Tears and Spiritual Transformation

[Alexander]

One phenomenon I have found that is explored in the Western tradition, but not the Eastern, is that of mystic crying or mourning.

In the writings of the hesychasts, Margery Kempe, John of the Cross, John Climacus, and others, there is an expression of a period during which one undergoes sobbing from no apparent cause.

Often, this experience accompanies an introversion into oneself. As one learns more about one's past experiences, these memories become painful and cause suffering.

However, while this sobbing is very sad, the consequences of it are positive. One effect is it leads to a significant humanizing of the individual. Another effect is it leads to a re-evaluation of all one's values and ideas.

There are two interesting points we can mention about these mystic tears:

First, they accompany the "opening of the heart" as referred to in hesychasm. In the East, this is called the opening of the heart chakra. Either case represents our accessing the seat of our superior emotions, which for the ordinary person are inaccessible. By accessing them, we have reached an intermediate stage of spiritual development.

Second, some argue that the crying itself is an expression of a chemical (or alchemical) change that is going on in the body. This argument helps explain why the crying sometimes just happens, with no particular cause. According to this view, sobbing facilitates the "transmutation" or transfiguration of the body.

[Jhanananda]

In my case random tears began to occur sometime in the 90s, I think,  I cannot recall now when, but it was in association with deeper meditation practice.  It reminds me somewhat of what fqmorris has been writing about here.  I think they are one in the same. 

In my experience the tear were random.  They were not connected to anything occurring in the moment.  I guess sudden outbursts of anger, with no causal relationship, might just be the same phenomena.

I just call all of this random emotionalism of the mystic, shedding.  We are shedding the trauma of life.

[Jhanon]

Something I finally noticed today, which has been happening for, well, since the first "spiritual opening" experience, is tears without any apparent emotion or cause.

For example, I'll be reading or meditating, and then realize there are tears slowly rolling out of the eye. It is not profuse. They are simply there. Possible alternative reasons are very minor allergy, or closing the eyes tightly (which is not the case with the examples in mind.)

More interesting, I've noticed recently that some of my tears are very warm. And I mean noticeably warm, almost hot. These are accompanied by moments of shedding conditioning (old ideas and beliefs). I've also noticed that the "inner heat" which Alexander describes is the "burning of desire." I've had it all my life, and thanks to Alexander, I finally understand how to be rid of it. However, in this context, my suggestion may seem strange, but is it not possible that this "inner heat of desire" can be expelled through the tears during shedding of the foundation OF the desires? The desires are a product of conditioning, yes?

If this seems unlikely, I want to mention that the inner-heat I've experienced all my life was accompanied by sweat all my life. So, I know this inner heat is not just non-physical.

[Jhanananda]

Something I finally noticed today, which has been happening for, well, since the first "spiritual opening" experience, is tears without any apparent emotion or cause.

For example, I'll be reading or meditating, and then realize there are tears slowly rolling out of the eye. It is not profuse. They are simply there. Possible alternative reasons are very minor allergy, or closing the eyes tightly (which is not the case with the examples in mind.)

Tears are common for those who learn to meditate deeply.  I agree that the tears are part of the emotional shedding process, but there might be other reasons as well, such as realizing that the world does not value its mystics.

More interesting, I've noticed recently that some of my tears are very warm. And I mean noticeably warm, almost hot. These are accompanied by moments of shedding conditioning (old ideas and beliefs). I've also noticed that the "inner heat" which Alexander describes is the "burning of desire." I've had it all my life, and thanks to Alexander, I finally understand how to be rid of it. However, in this context, my suggestion may seem strange, but is it not possible that this "inner heat of desire" can be expelled through the tears during shedding of the foundation OF the desires? The desires are a product of conditioning, yes?

Yes, the tears are in part the product of conditioning, and the shedding of that conditioning.  Once the de-conditioning is complete, then it is possible that this heat will subside.  On the other hand the spiritual energy (aka kundalini) often comes with heat.

If this seems unlikely, I want to mention that the inner-heat I've experienced all my life was accompanied by sweat all my life. So, I know this inner heat is not just non-physical.

It is possible that your body just runs hot, or that your inner air conditioning works better than others.

[Alexander]

By inner heat I mean the sensation of the spiritual heart. I have had the experience many times in my life of a phantom warmth in the chest. I have concluded that this is supernatural, and I have linked it to spiritual development. What you describe, however, could be related to this.

[Jhanon]

By inner heat I mean the sensation of the spiritual heart. I have had the experience many times in my life of a phantom warmth in the chest. I have concluded that this is supernatural, and I have linked it to spiritual development. What you describe, however, could be related to this.

I am familiar with the inner heat of the spiritual heart. And now that you mention it, it does appear to be hottest in the center of the chest. Recalling memory, it has always radiated from that point. But, then again, most of the heat producing physical organs are in that area, no?

Yes, it is possible I simply have better "inner air conditioning." However, being in a cool environment didn't abate this. I would still have inner heat and sweat, but be freezing externally.

[Cal]

I have to agree with the internal heat, I have also had it, for as long as i can remember. Not just the inner heat, but an outward heat that felt to come from the inside. Oddly enough, I have not felt this heat since after starting meditating. My wife used to call me her heater, as I would never cool down, now she snuggles a lot more and i havnt heard any complaints of me being too hot =)

Thinking on it a little more, when I first learned to abosrb, I felt this heat around my body, along with the tactile sensation. I was able to increase it in my area of focus even. I am no longer able to do this. hmmm

[Jhanon]

Cal, you already know we are the same in this respect. But I left out some details that I only sent in a message to Alexander earlier this week, and mentioned in passing to you.

I call it the "burning of desire" because it is directly linked to desires. When I begin to get this internal and external heat, I place Awareness inside of it, and desires "extrapolate" into the mind. Maybe it is a desire for a drug I am no longer taking. Maybe it is a desire to escape or avoid something. They subsequently vanish through the benevolence of the charisms.

After realizing this, I was lead by intuition to read The Power of Now. The very page I opened to he mentions that emotions manifest in the body before the mind (which any of us can easily confirm in the case of "lump in the throat" for example.) Furthermore, lower emotions, as I am referring to, are conflict. Conflict is friction. Friction produces heat. This is further credit to the insight. The above treated uncomfortable inner/external heat and lower emotions/conflict/friction.

Lastly, when fruition of attainment occurs, there is an extended period without any of this uncomfortable inner heat. Yes, there is comfortable inner heat, but no discomfort.

[Cal]

I believe it does coincide with your definition, Jhanon. It was removed with equanimity. Yet i do desire the charisms? Although, the word "desire" doesnt quite fit the mold of what I feel...

[Jhanon]

As I alluded to, fruition removes most of this "inner heat", at least for a time. More broadly, however, the kind of "internal discomfort/friction" changes throughout the entirety of our practice. So, it seems something like a sudden pain without explanation, or a "tightness" in a muscle, or sometimes the vaguest internal sensation will be hiding emotion/conditioning. It's not necessarily that it bothers an individual, but that it is detected and discomfort. Equanimity can transcend it, but in my experience does not alone resolve these internal frictions, although it is necessary to have equanimity when discernment and awareness pull the emotion into the mind from inside the body.

It's my theory that this internal discomfort does not entirely dissipate until arahantship. Keeping the awareness on the charisms inside the body enhances likelihood of discerning internal friction from past conditioning, thus bringing it into Awareness for dissipation via equanimity. The "definition" of which coincides with the aforementioned definition. It's another theory that this is why Yoga is becoming popular.

[jay.validus]

We continually talk about the bliss, joy, and ecstasy of deep meditation, but I feel there are not enough topics on weeping.  I say weeping because it goes beyond traditional sadness.   Yes, we are sad when a loved one dies.  This hurts our being, and we wish they are okay, we wish we had done things differently.   Weeping is something more than tears we might cry.  It is an action of despair, one which saturates our being with no hope in sight.  We here are more aware of our bodies and our minds.    We here don't shy away from internal sensations, memories, or other charismatic phenomenon.   We take it on full force because we know we can take on the challenge and overcome them.

Then, as our equanimity improves, what we weep for changes, deepens, and becomes more refined.  Our awareness has improved, and where loneliness might have been unpleasant before, now we experience loneliness free from contact with the senses.  We are truly alone.  We weep.  What arises with stronger equanimity is now beyond the capability of most other people to understand.  We ourselves might not even understand what it means.  Others might understand part of our grievances, but they do not understand the depth.  They do not know why we weep.  We are even more alienated than before.  We weep.  Worse than being alone, now our ability to connect with others has diminished. 

The world starts to change as we ourselves changes.  What was once solid, something to centre ourselves upon is now not there.  We are empty.  We weep.  How do we fill this void if there is nothing?  We weep.  The next challenge has brought itself.  The fear over seeing a new part of ourselves and the universe slowly dies, and we become stronger.  Equanimity improves.  By this point we may have become better people.  We start giving more, smiling more, and loving more.  We are truly becoming living embodiments of God.

Then the next challenge brings itself.  Reality starts to become deconstructed.  Ideas and experiences we might have had piecemeal before now start their energetic process.  We begin to weep, but why?  Awareness is deeper than before.  Equanimity has improved.  We might have started having dreams when we did not before.  If we did dream before, now our dreams are lucid.  We might be experiencing the blackness of sleep.  We might be travelling on the spiritual planes.  With increased equanimity, now we cannot ignore ourselves.   We cannot ignore our sufferings. 

The next challenge presents itself.  We weep, but we don't know why anymore.  It is like we are weeping for God.  Equanimity and awareness are deepening quickly into areas we never thought possible.  The world stops feeling real.  We weep.  What is wrong with me?  We weep.  Am I becoming mentally sick?  We weep.   As equanimity improves our fear of opening up new realms of existences fade.   We become stronger.  Then, the next challenge presents itself, and weeping will continue its process until we improve our equanimity once again.

We talk lots about bliss, joy, and ecstasy of deep meditation here, but I don't feel there are enough topics on weeping.  It is part of the process, one that shouldn't be ignored, and one that should be nurtured until we reach our salvation and enlightenment.

[Alexander]

Thanks, Jay, for making this thread. I think the weeping is one of the most beautiful parts of becoming a mystic. We develop a humanity and an emotional depth that isn't there in other people. I started weeping when I studied the hesychasts. They taught about repentance and opening the heart. There are references to weeping throughout Christian mystical literature: in Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, John Climacus, Margery Kempe, and many others. It's surprising there are almost no references to it in oriental literature, as far as I'm aware. The western mystics are usually much more personal, so probably more likely to write about it; the eastern mystics are more impersonal.

You might like this thread on mystic weeping, Jay:

http://fruitofthecontemplativelife.org/forum/index.php/topic,738.0.html

[bodhimind]

Thank you for posting this....

I find weeping in many things... i see the state of the world and I weep... i weep when i am filled with joy.... i weep when I feel moved or filled with energy... I find it like a breaking down of something solid, where I am silently surrendering...

Perhaps that is the root of metta?

[Jhanananda]

I hope you all do not mind that I merged the two topics, and then moved the merged topic from Contemplative Christianity to the spiritual crisis, which is where I believe it belongs, and might be easier to find.

Yes, it is true that weeping is not even a topic in Asian forms of religion.  They instead tend to be stoic; whereas, it is a common topic in Christian mysticism, which would explain why the topic was originally there.

Weeping has been a feature of my contemplative life for about 20 years, so my conclusion is, if you do not weep every day for the corruption of the world, then you are not enlightened.

[jay.validus]

I hope you all do not mind that I merged the two topics,

I felt the topic "Weeping" had a slightly different feel, that is why I kept it in its own thread.  I would prefer its on its own, but if you feel it needs to be here then let it stay.

Thanks, Jay, for making this thread. I think the weeping is one of the most beautiful parts of becoming a mystic. We develop a humanity and an emotional depth that isn't there in other people. I started weeping when I studied the hesychasts. They taught about repentance and opening the heart. There are references to weeping throughout Christian mystical literature: in Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, John Climacus, Margery Kempe, and many others. It's surprising there are almost no references to it in oriental literature, as far as I'm aware. The western mystics are usually much more personal, so probably more likely to write about it; the eastern mystics are more impersonal.

This is one aspect of eastern mystics on which I do not agree.  I do not see the value in living so detached, but I can definately understand their way of thinking.   Keep in mind, I am making a distinction between being detached and the non-duel experience.   I see many who stay detached as suppressing innate human desires and instincts.  That suppression is only a denial mechanism, and many times you see it come out in ways the person is unaware of, and they feel a little too cold.  Whereas someone who embraces their emotion you feel the love that comes from them.

I find weeping in many things... i see the state of the world and I weep... i weep when i am filled with joy.... i weep when I feel moved or filled with energy... I find it like a breaking down of something solid, where I am silently surrendering...

Perhaps that is the root of metta?

I see it as a matter of perspective, either one can surrender or hold onto control.  If we want the world to be a perfect place and its not, we get upset.  We could just get right back to the four noble truths, and see how our desires are causing us to suffer, to ultimately weep continually.