Rougeleader (beginner)

[rougeleader115]

I will add too that the biggest saving grace to my contemplative life was similar to what Jeffrey says about enriching the spiritual life.
 I stopped dissolving into to nothingness and started dissovling into love. My heart and soul have started soaring ever since.

[Alexander]

Thanks, Rougeleader, I am just so frustrated I do not experience any of this. But, your posts do always inspire me to resume my practice. :) Granted, I do hear now the ringing in the ears, and feel the vibrations in the body, but they have never gone anywhere further from here.  But, I will try what you say, to relax and submit to the universal love pervading the cosmos.

[Jhanananda]

Hello everyone,

I noticed the forum has been very quiet. I hope everyone is okay and just lurking around time to time. Times are not looking too good in the world right now. I hope things end up being okay but I cant help but feel like i needed to say the generally feeling of doom in the air feels thicker than normal.

I am glad to finally see some activity here.  I check in everyday, but maybe I should post something.  My health has been a huge challenge, so it has occupied me fully.  Air purifiers are keeping me alive.  Improvements that I make in them improve my health, so I keep focused upon that.

With the current pandemic taking place I certain that global health would be far better if there was no air pollution.  Since there is air pallution, then we can mitigate for it by using air-purifiers.

Today though after mediation while on a walk, i just felt like my awareness was touching a large outer aura around me. Feels like an arua almost touching the sky and a large space around the edges of my of my body feel entirely consumed in bliss and love. I feel like it is always simply a case now of relaxing my body and mind, and my awareness just relaxes from being constrained in my body, to washing away in everdeepening layers of bliss. It truly is a saturation or dissolving kind of action. What is "solid" and "real" are only layers and layers of intangible things. Things that readily dissolve back into the ether of life. I just hope that i truly can/have dissolved myself enough before I die of whatever so that I can truly be free.

Best Wishes,
Rougeleader

It sounds like you are doing great.  I know if you keep it up until the day you die, then you will be able to negotiate the spiritual domains to the highest relms.

[Jhanananda]

Thanks, Rougeleader, I am just so frustrated I do not experience any of this. But, your posts do always inspire me to resume my practice. Granted, I do hear now the ringing in the ears, and feel the vibrations in the body, but they have never gone anywhere further from here.  But, I will try what you say, to relax and submit to the universal love pervading the cosmos.

Do you use the ringing that you hear, and the vibrations that you feel as an object of meditation, meaning that you put your attention fully upon them when you meditate?  If so, this works for me, and I find it takes me deeper into the meditation experience.

[rougeleader115]

Alexander I am glad that I can assist you in some way. I will always be hoping for your breakthrough. If you ever want to ask me something or PM me, please do.

Jhanananda I had finally gotten the funds together about 2 weeks ago and bought an air purifier and an additional HEPA charcoal filter. This was purely from your posts here. I have had a significant decrease in a lot of congestive respiratory symptoms. I no longer feel the need to take an allergy medication every day to combat dander, dust, mold, pollution etc. in my room. My lungs dont feel as inflammed as usual and i rarely need to clear my throat or cough throughout the day. I am finally going to be able to see a doctor this week and will probably move forward towards a diagnosis on the autoimmune disorder i have been outright suffering the past few years. Ill update on what I find out and other health changes in the coming weeks. Praying i dont catch anything at the doctors office x_x.


Rougeleader

[rougeleader115]

Hello friends,

I have been trying to make my way back here to post the past few weeks. I have felt like my lord is drawing me into him. I simply mean that I am being pulled deeper into myself. One of my friends said when I tried to explain my experience of my contemplative life that it sounds like I am reverse free falling. I really like that expression of internal exploration at times.  I am finding that unconditional love experience is becoming the only thing i wish to explore, express, and die in. Every mystic’s call unto love makes my heart ooze and cry. All day long i feel that loving godly experience pulling my whole soul into unity with it.

I dont feel like I am being purified by some mean overlord, but by one that wants my whole being to drown and buzz in love. It wants me to die in love. Live in love. I feel like I have the biggest crush on all of existence. None of my friends and family truly grasp the loving waters I find myself swimming in for months now. I feel absolutely mad with love, sick and infused. Suffocating in the sweetest most intoxicating love I could ever imagine and I just wish I had physical vicinity with others diving deeper with worship. A tribe? Some monks or sufis?....just a group living this as the core of their existence so I dont have to think twice about it or feel so entirely heartbreakingly alone at times.

I thank you all and think of you all often and the members who have passed from here. I am so grateful to have all of you here at least.

Rougeleader

[Alexander]

Excellent post, Rougeleader. It reminds me of Rumi's writings where he compares himself to the town drunk, but drunk instead on mystic love.

[rougeleader115]

Thank you Alexander. He is one of my favorites for his “thirst” for the divine. I am trying to find as many instances as I can when these mystics lose themselves and cant help but confess their deepest yearning and captivation with the divine. I am hoping to get some kind of slideshow and video together so I can begin presenting some of my understanding and tie it to mystics from all times and religions as Jhanananda has done. I want people to be able to hear the information, see images of the mystics and other relative photos, as well as the books or audiobooks where these things can be found. Im still figuring out how I intend to actually present and do all of this, so it is entirely a work in progress at the moment. But for now I will continue collecting information.

Rougeleader

[Alexander]

Yes I've been wanting to take up oil painting and start creating some portrayals of these figures myself. I've been disappointed personally in a lot of the mystic art. I was planning to paint Jeff as the American Buddha, do Teresa and John, and create several pieces of Shaivist art. In fact that was what caused my accidental poisoning in March ha. Those chemicals are very toxic for a newcomer. But, hopefully the fates won't look too harshly on my intention and will grant me a full recovery one of these days.

[Jhanananda]

Hello friends,

I have been trying to make my way back here to post the past few weeks. I have felt like my lord is drawing me into him. I simply mean that I am being pulled deeper into myself. One of my friends said when I tried to explain my experience of my contemplative life that it sounds like I am reverse free falling. I really like that expression of internal exploration at times.  I am finding that unconditional love experience is becoming the only thing i wish to explore, express, and die in. Every mystic’s call unto love makes my heart ooze and cry. All day long i feel that loving godly experience pulling my whole soul into unity with it.

I dont feel like I am being purified by some mean overlord, but by one that wants my whole being to drown and buzz in love. It wants me to die in love. Live in love. I feel like I have the biggest crush on all of existence. None of my friends and family truly grasp the loving waters I find myself swimming in for months now. I feel absolutely mad with love, sick and infused. Suffocating in the sweetest most intoxicating love I could ever imagine and I just wish I had physical vicinity with others diving deeper with worship. A tribe? Some monks or sufis?....just a group living this as the core of their existence so I dont have to think twice about it or feel so entirely heartbreakingly alone at times.

I thank you all and think of you all often and the members who have passed from here. I am so grateful to have all of you here at least.

Rougeleader

It sounds like you got it Rougeleader. just nurture this divine love very carefully like a rare flower. 

I looked everywhere for decades for a community of fellow mystics, and never found it, so I created it here on the web.  It seems there are plenty of mystics, but we are spread so thinly upon the earth that we almost never meet.  It is the internet that has made it possible for us to commune with and learn from each other.

[rougeleader115]

Hello friends,

The past two weeks have been very strange but I believe I understand whats happening. I find myself many nights now having less content for my dreams. But i can still feel my awareness either at random parts during the experience or i feel the images and other impressions on my mind. Whether i directly experience it in the moment or not.

Its even hard to type out exactly what I mean. I can feel my awareness like hyper relaxed and expanded during my sleep state. And its like it just floats through random spaces. Sometimes just dark, or with hues of color. Sometimes it is like there is a source of light near the color and all around both is darkness. But none of the experiences feel volitional. And as I said many times I am not even aware because it feels like there is so little stimuli, but somehow I can still sense myself. But it often feels like I am in that state for years even when I look back on the memory in the morning. I dont know how to explain it but thats just how much “time” feels like my awareness has been from my body in the morning.  It is somewhat scary of course because it is new. But it feels like it is supposed to happen.

But there is a tremendous relaxation in my psyche occurring that I havent felt since the charisms felt like they took hold of me about 3 or 4 years ago. Its happened a few times in the past two weeks when I woke up, that expanded experience felt like it didnt want to dissipate even though I was conscious. Like if I stay laying down, its like my mind is just getting sucked back into that experience. And when I am trying to activate myself for the day, i just have felt so dissociated from my body and mind and everything. Like some mornings I literally felt like I completely didnt exist internally, while obviously being conscious and doing things. The bliss was almost like nullifying the experience of my body, but not to the point I couldnt feel anything, everything was just like muted. Sometimes lately it feels as though there is cotton inside of my psyche and body, things dont feel as horrendously raw. There are other changes I feel, but I save it for another time and see how things continue for now. This post is getting long.

Also I am remembering St.Teresa talking about experiencing some higher states, but not even being entirely sure what she was experiencing. But coming back feeling the tremendous blessings imparted on her during the experience. I just need to find where that was.

Rougeleader

[Alexander]

Hello Rougeleader,

There's a link to Teresa's full text here that I like to read from. It sounds like you are making great progress at the inner life and you should continue on what path you are on. :)

[Jhanananda]

Good to see a post from you rougeleader115.  It sounds like you are making excellent progress.  I found keeping my mind still in the present moment and maintaining the charisms throughout the day helped me deepen my contemplative life, and increase the feeling of fulfillment.

[rougeleader115]

Hello friends,

I come to you with a lot of joy in my heart. A state I have experienced hundreds if not thousands of times dropped on me so easily today I felt the need to explain. All i did was sit cross legged. I focused my attention on the ringing I always have in my ears. The bliss in my body steadily increased until my body was full and bursting with bliss. The wind in the trees all around me and blowing on my body, began to feel like it was blowing through my body. The sound of the trees started to sound like they were echoing inside of me. And then it dawned on me that all of these things were happening inside of my awareness and no where else. Everything i could percieve inside and outside of my body felt as though they were all in a single orb of my awareness. It was so incredibly blissful and relaxing, and it felt like the opening to a very deep level of meditation that I need to stay in for hours a day. As i have said, i have had this experience very very often, but this was just so easy and lucid, it feels so simple to access now. It felt like all i did was to quiet my mind of thoughts by focusing on an object of meditation , and sit with an intention of wanting to sit quietly with my “god,lord,universal...” whatever you want to say, i felt it as my lord, god, lover, and self. Everything else happened very quickly and naturally. Continued relaxation with sustained concentration on a meditation object. Best of luck my friends, I have been diving as deep as I can.

Rougeleader

[Jhanananda]

Congratulations, Rougeleader, it sounds like you are making excellent progress in your contemplative life.  Keep it up, go deeper, experience more bliss.