Rougeleader (beginner)

[Naman]

Hello friends,

I come to you with a lot of joy in my heart. A state I have experienced hundreds if not thousands of times dropped on me so easily today I felt the need to explain. All i did was sit cross legged. I focused my attention on the ringing I always have in my ears. The bliss in my body steadily increased until my body was full and bursting with bliss. The wind in the trees all around me and blowing on my body, began to feel like it was blowing through my body. The sound of the trees started to sound like they were echoing inside of me. And then it dawned on me that all of these things were happening inside of my awareness and no where else. Everything i could percieve inside and outside of my body felt as though they were all in a single orb of my awareness. It was so incredibly blissful and relaxing, and it felt like the opening to a very deep level of meditation that I need to stay in for hours a day. As i have said, i have had this experience very very often, but this was just so easy and lucid, it feels so simple to access now. It felt like all i did was to quiet my mind of thoughts by focusing on an object of meditation , and sit with an intention of wanting to sit quietly with my “god,lord,universal...” whatever you want to say, i felt it as my lord, god, lover, and self. Everything else happened very quickly and naturally. Continued relaxation with sustained concentration on a meditation object. Best of luck my friends, I have been diving as deep as I can.

Rougeleader

Im really happy to learn of you effortlessly dropping into deep meditative state.  Cheers!

[rougeleader115]

Hello friends,

I apologize for my continued absence from the forum. This really has been a transformational time in my life. The current is taking me deeper and I just want to ride with it for the time being. Please be well everyone, I will be back very soon. Ill be sure to check on the donations to see how I can help.


Rougeleader

[Jhanananda]

Good to hear from you, Rougeleader.  Good to know you are riding the current.  Do give us a report from time to time.

[Alexander]

I am glad you are doing well, Rougeleader. I would like to get back into meditating. I've been trying to do 2h/day but it's very difficult as my nervous system was damaged from the chemicals I was exposed to. Now when I lie down I get all these horrible sensations throughout my body. I used to enjoy feeling vibrations in my body haha, now I wish they'd just go away. :/ Well, it is the divine will. I don't understand the purpose of me being poisoned, or how this is supposed to improve my spiritual path, but we can only submit.

[Jhanananda]

I don't recall where you live, but do you think that it is possible that your extended health problems might be due to air-pollution?  Air pollution is really a global problem so places that traditionally have good quality air may have quite bad air now.

[Alexander]

Ah Jeff I'm in Massachusetts. No, it's not a result of air quality. I was exposed to a mixture of toxic solvents via inhalation, while cleaning in a confined area. The most malicious probably being toluene. I am feeling a lot better compared to the ~4-5 months right after exposure. For example, I am able to sleep a united night's sleep now instead of those horrible 30 minute intervals. I also don't have the severe thinking issues / mood disorder that the chemicals induced for 2-3 months. But, I am still having issues with sleep, thinking, neuropathy, and dissociation.

Not a whole lot to do but keep going forward and hope for recovery. I suppose that previously the neuropathy was over my entire body, now it's mostly my lower legs, lower spine, and head. Perhaps by next year maybe there will be improvement. I know the nerves do grow (perhaps that will remediate whatever the chemicals did to disrupt them) but it takes a long time. It's a very malicious effect from cleaning for only 20 minutes though, hahaha.

[Jhanananda]

Good luck with your healing, Alexander

[rougeleader115]

I am sorry to hear about your continuing health issues related to that accident Alexander. I am not sure at all what exactly can help. But I am hoping you are able to fully recover.

I would say I have been on a sort of extended retreat while still living mostly “normal”. I dont have a job right now, and I got my degree last year or the year before, I can barely keep track. Im just here to share my recent insights these past two months diving deep.

I have had many experiences to seperate me from my body. I have had so many lucid experiences in the astral world that I have been able to isolate my awareness in my dreams by remembering those experiences as in depth as I can. This includes typing them in an app every morning and meditation. Now i can recognize fully how I am the same awareness that experiences those dreams. There are not many if any thoughts in the astral for me. And i am always at whats feels like hyper awareness or even the max of my senses and energy when I become lucid in a dream.

So I have been utilizing that state and “tuning in” to that in my conscious everyday life. It has dramatically increased my moment to moment awareness in daily life. And simultaneously, the charisms are going fucking insane! I feel crazy saying it on a public forum, but in real life I can barely keep my mouth shut about it. This energy is making me feel like a god!!! I truly starting to understand what this vessel is for. The transformation of lower energies through the “fire” of jhana, kundalini, holy spirit dah dah dah, into higher and higher places. It is the temple and tomb of the spirit. So the more i have stayed conscious of this physical plane to the degree that I experience in dreams, the more the charisms have increased, the lucidity in dreams has increased, and the more this life feels like any of those dreams.

Im going to stop there because I actually have to go for a walk before it gets dark. I have been injured and using a cane for a few weeks and been mostly bed bound. But I am finally getting back to normal.

Be well,
Rougeleader

[Jhanananda]

Good to hear from you Rougeleader .  It sounds like your contemplative life continues to bare fruit.  Very good.  I hope you recover from your injuries soon.

[rougeleader115]

Thank you Jhanananda 


I can feel my spirit/soul being put through a true initiation. I am finally feeling the true calling of the mystic in my whole soul. I don't feel like Im cultivating an experience as a contemplative. I am starting to feel the experience as my natural truth, calling and companion to my existence. The immaterial existence is opening itself to me. I feel the “Zen” in life, and the dragon’s serpent spirit rising over and over.

[Jhanananda]

Yes, Rougeleader, when the contemplative has made sufficient progress, then the spirit takes over, and the body becomes a vessel.  Just let it unfold naturally, if so it will deepen your bliss.

[rougeleader115]

Hello Friends,

I am back simply to report a small bit of the last few months. Whatever process you want to call it is occurring in me. I will not detail everything, but I have been snatched up by the mystic stream. I can feel entities  guiding me right to where I need to be, internally and externally. They are not doing the work but they are guiding my hand. It just feels like no matter what at this point, my life will be a continuing unfolding into the godhead. I just have to go down the stream.

Also work on your damn creativity, everyone! It is so necessary in unbinding the mind from this “linear” mundane “reality”.

Be Well
Rougeleader

[Jhanananda]

Good to hear from you Rougeleader.  It sounds like you are doing very well. Do, check in from time to time, and maybe engage in the dialog, if you are inclined.

[Alexander]

Good to hear from you  Rougeleader, and keep us posted. 

[rougeleader115]

Hello friends,

It is always good to come back to this forum and find rich dialogue on these subjects. Thank you all for having the strength to pursue and share the knowledge and experiences of the contemplative life. A very engaging summer I see. I hope all you are as well as can be.

Im just doing my usual check in. My distance from the forum has not been a reflection of my contemplative life. I am still doing the same and moving deeper as I have stated. Trying to shed myself until i can once again unify with the godhead. Everyday is just becoming a deep shedding and giving of myself in deeper layers to the heavenly bliss. The other day while very deep in meditation, i ended up in a peach colored scene with two giant flowery bulbs blooming over and over infinitely. The petals were like giant pillows falling around me and i felt so much peace and a heavenly feeling of shedding part of my usual identity. But with it came an almost unbearable pain in my heart, like true heartbreak, if you have felt it you know how physical it can feel.

I just couldn't help thinking of Teresa of Avila and her heart being pierced by angels. It literally felt like angels were raining so much love on me and accepted me so deeply that it broke my heart in comparison to what my life here has been. It was just like “oh, i dont have to hurt anymore like that?” and that experience alone brought tears running down my face during meditation.

I know i keep saying but I am trying to be more active here on the forum. I just truly am focusing so hard on bringing my contemplative life to true fruition.

Many blessings to you wonderful beings here, and as always so much love to you Jhanananda!

Rougeleader