Since embracing the mystic path, I've found unmistakable evidence of a divine gravity. Sharing a silent moment with a stranger on the pier, and somehow you feel--you know, that this stranger is no stranger at all. You may never see them again, you may have never even exchanged words, and yet the feeling leaves no room for doubt. This is a "kindred soul", this is a brother or sister of Home. There isn't an abundance of mystics in this world, and yet, as if guided by devas, we seem to find each other. This is a story of two that happened to me today. I encourage you to listen to this song (part of the story) while you read:
http://youtu.be/4VDub17jxIMI woke this morning, late, with a familiar sense of despair. I had quit two medications that were numbing me, and could feel all phenomena very strongly. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. And so I endured and soon remembered to replace the despair with a wholesome mindstate.
Being in withdrawal, It was difficult this time, until just moments later a luminous woman boarded the bus. Before even looking at her directly, I felt a strong sense of Home as she got closer to me. She walked to the back of the bus and sat down with me. As soon as she sat, I felt a tremendous comfort and relief wash over me.
I could feel she was considering to speak to me, as I was her. But then I felt we both just wanted to enjoy the presence, and be at ease. So we sat in silence. A smile came over me. I was relieved, and grateful. It felt like the joy and unbounded love of jhana.
We arrived at our destination, without ever having spoken we went our separate ways. I'll see her again. I know I will. And actually, now that I think about it, her appearance was almost exactly that of what I thought was a deva that comforts me in my out of body experiences at night. Last time we met on a cloud, with a beautiful nebula in the background. She simply embraced me, and let me cry. I wonder if it is possible it was her.
I walked the rest of the way to my psychiatrists office. I was steady, until she came into the room and again I felt the embrace of unbounded love and compassion. My voice began shaking as the throat chakra filled. Like how some adults feel when they see their mother after a difficult time, the body wanted to cry--to exhaust the pain I only faintly felt growing the weeks before.
She knew, and so made me smile and feel at ease, as she began speaking about meditation, psychedelics, and schizophrenia. I was shocked when she described her jhana experiences to me, and reminded me she had been meditating her entire life. She had no idea she was describing jhana.
I never told her much about meditation, and certainly not about meditative absorption. Finally, for the first time, a doctor I could tell everything to. Who I didn't have to translate my view to her. I told her how I saw my medical conditions as a sensitive response to the insanity of humanity. She agreed and we had a lively conversation where we also discussed how strange it was that mystics attract each other--as she (and I) never expected to find ones on this side of the state.
I have been seeing therapists and psychiatrists my whole life. This was the first time I felt I could tell absolutely everything to one. We ended the sessions by her granting me my medicinal requests. No jumping hoops. My psychiatrist is a mystic.
I put my earbuds back in and walked out the office and onto the street. This song came on (
http://youtu.be/4VDub17jxIM ), and I became awash with tremendous gratitude and joy. My eyes watered, and energy began gently flowing down my spine. It felt so good to finally feel that energy again. The energy I can never, ever get enough of. Because in those moments of energy surging down my spine, I feel like I could die. I could die and it would be okay. It was like being wrapped in a blanket of love and compassion.
As I walked home, additional "chance" meetings occurred. I considered the possibility that devas or some kind of divine powers really do watch out for us mystics. Even my mother, who is least interested in such notions--she concurred that some kind of power or force is watching out for us contemplative mystics. After all, if anyone doesn't belong in this world, it is us. And to feel you don't belong, everyday, to long for Home--it's nice to get post cards like this.
Please, feel free to share your similar stories here. I want us to take a moment to appreciate the noble forces that seem to keep an eye out for us in this insane world. It seems, when I choose to endure a development on the mystic path, rather than avoiding it, I am always granted love like this. Like a deva saying to me "I know it's hard. But you're doing it. And for that, I've given you this to comfort you."
I know we have perhaps the most challenging life a human can have. I want you all to know, when you feel the most despair, that I love you. And that you will be Home soon. Don't give up.
