which had depth,of clouds overlapping each other,like vertical wall.In the middle was a tiny speck of light.I was aware of what was happening.I knew that this was something very big.I knew that it was my time to know everything.During my research on NDEs and the light in the darkness thats seen,and theyre experiences made me aware of what it was and what was about to happen once i went to it.I couldnt believe what i was seeing.As i watched the centre either i or it was getting closer.The centre light slowly started to get a little bigger and a little more brighter.I could see what was happening and was completely overwhelmed as i knew what was happening.At that point i opened my eyes and confirmed to myself i wasnt going over the edge.And just broke down knowing what had just happened was something very hard to obtain in body.But i asked for it intentionally.I cant call it a deliberate meditative state that i set out to achieve,but i know one thing for sure that a combination of smoking marijuana that put me in a place of total relaxation with all personal and social filters down and egoless,neutralness,nothingness.A space you have to reserve just for them so they can come in and communicate under the right conditions i believe.
Just being is the key.Once id learned to let go of it all,all the past pain and future pain of thinking all the time and worrying.What a waste of good precious years to become something that we came here to be originally.After id opened eyes still in tears i thought lets take another look and see if i get another go at it.This time to the right of my vision i saw a 3d multi coloured rectangle with flashing dot like colours around it.I know its strange.But this is what i saw.Again thinking whats going? Is there something wrong? But there wasnt.Now this is the one that bought me here as no where else have i found anyone that even has the slightest of ideas as to whats going on.And more imortant to me on this journey is learning from people who have lived and breathed this type of journey.I know for a fact GWV and its founder are something im so grateful for that is beyond my vocabulary.A real living honest based individual.This is the only way for truth.
During this time of events,i woke from another night exactly like the other times but this time woke to the world spinning around very slowly to the right.I went to stand up and felt a severe pull down to the floor on my right side.I was very confused and thinking im having a stroke.This isnt part of normal life.I managed to get up but couldnt stay up too long and just made it to the bedroom and fell fully clothed into bed on the wrong side faced down which i cant stand,with eyes closed just spinning.I opened my eyes while lying on the bed to try to make out what was happening and it was just slowly spinning always more weight to the right side.It wasnt unpleasant but a little disturbing.I woke the next morning thinking what was that? Back to normal functioning.
But what i have become aware of is a loud humming coming from my head that is everywhere.Especially at night when all the loud sounds and energies of the area have stopped.Its substantial and always with me.Ive had my ears examined by a Doctor and cleaned of any wax that may be built up and causing it.My ears are working perfectly.This is the only site that explains whats going on based on fact and experience.I still find it hard to come to terms that this is happening.The reward for a consistent,contemplative life.Hard to explain in words until youve lived it.
Shortly ill be moving permanently to a mountain style life away from everything.The irresisatible urge for change cannot be denied.Its a call back to nature where we all should be.There ill completely immerse myself in meditation on the vibration and its subtle,varying tones that seem to come in noticeable waves that are easy to hear once focused with eyes open.The pull to nature is very strong.Since this all ive become a vegan and have gone completely organic.I recommend a colon cleanse as well for reasons that not many would believe.As a finishing note.I had another experience in nature while in a rare sober state around that time.I just knew that i needed to get in nature with a clear unaffected state.I went to a local bush area of national park that wasnt anything special.The love that i felt at that time for everything i was observing from the smallest grain of silica from the local sandstone to the height of the trees and their beauty is hard to explain.But what i was seeing was not what i normally see.Everything was alive.The colours of everything where so much more sharper and brighter.I was just filled with a love and appreciation for nature like never before.Amazed at the smallest most miniscule details and absolute wonder of creation.Very hard to explain in words.If i passed there and then i wouldve died very happy.
So thats my story.I have to make sure that i point out that my experiences came from letting go of everything.Going deep within and having a clean out of all that nasty stuff the ego loves.And having genuine reasons for undertaking this journey.And most of all,and most important is a consistent,contemplative approach with a desire above all including family and friends to connect to who we truly are and why weve come here,to realise our divine abilities while still in body.When you have the unrelenting urge 24/7 for knowledge and you virtually dont let up on this quest is another sign i believe that shows you want this very badly.Why wouldnt you want that? I could go on for quite a bit about all the finer details,but its already a bit too long.I hope this helps someone feel better about what theyre going through if they experience the like.And to present charism experiencers.
Thanks for giving me an outlet for this.
Its very much appreciated.
Remember.Be
careful what you ask for,and get in there with everything youve got if you want it that bad.And never give up.All from the heart.
