Jhanon's Blog

[Jhanon]

I am sorry I have not been active or supporting others on here...

"There is so much pain in this world. I'm not even referencing myself. I see it everywhere and it's really painful. I'm sure it doesn't seem like a sincerely honest thing to say. I can't record via voice to convey my sincerity, because I'll get all choked up and then other people will feel it, too, which is just more pain.

I walked through CostCo today with a friend, and I realized "the only reason you'd visit Costco is if you're using a lot of the same things for 3 months or more. Which isn't how life works, as life is change.

Which means they (the customers) are stuck. Repressing the natural forces of change. In accordance with the mechanics of repression (pressing and re-pressing natural forces down) the whole place was filled with overweighted body's and faces. I mean quite actually they were bent over, backs aching, under the profound pressure of the emotional/spiritual baggage they struggled to press into their body and keep from feeling. IM NOT TALKING ABOUT FOOD. Not specifically, at least.

That was just Costco. Before I even walked in, I was conscious of the clothes I was wearing which were old athletic stuff that is too big, because I hadn't accumulated enough laundry to do a load without wasting energy or water, and they were the only clean clothes I had left. And I could feel they saw me as some kind of degenerate. What saddened me is they detested a being that already loves them enough to be sad at the sight. And my friend, who is kind and modest from India who they see the same as a Muslim terrorist.

As we left, I had a snap intuition I would have my backpack searched. I never think about this, nor does it ever happen. But I also never go to CostCo, especially on a Saturday afternoon.

I left the intuition behind, while my friend and I continued our observational conversation as we left. So forgotten was it (the intuition) that I was surprised when a lady employee at the exit stopped me to search my bag. I felt sad for her, and I asked her if she searched every purse on the way out--because it must be a difficult job. Then I felt anger and nervousness, but realized it was hers.

She said that she DID search every purse, as three women with large handbags walked out. I looked at them, then looked at her. Guilt overcoming her she said "you're fine" before I even had it opened all the way.

Then at target my friend was walking in the parking lot with me and he walked between a car and the parking space it wanted. Knowing that most car drivers, including clearly this one, look down on walkers, I told my friend "dude, you should come around this way." As he did, a person in the car said "idiot", to this genius IQ individual with more herbalism and health knowledge than anyone in the area, much less at a store. My friend noticed they said this, but I hadn't. I was already starting to ignore things, and I knew I needed to get somewhere to meditate.

I felt sad. Who violates pedestrian right of way and then calls them an idiot for being considerate? Someone with a lot of sadness in their heart. Just thinking of them again my eyes go wet.

Skipping some additional events, I'll skip to getting home. I let it all go, as much I could. But I knew a friend needed help and so I sent them a message before trying to meditate. I was unable to because a cat I rescued and found new owners for, had need to be rescued once again. I felt the cat's pain of being stuck in my tiny room all day, so meditation wasn't totally dedicated. By the time my friend got back to me, and the cat had relaxed, the busses were about to stop running. Since the neglected infant I live with was screaming her head off like a high performance car redlining before shifting gears, I decided I would rather help someone and try to meditate on the bus.

When I got there, my daughter's Mother calls to offer me time with them. When I tell her I'm out helping someone, She says "oh never mind." As in "oh, since you didn't spend the last week at home watching for the phone to ring from me, you must really not care if you see your daughter." I was then left to make a hasty exit to utilize the only chance in the last 8 days I had been allowed to  to see her. I don't wish to discuss any worldly matters regarding my daughter and ex, but suffice to say for the sake of this remaining entry that the math works out to me seeing my daughter less than 6 hours of every week.

So, I've missed formal meditation again, and left to see my daughter for what little time I'm allowed. We got to the park with her, I picked her up and she hugged me like she was breathing oxygen for the first time in days. Suddenly I could feel all her sadness. But it is hard to explain this next part.

 It wasn't my daughter, the identity's, sadness. It was her "essence" or some version of her not so bound by the worldly, that was the sadness I felt. And then it began to rain. So we had less than a minute alone in a park, because out of compassion for my exes rigid mindset, I brought my daughter back to the car instead of playing in the rain like we would have done if my ex wasn't there.

My daughter began to sob, and I felt terrible as I buckled her in to her car seat. But worst above all, is I only saw her for 37 minutes total out of the last 7 days. After I "synced" with her and showed her it was okay, that I would be alright--she played like it didn't matter. She did this for my ex--her mother. Because my ex's only source of happiness is my daughter, and the belief that she alone is good for her.

But when I looked into my daughter's eyes, I felt how deeply sad her "essence" was. Not so much for herself. She was sad for me. I can't convince you this is true and utterly accurate.

She saw what I was sacrificing for her and her Mom. Having spent what only felt like seconds in the back seat with her while we were back at my place, I began to find my attachment(?) to her was making it increasingly difficult to leave. So I knew I had to go as soon as possible.

I had a genuine smile as I pulled myself away from my daughter. I kept my voice calm so her Mom wouldn't hear, but tears were rolling down my face. Like they are now.

I hugged her Mother because I didn't want her to be sad. I knew she sensed, at some level, what she was doing was painful for everyone. But when I hugged her, I felt her sadness. And it was so overwhelming it almost took my breath away. That has rarely...if ever happened in my life.

The only thing I could do was grip tightly around her so she wouldn't see into my eyes. She asked "What's wrong?" She knew what was wrong. But I just said "I just never get to see her (my daughter)." Because that's what she (her Mom) wanted to hear--that she was causing me pain. But at the same time she hurt to see genuine flowing tears.

I couldn't answer her honestly and tell her how much pain she was in was agonizing to feel. She would deny it and be angry with me. Then she would be in even more pain...

People mistake sadness for depression. For a lack of "looking on the bright side" or "selfish indulgence in ones inner story." But they are not the same. Sadness, or whatever word it might be, is what you feel of others.

I've done my best to explain this. I'm afraid I'm still too naive to do it well. Thank you for reading, if you have. "

[Jhanananda]

I am sorry I have not been active or supporting others on here...

I had wondered about your absence, but I figured you needed some time to yourself, as we all do.  The object for me in starting this forum is really to develop a community of people who support people who have learned how to meditate deeply, since there does not seem to be any other such support in this world.  And, the clergy of the various religions have clearly shown that they do not understand, nor value deep meditation, and those who meditate deeply.

"There is so much pain in this world. I'm not even referencing myself. I see it everywhere and it's really painful. I'm sure it doesn't seem like a sincerely honest thing to say. I can't record via voice to convey my sincerity, because I'll get all choked up and then other people will feel it, too, which is just more pain.

Yes, I have been saying to myself, "If you do not weep everyday for the corruption, addiction and delusion in this world, then you are not enlightened."  When one begins to realize just how corrupted, addicted and deluded this world is, then one is inclined to go completely mad, so I recognize this stage as one of the spiritual crises.

I walked through CostCo today with a friend, and I realized "the only reason you'd visit Costco is if you're using a lot of the same things for 3 months or more. Which isn't how life works, as life is change.

Which means they (the customers) are stuck. Repressing the natural forces of change. In accordance with the mechanics of repression (pressing and re-pressing natural forces down) the whole place was filled with overweighted body's and faces. I mean quite actually they were bent over, backs aching, under the profound pressure of the emotional/spiritual baggage they struggled to press into their body and keep from feeling. IM NOT TALKING ABOUT FOOD. Not specifically, at least.

That was just Costco.

After becoming diabetic and reading Comparison with ancestral diets suggests dense acellular carbohydrates promote an inflammatory microbiota, and may be the primary dietary cause of leptin resistance and obesity, I came to the conclusion that post-industrial food processing may very well be at the heart of obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and many of the other health problems of the post-industrial world.  However, I also agree that people use their addictions to self-medicate their emotional/spiritual baggage.  If they only knew how effective leading a fruitful contemplative life is for relieving their suffering, then I am certain many more would take up a fruitful contemplative life.

Before I even walked in, I was conscious of the clothes I was wearing which were old athletic stuff that is too big, because I hadn't accumulated enough laundry to do a load without wasting energy or water, and they were the only clean clothes I had left. And I could feel they saw me as some kind of degenerate. What saddened me is they detested a being that already loves them enough to be sad at the sight. And my friend, who is kind and modest from India who they see the same as a Muslim terrorist.

As we left, I had a snap intuition I would have my backpack searched. I never think about this, nor does it ever happen. But I also never go to CostCo, especially on a Saturday afternoon.

I left the intuition behind, while my friend and I continued our observational conversation as we left. So forgotten was it (the intuition) that I was surprised when a lady employee at the exit stopped me to search my bag. I felt sad for her, and I asked her if she searched every purse on the way out--because it must be a difficult job. Then I felt anger and nervousness, but realized it was hers.

She said that she DID search every purse, as three women with large handbags walked out. I looked at them, then looked at her. Guilt overcoming her she said "you're fine" before I even had it opened all the way.

If you were to describe this "intuition" that you had to most psychiatrists they would diagnose you as paranoid and up your medication until you no longer experience intuition.  The thing that the fruitful contemplative has to develop is equanimity, because your experience is not uncommon for contemplatives.  We just have to learn that the paranoia that we experience is not our own.  We are simply tapping into the collective unconscious.

Then at target my friend was walking in the parking lot with me and he walked between a car and the parking space it wanted. Knowing that most car drivers, including clearly this one, look down on walkers, I told my friend "dude, you should come around this way." As he did, a person in the car said "idiot", to this genius IQ individual with more herbalism and health knowledge than anyone in the area, much less at a store. My friend noticed they said this, but I hadn't. I was already starting to ignore things, and I knew I needed to get somewhere to meditate.

I felt sad. Who violates pedestrian right of way and then calls them an idiot for being considerate? Someone with a lot of sadness in their heart. Just thinking of them again my eyes go wet.

Skipping some additional events, I'll skip to getting home. I let it all go, as much I could. But I knew a friend needed help and so I sent them a message before trying to meditate. I was unable to because a cat I rescued and found new owners for, had need to be rescued once again. I felt the cat's pain of being stuck in my tiny room all day, so meditation wasn't totally dedicated. By the time my friend got back to me, and the cat had relaxed, the busses were about to stop running. Since the neglected infant I live with was screaming her head off like a high performance car redlining before shifting gears, I decided I would rather help someone and try to meditate on the bus.

When I got there, my daughter's Mother calls to offer me time with them. When I tell her I'm out helping someone, She says "oh never mind." As in "oh, since you didn't spend the last week at home watching for the phone to ring from me, you must really not care if you see your daughter." I was then left to make a hasty exit to utilize the only chance in the last 8 days I had been allowed to  to see her. I don't wish to discuss any worldly matters regarding my daughter and ex, but suffice to say for the sake of this remaining entry that the math works out to me seeing my daughter less than 6 hours of every week.

So, I've missed formal meditation again, and left to see my daughter for what little time I'm allowed. We got to the park with her, I picked her up and she hugged me like she was breathing oxygen for the first time in days. Suddenly I could feel all her sadness. But it is hard to explain this next part.

 It wasn't my daughter, the identity's, sadness. It was her "essence" or some version of her not so bound by the worldly, that was the sadness I felt. And then it began to rain. So we had less than a minute alone in a park, because out of compassion for my exes rigid mindset, I brought my daughter back to the car instead of playing in the rain like we would have done if my ex wasn't there.

My daughter began to sob, and I felt terrible as I buckled her in to her car seat. But worst above all, is I only saw her for 37 minutes total out of the last 7 days. After I "synced" with her and showed her it was okay, that I would be alright--she played like it didn't matter. She did this for my ex--her mother. Because my ex's only source of happiness is my daughter, and the belief that she alone is good for her.

But when I looked into my daughter's eyes, I felt how deeply sad her "essence" was. Not so much for herself. She was sad for me. I can't convince you this is true and utterly accurate.

She saw what I was sacrificing for her and her Mom. Having spent what only felt like seconds in the back seat with her while we were back at my place, I began to find my attachment(?) to her was making it increasingly difficult to leave. So I knew I had to go as soon as possible.

I had a genuine smile as I pulled myself away from my daughter. I kept my voice calm so her Mom wouldn't hear, but tears were rolling down my face. Like they are now.

I hugged her Mother because I didn't want her to be sad. I knew she sensed, at some level, what she was doing was painful for everyone. But when I hugged her, I felt her sadness. And it was so overwhelming it almost took my breath away. That has rarely...if ever happened in my life.

The only thing I could do was grip tightly around her so she wouldn't see into my eyes. She asked "What's wrong?" She knew what was wrong. But I just said "I just never get to see her (my daughter)." Because that's what she (her Mom) wanted to hear--that she was causing me pain. But at the same time she hurt to see genuine flowing tears.

I couldn't answer her honestly and tell her how much pain she was in was agonizing to feel. She would deny it and be angry with me. Then she would be in even more pain...

People mistake sadness for depression. For a lack of "looking on the bright side" or "selfish indulgence in ones inner story." But they are not the same. Sadness, or whatever word it might be, is what you feel of others.

I've done my best to explain this. I'm afraid I'm still too naive to do it well. Thank you for reading, if you have. "

I have often considered that life seems to conspire against the fruitful contemplative.  I believe this is why many of the fruitful contemplatives of the past gave up the world and retreated into solitude.  This is certainly why I do my best to do so.  However, life seems to conspire to invade the solitude of isolation as well.

[Jhanon]

Well, I have been homeless now for about 3-4 weeks. I've had temporary shelter here and there, but as Jhananda said in the post above this--I often wonder if the world conspires against the contemplative. I am virtually convinced. Everything that happens to me is saying "Get out. Get out. Get out."

One night, I was waiting for a ride from what I thought was a reliable person. It was cold--very cold. They were late, and I was not prepared for the cold as I was made to leave those preparations behind. I looked up at the sky, and I realized "I want to die. I really do." And for the first time ever, I meditated and sincerely let go--hoping for death to come.

What happened is in a very short period of time I rose to a level of meditation where I could no longer feel the pain or cold of my body. I became elated--in a sense of words. This is when my ride showed up and abruptly brought me back. It was difficult not to feel anger. I was going to finally let the body die, and already be deep in samadhi.

Now, I find myself in a similar predicament. When I cross roads, I don't often use the crosswalks at stop lights. Sometimes I just walk across with no regard for what is coming. I realize this is reckless. But so is the invention of automobiles.

[Alexander]

I share your craving for death, Jhanon. What the world would see as the supreme symptom of being dysfunctional, I hope is a symptom of transcendence. What constitutes my present pain is my impoverishment of any happiness; my disappointments in every area in life; my bitterness at the world and other people; and my doubts over whether the spiritual and material are as incompatible as I've believed. I often feel as though I have been cursed: and the inner man is under so much pressure that it could crush coal. Unfortunately, there has been no relief.

17. But Thou, O divine life, never killest but to give life, as Thou never woundest but to heal. Thou hast wounded me, O divine hand! that Thou mayest heal me. Thou hast slain in me that which made me dead, and without the life of God which I now live.

Having hope that it is the way forward still...

28. Here comes the question, why is it that so few ever attain to this state? The reason is that, in this marvellous work which God Himself begins, so many are weak, shrinking from trouble, and unwilling to endure the least discomfort or mortification, or to labour with constant patience. Hence it is that God, not finding them diligent in cultivating the graces He has given them when He began to try them, proceeds no further with their purification, neither does He lift them up out of the dust of the earth, because it required greater courage and resolution for this than they possessed.

If it will help I can transfer some money over; however, you'll have to send me a paypal, or routing number.

[Cal]

28. Here comes the question, why is it that so few ever attain to this state? The reason is that, in this marvellous work which God Himself begins, so many are weak, shrinking from trouble, and unwilling to endure the least discomfort or mortification, or to labour with constant patience. Hence it is that God, not finding them diligent in cultivating the graces He has given them when He began to try them, proceeds no further with their purification, neither does He lift them up out of the dust of the earth, because it required greater courage and resolution for this than they possessed.

This scares me.

Jhanon, if youre hungry youre more than welcome to stop by. Need a shower or wash some clothes, or some more limited provisional things, I can help with that. I received your message, but didnt know how to reply. Its doubtful yuliya would even hear me out if i tried to talk to her about helping out. I can try, if you'd like. But I can promise, you'll find little peace around her...maybe thats why I married her? haha

She came home today with a burning hatred inside of her for me. Apparently she thinks I have a mistress because I dont go to bed when she does. Reality is thats when I meditate and research. So theres that, just so youre aware.

[Zack]

I could send something as well, though it might not be much.

[Jhanananda]

Thank-you, Jhanon, Zack, Cal and Alexander, for posting your comments to Jhanon's Blog. Thank-you, Alexander, for posting the superb quote from John of the Cross.  I am sorry to read, Jhanon, that you are now homeless.  Perhaps you will find the mendicant life suits you.

Just as understanding the Four Noble Truths is a critical understanding for the contemplative who is heading toward the superior fruit; so also one must realize just how truly corrupt the world really is. 

These realizations tend to bring us to a desire to give up the world in death.  This too is a critical step toward the superior fruit, because we must be so willing to give up everything, including life itself. However, one need not act foolishly, and recklessly, but simply put one's head down every time one meditates and at night to rest, with the sincere intent, "I will die now."  Doing so will result in abundant fruitful attainment, which I know from direct experience; and it sounds you all will as soon know it to.

[Michel]

I'm so sorry to hear of your desperate circumstances, Jhanon.  I can spare some cash this month. I will PM you for details.

[Michel]

Its doubtful yuliya would even hear me out if i tried to talk to her about helping out. I can try, if you'd like. But I can promise, you'll find little peace around her...maybe thats why I married her? haha

She came home today with a burning hatred inside of her for me. Apparently she thinks I have a mistress because I dont go to bed when she does. Reality is thats when I meditate and research. So theres that, just so youre aware.

You sure know how to pick them, Cal, lol. It seems that you are married to the 1st Noble Truth: Woman, thy name is suffering!!! Hahaha...

[Sam Lim]

I have always felt that I have been pushed/forced (guided) into this contemplative life. Don't think society have anything to do with it.
Don't know if that being homeless is your choice or due to circumstances, I just hope that you take care of yourself. With what I've read about being homeless in America is quite dangerous, please be on the alert. I wish I could be of assistance but I am also in dire straits and we are oceans apart. Take care and you know that our hearts are with you.

[Cal]

Jason I had hoped to hear back from you. I have class from 11-1 tomorrow but if you came by, or I could pick you up and bring you by, after 1 pm. Let me know.

[Jhanon]

I share your craving for death, Jhanon. What the world would see as the supreme symptom of being dysfunctional, I hope is a symptom of transcendence. What constitutes my present pain is my impoverishment of any happiness; my disappointments in every area in life; my bitterness at the world and other people; and my doubts over whether the spiritual and material are as incompatible as I've believed. I often feel as though I have been cursed: and the inner man is under so much pressure that it could crush coal. Unfortunately, there has been no relief.

17. But Thou, O divine life, never killest but to give life, as Thou never woundest but to heal. Thou hast wounded me, O divine hand! that Thou mayest heal me. Thou hast slain in me that which made me dead, and without the life of God which I now live.

Having hope that it is the way forward still...

28. Here comes the question, why is it that so few ever attain to this state? The reason is that, in this marvellous work which God Himself begins, so many are weak, shrinking from trouble, and unwilling to endure the least discomfort or mortification, or to labour with constant patience. Hence it is that God, not finding them diligent in cultivating the graces He has given them when He began to try them, proceeds no further with their purification, neither does He lift them up out of the dust of the earth, because it required greater courage and resolution for this than they possessed.

If it will help I can transfer some money over; however, you'll have to send me a paypal, or routing number.

Alexander, I appreciate this very much. And, any support you can offer I will humbly accept and use as best as possible.

You took my post as serious as it was. But you found words of inspiration from past contemplatives and offered them to me. I sincerely appreciated it. It may be interesting to note that in this whole process, I've lost my phone, most friends, and almost all family. I was shocked. Surely Jhananda saw the family abandonment coming in my past posts.

But, actually, I find that this has been a good, albeit very challenging thing. There are tears most days. But, I've entered into a rehab clinic where I have already cut all medications and addictive behavior toward them in half. I also go to group meetings twice a week which has revealed to me people more like me. It seems, my theory that many contemplatives in america these days are using opiates or marijuana, is accurate. I found it so baffling that in my most desperate moment, freezing on that curb (of a church), I found the greatest courage to let go.

28. Here comes the question, why is it that so few ever attain to this state? The reason is that, in this marvellous work which God Himself begins, so many are weak, shrinking from trouble, and unwilling to endure the least discomfort or mortification, or to labour with constant patience. Hence it is that God, not finding them diligent in cultivating the graces He has given them when He began to try them, proceeds no further with their purification, neither does He lift them up out of the dust of the earth, because it required greater courage and resolution for this than they possessed.

This scares me.

Jhanon, if youre hungry youre more than welcome to stop by. Need a shower or wash some clothes, or some more limited provisional things, I can help with that. I received your message, but didnt know how to reply. Its doubtful yuliya would even hear me out if i tried to talk to her about helping out. I can try, if you'd like. But I can promise, you'll find little peace around her...maybe thats why I married her? haha

She came home today with a burning hatred inside of her for me. Apparently she thinks I have a mistress because I dont go to bed when she does. Reality is thats when I meditate and research. So theres that, just so youre aware.

I understand, Cal. I'm finding those we know all have a breaking point. A point at which they can no longer proceed with their association with us without having intense friction. However, as my current companion has shown me, it is possible to overcome those friction points if each individual is wholly committed to a contemplative life of rigorous virtue. So, perhaps there is hope yet. Nonetheless, as was the case with my last companion; should a separation occur, if practice is continued, I suspect it will happen in a loving way.

Jason I had hoped to hear back from you. I have class from 11-1 tomorrow but if you came by, or I could pick you up and bring you by, after 1 pm. Let me know.

I am sorry, Cal. As stated above, my phone was stolen. I only just today got service restored on a new phone. I am spending the day at the Union St Library to try and find a new place or temporary shelter before the end of the day. My present housing is already paid for, but the individual who owns the house has very little threshold for the contemplative. He has asked me to leave today, and intends to repay me for the rent I already provided.

It would be good just to see you, my friend. It would do me wonders. It really would. Please stop by.

I could send something as well, though it might not be much.

Zack, this is up to you. I'll provide my PayPal to all who have requested it. Whether you give or not, I most certainly appreciate the morale support. Just hearing from, or meeting with a contemplative is like manna from Heaven right now. Otherwise, I feel absolutely alone in a desolate and paradoxical hell. LOL

Thank-you, Jhanon, Zack, Cal and Alexander, for posting your comments to Jhanon's Blog. Thank-you, Alexander, for posting the superb quote from John of the Cross.  I am sorry to read, Jhanon, that you are now homeless.  Perhaps you will find the mendicant life suits you.

Just as understanding the Four Noble Truths is a critical understanding for the contemplative who is heading toward the superior fruit; so also one must realize just how truly corrupt the world really is. 

These realizations tend to bring us to a desire to give up the world in death.  This too is a critical step toward the superior fruit, because we must be so willing to give up everything, including life itself. However, one need not act foolishly, and recklessly, but simply put one's head down every time one meditates and at night to rest, with the sincere intent, "I will die now."  Doing so will result in abundant fruitful attainment, which I know from direct experience; and it sounds you all will as soon know it to.

Jhananda, your words uplift me. Although I have no car or shelter other than an extremely infested mission (I've exhausted all other public assistance, and have had 3 professionals confirm this for me), I AM finding that there is a certain solace, or refuge in this way. It takes time to adjust, and I've cried many, many, many nights. Over and over spontaneous intuition, for the last 5 years, continues to say "Santa Cruz, California." I can't ignore that, nor the warmer climate and acceptance of the homeless. I also can't ignore that all I have left here is the rehabilitation clinic, a daughter I rarely get to see in person, and a superbly virtuous companion who I am graced with from time to time. We simply embrace, face to face, and cry when we find ourselves with an alone moment. She appears to be teaching me what love really is. That's a long story.

I'm so sorry to hear of your desperate circumstances, Jhanon.  I can spare some cash this month. I will PM you for details.

Again, Michel, you are so very kind, and I am deeply grateful for the abundant support. Most ordinary people believe me to be seeking sympathy. But, I do not see it that way at all. I want to share what I am experiencing, in the hopes it may aid others in their pursuits.

I have always felt that I have been pushed/forced (guided) into this contemplative life. Don't think society have anything to do with it.
Don't know if that being homeless is your choice or due to circumstances, I just hope that you take care of yourself. With what I've read about being homeless in America is quite dangerous, please be on the alert. I wish I could be of assistance but I am also in dire straits and we are oceans apart. Take care and you know that our hearts are with you.

Yes, I have always felt pushed or guided into this life. I became homeless due to a complete exhaustion of resources, but it also seems life is conspiring to make it this way. Little things. And, yes, I am on the alert. I hope ou take care as well, Sam. Thank you, and may this lead to the supreme attainment Jhananda has attained. I meditated (because I finally had the chance) this morning, and it was absolutely sublime. Should the weather be more forgiving, and I adapt more readily, I suspect I would spend as much of the day meditating as possible. But there is still things to do that might ensure a supported pursuit (disability.)

I have the greatest love and appreciation for you all. And if I don't, then I wish I did. LOL. Thank you so much. Your words alone have been like warm sunshine on my shoulders. Thank you.

[Jhanananda]

This difficulty may work to your benefit, Jhanon.  I hope it does.

[Cal]

How are things for you lately, Jhanon? I have you in my thoughts, I hope everything is well.

[Jhanon]

I have been in retreat since becoming homeless. Then realizing I was merely houseless, and I always had a Home, I decided to return.

Firstly, I must thank you all for the donations. In total, you provided me with $700! Then I was gifted even more from an anonymous donation.  I spent many nights wondering how I could adequately thank you all. Because once you showed your support in whatever form it was, I found my way back Home.

I hope to catch up on the many messages and posts, soon.

I love you all. You are my family.