Fruit of the Contemplative Life

Fruit of the contemplative life: => Contemplative Blogs => : Jhanon December 20, 2013, 08:33:02 AM

: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 20, 2013, 08:33:02 AM
Did a week-long retreat that ended a couple days ago. Tremendous progress, and I am very pleased. I'm also very pleased I found Jhananda and the GWV. I remember a year ago asking for jhana, a truly wise and knowledgeable teacher, and stream-entry. Although I am hesitant to claim stream-entry, it certainly feels like having entered the stream! So the last 10 days or so it seems like Christmas came early. I'm deeply grateful especially for Jhananda and GWV.

On the last day of the retreat I actually shy'd away from mediation. I suppose I became intimidated upon realizing how deep it goes, and that the concentrated effort of the retreat appeared to have me headed there fast--at least for a tour. I remember every time I sat down on the last day to meditate, I would started absorbing into 2nd jhana upon closing my eyes. New to the mix was I think kundalini energy stirring in my head and quickly filling the body. It reminded me of the beginning build-up to my first strong kundalini, which I have since longed for everyday. Much to my dismay, i found the mind making excuses to end the sit early. Since then, I've had the feeling that there is a build up of energy needing to be released. Every time I sat still, it would start coming on--and this caused me to be more intimidated. But some time outside has re-balanced that.

I missed any dedicated sits the last two days, in part due to my aforementioned hesitance. Since then, it has been not so easy to absorb quickly. Today I made up for it by meditating for 5 hours. After the first hour I began feeling a pressure headache. I first tried a small bit of caffeine. Then a couple different analgesics. Then later realized it was definitely the third eye chakra. I wonder if it is related to leaving those sits before the energy could run it's course? I can't find record on the forum of any proposed causes for the third eye ache.

Meditation was slow going during all three sits. It took me an hour each time just to reach a solid second jhana. Although the last session did reach an early 3rd jhana. Also, during the second sit, instead of the usual bliss and joy, I felt this strange experience. It felt like my body was everywhere, and yet turning to the right. I'd open my eyes and all would seem normal. Close them and re-absorb, it would happen again. Kinesthetic charism?

Also, I am definitely beginning to see how the Buddha came to identify the three characteristics and four noble truths as central to the Dhamma. A few blissful jhanas and I'm not sure one could miss them if one tried! In fact, I'm positive most of his teachings were with daily jhana experience and saturation in mind for the practitioner. It's how these teachings reveal themselves in the experience of jhana that give them their liberating depth and power. There is a unique kind of confidence and clarity that has come as a result. Such a relief to have entered the Path.

Will try to do another 5 hours tomorrow, depending on how fast I get my responsibilities out of the way, and if anymore are added on. I want to get that fast absorption back.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda December 20, 2013, 03:58:04 PM
Did a week-long retreat that ended a couple days ago. Tremendous progress, and I am very pleased. I'm also very pleased I found Jhananda and the GWV. I remember a year ago asking for jhana, a truly wise and knowledgeable teacher, and stream-entry. Although I am hesitant to claim stream-entry, it certainly feels like having entered the stream! So the last 10 days or so it seems like Christmas came early. I'm deeply grateful especially for Jhananda and GWV.

It was my experience that the more I explored the world of religion and the contemplative arts the less I felt I could find anyone who understood the charisms that I was experiencing in deep meditation, so I am not surprised by your gratitude.  The forum is here, and as the years go by there will be more reports from contemplatives who are experiencing the things that you are experiencing in meditation.  It is comforting to find such a resource.  That was the writing of the mystics for me. 

Mainstream religion, and its followers, on the other hand, are offended by the reports of mystics, because mainstream religion has mystified the religious experience, so our reports here make their progenitor not look so special.  Thus, the followers of mainstream religion will do every thing they can to bring this record down, so they can bring you and all other mystics down. 

Call me paranoid, if you want, but in my experience the attacks from the followers of mainstream religion will never stop until mystics join together to create their own community (sangha), translate their own version of ancient religious literature, and maintain their own library of case histories.  It is up to each and every one of you, because community is people, not one person.  keep in mind creating a community (sangha) for fellow mystics today provides support, and guidance, for future mystics.

For me, the endless attacks have warn me down.  I am at the point where I do not care any more.  Mainstream religion can pull this down, and I will just walk away from it, because I am done.

On the last day of the retreat I actually shy'd away from mediation. I suppose I became intimidated upon realizing how deep it goes, and that the concentrated effort of the retreat appeared to have me headed there fast--at least for a tour...

The deeper we go into meditation, the more profound the religious experience, the more threatened our ego becomes; so it is understandable that you would find a barrier that you cannot cross right now.  Just give it time, and go to the depth that suits you.  No matter how deep you go, you can always open your eyes and it will all stop.

I missed any dedicated sits the last two days, in part due to my aforementioned hesitance. Since then, it has been not so easy to absorb quickly. Today I made up for it by meditating for 5 hours. After the first hour I began feeling a pressure headache. I first tried a small bit of caffeine. Then a couple different analgesics. Then later realized it was definitely the third eye chakra. I wonder if it is related to leaving those sits before the energy could run it's course? I can't find record on the forum of any proposed causes for the third eye ache.

Several people have reported headaches associated with deeper levels of meditation.  There are 2 hypotheses that explain it, and both could easily be valid. 

1) The headache is a misinterpretation of the charism of the third eye or crown chakra, so that the subject interprets those intense sensations as a headache.  Keep in mind the charisms can often be so intense anywhere in the body to be painful.  I believe this is where the charism of stigmata originates. 

2) There might be some resistance to the depth of the meditation, which could cause the headache.  The solution here is just let go, and let it happen.

With educating ourselves about charismatic phenomena, we gain some comfort with the phenomena of the religious experience (samadhi).  As we gain comfort with it, we will find we can go deeper.  It is just nice knowing where it goes.

Meditation was slow going during all three sits. It took me an hour each time just to reach a solid second jhana. Although the last session did reach an early 3rd jhana. Also, during the second sit, instead of the usual bliss and joy, I felt this strange experience. It felt like my body was everywhere, and yet turning to the right. I'd open my eyes and all would seem normal. Close them and re-absorb, it would happen again. Kinesthetic charism?

Yes, that was the Kinesthetic charism, plus the feeling that your body was everywhere, both show you had achieved the 4th jhana.  The sense of moving, or rotating, shows you were about to go out of body (OOBE).  If you had, then you would have gone to the 5th samadhi or above.  If you want to go deeper, then allow the Kinesthetic charism to take over and go with the sense of movement.

Also, I am definitely beginning to see how the Buddha came to identify the three characteristics and four noble truths as central to the Dhamma. A few blissful jhanas and I'm not sure one could miss them if one tried! In fact, I'm positive most of his teachings were with daily jhana experience and saturation in mind for the practitioner. It's how these teachings reveal themselves in the experience of jhana that give them their liberating depth and power. There is a unique kind of confidence and clarity that has come as a result. Such a relief to have entered the Path.

This is clear insight born of absorption (samadhi).  Without samadhi the 4NT and N8P seem like a purely intellectual, and mechanical, cognitive method; however, once one realizes that the 8th fold of the N8P is saturation in the charisms of the religious experience, then we realize, and actually find, that the 4th jhana is the answer to the 4NT, because there we find no suffering (dhukkha) at all. 

When the subject masters the 4th stage of the religious experience (4th jhana), then they find they have no craving whatsoever.  At that point, by definition, one is an arahatta.

On the other hand when we leave the samadhi and go back to carrying water and chopping wood, then we my stumble over a tree root, or drop the bucket on our foot, or have a splinter of wood fly off and hit us in the eye, or have an auto to repair that was designed not to be serviced by the owner, or have endless attacks from the followers of mainstream religion, that might just drive us absolutely raving mad for a few moments, just long enough to satisfy the followers of mainstream religion, who will tell everyone they know, "See he is just a fraud, he cannot walk on water either, so join our church, and donate to our cause."  Of course, if you go there you find the priests are molesting children, or the gurus are bilking people out of their fortunes, or a long list of fraudulent activities.

Will try to do another 5 hours tomorrow, depending on how fast I get my responsibilities out of the way, and if anymore are added on. I want to get that fast absorption back.

The good thing about finding the religious experience in meditation, is no matter how much the world seems like nothing but frauds, hucksters, clowns, idiots, and or an asylum for the insane; you can always go into your religious experience and leave it all behind. And, it does not cost anything, and you do not have to believe anything.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 21, 2013, 09:25:07 AM
Jhananda, thank you for the detailed reply. It was all very helpful. I intend to specifically respond to a few of your comments later when I am not confined to the iPad. For now, I need to crank out today's meditation journaling before I go to sleep.

Today I only had one meditation session, as much of today was gobbled up with care taking. It was two hours long. At about one hour 10 minutes, it began getting really strong and quite more pleasant than usual. I was really enjoying it. I am uncertain which jhana it was. It was at least the strongest 2nd jhana I've had. There was a loud heater fan on, and I felt it may have been interfering with ability for deeper states. I carefully remained saturated as I turned it off and get back to it. It regained it's depth, and then some.

Strangely, despite not being sleepy, that is all I remember until I was sitting up (I had been laying) staring at someone who had entered the room. I struggled to understand what happened and I had a distinct confusion. I felt like I had been meditating for a very long time, perhaps days. Because the visitor brought responsibility, I unfortunately hurried my mind to establish itself. I felt shocked, and began telling the visitor about what I thought I thought I has seen in meditation. They informed me that I was describing the current day. I was shocked and confused, sitting in silence trying to understand. I looked at my stopwatch app; it had only been a total of 2 hours.

I realized I was pissing away my memory of what happened by rushing my mind. I tried to recall, because it was obviously SOMETHING new-ish. But it was too late. I was utterly perplexed. I still am. I asked the visitor to be careful when I am meditating. They said they thought they heard me leave the room for a moment, and so thought I was finished. Now I was really confused. They also said that I was already sitting up when they came in the room. Even more confused because I thought I had bolted up because of a knock or somehow knowing there was someone coming in--there was no knock made.

Other than that, I have noticed that memories from my childhood that I forgot about after they happened have begun coming back to me. So far it has been pleasant things, which is surprising.

I am lately even more turned off by the householder life. Since my retreat ended, it has been very difficult to retain saturation throughout the days. This is disappointing for me, as it leads to my mind using it's old tricks for pleasure.

That's about it. Going to try to meditate to sleep. Hopefully have time in the morning to reply to Jhananda's comments.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 21, 2013, 12:11:23 PM
I keep absorbing quickly into a deep state and it's freaking me out! After my night meditation, I tried to go to sleep. But without even trying, I kept absorbing. It feels like that wonderful period between awake and asleep, except I am fully lucid as I watch physical phenomena disappear, and it is extremely pleasurable and develops deeply very rapidly. But the novelty of consciously letting go of the body is reminding me of the early nights of the white wall of annihilating light. I just keep remembering Jhananda's swimming metaphor he used earlier, and so dip my toe a little more every time. It's so captivating. I admit, I had a little vodka to calm the nerves. I feel so blessed and yet it's like "Oh, instead of buying me a car for my sixteenth, you bought me an intergalactic spaceship capable of faster than light travel." I should just do it, but so many ambiguous and lame excuses and fears keep popping up. Will update tomorrow.

But the thing most holding me back is; What's gonna happen if I let it take me? Maybe I'll just rest in this deeply satisfying state. Maybe immaterial. I don't know. In normal meditation it is a bit easier because I really have to cultivate the jhanas, and so progress is usually slower. But right now it seems like they are coming on strong, all on their own.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda December 21, 2013, 01:57:16 PM
Jhananda, thank you for the detailed reply. It was all very helpful. I intend to specifically respond to a few of your comments later when I am not confined to the iPad. For now, I need to crank out today's meditation journaling before I go to sleep.

Today I only had one meditation session, as much of today was gobbled up with care taking. It was two hours long. At about one hour 10 minutes, it began getting really strong and quite more pleasant than usual. I was really enjoying it. I am uncertain which jhana it was. It was at least the strongest 2nd jhana I've had. There was a loud heater fan on, and I felt it may have been interfering with ability for deeper states. I carefully remained saturated as I turned it off and get back to it. It regained it's depth, and then some.

Yes, I too try to avoid noises, especially mechanical ones, because I found they can definitely reduce the depth of a meditation.  The ticking of a clock seems to be the worst, so early on I made sure there were no ticking clocks in my meditation space.

When I sat with groups in meditation halls, I noticed that almost every one of them had a ticking clock.  It might explain why so few people who meditate get nothing out of the practice.

Strangely, despite not being sleepy, that is all I remember until I was sitting up (I had been laying) staring at someone who had entered the room. I struggled to understand what happened and I had a distinct confusion. I felt like I had been meditating for a very long time, perhaps days. Because the visitor brought responsibility, I unfortunately hurried my mind to establish itself. I felt shocked, and began telling the visitor about what I thought I thought I has seen in meditation. They informed me that I was describing the current day. I was shocked and confused, sitting in silence trying to understand. I looked at my stopwatch app; it had only been a total of 2 hours.

I realized I was pissing away my memory of what happened by rushing my mind. I tried to recall, because it was obviously SOMETHING new-ish. But it was too late. I was utterly perplexed. I still am. I asked the visitor to be careful when I am meditating. They said they thought they heard me leave the room for a moment, and so thought I was finished. Now I was really confused. They also said that I was already sitting up when they came in the room. Even more confused because I thought I had bolted up because of a knock or somehow knowing there was someone coming in--there was no knock made.

Disorientation is common for deep meditations, especially from meditating lying down.  So, it is best to avoid the disruptions, if one can.  I used to meditate lying down every day after work to rejuvenate myself.  I would come home, hug and kiss the wife and kids, then go upstairs and lie down on the bed, and go as deep as I cold go for as long as I could.  Sometimes it would be dark and all had gone to bed when I came out, but most of the time only an hour would have gone by, and it was time for dinner, and I would spend the evening with my family, then after all had gone to bed, I would meditate sitting up for as long as I could.  Sometimes it would be quite late when I came to bed. 

Loved ones have trouble living with the solitude that a mystic needs.  The rest of the world thinks our lifestyle is down right insane or demonic, and either drug us, or burn us.

Other than that, I have noticed that memories from my childhood that I forgot about after they happened have begun coming back to me. So far it has been pleasant things, which is surprising.

I found meditation improved my memory considerably.  One of my sisters has spent her whole lifetime in alcoholism and drug addiction trying to forget our childhood.  She used to call me intoxicated late at night to ask me if some even had actually happened.  I would fill in the details for her, even though I was the youngest, I had the best memory of our dysfunctional childhood.  Helping her to remember details usually drove her deeper into her drugs.

I am lately even more turned off by the householder life. Since my retreat ended, it has been very difficult to retain saturation throughout the days. This is disappointing for me, as it leads to my mind using it's old tricks for pleasure.

That's about it. Going to try to meditate to sleep. Hopefully have time in the morning to reply to Jhananda's comments.

The householder life has its problems.  It is best to live with someone who is a fellow contemplative and mystic.  On the other hand, ending a relationship just because one has taken up a contemplative/mystical life does not seem valid, and can result in much more distraction.  So, if one can, then it is best to try and work things out so that both people have their needs met.

I keep absorbing quickly into a deep state and it's freaking me out! After my night meditation, I tried to go to sleep. But without even trying, I kept absorbing. It feels like that wonderful period between awake and asleep, except I am fully lucid as I watch physical phenomena disappear, and it is extremely pleasurable and develops deeply very rapidly. But the novelty of consciously letting go of the body is reminding me of the early nights of the white wall of annihilating light. I just keep remembering Jhananda's swimming metaphor he used earlier, and so dip my toe a little more every time. It's so captivating. I admit, I had a little vodka to calm the nerves. I feel so blessed and yet it's like "Oh, instead of buying me a car for my sixteenth, you bought me an intergalactic spaceship capable of faster than light travel." I should just do it, but so many ambiguous and lame excuses and fears keep popping up. Will update tomorrow.

But the thing most holding me back is; What's gonna happen if I let it take me? Maybe I'll just rest in this deeply satisfying state. Maybe immaterial. I don't know. In normal meditation it is a bit easier because I really have to cultivate the jhanas, and so progress is usually slower. But right now it seems like they are coming on strong, all on their own.

There are many consequences of deep meditation practice that impact our lives.  Also, the deep states get more weird the deeper one goes.  And, with almost no one in this culture understanding those states, we often have no place to go to figure it out. 

While I understand that it might be just too difficult to accept meditating to depth with absolutely no intention of coming back, I found, that was precisely the attitude I had to take to go all of the way.  This is where the Four Noble Truths and relinquishing craving become relevant, because any attachment to the world will keep us bound to it in meditation and after death of the body.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 21, 2013, 09:43:23 PM
Jhananda, thank you for the detailed reply. It was all very helpful. I intend to specifically respond to a few of your comments later when I am not confined to the iPad. For now, I need to crank out today's meditation journaling before I go to sleep.

Today I only had one meditation session, as much of today was gobbled up with care taking. It was two hours long. At about one hour 10 minutes, it began getting really strong and quite more pleasant than usual. I was really enjoying it. I am uncertain which jhana it was. It was at least the strongest 2nd jhana I've had. There was a loud heater fan on, and I felt it may have been interfering with ability for deeper states. I carefully remained saturated as I turned it off and get back to it. It regained it's depth, and then some.

Yes, I too try to avoid noises, especially mechanical ones, because I found they can definitely reduce the depth of a meditation.  The ticking of a clock seems to be the worst, so early on I made sure there were no ticking clocks in my meditation space.

When I sat with groups in meditation halls, I noticed that almost every one of them had a ticking clock.  It might explain why so few people who meditate get nothing out of the practice.

I, too, have noticed this. The one I used to frequent the most had TWO ticking clocks in the meditation hall. Thankfully, one of the monks removed the one on one side of the room because of the reasons we have discussed. So I always sat on that side, nearest him.
Strangely, despite not being sleepy, that is all I remember until I was sitting up (I had been laying) staring at someone who had entered the room. I struggled to understand what happened and I had a distinct confusion. I felt like I had been meditating for a very long time, perhaps days. Because the visitor brought responsibility, I unfortunately hurried my mind to establish itself. I felt shocked, and began telling the visitor about what I thought I thought I has seen in meditation. They informed me that I was describing the current day. I was shocked and confused, sitting in silence trying to understand. I looked at my stopwatch app; it had only been a total of 2 hours.

I realized I was pissing away my memory of what happened by rushing my mind. I tried to recall, because it was obviously SOMETHING new-ish. But it was too late. I was utterly perplexed. I still am. I asked the visitor to be careful when I am meditating. They said they thought they heard me leave the room for a moment, and so thought I was finished. Now I was really confused. They also said that I was already sitting up when they came in the room. Even more confused because I thought I had bolted up because of a knock or somehow knowing there was someone coming in--there was no knock made.

Disorientation is common for deep meditations, especially from meditating lying down.  So, it is best to avoid the disruptions, if one can.  I used to meditate lying down every day after work to rejuvenate myself.  I would come home, hug and kiss the wife and kids, then go upstairs and lie down on the bed, and go as deep as I cold go for as long as I could.  Sometimes it would be dark and all had gone to bed when I came out, but most of the time only an hour would have gone by, and it was time for dinner, and I would spend the evening with my family, then after all had gone to bed, I would meditate sitting up for as long as I could.  Sometimes it would be quite late when I came to bed. 

Loved ones have trouble living with the solitude that a mystic needs.  The rest of the world thinks our lifestyle is down right insane or demonic, and either drug us, or burn us.

It is very helpful for me to read about how you lived while being a householder with kids and a wife. Thank you.

Other than that, I have noticed that memories from my childhood that I forgot about after they happened have begun coming back to me. So far it has been pleasant things, which is surprising.

I found meditation improved my memory considerably.  One of my sisters has spent her whole lifetime in alcoholism and drug addiction trying to forget our childhood.  She used to call me intoxicated late at night to ask me if some even had actually happened.  I would fill in the details for her, even though I was the youngest, I had the best memory of our dysfunctional childhood.  Helping her to remember details usually drove her deeper into her drugs.

I am acquainted with this as well. I know how frustrating it was before I started getting into deeper meditation and experiencing significant healing. It felt like no matter how much prospective methods of healing I learned, or what I found to be a viable way out of suffering, I just couldn't get through to her. She was always there for me when I was younger, and I have always wanted to return the favor. But I think I may have in our most recent exchange. time will tell.
I am lately even more turned off by the householder life. Since my retreat ended, it has been very difficult to retain saturation throughout the days. This is disappointing for me, as it leads to my mind using it's old tricks for pleasure.

That's about it. Going to try to meditate to sleep. Hopefully have time in the morning to reply to Jhananda's comments.

The householder life has its problems.  It is best to live with someone who is a fellow contemplative and mystic.  On the other hand, ending a relationship just because one has taken up a contemplative/mystical life does not seem valid, and can result in much more distraction.  So, if one can, then it is best to try and work things out so that both people have their needs met.

I keep absorbing quickly into a deep state and it's freaking me out! After my night meditation, I tried to go to sleep. But without even trying, I kept absorbing. It feels like that wonderful period between awake and asleep, except I am fully lucid as I watch physical phenomena disappear, and it is extremely pleasurable and develops deeply very rapidly. But the novelty of consciously letting go of the body is reminding me of the early nights of the white wall of annihilating light. I just keep remembering Jhananda's swimming metaphor he used earlier, and so dip my toe a little more every time. It's so captivating. I admit, I had a little vodka to calm the nerves. I feel so blessed and yet it's like "Oh, instead of buying me a car for my sixteenth, you bought me an intergalactic spaceship capable of faster than light travel." I should just do it, but so many ambiguous and lame excuses and fears keep popping up. Will update tomorrow.

But the thing most holding me back is; What's gonna happen if I let it take me? Maybe I'll just rest in this deeply satisfying state. Maybe immaterial. I don't know. In normal meditation it is a bit easier because I really have to cultivate the jhanas, and so progress is usually slower. But right now it seems like they are coming on strong, all on their own.
There are many consequences of deep meditation practice that impact our lives.  Also, the deep states get more weird the deeper one goes.  And, with almost no one in this culture understanding those states, we often have no place to go to figure it out. 

While I understand that it might be just too difficult to accept meditating to depth with absolutely no intention of coming back, I found, that was precisely the attitude I had to take to go all of the way.  This is where the Four Noble Truths and relinquishing craving become relevant, because any attachment to the world will keep us bound to it in meditation and after death of the body.

You hit home this time with what is in bold. I have a concern though, that I might actually NOT come back. That isn't possible, is it?

I intend to respond to your earlier comments, as I mentioned. But I am running out of time to meditate. My apologies.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda December 21, 2013, 11:34:12 PM
You hit home this time with what is in bold. I have a concern though, that I might actually NOT come back. That isn't possible, is it?

When you let go totally, it becomes irrelevant.  On the other hand it helps to live a lifestyle that has no loose ends, so you can indeed let go completely when in deep meditation.

I intend to respond to your earlier comments, as I mentioned. But I am running out of time to meditate. My apologies.
Never skip a meditation session just to talk to mystics.  You know where to find them now anyway.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 21, 2013, 11:58:27 PM
You're right, on both accounts. I have tied up all my loose ends, made amends. When I first dedicated myself to this path, I "randomly" started running into all these people I wanted to make amends with. Some I hadn't seen since middle school!

I resolved the meditation/forum issue yesterday, but it came back today. The problem is that I normally have 24-7 duties, and when I have time to meditate or forum is often ambiguous. I can hit the forum and handle most of my responsibilities at the same time, whereas I of course cannot do that with meditation. So to avoid getting interrupted in deep meditation like yesterday, I have to guess. Hopefully as my insight grows I will become more attuned. And I should make more of an effort to saturate before allowing myself to do either.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 22, 2013, 03:27:16 AM
Squeezed in an almost 1 hour meditation just now. Before doing so, I got the sudden thought that I should do a sitting meditation. I declined to sit through a series of excuses and reasons in the mind. Now I'm kind of wishing I had sat.

Although I wasn't saturated throughout the day so far, I was able to find charism within a few minutes. (Note to self: From now on, attempt to meditate immediately after waking in the morning). Soon it got that satisfactory whole-body-ness to it. And then, yet again, that is all I remember.

Next thing I remember I feel this dis-embodiness. It's hard to explain, but I'll try. It felt like I was sending signals to the body, but the sensations I experienced in reaction weren't of the body that I'm used to--they felt much "softer". That progressively changed into feeling like I was indeed in the body I'm used to, and I realized that those signals I was sending had put the body into a type of back-arching arms stretch. Like a baby or cat would stretch upon waking up. I can't recall ever stretching like this while I am laying down. It was almost awkward. I opened my eyes, and again was confused.

One of the first things I noticed as the senses became "accounted for" (I guess that's how I would put it), is some vehement crying coming from downstairs. I looked at the stopwatch and realized my meditation was pretty much over. I was let down and dysphoric, because I remembered so little, and therefor experienced so little relief from the human realm. I thought about last night when I was absorbing almost automatically. How good it felt, and how I ultimately shy'd away from going into its depths. And how Jhananda told me I had to be ready to "Never come back". In that moment that I thought about this and heard the crying, I was ready.

The immediate stress of hearing the crying is what caused me to basically destroy any chance of recalling what happened. I went into stress-response mode, shut down all my aspirations and concerns with meditation, and went downstairs. It was over. I should have stopped that automatic response, and attempted to recall what happened. Because it took over 50 minutes afterward to coax myself through music, writing, and my helper herb, into willfully engaging with the world again. Whereas if I would have taken the 3-10 minutes to recall and re-saturate, it would have been much easier. It would have been an overall better move.

Now I'm actually starved of at least a solid 2nd jhana experience. Just recalling what it felt like last night, and the one experience with devas, or even the retreat--heaven. Just the memory of it is enough to get me through to the next session.

A new Eluvium song came on, comforting me and reminding me the nature of life as a human. Such tragedy, pain, and suffering I've experienced, and yet such hope for redemption, transcendence, and relief comes with this new era in this life. At which point I also reflected about mapeli's journal entry where it's mentioned that there comes a realizing that one can choose a wholesome state over an unwholesome state through recognition of each respective energy.

I'll post the song in the Art of the Mystic category.

Be well, friends. Don't ever give up, but put yourself in a situation to let go. If you're reading this, and you can feel the pain I spoke about, yet haven't experienced the relief, know that there is hope. Meditate. Meditate. Study. Contemplate. Reflect. Meditate. Meditate.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 22, 2013, 09:59:27 AM
Another 1 hour meditation moments ago. When it started to get deep, I would become concerned that I might blast off into the immaterial and lose track of time and physical surroundings. This would be a problem because I am caretaking alone this evening. I realized that I should make an effort to learn to navigate the jhanas. This would help meditations be more enjoyable, and to get the most out of limited time sits.

I first let myself go through the standard process of transitioning to a higher jhana. I noted what my mind did to facilitate this. Then I attempted to deliberately do it, and a qualitative shift happened again. Only this time I also noticed that the chakra associated with the the jhana would become "full" more than the others. I have never heard of this specifically, and although it made sense, I was at first in disbelief. So I began noting qualities of the jhana, what chakra felt the most stimulation, and then facilitate the letting go I had learned. So for example, 1st jhana was the heart, second jhana was the throat, etc. Shifting down a jhana I actually found more tricky than shifting up. Each time I found nothing to deny the theory, but I always reserve the possibility I am deluding myself or not observing well enough.

I noticed that, if what I was observing was accurate, then each jhana also has a range of depth. It can be light, or very strong. Although it still must be within the confines of its qualities. So 2nd jhana charisma can be much stronger than the strongest 1st jhana--or at least so it seems. I haven't tested this strength theory enough to be sure, but it seems logical and likely. 

I need to test all of this more before I can conclude anything. For now it is a promising hypothesis.

PS Whenever I enter 3rd or 4th jhana in a session, I leave the meditation with what feels like a head ache. I need to cultivate an appreciation for this. Or perhaps after more experience with 3rd and 4th jhana it simply becomes more pleasant. Or, it is possible I somehow focus on the head strongly during meditation and am not realizing it.

Going to go test this some more until I fall asleep. I still have doubts about these observations, primarily because I expected to have to really work hard for skills like this. For example, 4th jhana seemed like something I would maybe get a glimpse of a year after learning 1st.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda December 22, 2013, 12:25:41 PM
Another 1 hour meditation moments ago. When it started to get deep, I would become concerned that I might blast off into the immaterial and lose track of time and physical surroundings. This would be a problem because I am caretaking alone this evening. I realized that I should make an effort to learn to navigate the jhanas. This would help meditations be more enjoyable, and to get the most out of limited time sits.

I first let myself go through the standard process of transitioning to a higher jhana. I noted what my mind did to facilitate this. Then I attempted to deliberately do it, and a qualitative shift happened again. Only this time I also noticed that the chakra associated with the the jhana would become "full" more than the others. I have never heard of this specifically, and although it made sense, I was at first in disbelief. So I began noting qualities of the jhana, what chakra felt the most stimulation, and then facilitate the letting go I had learned. So for example, 1st jhana was the heart, second jhana was the throat, etc. Shifting down a jhana I actually found more tricky than shifting up. Each time I found nothing to deny the theory, but I always reserve the possibility I am deluding myself or not observing well enough.

I noticed that, if what I was observing was accurate, then each jhana also has a range of depth. It can be light, or very strong. Although it still must be within the confines of its qualities. So 2nd jhana charisma can be much stronger than the strongest 1st jhana--or at least so it seems. I haven't tested this strength theory enough to be sure, but it seems logical and likely. 

I need to test all of this more before I can conclude anything. For now it is a promising hypothesis.

Interesting hypothesis.  In my experience the deeper I go the more bliss, joy and ecstasy I experience, so it will be interesting to read what you find.

PS Whenever I enter 3rd or 4th jhana in a session, I leave the meditation with what feels like a head ache. I need to cultivate an appreciation for this. Or perhaps after more experience with 3rd and 4th jhana it simply becomes more pleasant. Or, it is possible I somehow focus on the head strongly during meditation and am not realizing it.

I have heard of the headache from others.  I still subscribe to it being a misinterpretation of intense energies being focused in the head chakras, or resistance to the charisms, but there could be other factors.

Going to go test this some more until I fall asleep. I still have doubts about these observations, primarily because I expected to have to really work hard for skills like this. For example, 4th jhana seemed like something I would maybe get a glimpse of a year after learning 1st.

There really is no time limit upon how deep one can go early on.  Some people take years to traverse each stage of the religious experience, and some people make the journey quickly.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 28, 2013, 09:34:54 PM
I found your comments helpful, Jhananda. Especially about there not being a time limit to how deep one can go early on.

Unfortunately, despite landing an additional 5-day home retreat, I have not experienced as much "success" as I did in the first retreat. Sometimes it takes me an hour or longer of laying down meditation to reach an obvious jhana.

Yesterday I did reach 4th jhana, but it took quite a long time to get there, and the strength of the experience was quite dim. I think the total meditation session time was 3 hours. It wasn't as refreshing as the first retreat experiences.

I just finished an hour long sit and as far as I can tell, I didn't even reach 1st jhana. I'm quite disappointed that I no longer have the immediate access I grew accustom to during and shortly after the last retreat. It's a little bit more challenging to want to meditate because of this. I can barely feel any of the charisms. I don't see anything that really changed, except for perhaps reduced inspiration and discussion.

However, there is one additional difference. During the last retreat I was trialing a "smart drug". The introduction of it and my success did line up. I have a hard time believing this to be the case, but I do have some left. I'll give it a shot and see what happens. What a shocking discovery that will be if I find it to be behind my previous success.

Still, I soldier on, hoping to find the depth and magnitude I grew to love. What would be really great is another immaterial experience. I find myself remembering its charm often.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda December 29, 2013, 12:30:59 AM
I found your comments helpful, Jhananda. Especially about there not being a time limit to how deep one can go early on.

Unfortunately, despite landing an additional 5-day home retreat, I have not experienced as much "success" as I did in the first retreat. Sometimes it takes me an hour or longer of laying down meditation to reach an obvious jhana.

Yesterday I did reach 4th jhana, but it took quite a long time to get there, and the strength of the experience was quite dim. I think the total meditation session time was 3 hours. It wasn't as refreshing as the first retreat experiences.

I just finished an hour long sit and as far as I can tell, I didn't even reach 1st jhana. I'm quite disappointed that I no longer have the immediate access I grew accustom to during and shortly after the last retreat. It's a little bit more challenging to want to meditate because of this. I can barely feel any of the charisms. I don't see anything that really changed, except for perhaps reduced inspiration and discussion.

Just accept that there are always ups and downs in the contemplative/religious experience for everyone.  You simply cannot expect to get the "jackpot" every time you meditation.  However, if you show up regularly and learn to hone your lifestyle, as well as you contemplative life, then you can improve your odds.

However, there is one additional difference. During the last retreat I was trialing a "smart drug". The introduction of it and my success did line up. I have a hard time believing this to be the case, but I do have some left. I'll give it a shot and see what happens. What a shocking discovery that will be if I find it to be behind my previous success.

Still, I soldier on, hoping to find the depth and magnitude I grew to love. What would be really great is another immaterial experience. I find myself remembering its charm often.

No "smart drug" can help you other than to mimic the religious experience.  Just learn how to do it on your own, and you will be way ahead of the game.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 29, 2013, 02:04:59 AM
Thank you for your response, Jhananda.

I found your comments helpful, Jhananda. Especially about there not being a time limit to how deep one can go early on.

Unfortunately, despite landing an additional 5-day home retreat, I have not experienced as much "success" as I did in the first retreat. Sometimes it takes me an hour or longer of laying down meditation to reach an obvious jhana.

Yesterday I did reach 4th jhana, but it took quite a long time to get there, and the strength of the experience was quite dim. I think the total meditation session time was 3 hours. It wasn't as refreshing as the first retreat experiences.

I just finished an hour long sit and as far as I can tell, I didn't even reach 1st jhana. I'm quite disappointed that I no longer have the immediate access I grew accustom to during and shortly after the last retreat. It's a little bit more challenging to want to meditate because of this. I can barely feel any of the charisms. I don't see anything that really changed, except for perhaps reduced inspiration and discussion.

Just accept that there are always ups and downs in the contemplative/religious experience for everyone.  You simply cannot expect to get the "jackpot" every time you meditation.  However, if you show up regularly and learn to hone your lifestyle, as well as you contemplative life, then you can improve your odds.

On that subject, I wonder if the strength of tactile charisms diminishes when one is sexually active. From what I understand, sexual energy is closely related (or the same thing) as the tacticle energy charism present in meditation. So if that energy is expelled through sexual activity, it seems reasonable that it might impact the available energy or strength of presence of charisms in the body. For example, from what I can remember of the last retreat that went well, I was celibate. I had charisms with me all day, helping me stay energized, happy, and able to reach jhana quickly. But I have not been celibate recently, and it coincides with a drop in strength of charisms.

I just completed a 2 hour meditation in which I am certain this time I meditated well, but charisms were hardly present. Although i did try to just be happy with what I got.

However, there is one additional difference. During the last retreat I was trialing a "smart drug". The introduction of it and my success did line up. I have a hard time believing this to be the case, but I do have some left. I'll give it a shot and see what happens. What a shocking discovery that will be if I find it to be behind my previous success.

Still, I soldier on, hoping to find the depth and magnitude I grew to love. What would be really great is another immaterial experience. I find myself remembering its charm often.

No "smart drug" can help you other than to mimic the religious experience.  Just learn how to do it on your own, and you will be way ahead of the game.

That's not what this one does. It boosts mental functions, in the same way a quality diet also has for me. It isn't in any class of substances I have ever tried before. There is no "high". It is one of the mildest prescribed for those with ADHD. While I think it is wise to wipe away as many variables such as substances, I also acknowledge that I have diagnosis that substances have helped with in the past. Some people need treatment for pain, others need treatment for mental difficulty. I think the goal is to find the most effective with the least negative drawbacks, and the ultimate goal is to be free of as many material crutches as possible. While this new substance is certainly useful, I've addressed my new hypothesis for the change in meditative experience above.

I accept there will be ups and downs in meditation, but this recent "down" seems suspicious. Suspicious in that I think there is something I can do about it. And there are some other aspects of my meditation that seem suspiciously "off". I can't say with confidence that in absorption (other than experiences when not purposefully meditating) I have ever experienced any kind of joy or "glee" as someone else on here put it. This is despite my efforts to "take joy in the experience", "appreciate" or cultivate the brahma viharas during meditation. This is one of those "off" things that I am working on. I also think there is some reason the charisms have suddenly dropped, despite not much change in my practice. I feel as though I would be straying from the path if I discounted improvement/education opportunities such as these--especially if the goal is joy, bliss, ecstasy, and enlightenment.

All that said, I admit that as far as I can tell, I am a relative beginner. I could be completely wrong on all of this, and most likely at least somewhat incorrect.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon December 30, 2013, 03:59:59 AM
Meditated about 7 hours total yesterday. The best results occurred during a 3-hour midnight session. The tactile charisms were strong, and each jhana developed slowly and fully. Upon reaching 3rd jhana, I actually found it's charisms to be too strong. It's subtle unsatisfactoriness eventually propelled me toward urgently looking for entrance to fourth jhana. Eventually I remembered to develop equanimity and let go further until I entered the 4th jhana. These slow-developing jhanas really gave me time to appreciate and analyze their primary qualities as described in the suttas.

Shortly after entering the 4th jhana, the same unsatisfactoriness of the last three jhanas, although even more subtle, surfaced. I was a bit surprised to be clearly observing unsatisfactoriness within even the 4th jhana. I suppose in the back of the mind I always assumed I would have a long honeymoon period with the first 4 jhanas until finally beginning to detect their subtle unsatisfactoriness. But, with the exception of the first days of consistent jhana which included a 5th samadhi experience, I have consistently found some subtle unsatisfactoriness.

I'm beginning to wonder if those with ADHD often have had some considerable spiritual attainment in past lives. I continue to feel a strong intuition that I have. Looking back on my youth, I have a hard time not being fairly certain I was in the dark night of the sense even at the age of 7, as that is as far back as I can remember. I at least know that I was having deep contemplative thoughts, confusion about the behavior of humans around me, ecstatic energy, and hypersensitivity to all phenomena. I and my mother even recall my hiding behind rocking chairs when they watched children's movies, and crying when the radio was turned on. Wow, what hell to be in a highly dysfunctional and abusive family while in the dark night.

I mention this because it seems I am never satisfied with any phenomena, almost all of the charismatic and definitely all of the mundane. I certainly appreciate charismatic and mundane phenomena, but I always strongly sense a longing for Home and/or the removal of this unsatisfactoriness. The only time I can ever recall not feeling any dissatisfaction is during super-strong blasts of kundalini. My dissatisfaction with everything else is driving me to push beyond my fear of it's profundity.

Because of this, last night I spent much time in 4th jhana attempting to gain intuitive knowledge into the nature of kundalini. Specifically, I wanted to learn to activate its presence whenever I needed it. I remember reading that in the 4th jhana it is possible to direct the mind toward insights like this. While it's possible this was commentary garbage, I seem to recall reading it in a sutta. "While in 4th jhana, the Buddha directed the mind toward knowledge of the arising and passing away of beings..etc..discernment was born, knowledge gained" something to that effect. Unfortunately, no such knowledge was gained.

I haven't pinned down why the charisms were so weak throughout the last few days, but I certainly re-affirmed how big an impact evening has. Perhaps it's simply the ebb and flow of the oceanic depths of the divine. Speaking of, I found a new pleasure last night when I recalled how inspiring the writings of Rumi are. So I wrote. This is what came of that inspiration:

"Ocean of Mind"

"One could spend a lifetime amassing great worldly wealth, knowledge and experience. Yet it would be but a handful of sand among all the deserts of the Earth. Its very nature to slip through clinging fingers ignored as one hurriedly reaches down for more under the delirium of the baking sun.

Just beyond the desert lie supreme wealth, knowledge, and experience within the absorbing oceanic depths of the mind. Patience and compassion is friend to those who discover and explore its vastness. For though the ocean-delver's only worldly wish is to share the discovery of the ocean with others, they know the great difficulty with which the desert-dweller will take heed.

Narrow are the creeks of human language which lead out of the desert into the ocean. And very few are they with the boats of discernment to negotiate the way. Although access to the ocean's ecstasy lie just under the nose of the human, for most it is still countless lifetimes away.

It is only ever here and now which one can catch scent of the soft caressing winds carrying even the lightest essence of the infinitely abundant ocean. Its effect so intoxicating and yet so sublime and familiar. The few who then step forward, relinquishing their coveted handful of sand, do so as they realize its only true value was in precious fleeting moments which vaguely reminded of their oceanic Home."


Perhaps some will find it pleasing to the mind as I have. Its wording may not be as appropriate to the experienced mystic as it could be, but to this novice it suffices.

I shouldn't find it odd that moving ever deeper into the mystical inspires and urges creative outlets. I find myself suddenly very curious about Jhananda's "A Stone Worn to Sand." Despite any shortcomings of the "Ocean of Mind", I found it deeply relieving and soothing to attempt to express the beauty, power and profundity of the experiences which this community has so generously helped me to move deeper into.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda December 30, 2013, 01:58:13 PM
On that subject, I wonder if the strength of tactile charisms diminishes when one is sexually active. From what I understand, sexual energy is closely related (or the same thing) as the tacticle energy charism present in meditation. So if that energy is expelled through sexual activity, it seems reasonable that it might impact the available energy or strength of presence of charisms in the body. For example, from what I can remember of the last retreat that went well, I was celibate. I had charisms with me all day, helping me stay energized, happy, and able to reach jhana quickly. But I have not been celibate recently, and it coincides with a drop in strength of charisms.

I just completed a 2 hour meditation in which I am certain this time I meditated well, but charisms were hardly present. Although i did try to just be happy with what I got.

Everyone will have to experiment here.  I find celibacy is more a skilful means, because, if we are occupied in relationship, then we have little time for deep mediation.  On the other hand, some of the major mystics were married, such as: Mohammed, Kabir, and Rumi.

On the other hand, it has been my experience, and my case histories support this, that when one meditates to the depth of the 4th jhana on a consistent basis, they lose interest in sex, because the religious experience at that depth is far more fulfilling than any sexual, or drug-induced, experience.  This means the 4the fetter, erotic craving (kama-raga) has also been overcome.

That's not what this one does. It boosts mental functions, in the same way a quality diet also has for me. It isn't in any class of substances I have ever tried before. There is no "high". It is one of the mildest prescribed for those with ADHD. While I think it is wise to wipe away as many variables such as substances, I also acknowledge that I have diagnosis that substances have helped with in the past. Some people need treatment for pain, others need treatment for mental difficulty. I think the goal is to find the most effective with the least negative drawbacks, and the ultimate goal is to be free of as many material crutches as possible. While this new substance is certainly useful, I've addressed my new hypothesis for the change in meditative experience above.

I accept there will be ups and downs in meditation, but this recent "down" seems suspicious. Suspicious in that I think there is something I can do about it. And there are some other aspects of my meditation that seem suspiciously "off". I can't say with confidence that in absorption (other than experiences when not purposefully meditating) I have ever experienced any kind of joy or "glee" as someone else on here put it. This is despite my efforts to "take joy in the experience", "appreciate" or cultivate the brahma viharas during meditation. This is one of those "off" things that I am working on. I also think there is some reason the charisms have suddenly dropped, despite not much change in my practice. I feel as though I would be straying from the path if I discounted improvement/education opportunities such as these--especially if the goal is joy, bliss, ecstasy, and enlightenment.

All that said, I admit that as far as I can tell, I am a relative beginner. I could be completely wrong on all of this, and most likely at least somewhat incorrect.

Good arguments.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda December 30, 2013, 02:46:08 PM
Meditated about 7 hours total yesterday. The best results occurred during a 3-hour midnight session. The tactile charisms were strong, and each jhana developed slowly and fully. Upon reaching 3rd jhana, I actually found it's charisms to be too strong. It's subtle unsatisfactoriness eventually propelled me toward urgently looking for entrance to fourth jhana. Eventually I remembered to develop equanimity and let go further until I entered the 4th jhana. These slow-developing jhanas really gave me time to appreciate and analyze their primary qualities as described in the suttas.

Shortly after entering the 4th jhana, the same unsatisfactoriness of the last three jhanas, although even more subtle, surfaced. I was a bit surprised to be clearly observing unsatisfactoriness within even the 4th jhana. I suppose in the back of the mind I always assumed I would have a long honeymoon period with the first 4 jhanas until finally beginning to detect their subtle unsatisfactoriness. But, with the exception of the first days of consistent jhana which included a 5th samadhi experience, I have consistently found some subtle unsatisfactoriness.

A key characteristic of the 8 stages of the religious experience (samadhi) is each stage is so fulfilling that we feel as if we could spend the rest of our life there, and by so fully submitting to that religious experience, and savoring it, like a rare and delicious food, that we find the next stage.  So, instead of being anxious, or craving, for depth, then overcome the Craving for immaterial or formless existence/experience (arupa-raga), and accept each stage of the religious experience on its own terms, as one leads to the next.  Nonetheless, all mystic pursue depth to complete annihilation, and are ultimately unsatisfied until they are completely "slain in the spirit."

I'm beginning to wonder if those with ADHD often have had some considerable spiritual attainment in past lives. I continue to feel a strong intuition that I have. Looking back on my youth, I have a hard time not being fairly certain I was in the dark night of the sense even at the age of 7, as that is as far back as I can remember. I at least know that I was having deep contemplative thoughts, confusion about the behavior of humans around me, ecstatic energy, and hypersensitivity to all phenomena. I and my mother even recall my hiding behind rocking chairs when they watched children's movies, and crying when the radio was turned on. Wow, what hell to be in a highly dysfunctional and abusive family while in the dark night.

I mention this because it seems I am never satisfied with any phenomena, almost all of the charismatic and definitely all of the mundane. I certainly appreciate charismatic and mundane phenomena, but I always strongly sense a longing for Home and/or the removal of this unsatisfactoriness. The only time I can ever recall not feeling any dissatisfaction is during super-strong blasts of kundalini. My dissatisfaction with everything else is driving me to push beyond my fear of it's profundity.

To me it is a given that anyone who finds the genuine religious experience through leading a rigorous, self-aware contemplative life, most probably was a mystic, at one level or another, in a previous lifetime; and has come here to finish the journey, or be part of a genuine religious revival movement and community, like that which comes from the work of a genuine mystic.

Because of this, last night I spent much time in 4th jhana attempting to gain intuitive knowledge into the nature of kundalini. Specifically, I wanted to learn to activate its presence whenever I needed it. I remember reading that in the 4th jhana it is possible to direct the mind toward insights like this. While it's possible this was commentary garbage, I seem to recall reading it in a sutta. "While in 4th jhana, the Buddha directed the mind toward knowledge of the arising and passing away of beings..etc..discernment was born, knowledge gained" something to that effect. Unfortunately, no such knowledge was gained.

In my experience insight is most certainly the product of the religious experience (samadhi); however, in my experience it most often comes spontaneously.  I just let go to the process of the religious experience (samadhi) and let whatever happens happen.

I haven't pinned down why the charisms were so weak throughout the last few days, but I certainly re-affirmed how big an impact evening has. Perhaps it's simply the ebb and flow of the oceanic depths of the divine. Speaking of, I found a new pleasure last night when I recalled how inspiring the writings of Rumi are. So I wrote. This is what came of that inspiration:

"Ocean of Mind"

"One could spend a lifetime amassing great worldly wealth, knowledge and experience. Yet it would be but a handful of sand among all the deserts of the Earth. Its very nature to slip through clinging fingers ignored as one hurriedly reaches down for more under the delirium of the baking sun.

Just beyond the desert lie supreme wealth, knowledge, and experience within the absorbing oceanic depths of the mind. Patience and compassion is friend to those who discover and explore its vastness. For though the ocean-delver's only worldly wish is to share the discovery of the ocean with others, they know the great difficulty with which the desert-dweller will take heed.

Narrow are the creeks of human language which lead out of the desert into the ocean. And very few are they with the boats of discernment to negotiate the way. Although access to the ocean's ecstasy lie just under the nose of the human, for most it is still countless lifetimes away.

It is only ever here and now which one can catch scent of the soft caressing winds carrying even the lightest essence of the infinitely abundant ocean. Its effect so intoxicating and yet so sublime and familiar. The few who then step forward, relinquishing their coveted handful of sand, do so as they realize its only true value was in precious fleeting moments which vaguely reminded of their oceanic Home."


Perhaps some will find it pleasing to the mind as I have. Its wording may not be as appropriate to the experienced mystic as it could be, but to this novice it suffices.

I shouldn't find it odd that moving ever deeper into the mystical inspires and urges creative outlets. I find myself suddenly very curious about Jhananda's "A Stone Worn to Sand." Despite any shortcomings of the "Ocean of Mind", I found it deeply relieving and soothing to attempt to express the beauty, power and profundity of the experiences which this community has so generously helped me to move deeper into.

I enjoyed reading your "Ocean of Mind" and sensed the flavor of Rumi in it.  This is why we read the mystics, and avoid the commentaries of the unattained intellectuals.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 02, 2014, 03:59:29 AM
Notes for expansion when on laptop later:

- i have discovered a journal entry of Jhananda's where he states that he has found the more he abstains from the senses for consolation/comfort, the more he experiences jhana-nimitta. This coincides with my own observations and appears to answer my recent investigations regarding this.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 08, 2014, 11:43:07 PM
Lately there is certainly no shortage of worldly life motivations to attain enlightenment. This really is a hell plane.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda January 09, 2014, 01:13:08 AM
Sorry to hear, Jhanon, that the dukkha is on the rise for you.  It is just par for the course.  If enough of us mystics can come together in support of each other I believe we can collectively reduce the dukkha factor for all of us.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 09, 2014, 05:57:37 AM
Thank you, Jhananda. I agree. I find myself thinking about ways to make it work. Publish a book, use the proceeds toward establishing a physical location with the necessities for the GWV sangha to practice. Even self-publishing on Kindle might work. Or maybe we'll need many books from different GWV members which all discuss the salient jhana-driven facets of the practice.

I don't even know where I'll find shelter in the coming months. But somehow I need to find some level of routine stability and time so that I can work on a book. Even just cranking out a short one is better than nothing. I mean--have you read some of those commentaries!? They dance in circles, rarely mentioning anything of actual use for practice. I must have read 25 books just looking for clues into jhana.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Ichigo January 09, 2014, 01:28:02 PM
Shelter.. what a nice word, I got Social Anxiety Disorder, and a shelter is all I want.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 09, 2014, 01:38:05 PM
It's interesting how life seems to create our greatest fears and aversions. I sometimes wonder, why is that? You know, something like not wanting to become one of our parents. Well why would one waste it's time with something like that? It is fairly likely that the ego which was conditioned by the parents, will to that extent become the parents. So it's a lost cause from the beginning, and yet the thoughts still come.

Lately I've really been needing a refuge. Meditation isn't as relieving as usual. So I think "you're just awareness, out at the movies. Instead of wishing the movie was different, just try to find your way to the exit. Because once you leave the theater, it will be only one more movie among the many you've seen."

I don't know if we are anything. But it seems likely that awareness is the one ever-present out of all which constitutes experience.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 09, 2014, 01:43:00 PM
Shelter.. what a nice word, I got Social Anxiety Disorder, and a shelter is all I want.

As do I, Ichigo. I think most of us here could qualify with most of the common diagnosis. I have about 7 under my belt, according to doctors over the years. I think it is primarily because a high degree of sensitivity is required and unfolds on the Path. At least we have access to beautiful samadhi states as a result.

I really want to get us all out of our life situations and into the wilderness together. Because when I even just spend time with someone who genuinely practices, I feel at ease. But there is just so few of us out there. And when we combine that with nature, it is all much easier to bare.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel January 09, 2014, 05:19:40 PM
As do I, Ichigo. I think most of us here could qualify with most of the common diagnosis. I have about 7 under my belt, according to doctors over the years. I think it is primarily because a high degree of sensitivity is required and unfolds on the Path. At least we have access to beautiful samadhi states as a result.

I really want to get us all out of our life situations and into the wilderness together. Because when I even just spend time with someone who genuinely practices, I feel at ease. But there is just so few of us out there. And when we combine that with nature, it is all much easier to bare.
Shelter.. what a nice word, I got Social Anxiety Disorder, and a shelter is all I want.
I too have suffered from what they call 'SAD'. It's a characteristic common to many people, not all, who have been diagnosed with so-called 'bipolar disorder'. A group of mystics living together in a self-sustaining community would be a far better alternative to the mad, paranoid schizophrenic environment that we all live in. There would be many hurdles to overcome. But it takes $$$. So one of these days I'm going to go out and buy a lottery ticket.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 13, 2014, 05:46:00 AM
Hahaha! Best of wishes with that lottery ticket! You never know :)

Oh, and Jhananda, apologies for not responding to your previous posts. I found them very helpful, but I will admit I haven't been committing much time to the forum. I'm using the mobile phone to type this, as I lately only find the urge and time to forum when I lay in bed after family is asleep, and it takes so much longer to respond than a PC.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 27, 2014, 07:09:45 PM
I was happily gifted some time to meditate before bed recently. I took up the usual hand tactile charisms and began to go down the rabbit hole. Usually one or two of the other senses will manifest evident charisms along the way. This time it was the sense of balance. The sense of balance seems to manifest often for me, which is great for me as an individual, as I will soon explain.

Instead of looking at the balance charism merely as a door to OOB as I usually do, I cultivated it for the sheer pleasure of it. It grew and grew until I realized this was indeed the euphoria I so much enjoyed when I used to dabble in drugs. The bliss of tactile charism is good, but the euphoria of the balance charism is even better. Fortunately, both were developing in unison during this session. I began to feel joy, which is rarely evident during my meditations--even when they progress on to the immaterial states.

It appeared that the tactile charism gave way to the balance charism which synergized together and created a sense of joy.

It seems to me, at least when a meditator first begins diving deep into absorption (as I am), that each individual is predisposed to a certain combination of charism. When they come together, as they did this time, the meditation process becomes organic and self-propelling. Whereas in the past when I have meditated deeply, I did so by using the feedback of stronger charism activity as motivation to let go and rest the mind more fully. This may seem like an arbitrary difference, and if so, then I have failed to explain as fully as needed.

What I want to say here is that each sense indeed appears to have its own charism. There is not just the six senses. There is the sense of balance, as I've already discussed. There also appears to be a sense of heart which creates a warmth and comfort in the body (this is a close second in personal preference). And I believe that the sense of stomach (like how you know you during a meal that you are full) might also have a charismatic function.

Are there any other senses besides the 6 senses which I have missed here that can have charismatic activity?
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda January 27, 2014, 11:40:34 PM
I was happily gifted some time to meditate before bed recently. I took up the usual hand tactile charisms and began to go down the rabbit hole. Usually one or two of the other senses will manifest evident charisms along the way. This time it was the sense of balance. The sense of balance seems to manifest often for me, which is great for me as an individual, as I will soon explain.

Instead of looking at the balance charism merely as a door to OOB as I usually do, I cultivated it for the sheer pleasure of it. It grew and grew until I realized this was indeed the euphoria I so much enjoyed when I used to dabble in drugs. The bliss of tactile charism is good, but the euphoria of the balance charism is even better. Fortunately, both were developing in unison during this session. I began to feel joy, which is rarely evident during my meditations--even when they progress on to the immaterial states. It appeared that the tactile charism gave way to the balance charism which synergized together and created a sense of joy.

This is an excellent result, and this is how I meditate.

It seems to me, at least when a meditator first begins diving deep into absorption (as I am), that each individual is predisposed to a certain combination of charism. When they come together, as they did this time, the meditation process becomes organic and self-propelling. Whereas in the past when I have meditated deeply, I did so by using the feedback of stronger charism activity as motivation to let go and rest the mind more fully. This may seem like an arbitrary difference, and if so, then I have failed to explain as fully as needed.

What I want to say here is that each sense indeed appears to have its own charism. There is not just the six senses. There is the sense of balance, as I've already discussed. There also appears to be a sense of heart which creates a warmth and comfort in the body (this is a close second in personal preference). And I believe that the sense of stomach (like how you know you during a meal that you are full) might also have a charismatic function.

Are there any other senses besides the 6 senses which I have missed here that can have charismatic activity?

The charism of heart and stomach are traditionally called 'chakras."  In that case, there are 7 chankras, and, in my experience, the hands and feet can have as much charismatic energy as any of the chakras.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 28, 2014, 04:13:52 AM
Good point on the chakras. I forgot about them in relation to "sense of heart".

If I remember correctly, there is a point where one can intimately know, and therefor appreciate, all the various charisms? I'm noticing that it appears so much of the joy one can get from samadhi is from getting to know and love the charisms. Oh how I would love to get to know them intimately and experience the peak of all these at once.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda January 28, 2014, 12:56:38 PM
I call it a charismatic symphony.  Keep practicing, I am sure you will get there quite soon.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 31, 2014, 04:23:41 AM
I call it a charismatic symphony.  Keep practicing, I am sure you will get there quite soon.

I do, whenever I can justify it. I must at least make effort to provide shelter and sustenance for myself in the near future.

I just came across some of the Interior Castle which renewed me to some extent.

"What a farce it is! Here are we, with a thousand obstacles, drawbacks, and imperfections within ourselves, our virtues so newly born that they have scarcely the strength to act (and God grant that they exist at all!) yet we are not ashamed to expect sweetness in prayer and to complain of feeling dryness.

Do not act thus, sisters; embrace the cross your Spouse bore on His shoulders; know that your motto should be: 'Most happy she who suffers most if it be for Christ!' All else should be looked upon as secondary: if our Lord give it you, render Him grateful thanks. You may imagine you would be resolute in enduring external trials if God gave you interior consolations: His Majesty knows best what is good for us; it is not for us to advise Him how to treat us, for He has the right to tell us that we know not what we ask. Remember, it is of the greatest importance--the sole aim of one beginning to practise prayer should be to endure trials, and to resolve and strive to the utmost of her power to conform her own will to the will of God. Be certain that in this consists all the greatest perfection to be attained in the spiritual life, as I will explain later. She who practices this most perfectly will receive from God the highest reward and is the farthest advanced on the right road. Do not imagine that we have need of a cabalistic formula or any other occult or mysterious thing to attain it our whole welfare consists in doing the will of God. If we start with the false principle of wishing God to follow our will and to lead us in the way we think best, upon what firm foundation can this spiritual edifice rest?"

This needs to be read with discernment, but it seems like she is saying "Quit complaining and endure, for this path is best for you and worth the destination." It's humbling for me to read this. It's interesting just how much some passages like this could be misunderstood.

I wonder if others see this as only written to appease the would-be "book burners".
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda January 31, 2014, 01:02:56 PM
This needs to be read with discernment, but it seems like she is saying "Quit complaining and endure, for this path is best for you and worth the destination." It's humbling for me to read this. It's interesting just how much some passages like this could be misunderstood.

I wonder if others see this as only written to appease the would-be "book burners".

I think it is both, "Quit complaining and endure, for this path is best for you and worth the destination."  It is also appeasing her Dominican "book burners".
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 31, 2014, 06:50:34 PM
Hahahaha, yes, that makes sense. Or maybe you just don't want to negate a positive message I gleamed from an otherwise unnecessary bit of "code" in Teresa's book :D
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 31, 2014, 06:58:33 PM
The following is quite random:

Over the last few weeks that I've known I'm losing my home, it has been very difficult for me to be resilient and look forward to this change with hope. Which after spending some restorative time having discussion with this group again, I remember that just a few months ago I was wishing I could leave and be ordained. Now it seems that is what is going to happen, anyway, but not entirely by my choice--which makes it a bit easier, actually, to deal with. How pathetic the human is. Always wanting things to be the way it wants, even if it isn't what's best.

I wonder if there has ever been more active members than the handful we currently have. Not that it matters, because even just a few active members help me stay on track.

I checked the weather today, and realized Jhananda's current town of Tucson is 66 degrees! That's the most moderate temperature today out of New Zealand, California, Washington, and France! I wish I could snap my fingers and be there. The gloomy, wet winters here are starting to get to me. But I suppose then, in Tucson, I would have to deal with wind and brown :o

That's all for now.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 31, 2014, 10:33:57 PM
Today I find my mind filled with remembering the stories of the Buddha and his sangha. How they wandered together, committed to the pursuit of enlightenment. Oh, how I long for the support and companionship of a truly dedicated sangha in the flesh. There is so much benefit to have spiritual companions.

It seems the current age might be the last call for those intending enlightenment. As the earth's wilderness disappears, and technological distractions increase, I wonder if this is the end of an enlightenment era. Or if humanity will be able to hang on for a bit longer, and keep the doors open.

It seems to me that no matter what efforts humans make to improve life as a human, that humanity will always be encumbered by the laws of this realm. One difficulty is traded for another, all the while few are realizing that we're just changing the drapes. There seems only one true way for change to happen, and I suspect many of the others here have considered this.

I wish I could feel more confidence that God or the Universe will reward the noble efforts I've made to transcend the woes of human life. That the upcoming transition is a gift. That all the suffering and turmoil of the past while I worked relentlessly to find and commit my life to the most beneficial and noble endeavor a human can (enlightenment) will pay off.

I look at what of Jhananda's life I know, and I know it has been tough--but I also know he has spent what appears to be many blissful days and nights in the wilderness--enjoying the fruits of the contemplative life. I hope I will be gifted or able to make a similar thing happen.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon February 01, 2014, 01:57:15 AM
If one was in a house on fire, one wouldn't search for a room to sit that wasn't on fire. Because one would still be burned.

In the same way, it is pointless to endeavor solely in making worldly life more tolerable. Because one would still be burned.

The only way is to get out.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda February 01, 2014, 02:29:41 AM
I checked the weather today, and realized Jhananda's current town of Tucson is 66 degrees! That's the most moderate temperature today out of New Zealand, California, Washington, and France! I wish I could snap my fingers and be there. The gloomy, wet winters here are starting to get to me. But I suppose then, in Tucson, I would have to deal with wind and brown :o

That's all for now.
Part of the mendicant life is the flexibility to travel from wherever the weather is unpleasant to wherever the weather is pleasant.  The winters in Tucson tend to be quite nice, but the summers tend to be miserable.

Today I find my mind filled with remembering the stories of the Buddha and his sangha. How they wandered together, committed to the pursuit of enlightenment. Oh, how I long for the support and companionship of a truly dedicated sangha in the flesh. There is so much benefit to have spiritual companions.

I look at what of Jhananda's life I know, and I know it has been tough--but I also know he has spent what appears to be many blissful days and nights in the wilderness--enjoying the fruits of the contemplative life. I hope I will be gifted or able to make a similar thing happen.

It is possible in every age to develop a community (sangha), we all just need to learn to work together to make it happen, one at a time.

If one was in a house on fire, one wouldn't search for a room to sit that wasn't on fire. Because one would still be burned.

In the same way, it is pointless to endeavor solely in making worldly life more tolerable. Because one would still be burned.

The only way is to get out.

This makes a lot of sense to me.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon July 26, 2014, 05:01:03 PM
In these days, if one has a mundane question, one can just Google it.

This morning I woke up from yet another seemingly developmental dream, and felt worthless. Morning is when I at my weakest. I thought "No one likes me. They just tolerate me because I have a good heart." And I remembered most of my past and how eventually everyone's mask fell away and I realized I was utterly alone. Then I thought about present day, and saw the same thing to a lesser degree. Then I felt like a failure, too--in the worldly sense.

Then I remembered the critical thinking on free will which I shared. And I felt "Oh, yeah. You're not even really in control. What's the sense in letting it bother you? But then I began to think I wasn't sure about that.

And so, I attempted to google it, seeing as how I couldn't, at the time, recall any samadhi experiences in which I specifically observed it during the experience. I could only recall past experiences that reflected it. But I forgot that Google is basically useless for finding out "what specific samadhi stage does volition fall completely away." Because it's all garbage. It took me scanning through a page of search results to re-realize.

And I'm more-or-less back where I started.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon July 26, 2014, 06:24:53 PM
It is very strange that I sometimes wake in the disposition I just wrote above. It vanishes so quickly, and I'm left wondering what mechanics are going on there.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon July 31, 2014, 04:16:11 AM
Earlier in the NDE Natalie thread, Jhananda mentioned a pop, gunshot, or slamming kind of noise when one re-enters the body. Upon reading this, a memory came to me of a meditation I'm completely confused about, to this day. I thought I had remembered accurately, but further inspection both with my partner who entered the room, and my blog, revealed something far different. Here is the initial account earlier in my blog.

"Today I only had one meditation session, as much of today was gobbled up with care taking. It was two hours long. At about one hour 10 minutes, it began getting really strong and quite more pleasant than usual. I was really enjoying it. I am uncertain which jhana it was. It was at least the strongest 2nd jhana I've had. There was a loud heater fan on, and I felt it may have been interfering with ability for deeper states. I carefully remained saturated as I turned it off and get back to it. It regained it's depth, and then some.

Strangely, despite not being sleepy, that is all I remember until I was sitting up (I had been laying) staring at someone who had entered the room. I struggled to understand what happened and I had a distinct confusion. I felt like I had been meditating for a very long time, perhaps days. Because the visitor brought responsibility, I unfortunately hurried my mind to establish itself. I felt shocked, and began telling the visitor about what I thought I thought I had seen in meditation. They informed me that I was describing the current day. I was shocked and confused, sitting in silence trying to understand. I looked at my stopwatch app; it had only been a total of 2 hours.

I realized I was pissing away my memory of what happened by rushing my mind. I tried to recall, because it was obviously SOMETHING new-ish. But it was too late. I was utterly perplexed. I still am. I asked the visitor to be careful when I am meditating. They said they thought they heard me leave the room for a moment, and so thought I was finished. Now I was really confused. They also said that I was already sitting up when they came in the room. Even more confused because I thought I had bolted up because of a knock or somehow knowing there was someone coming in--there was no knock made."

I asked my partner about it just now. She said she came into the room and I was no longer lying. I was sitting straight-up, and staring straight ahead. She said she figured that was just how I meditated, but in hindsight, she did find it odd that my eyes were open, I was sitting straight up, and didn't appear to "be there." She says she left the room after about 3 minutes, putting our child to bed, and using the bathroom; a total time of about 20 minutes she was gone. There was no slamming doors, and no knocking in physicality.

When she came back, I was in the exact same position. At the very moment she re-entered the room I became aware again. Note that she said she while she was showering that she thought she heard me leave the room, and so figured I had finished.

HOW does that get explained?
1) For at least the last 20 minutes, I have no recollection of what happened. I just remember telling her about my experience, and her saying "you're referring to today."
2) Upon returning, I felt like many days had passed.
3) She said she heard me leave the room while she was in the shower, but when she came back, I appeared to be in the same position. She is an excellent witness, and never embellishes or exaggerates.
4) Some kind of loud knock or knowing brought me back to ordinary consciousness.
5) I don't meditate sitting up, because the pain is too distracting.
6) I always take 3 minute or so to slowly bring myself out of absorption, but this time I was abruptly and suddenly aware of the physical plane, and in a far different position than I began.
7) I don't meditate with my eyes open, although I may occasionally peek out of my eyes for a second.

What the hell happened? Was I like possessed or something, and did I actually leave the room while she was in the shower? Why did I describe the current day when I explained my experience? Is it possible to make physical noises while OOB? Or, is it possible for someone else to detect non-physical noises made by me while in OOB?

I need to find out what this was.

I tried to access this memory in meditation just now, but wasn't deep enough. Too many outside distractions. I've only "viewed" (what's the actual term we use for "remote viewing" here?) a handful of times, but they have all been 99 percent accurate. I think it is possible for me to find out what happened on that day by viewing it. And I can't explain it, but my need to know this is very strong.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda July 31, 2014, 12:26:16 PM
]HOW does that get explained?
1) For at least the last 20 minutes, I have no recollection of what happened. I just remember telling her about my experience, and her saying "you're referring to today."
There are a number of ways to explain this, but let us stick with the facts.  It sounds like you may have dosed off, or gone OOBE, but since you cannot recall what happened then we should say you dosed off.  I happens.
2) Upon returning, I felt like many days had passed.
Space/time dilation is a common experience returning from an OOBE, or waking from sleep.
3) She said she heard me leave the room while she was in the shower, but when she came back, I appeared to be in the same position. She is an excellent witness, and never embellishes or exaggerates.
Well, she might be a good witness, but she did not see you.  There could be other explanations why she thought you had left the room.  Or, you did leave the room, and you were sleep walking.
4) Some kind of loud knock or knowing brought me back to ordinary consciousness.
This would fit the OOBE reentry noise, like a sonic boom.
5) I don't meditate sitting up, because the pain is too distracting.
OK, so you reentered and the loud sound caused you to sit up, but you did not recall sitting up.
6) I always take 3 minute or so to slowly bring myself out of absorption, but this time I was abruptly and suddenly aware of the physical plane, and in a far different position than I began.
The OOBE sonic boom can explain this.
7) I don't meditate with my eyes open, although I may occasionally peek out of my eyes for a second.
People have been known to have their eyes open, or talk, or walk in their sleep.  This is the best explanation. Otherwise we will have to go for you were possessed by demons, and now we will have to burn you at the stake :-)
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon July 31, 2014, 03:39:42 PM
I agree it is the most likely. How interesting.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon July 31, 2014, 04:51:29 PM
: Jhananda
The first stage of noble attainment is "stream winner" (sotapana).  The attainment of the stream winner is essentially finding the first jhana consistently.  The "stream" being the religious experience (jhana/samadhi).

Attaining the first jhana is based upon the basic behavioral changes required to become a contemplative, which is leading a disciplined life, which is essentially avoiding unwholesome thoughts and behaviors, while also engaging in the practice of meditation. 

Eventually one who leads a contemplative life finds some fulfillment in it, which is faith, bliss, and joy, while also finding a reduction in the 1st 3 fetters: Narcissism & clan identification (sakkaya-ditthi), Skeptical doubt (vicikiccha), and Clinging to rules, rights and rituals (silabbata-paramasa).

The second stage of noble (Arya) attainment is "once returner" (Sakadágámi).  This person will have moved beyond meditating only once a week to daily meditation practice, and beyond meditation techniques, to the stilling of the mind; therefore this contemplative will have eradicated the 1st 3 fetters and weakened the 4th and 5th fetters: erotic craving (kama-raga) & Ill-will or aversion (vyapada). 

The third stage of noble (Arya) attainment is "Non-return" (Anágámi).  This person will have moved beyond meditating only once a day to meditating 2 or 3 times a day, and from 20 minute meditation sits to hour-long meditation sits, and beyond meditation techniques, and beyond the stilling of the mind, to deep equanimity during meditation; therefore this contemplative has eradicated the first five fetters.

Here is my issue. I wish to determine my current level of attainment. Absorbing is easy as pie. Even when there are kids running around making lots of noise, I can remain in at least second jhana. If I get to third, then even all their noise is just noise. It's not aggravating, but I do notice it.

Out of these 5 fetters, I have doubt about erotic craving and aversion (eg I feel apprehension about going to the retreat). The rest are, in my observation, entirely eradicated.

The latter fetters eradicated by the arahant, I am sure I still have. Anyone who might question me or help me find how I may be deluding myself would be appreciated. But conviction is 100 percent on the first 3 fetters eradication, and significant attenuation or complete eradication of aversion and erotic craving. I have difficulty discerning the difference between aversion and fear.

I wonder if there are other erotic cravings other than what I've discussed?

Throughout the day, my mind is still, and feels like it has a strong foundation. Always still. Ripples rarely happen, but they come and then go. When I meditate, I lay down and absorb immediately into 1st jhana. I may already be in it throughout the day. Actually, yeah, I am. I fall asleep in second or third jhana most nights I can recall.

I think a safe bet is once-returner, but I generally under-estimate.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon July 31, 2014, 05:12:24 PM
It would be most appreciated if someone confirmed at this level of attainment or higher were to question me in regards to my claims. Such as "When people mis-treat you despite the pure intentions you've held for them, do you feel averse to them? Or hope they "get what's coming"?
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda August 01, 2014, 01:11:56 PM
I haven't spent much time considering the attainment of myself and even less time that of others. Last night was the first time I considered that of others. So I can't comment much, yet.

I did have a question about the fetters. "Clan identification", is that the same as identification with or suffering from societal expectations?
Clan identification (sakkaya-ditthi) is how our identity is often tied up in our family of origin, our region, our race, our nation, etc. As we advance due to saturation in the charisms, then the layers of the self begin to unravel, which is also called non-dualism.
Here is my issue. I wish to determine my current level of attainment. Absorbing is easy as pie. Even when there are kids running around making lots of noise, I can remain in at least second jhana. If I get to third, then even all their noise is just noise. It's not aggravating, but I do notice it.

Out of these 5 fetters, I have doubt about erotic craving and aversion (eg I feel apprehension about going to the retreat). The rest are, in my observation, entirely eradicated.
This is anxiety.  Anxiety is one of the last fetters to go, but it declines as our contemplative life deepens due to saturation into the charisms (nimittas).
The latter fetters eradicated by the arahant, I am sure I still have. Anyone who might question me or help me find how I may be deluding myself would be appreciated. But conviction is 100 percent on the first 3 fetters eradication, and significant attenuation or complete eradication of aversion and erotic craving. I have difficulty discerning the difference between aversion and fear.

I wonder if there are other erotic cravings other than what I've discussed?

Throughout the day, my mind is still, and feels like it has a strong foundation. Always still. Ripples rarely happen, but they come and then go. When I meditate, I lay down and absorb immediately into 1st jhana. I may already be in it throughout the day. Actually, yeah, I am. I fall asleep in second or third jhana most nights I can recall.

I think a safe bet is once-returner, but I generally under-estimate.
It sounds like you are a "Non-return" (Anágámi).
: Jhananda
The third stage of noble (Arya) attainment is "Non-return" (Anágámi).  This person will have moved beyond meditating only once a day to meditating 2 or 3 times a day, and from 20 minute meditation sits to hour-long meditation sits, and beyond meditation techniques, and beyond the stilling of the mind, to deep equanimity during meditation; therefore this contemplative has eradicated the first five fetters.
The thing to get about the noble levels of attainment is today you might be Non-return" (Anágámi); however, you might be successful at deepening your contemplative life further, so when you have spent enough time being saturated in the 4th jhana, then you will have been transformed by it into an arahat.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 06, 2014, 04:13:02 PM
Does crying still happen at anagami and arahat?

I've been crying frequently, lately. I usually cry out of joy once a week on average, but it's usually clustered. Sometimes I cry because of negative reasons, but it doesn't normally get to me. It comes out and goes away.

But lately, I've been crying, and experiencing self-pity or self-loathing. And, it's getting to the point that I begin feeling urge to reach out to people for support. Also, I sleep like shit, and can't meditate worth a damn. Everytime I start meditating, I get really hot and feel sweat. I hardly eat at all. Around mid-day I force a modest meal of steamed vegetables.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 06, 2014, 09:55:58 PM
I sleep poorly. My body not comfortable for more than a few minutes. When I wake up, and I don't want to get up. I gaze upon my depressing room, twisting my back to get the knots out from sleeping on the floor. Today isn't a day that my views are in-line.

I have things I've put off. Because I've been so tired. So fatigued. I can't make myself eat often. I dig deep for anything that helps. I need exercise. But when I go to exercise, my entire body feels disgusting. Sweaty, and hairy, just unsatisfactory.

Despite the state of my body and mind, I push myself off the floor, tucking my chin and waiting for the dizziness of stress and malnourished to subside. I stumble through what things need to be done before I leave. I check some things 3 or 4 times before I go. I have to unplug all the outlets in my room and put away anything valuable before I leave.

I'm fatigued and disoriented. I dig deep for anything that will help. I don't really care what it is. At one point, I think of my girls. Waiting for something to happen so we can live together. I miss holding them. Tears well up, and I push myself out the door. It's bright, hot, and loud. I put headphones in, and take off my shirt. I'm tired before I get to the road. I take a rest, and think of my girls again. Tears start coming.

I gather all my strength and push on. It's less than half a mile to the office. I stop at the main road to catch my breath. Chest is tight. I feel people looking at me. I look in their direction and see housewives running "errands" in their big SUV's. Their thoughts are half suspicious, half sexual. I wish they knew how easily their thoughts can be read. Maybe then they would be more considerate.

I glide down a slight hill, staying under the shade of the sidewalk trees. Every push is exhausting, and I lean on my knees with my hands as I roll along. The tightness, shortness of breath, fatigue--it becomes too much. But I have to get this done. It's the only thing even close to bringing my family together. I take a pill that's supposed to calm me down and make me okay with things. In other words, it's supposed to turn me into an ordinary person.

I put it under my dry tongue, trying to avoid reading the thoughts of passerby's. When I look at their faces, it's obvious. So I rarely look at faces, ever. Except my baby girl. Her face is still relatively innocent and simple.

It's uphill now. A song comes on that makes me feel like "I know, right!? FUCK. Let's do this" and I push on, feeling a little bit better. My shoulders ache after just a few blocks. I rest again.

Eventually I show up to the office. There are many people. I find a shady tree nearby. Put my shirt on, and prepare my defenses as much as possible. It's a place people go when they are suffering, afterall. The pill is kicking in, but it's not much of a change. I'm sweating yet cold.

I check to make sure I didn't forget anything, and I walk in. I'm confused by how the room is setup. I can't look at all the many faces. They have pain, frustration, confusion, despair. Even a child is pitching a tantrum. Why would they cram all that energy into one place?

A kind security officer helps me quickly get done what I need to get done, and then I leave--surprised how quickly it was over. On the way home, I observe that the pill I took, although it relaxes, it has an effect similar to alcohol. Which means it pushes my conditioned self to the forefront, and leads to crying. I can't take this stuff anymore. It doesn't work. I'll just have to tough it out.

I made it home, and even though I walked very slowly to get there, I got in the house and felt exhausted. Like I'd been bombarded by negative mind states in a war zone. I almost collapsed. I was huffing and puffing, trying to keep it together so my roommates wouldn't see it.

I just had to get to my room. Once I did, what has been happening, happened again. As soon as the door was shut, and I had prepared myself to keep it quiet; I sobbed, and sobbed. Maybe "sobbed" isn't the right word. I released everything I had experienced, and it came as tears flowing down my cheeks. Eventually I reached out to my Mother. She tried to fix it. I explained to her that everything was okay, but I needed to cry. I needed a warm heart to let me express the pain.

Soon after, I took my usual medication, at its regular interval. Now I feel better.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Alexander August 06, 2014, 10:49:41 PM
Their thoughts are half suspicious, half sexual. I wish they knew how easily their thoughts can be read. Maybe then they would be more considerate.

I know, the people in cars I always know the thoughts of. They have so much ill will. After a while it gets so tiresome.

I put it under my dry tongue, trying to avoid reading the thoughts of passerby's. When I look at their faces, it's obvious. So I rarely look at faces, ever.

When we are both free you should come spend time with me, I think.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 06, 2014, 11:35:20 PM
Does crying still happen at anagami and arahat?

I've been crying frequently, lately. I usually cry out of joy once a week on average, but it's usually clustered. Sometimes I cry because of negative reasons, but it doesn't normally get to me. It comes out and goes away.

But lately, I've been crying, and experiencing self-pity or self-loathing. And, it's getting to the point that I begin feeling urge to reach out to people for support. Also, I sleep like shit, and can't meditate worth a damn. Everytime I start meditating, I get really hot and feel sweat. I hardly eat at all. Around mid-day I force a modest meal of steamed vegetables.
Do you think you may be undergoing a dark night of the soul? If so I hope it goes well for you, Jhanon. You seem to have had an easy ride of it so far. Have you ever had a dark night?
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 07, 2014, 01:16:01 AM
Does crying still happen at anagami and arahat?

I've been crying frequently, lately. I usually cry out of joy once a week on average, but it's usually clustered. Sometimes I cry because of negative reasons, but it doesn't normally get to me. It comes out and goes away.

But lately, I've been crying, and experiencing self-pity or self-loathing. And, it's getting to the point that I begin feeling urge to reach out to people for support. Also, I sleep like shit, and can't meditate worth a damn. Everytime I start meditating, I get really hot and feel sweat. I hardly eat at all. Around mid-day I force a modest meal of steamed vegetables.
Do you think you may be undergoing a dark night of the soul? If so I hope it goes well for you, Jhanon. You seem to have had an easy ride of it so far. Have you ever had a dark night?

Have I never talked about my early life? I suppose I haven't, have I....

The stuff I just posted above, is the best of the worst in my life. In other words, it's not nearly as difficult as the other hard times. So, yeah--I've had a dark night. To be honest, from either 8 years old, or 15 (when my girlfriend was killed by a drunk driver) to the age of 25, appeared to be one long dark night of the sense. I thought of killing myself very often.

Jhananda thinks I'm a Non-Returner. I'm more inclined toward saying once-returner. But if I'm going through a dark night of the soul, then we know where I'm at. It certainly feels different. In the first-mentioned dark night, senses would drive me insane. In this one, it's different. I don't know how to explain it's differences yet.

It's like being trapped between a rock and a hard place, except there's legitimate options. You don't have only the choice between enduring it or offing yourself, like it was in the first dark night. You have the choice between enduring it for really good reasons, or retiring to a cave to meditate.

Their thoughts are half suspicious, half sexual. I wish they knew how easily their thoughts can be read. Maybe then they would be more considerate.

I know, the people in cars I always know the thoughts of. They have so much ill will. After a while it gets so tiresome.

I put it under my dry tongue, trying to avoid reading the thoughts of passerby's. When I look at their faces, it's obvious. So I rarely look at faces, ever.

When we are both free you should come spend time with me, I think.

Let's hope that's doable. I've not gained enough direct knowledge to know. But, I've been spending quite a bit of time in the 4th jhana, attempting to direct my mind toward that knowledge.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Valdy August 07, 2014, 01:45:24 AM
Does crying still happen at anagami and arahat?

I've been crying frequently, lately. I usually cry out of joy once a week on average, but it's usually clustered. Sometimes I cry because of negative reasons, but it doesn't normally get to me. It comes out and goes away.

But lately, I've been crying, and experiencing self-pity or self-loathing. And, it's getting to the point that I begin feeling urge to reach out to people for support. Also, I sleep like shit, and can't meditate worth a damn. Everytime I start meditating, I get really hot and feel sweat. I hardly eat at all. Around mid-day I force a modest meal of steamed vegetables.



Repressed feelings will make us cry, the hurts and pains of the past. It takes a lot of energy to keep them repressed, that will make us tired. We think that if we feel our feelings they will destroy us but we felt them once when we originally went through the event that caused us pain, and we will be able to feel them again.
When we cry and see the problem clearly the emotions should come up and the energy behind them should disappear.
This too shall pass : -)

 antidepressants in the Benzodiazepine family have the same molecular structure
as alcohol is why they may seem the same, you may still need to take them
until it feels safe to stop.
Try not to beat up on yourself you need at least one friend in the world : -)
Bless
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: rougeleader115 August 07, 2014, 07:17:28 AM
Does crying still happen at anagami and arahat?

I've been crying frequently, lately. I usually cry out of joy once a week on average, but it's usually clustered. Sometimes I cry because of negative reasons, but it doesn't normally get to me. It comes out and goes away.
 :)
But lately, I've been crying, and experiencing self-pity or self-loathing. And, it's getting to the point that I begin feeling urge to reach out to people for support. Also, I sleep like shit,
and can't meditate worth a damn. Everytime I start meditating, I get really hot and feel sweat. I hardly eat at all. Around mid-day I force a modest meal of steamed vegetables.

This is really where I have found myself for the past few months. It is boiling over and I am finding myself actually feeling overwhelmed. Like entirely... I am going to my grandfather's funeral tomorrow. He just got kidneys after being on dialysis for years and had a heart attack a few weeks later. I almost went to see him a week before he died in the hospital, but I was a fool and thought "I'll see him once he is feeling better" instead of going with the urgency I felt.

Also I do not know if it is just my emotions, but I have a near zero appetite for over a month now. I sometimes eat only one small meal a day and no snacks. I would probably not even eat some days, but I force myself for the sake of my health. Some rare days I actually have a closer to normal appetite.
 

It's like being trapped between a rock and a hard place, except there's legitimate options. You don't have only the choice between enduring it or offing yourself, like it was in the first dark night. You have the choice between enduring it for really good reasons, or retiring to a cave to meditate

Again you are speaking the same things I feel. This is how I have tried to explain to my partner the dark feelings I have. Its different now, especially with the charisms, but still so unbearable at times.

From about 16 on till about 20 years old, it was definitely an enduring or kill myself kind of relationship with life. I leaned heavily towards killing myself, but felt I had a chance after hearing the 4 noble truths. Fast forward to 19 and I find out about meditation. Charisms followed a few months after I began, almost all third eye activity. Found this forum about a year ago now.Another fast forward to 22 and the charisms are through my body and hearing, still no visual activity.

 I am fighting so hard to continue my worldly life for the sake of my loved ones. I don't even necessarily feel cut out to be an all out mendicant, but some (a lot lately) days like today, I found the stresses driving me near insane. I am finding myself quick to anger and depression. There are constant changes and conflicts happening with the people I dwell with, and now there is someone else living here with a baby.

I can't manage all of the energies I feel from everyone. I can barely look at faces myself and I feel shame, because these people aren't out to do me harm. But I feel an inner ugliness, in them, and myself. And it makes me want to run away from everything and just meditate till this pain stops.

But I don't know how to just turn my back on them all. They are not bad people, I just feel too sensitive to handle it all.

Anyway thank you Jhanon, Michel, Alexander, Valdy, Gandarloda, Stugandolf,  and Jhanananda. It is really a lifesaver some of the dialogues you all have. Alsoif you happen to read this, welcome Cal. I really want to post on some of the other topics I see firing up here on the forum, but won't be able to access a computer till this weekend.

(From mobile device)
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 07, 2014, 04:35:19 PM
Anyway thank you Jhanon, Michel, Alexander, Valdy, Gandarloda, Stugandolf,  and Jhanananda. It is really a lifesaver some of the dialogues you all have. Alsoif you happen to read this, welcome Cal.
And I thank you for all the great posts you have contributed here, I've learnt much from them my friend. You have a good heart, rougeleader.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 07, 2014, 11:57:54 PM
Does crying still happen at anagami and arahat?

I've been crying frequently, lately. I usually cry out of joy once a week on average, but it's usually clustered. Sometimes I cry because of negative reasons, but it doesn't normally get to me. It comes out and goes away.

But lately, I've been crying, and experiencing self-pity or self-loathing. And, it's getting to the point that I begin feeling urge to reach out to people for support. Also, I sleep like shit, and can't meditate worth a damn. Everytime I start meditating, I get really hot and feel sweat. I hardly eat at all. Around mid-day I force a modest meal of steamed vegetables.



Repressed feelings will make us cry, the hurts and pains of the past. It takes a lot of energy to keep them repressed, that will make us tired. We think that if we feel our feelings they will destroy us but we felt them once when we originally went through the event that caused us pain, and we will be able to feel them again.
When we cry and see the problem clearly the emotions should come up and the energy behind them should disappear.
This too shall pass : -)

 antidepressants in the Benzodiazepine family have the same molecular structure
as alcohol is why they may seem the same, you may still need to take them
until it feels safe to stop.
Try not to beat up on yourself you need at least one friend in the world : -)
Bless

Thank you for your words, Valdy.

The first "pill" I'm referring to actually is a straight-up benzo. I've had a few good experiences with their use, just like small amounts of alcohol. But lately they (benzos) bring out a lot of old "me." A lot like when someone gets drunk, self-pities and tells you all their woes. So, despite having had a few good experiences with them, I do not intend to use them anymore. I stopped drinking alcohol for these reasons, and so I see only one reason for its future use, which would be not for me, but for my family's sake. The medicine I took at the end which made me feel better is what I've been using for the last three years. It's a natural wonder, and I'm very grateful for it.

I was pleased when you said "you may still need to take them until it feels safe to stop." I actually applied this to the natural wonder I just referred to, as it's the one which I still see more benefit than downside.

Does crying still happen at anagami and arahat?

I've been crying frequently, lately. I usually cry out of joy once a week on average, but it's usually clustered. Sometimes I cry because of negative reasons, but it doesn't normally get to me. It comes out and goes away.
 :)
But lately, I've been crying, and experiencing self-pity or self-loathing. And, it's getting to the point that I begin feeling urge to reach out to people for support. Also, I sleep like shit,
and can't meditate worth a damn. Everytime I start meditating, I get really hot and feel sweat. I hardly eat at all. Around mid-day I force a modest meal of steamed vegetables.

This is really where I have found myself for the past few months. It is boiling over and I am finding myself actually feeling overwhelmed. Like entirely... I am going to my grandfather's funeral tomorrow. He just got kidneys after being on dialysis for years and had a heart attack a few weeks later. I almost went to see him a week before he died in the hospital, but I was a fool and thought "I'll see him once he is feeling better" instead of going with the urgency I felt.

Also I do not know if it is just my emotions, but I have a near zero appetite for over a month now. I sometimes eat only one small meal a day and no snacks. I would probably not even eat some days, but I force myself for the sake of my health. Some rare days I actually have a closer to normal appetite.
 

It's like being trapped between a rock and a hard place, except there's legitimate options. You don't have only the choice between enduring it or offing yourself, like it was in the first dark night. You have the choice between enduring it for really good reasons, or retiring to a cave to meditate

Again you are speaking the same things I feel. This is how I have tried to explain to my partner the dark feelings I have. Its different now, especially with the charisms, but still so unbearable at times.

From about 16 on till about 20 years old, it was definitely an enduring or kill myself kind of relationship with life. I leaned heavily towards killing myself, but felt I had a chance after hearing the 4 noble truths. Fast forward to 19 and I find out about meditation. Charisms followed a few months after I began, almost all third eye activity. Found this forum about a year ago now.Another fast forward to 22 and the charisms are through my body and hearing, still no visual activity.

 I am fighting so hard to continue my worldly life for the sake of my loved ones. I don't even necessarily feel cut out to be an all out mendicant, but some (a lot lately) days like today, I found the stresses driving me near insane. I am finding myself quick to anger and depression. There are constant changes and conflicts happening with the people I dwell with, and now there is someone else living here with a baby.

I can't manage all of the energies I feel from everyone. I can barely look at faces myself and I feel shame, because these people aren't out to do me harm. But I feel an inner ugliness, in them, and myself. And it makes me want to run away from everything and just meditate till this pain stops.

But I don't know how to just turn my back on them all. They are not bad people, I just feel too sensitive to handle it all.

Anyway thank you Jhanon, Michel, Alexander, Valdy, Gandarloda, Stugandolf,  and Jhanananda. It is really a lifesaver some of the dialogues you all have. Alsoif you happen to read this, welcome Cal. I really want to post on some of the other topics I see firing up here on the forum, but won't be able to access a computer till this weekend.

(From mobile device)

Rougeleader, I think Valdy gave good advice to both of us, although it was directed at me regarding a medication. The way I interpret what Valdy said, is that we just do our best to make it all work while moving toward what we feel is best. To me, this means keeping your conscience clear. Or, in other words, being responsible.

It's strange how my doing this has worked out. It's like I'm sweeping through all these people I know or knew, family, friends, acquaintances, and just my presence is changing the whole thing up. People who had been stuck in the same rut for 20 years or their whole life, after some time with me, they begin to change into a more skillful and wholesome individual.

It can also be looked at as clearing out the causal cobwebs from the past. Like a lifelong, deeply indebted and poor man when he wins the lottery and makes the rounds to all the people he's wronged, or used, and paying them all back before he can move forward with his new life.

A good final example is what is in the Buddha's Discourses. The Buddha would make it known that he was going to be somewhere (this forum), and would help seekers (us) to find their answers. Once they knew enough, he would send them back out to share their knowledge. We have to presume there is at least a few others out there who are ready, but don't know it, or what they're ready for, or what's happening to them. Like, Cal. Had I dropped everything and moved to Arizona with Jhananda, I probably wouldn't need to take this philosophy course, and then I wouldn't be posting philosophical arguments that show how everything humans care about flows into the necessity for direct insight of charisms and samadhi.

Depending on the severity of the situation, life has a corresponding rate of adaptation. What I mean, is that we would probably all be happiest dropping everything, and being mile-away neighbors in the wilderness or a lowly populated area. But, the change has to happen. And if you want to do that in a way that is skillful, then it happens slowly. Life might hit the Earth with a massive asteroid, but there's a lot of slow change happening after that. In the same way we've been hit with something massive, but now there's a lot of slow change happening.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 08, 2014, 06:06:05 PM
Feeling better, lately. I've found that food and enjoyment of food is absolutely essential, unless one is living a reclusive mendicant life--in which case it seems the less food one eats, the more spiritual progress occurs. This makes sense, and ties in with cabin fever and a whole bunch of other "unrelated" phenomena. Basically, the less grounded we are, the more we'll have to deal with some form of crisis.

I thought it was interesting that when a human is left alone for a month without any other human contact, they can develop symptoms of "cabin fever." And according to my observations, cabin fever is merely induced jhana. It doesn't even really seem induced, though. It seems it just removes the distractions which keep us grounded.

At some point I intend to make a post which shows the underlying relationship and mechanics of schizophrenia, cabin fever, malnutrition, psychedelic drugs or high doses of anything which eventually induce psychedelic effects, dreaming, NDE, and jhana. I can't be the only one who sees a huge overarching database of existing scientific study which show evidence of samadhi and its role in humans. In other words; I want to take the big picture out of my head and put it on paper. If it's good enough, I'll publish it on Kindle and other platforms. Hopefully it will be rather short.

Once that's done, and the evidence for jhana has raised curiosities of readers, I would like to publish a small yet comprehensive booklet on the practice of jhana and the charisms.

Once that's finished, I would like to publish another small book which references the former two and explains the interwoven relationship of all major religions to renown mystics of the past, unifying them as Jhananda has shown them to be.

Once THAT'S finished, I would crank out a rather large book which treats everything previously discussed, and hopefully, if enough credibility is attained by then, I would include details of experiences.

But, I think we first need to get a jhana booklet out their for westerners. Straight-forward with as little room for controversy as possible. Just "Do this, and this will happen."
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 08, 2014, 06:56:27 PM
Once that's done, and the evidence for jhana has raised curiosities of readers, I would like to publish a small yet comprehensive booklet on the practice of jhana and the charisms.

But, I think we first need to get a jhana booklet out their for westerners. Straight-forward with as little room for controversy as possible. Just "Do this, and this will happen."
Do it! Great idea. Consider it a heavy duty emergency. I'll back you financially if you want.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 08, 2014, 07:38:43 PM
Wow, I didn't expect such an enthusiastic response. At present, it is an issue of prioritizing. As you've no doubt noticed, Michel, I absorb quickly into anything I'm doing which is interesting. The more interesting it is, the more I absorb. Which is why the charisms are such an important part of meditative absorption for me.

My point, though, is that I have other duties which I'm responsible to make time for and complete on a weekly deadline. They are what keeps enough money in my pockets to survive under a roof. So, If I started a jhana booklet, I have absolutely no doubt that it would consume every waking minute of everyday until it was finished. This would cause considerable problems to me financially.

I have an intense drive to write it, but I've been keeping it at bay by posting small amounts of writing around this forum which would have otherwise become part of the book. Now that I think of it, though, I can't foresee any time in the future when I would be able to just let myself loose on writing a book. Not unless you want to provide me the money I need to survive each month, thus freeing me up from other duties. But, just that idea makes me feel woozy--LOL

Instead, perhaps I should start a thread which is to become the book, thus allowing input from the only editors I would ever need (the GWV.) I think this is a much better idea, and have seen the same practice done with recent self-published books.

I will start a thread now.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 08, 2014, 08:04:55 PM

Instead, perhaps I should start a thread which is to become the book, thus allowing input from the only editors I would ever need (the GWV.) I think this is a much better idea, and have seen the same practice done with recent self-published books.

I will start a thread now.
That's brilliant! I think this is the best way to go about it. You'll get everyone's input on it. Then you might consider publishing on something like Kindle ebook format or something. If that goes well, then maybe a book. Then we'll talk money.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 09, 2014, 03:00:31 AM
Yes, Michel.

Unrelated:

Holy shit. I think an insight just came to fruition or something. I don't know how to explain it other than to share the details. I was thinking about grounding, elevating, and balanced drugs, food, and activities. Then I began observing my day, which wasn't full of peace and ease like usual. But I couldn't understand why.

So I began experimenting with the above observations regarding grounding, elevating, and balanced qualities--or elements. It was very interesting, because I figured out how to resolve the issue of my lack of peace and ease, before I proved it. Upon proving it, suddenly a shit load of stuff began to make sense.

I began to see why and what the Buddha meant when he said to contemplate the elements (he said that if I remember correctly.) It's the core mechanics. The simplification of a complex system of cause, effect, balance and contrast.

I understand now why it's good for Jhananda to have a couple of glasses of wine. Or Michel to eat eggs for breakfast. Why it can feel so good to be "bad" and eat pizza for a day.

But instead of relying on past trial and error, we can know the element or quality of the nature of our imbalance, and choose the most optimally balanced solution.

I'm not making enough sense. Because it's the first time I've seen this in wide screen format, if you will. But I get it. The only thing I don't thoroughly understand is how meditative absorption fits in. But it's there. The knowledge is creeping in. It's such an interested experience to observe knowledge viscerally taking root.

I know I sound crazy. It's because I can't put it into words well, yet. But I needed to record this so I would revisit it, and share it with those who wish to know.

Suffice it to say; it's another one of the Buddha's useful frames of reference. Although I don't know if it's a "frame of reference."
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 09, 2014, 12:23:41 PM
You're bursting with energy. You are in a hypomanic state and full of creativity. You'll find a way to put all the pieces together. I think you're just  doing fine, you're not crazy, just a little eccentric.

Keep the 7 factors of enlightenment in mind throughout the day. Especially mindfulness, tranquility and equanimity. Don't let the factor of energy get out of hand.

Jhananda wrote this on manic states:

"No, the mania is a good thing.  The problem for the manic, is lack of control/discipline.  If the bipolar could maintain tranquility and equanimity through the manic phase, then the manic phase could be sustained indefinitely,  At that point we could call the individual at least an arahat.  So, be mindfully self-aware. 

When you recognize the manic phase arising, then be even more mindfully self-aware. Do not throw that precious energy (virtue, virya, shakti, shakena, kundalini) around, but savor it, like a very expensive wine. 

Expensive wines are not gulped, they are sipped and savored.  The gourmand tastes the bouquet of the expensive wine/coffee. He/ she rolls it in his/her mouth, then breaths through it, feels the sensations on the tunque, inside the cheeks, and nasal passages; before swallowing it.  Then the wine passing down the throat is savored as well.  It is all mindfully observed. Be that self aware at all times, then you are diligently following the Noble Eightfold Path."
 
Go to reply #22 of this thread for a full discussion that I had with Jhananda on mania: http://fruitofthecontemplativelife.org/forum/index.php?topic=579.15
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 09, 2014, 05:07:49 PM
Wow, Michel. I can hardly believe this thread and that I didn't find it earlier. The posts just before your paraphrasing of the treatise you wrote had me cracking up. Because I understood where you were coming from, having gone through similar things.

But as I write this a tear rolls down my cheeks and energy blasts down my spine. Which began as I got to the half-way point in your paraphrasing of the treatise. That, my friend, was no bullshit. What was behind the words, and the fact of how it came so quickly for you to write,  I doubtlessly agree with you.

Absolutely stunning. I can't believe how much energy is surging through me. No music, no drugs, medications (as I just got up for the day.) You are tremendously gifted with energy/Shakti.

I even think your treatise spoke of things which had yet to come for you, and still have yet to come. I know this because I'm getting annihilated by energy as this is written. You've made it into "the good graces", if you will. The energy blasting calmed down at this point of writing. So I would pay particular attention to this paragraph.

I do not think there is anything that can stop the energy from overcoming whatever drugs or situation is put in your way. To my mind, you are a mystic, and have been. There's just always been one crucial piece missing or in the way. And perhaps that is true for many of us.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 09, 2014, 08:44:50 PM
Well, it could be the Zyprexa/olanzapine that is holding me back. When the doctors have found me in a full blown state of manic psychosis they've given me a major tranquilizer/neuroleptic/antipsychotic like Haldol, chlorpromazine, Zyprexa. Within an hour it would typically bring me down to a hypomanic state. So these medications are very powerful. So I've been on 2.5mg of olanzapine for the last 3 years.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 09, 2014, 10:33:43 PM
I just noticed that there is a whole bunch more on the thread discussing bipolar than just from reply #22 onward. Go to the beginning of the thread and read the whole thing. Jhananda knows a great deal about manic states and much more.

Here's just an example of a post I wrote:

"It's interesting that Emily Maguire is diagnosed as bipolar. My type of manic-depression was characterized by chronic, severe depression punctuated occasionally by manic episodes of moderate to severe psychosis requiring confinement in the psychiatric hospital.

Despite on several occasions, since 1979, being in states of manic psychosis, I believe I experienced some of my best insights into the nature of reality; they were truly mystical revelations of deep truths. In these states I realized that the idea that I held of myself was a total fiction, a creation of the intellect, and that I really did not exist in that sense. I also thought that there was an endless battle between the spirit and the intellect. The spirit I define as the knower of all things, and the intellect is simply deluded ignorance. I came to the conclusion that when the spirit is totally supressed by the deluded intellect, you have the cause for depression, and that this was the cause of my depression and neurosis, and this was also true for every one else. I also thought that I, my spirit, or whatever one wants to call it, was older then the beginning of time itself, and that all things are always in a state of change, and that there is nothing you can hold onto, and that there was an endless repeating cycle for all things; that we are doomed to experience the same horrors, with the same people, over and over again, in an endless cycle of death and rebirth. I remember having a vision of falling in love with this woman, then watching her die, then seeing this same experience from life to life, this experience of love and loss endlessly repeating. I also thought that the crows, these noble, dark spirits of the sky, knew all about these things, so I became friends with them. I commune with them whenever they're around. I bet this all sounds familiar to many people on this forum - it's real Buddhist stuff, but I did not know this at the time of my experiences, and I didn't think that there was a way out of this endless nightmare, until I discovered the Pali Cannon."

Some of the sanest people I've ever met were mental patients, and most of  my friends were also mental patients. Some of them were going through the dark night of the soul experience when I met them in the hospital. As you know, the doctors and nurses don't understand any of this, they just think you're crazy, and put you on higher doses of drugs."

See here: http://fruitofthecontemplativelife.org/forum/index.php/topic,579.0.html
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 09, 2014, 10:46:54 PM
This is for you, Jhanon:

Here's a piece of music I like very much titled Delicate Touch by Sean Beeson.  It's kind of new age but it's really good. It may even describe the lower religious experiences in terms of music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVkvWG_He-c
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Alexander August 10, 2014, 01:11:32 AM
Jhananda wrote this on manic states:

"No, the mania is a good thing.  The problem for the manic, is lack of control/discipline.  If the bipolar could maintain tranquility and equanimity through the manic phase, then the manic phase could be sustained indefinitely,  At that point we could call the individual at least an arahat.  So, be mindfully self-aware.

Something I try to keep in mind about the mystic life is it is a constant battle toward equilibrium. We are always going up and down. There are many descents into the underworld, and many forays to the heights. But, maybe only by accepting the ultimate negation - the mystic death - can we find a lasting peace, sanity, and rationality.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 10, 2014, 12:31:20 PM
What do you mean by "the mystic death?" Have you discussed it on the forum at some time? It sounds like an important concept.

I came up with this post where you wrote something on the mystic death:

I have made a reference several times to a transformation that happens between streamwinnerdom and once-returning. In the writings of St. John of the Cross, this transformation is called the Night of Sense, or the First Mystic Death. I have tried to explain it here.

I came up with the concept of Emily in 2006, and wrote a first version of the story in 2010. Unfortunately that version had many problems. It took until this year to organize this, and to understand how everything flows.

In Emily we see the journey of:
(1) Going within oneself,
(2) Returning to past places,
(3) Feeling the pressure of one's contradictions,
(4) Accepting those contradictions,
(5) Suffering,
and (6) Coming out of the underworld.

At the very end you can find a reference to the first jhana. This follows from my experience that the first jhana appears after this transformation is through.
I understand it as dying to one's self. Where the person has undergone a transformation into a new awareness. Could you better explain this concept of "the mystic death?"
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 11, 2014, 07:33:08 PM
This is unrelated to the above posts. This is just regular blog.

I've realized recently that I've been ignoring the charisms throughout the day, which are most prominently in my hands and feet or ears. But, because I listen to music, and use my hands and feet all day; I can't really feel the charisms unless I'm still. But, just spending a little bit of time with them each day will ensure a satisfactory meditation session later on.

I know I began ignoring them when worldly life began bearing down on me. When I needed to do A LOT of things, very quickly, and even then I wasn't sure I would have a roof.

I also realized I lost my daily mindfulness as a consequence of the same. And so, for example, I just had a meditation session that was going really well, and then next thing I know I open my eyes and it's been 2 hours. I only recollect the first 15 minutes. That's an issue of mindfulness.

I intend to start a dream journal and during regular meditation find and develop a charism that is in the chest or head, or something that isn't use directly like the hands and feet are. I suppose I could always just do full-body charism awareness--but that doesn't have as much vivid detail as the hands and feet.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 12, 2014, 09:23:11 AM
Dear Self: Please make a better effort to keep the charisms in mind all day. Also, shut your mouth sometimes. You don't always need to eat everything on your plate, especially if you're already full.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 16, 2014, 05:59:12 AM
Humanity is insanity. Earth is a hell-plane.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 25, 2014, 12:37:56 AM
Yoga. Yoga is important. I've had more than enough signs that I need to get back to my Yoga routine. And it does, indeed, improve Energy flow.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 25, 2014, 01:35:18 AM
It is so strange, to have a heart so full of Love. And yet still have anxiety, as I'm not an Arahant. So, I go into a public place, and my Love for them, it hides. It's still there, and it can feel their anger, confusion, and frustration. It hungers to heal them, to show them Light and Energy. It so badly wants them to feel what real Love feels like. But it is frightened.

Although Enlightenment is obviously real, we are still unique individuals. In other words; when I become fully enlightened, I will not be Jhananda, nor Michael Hawkins, nor the Buddha. I feel they have filled a very difficult role in the unfolding of Enlightenment in this age. And because of that, they have had to endure sufferings that, I think, those of this body pale in comparison to. Despite how deeply I felt the suffering...

What I am trying to say, is that I want to Love all these human beings. The circle grew, when the process first began. At first, it was just me and another human being, sharing this transcendental Love. Then it was a few more, very close to me. Then it spread into an entire community, both here, and my physical location. But, I want to spread it further. I want to blanket the Western people in the humbling, mind-shattering Love and Bliss that's changed my life into far more than a movie.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 26, 2014, 10:56:18 PM
Why is it so hard to adapt? Is this normal for mystics and contemplatives?

Today I got to watch my daughter. I've been feeling really dizzy lately because of the kinesthetic charism, and I've found myself sleeping a lot. So, last night I slept 14 hours! Yes, 14....I don't know his all these people keep up with the contemporary busy life. It is maddening. Almost no time to think or just be.

So when my daughter fell asleep in the car, I just found a park, parked, and am sitting here. Took some medicine to feel better, but I don't even wanna open my good because of the noise it will make. If I have a life review, at the least I will know I wasn't challenged. And yet outwardly, to ordinary people, I probably seem like I have it easy.

I dunno. These are just random identity thoughts. My identity needs to shut up. Much more to say, but it's just complicating things and taking up precious time by saying them. 

I'm going to get my disability. And I'm going to find a way to raise my daughter, be a family man, attain full enlightenment, and write all those damn books. I have a good heart. It's gotta count for something. It seems to be leading me gently into this dual life.

Please, no responses unless they are encouraging. I don't need any tough love right now. In fact; I'm not sure anyone ever needs "tough love." We just need to Love each other.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:17:34 AM
I can't do yoga, because of a torn up wrist that keeps getting reinjured when the doctors check it out. I can't meditate sitting cross legged because of the pain of sitting on the floor all day, cross legged and otherwise. I can't meditate laying down because of the nerves that make my legs feel like they are numbed and on fire. I can't get anything done because I'm barely getting through every hour. I can't put my family in the same home because of the above. I can't fill out my disability papers because everything takes me so long, due to my "disabilities." I can't use medicine because it just makes other things worse. I can't take regular pain relievers because I'm already at max dose per day. I can't think straight because of all the fucking cars, and trains, and people, and negative energies, and insanity. I try to meditate in strange positions, like standing--but I get tired before I can absorb. Walking I don't have enough room. Places I could, are dangerous at night--or I would be called into the psych ward because I look crazy.

I can't write everything down that's making life fucking hell. I can't stop having thoughts about killing myself.   It's strange because it's not even emotional or self-pity, like when I was young. It seems like the most logical course of action. Everything I do just makes everything elSe worse. Everything I do just makes everything worse. Everything I do just makes everything else worse.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:23:13 AM
I can't even make enough time to eat. It seems like all I'm ever doing is playing catch up. Even lawyers don't pull their own weight. Why is this place so terrible? It's worse than hell. Because it always looks like things are okay, and gettin better, and then the hammer is dropped on you. It's like being a horny teenager, and getting teased into insanity.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:24:36 AM
The more you do, the more you have to fix. The more you do, the more you have to do. There is no end. The math is fucked.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:25:46 AM
Why doesn't everyone crave nothingness? Am I really an isolated case?
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:27:01 AM
There's no way out. Even the way out isn't a way out. Even the way out of the way out isn't the way out. Trapped.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:28:29 AM
We're trapped. There is no way out. It's just a trick, like the rest of it all. There is no way out. We are trapped.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:29:15 AM
There's no "free" anything. It all costs something. Even paying not to play costs everything.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:31:37 AM
Any move is the wrong move.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:32:39 AM
We live in a world where one isn't allowed to do nothing. It's slavery.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 27, 2014, 04:34:06 AM
Why do they idolize those who do the most? What will they get for their efforts? The same as everyone else.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda August 27, 2014, 11:47:30 PM
It sounds like you are having a hard day today, Jhanon.  I often contemplate how hard it has been for me to be a dedicated contemplative, and how I depend heavily upon my technical skills, which most contemplatives do not have.  And, I wonder, like you, how can anyone lead a rigorous, disciplined, self-aware, contemplative life?  This is why I have emphasized community, because I believe with shared resources, and skills, a community of contemplatives could create an environment for the community as a whole to succeed at leading a fruitful contemplative life.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 28, 2014, 05:44:15 AM
More like bad week, Jhananda. But, each day is getting a little better. I think I am going through some kind of dark night of drugs. In other words; it feels like I'm bombarded, internally, with all the downfalls of daily medicating. And of course I am aware of them. But they are tied into the mess of a civilization we call the earth. So many people. So much noise. So much pollution. So much rushing. It's the last one that has always brought me back to medicating. I am not fast enough at anything while I am absorbed to a satisfactory medicinal level in daily life.

I note your mention of creating a community. I have no wisdom to add at present. All I can say, is that I am trying to bring us all out of the closet and together. But it's not like we could throw a mystic pride parade. Lol! Can you imagine? Hahahaha
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Cal August 28, 2014, 03:02:29 PM
I hope our conversation was helpful, jhanon. I personally look to take benefit from them, even if it's hidden between the lines. Hope your day goes better today, buddy.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 28, 2014, 03:38:33 PM
I'm feeling much better, thanks. Also thanks to "the Power of Now."

We've told pretty much ever "newbie" to read it since I began interacting on this thread. I want to find some way of making it even more accessible. We have links for free versions all over, but maybe they are not easy enough to find.

Jhananda, you don't think we should have all stream-enterers/once-returners read or re-read "The Power of Now"? I cannot count how many times it's helped me make progress on the path. Sure, it's popular, and incomplete as a whole teaching; but the Buddha's discourses aren't very specific, and I've found Eckhart's book to basically be a "practicing" guide for daily life.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 28, 2014, 03:41:05 PM
There is useful teaching in there that I've not found anywhere else.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel August 28, 2014, 05:30:42 PM
I'm feeling much better, thanks. Also thanks to "the Power of Now."

We've told pretty much ever "newbie" to read it since I began interacting on this thread. I want to find some way of making it even more accessible. We have links for free versions all over, but maybe they are not easy enough to find.

Jhananda, you don't think we should have all stream-enterers/once-returners read or re-read "The Power of Now"? I cannot count how many times it's helped me make progress on the path. Sure, it's popular, and incomplete as a whole teaching; but the Buddha's discourses aren't very specific, and I've found Eckhart's book to basically be a "practicing" guide for daily life.
A complete PDF version of Eckhart Tolle's book "The Power of Now" is available free here: http://www.mindwell.be/ebooks/thepowerofnow.pdf

I have all of his books, and I like to read odd passages from them from time to time.   A good companion to "The Power of Now" is his other book "Practicing The Power of Now." It's a good summary of his teachings as presented in "The Power of Now."

Available for free here: http://portalspiritual.com/ebook/Engleza/Eckhart%20Tolle%20-%20Practicing%20the%20Power%20of%20Now.pdf

The experience of reading these books has had a deep therapeutic effect on me. It keeps me sane in this mad world of ours. So it's good to reread them from time to time.

In reading his books one should bear in mind that Tolle's teachings have mostly to do with a partial treatment of 'Right Mindfulness' of the Noble Eightfold Path. He also has a unique approach to meditation. So his teachings are limited. Of course this is only my humble and imperfect opinion.

PS - Glad to see that you're out of the doldrums, Jhanon, thanks in part to Tolle's book.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda August 28, 2014, 07:58:06 PM
We could start a reading list.  I like to inspire people to read the Discourses of the Buddha (http://www.greatwesternvehicle.org/pali/tipitakaindex.html), Teresa of Avila, and John of the Cross.  I recommend not to speed-read any of such material, but to read a page or 2 just prior to one's daily meditation sessions.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 29, 2014, 02:25:16 AM
Well, I too, have and have read all of Eckhart's books. I've also tried to read numerous versions of St. Teresa, John, and am still working on the Buddha's discourses.

In terms of the book's ability to help facilitate Energetical openings and insight, I've found most to last to be;

Power of Now
Discourses of the Buddha
St. John
St. Teresa

Additionally, we don't often talk about strategies and ways to live the householder life while remaining saturated and absorbed. Eckhart's books go into great detail in this regard, especially considering it is modernized for our over-busy societies.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 29, 2014, 02:34:58 AM
I really wish I had the necessary time to commit for accessing divine inspiration to get a book launched out of the GWV. Sure, I could write a page or two every other day; but it won't be nearly as good as if I had the entire day to commit to channeling divine inspiration. It needs to have that Energy behind the writing--like how we set-off charisms for people when they interact near to us.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 30, 2014, 05:30:43 PM
Thanks to Alexander...

114. Reject and deny yourself, and you will gain power over your actions. But go easy on yourself and you will become more and more a slave.

I have become slack in these efforts, and lost what little progress in it I had.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Alexander August 30, 2014, 06:36:08 PM
Thank you, Jhanon, I had rewritten this quote this morning but because of your post I decided I liked this phrasing better.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Cal August 30, 2014, 07:49:33 PM
I find truth in this in the context of addiction mostly. I also read your post, Alexander, and found the wisdom necessary therein to end a very long term addiction to opioid pain relievers. But it was also in an attempt to battle this bastard ego of mine. All the same, 13 days without one addiction and I thank you very graciously for your wisdom.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 31, 2014, 03:50:56 AM
Thank you, Jhanon, I had rewritten this quote this morning but because of your post I decided I liked this phrasing better.

You're welcome(?) I just wanted to make sure I didn't forget about it, as it is the only one that really stood out as "left to do." Which is most certainly not to say that I don't have quite a long road ahead of me, still.

If you don't mind, Alexander, will you tell me the revision you intended for that phrase?
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon August 31, 2014, 04:18:03 PM
General Vent:

How is it that I don't have an employer, yet I seem to work harder than most people?

Also, why then do people look at me like "Get a job, hippie."

Go fuck yourself. Or better yet; learn to use your own fucking mind instead of waddling around like a fucking do-do. Look at how everything is shit, and we just keep covering it over with different shit, pretending everything is fine until our death beds. I don't ignore it, and I'm doing something REALISTIC about it. How the hell did so many humans get so easily indoctrinated? Are you that afraid? Or are you just fucking stupid?

Now, who is the irresponsible one? It's not me. I just happen to see more clearly than you.

Get a clue, idiot.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Cal August 31, 2014, 05:15:26 PM
It is human nature to wish ill of others, because in doing so, they believe they have overcome their own shortcomings. Some may excuse it as "trying to teach a lesson", but in the end it is within themselves that they must do battle, if they wish peace.

Now im a householder Jhanon, I work 16 hours a day 5-6 days per week, as you know. I wish for the moon and the stars to find just a moment of peace to search for enlightenment. You also know, that i sleep maybe 5 hours a night. I choose to sacrifice my own well-being, I choose to suffer this, because for me, it is necessary. Not only have I learned that within conflict and discomfort can you know oneself, but you can also find change and growth.

With that said, do not be party to the mold they have cast for you, because it is how you say, they are the ones confused. Rather, search within for the answer, and decide if change is warranted.

If you wanna go job hunting, im off today. You and I found a laugh once, in the words; "The world doesnt wait for us." "No it sure fuckin doesnt!"
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 02, 2014, 12:49:54 AM
Oh, boy. Whatever I was going through the past few days was definitely SOMETHING. Life is a trip. For me, I dunno, it just gets more and more enthralling. Like "What!? How could this...oh wait, now there's this? How, but...oh no, this too!?"

I'm just saying, I'm feeling good. Getting lots of blasts, and feel good. Feel right. Not intellectually right. Just right.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 02, 2014, 02:02:55 AM
Okay, fine, i'll bite.

I had a "rapture" experience in 2012 (Kundalini). I was gone, man. I mean it. I didn't go to other realms or anything like that. It wasn't that. I never felt like that. It felt like straight up Union--except I somehow didn't finish it. That was the biggest one. When I came back, I felt like I wasn't able to let go all the way. That's just how i felt. It may have been for other people, at least in the context i am presenting it.

So, *sigh*, you know all that 2012 stuff? And then, I dunno, I heard that there was a "first rapture" and then a much larger "second rapture" for everyone else (revelations.) I lost the most benevolent friend I'd ever met--in 2012. She was also prophetic, or seemingly. Before she went, she told many people to get out of America.

Look, I don't know any of this stuff. I know how crazy it sounds. And I tend to stay away from prophecy, because it can be distracting and anxiety-ridden. But, what is everyone's take on all this? More specifically, I am looking for direct knowledge anyone has. I've had some insight/kundalini blasts (just a few minutes ago) that weren't exactly indicative that this is incorrect. Please forgive my ignorance.

I just wanna be on the straight and narrow, so to speak. And I've never addressed this part of all of it.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 02, 2014, 07:25:11 AM
Something very strange is going on. Firstly, I am hyper aware to the drawbacks of indulging desires, like food. It causes me extreme discomfort to indulge even half of what I did a month ago. More importantly, whenever I do too much, I get hit with strong charisms. Right now I am experiencing strong charismatic hearing. I mean STRONG. My ears literally feel like they are buzzing. My ear lobes especially. But it's not just that. It's always a different charism.

I don't know what the heck is going on, but I hope it will not stop. It is painful, and concerning, but I am weak with desires. And I really appreciate the charismatic help in the form of hyper awareness of discomfort from indulgence, and potency of charisms. This condition has been at least a week running, now. And it appears to be related to Cal. Let it be noted it is 12:25am when the charismatic ringing has increased to very loud and inignorable.

One more note: yesterday I finally popped out of those weird mood swings and drunkennes, which were extreme. It was followed by euphoria. Also, I am experiencing tremendous charismatic draw. I am being flooded by serious students or newcomers. I barely had a free moment for the last 12 hours. I honestly cannot see how something hasn happened. Some kind of progress has been made. It's written everywhere.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 02, 2014, 07:35:02 AM
Let it be further noted that charism is so strong I am actually concerned. I'm really concerned about what is going on. It feels almost like God is shouting at me, for lack of a better term.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 02, 2014, 07:43:12 AM
I have looked up common causes for tinnitus, in te case it is not charismatic, and it seems unlikely. The only thing close is uncommonly high aspirin use in a day. Usually it's 12 or more. But I've only had 5, which is the most I've taken in a looooong time. Still, maybe that is it.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 02, 2014, 07:57:37 AM
I'm still wondering if there is a physical cause, but I can't understand why it would coincide with all the other phenomena. Nonetheless, if it's not gone in the morning, then I'll have to go see a doc. It is possible to be physical, at least in this respect.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 02, 2014, 08:09:13 AM
This is very strange. I may have found a cauSe, and yet it has been very helpful.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda September 02, 2014, 06:04:49 PM
With the presence of other charisms, and leading a contemplative life, it sounds like the tinnitus that you are experiencing is very likely to be the charism of sound.  Taking a lot of aspirin is certainly going to lead to other medical problems, so you might work on a healthier way to deal with whatever inflammatory condition that you may have.

Also, I hear your struggle, and I too struggle, as anyone who lives on the physical plane has to struggle.  I have been reflecting upon the struggle and I believe that how dhukkha is expressed in the suttas could also include the basic struggle for life.  This means, as long as we are in a physical body there will be struggle.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 02, 2014, 06:31:42 PM
I appreciate lending an eye for us into your daily world, Jhananda. Thank you.

Yes, I have determined that some kind of great progress has been made--as it almos unknowingly followed with the complete cessation of all medications. As a result, as they faded out of my system, I was left with an increase level of charismatic activity.

But the sound is so loud sometimes. Does it get to te point I humbling in ordinary daily life absorption?
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda September 02, 2014, 11:36:12 PM
Yes, when we drop the drugs we find access to the charisms much easier.  If you have inflammation, then try anthocyanins, which are available in cherries, peaches, apricots, concord grapes, purple corn and black rice, and black soy beans.

Yes, in my experience the charismatic sound can become defining.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 03, 2014, 12:42:25 AM
Yes, when we drop the drugs we find access to the charisms much easier.  If you have inflammation, then try anthocyanins, which are available in cherries, peaches, apricots, concord grapes, purple corn and black rice, and black soy beans.

Yes, in my experience the charismatic sound can become defining.

1) I followed your anthocyanin thread. I've been eating almost primarily fruit, like black berries, raspberries, granny smith apples, peaches, and white grapes. This is because my body can no longer tolerate anything else. The inflammation is from sitting on the floor for the last three months, with the typical indications of western posture from the past, compounded by a hyper-sensitivity to the issues the medications used to "treat."

2) I am happy to "hear" this. LOL. I'm sorry--I mean that it is good, because last night I had only two choices. Anxiety or Absorption. I appreciate it when I am forced within my own being (not through others) to meditate and remain absorbed daily.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 03, 2014, 03:38:48 PM
All my life I have felt the presence of other beings when I go "to the bathroom". Look, lol, that's just the truth. It was so bad, that when I was younger, I would avoid going--for extended periods of time. And, I mean, this was all the way up until I was 10 and 11. It caused some serious problems. I always felt other beings watching me. I would get blasts down my spine the whole time. I still do.

When I was younger, I was a "funny man." I was the comedic relief. Around 13 that started to go away, and was replaced by a terrible person.

Then about 2 weeks ago, this humor began to come back. Even when I'm alone. I feel as if I am some comedy for other beings. Almost like "stick humor"(?), but for higher level beings who found it humorous what I have to go through down here.

Most of my other humor occurs during real-time discussion with others who are coming into mystic-ship(?) In other words; people who might find the same things funny that I do. And, my sense of humor mostly revolves around how insane humanity is.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 04, 2014, 04:38:32 PM
How religion ever formed is beyond me. When one can study every single major spiritual writing that has lasted at least 500 years, and find they are saying the same thing. Remove desire/attachement/clinging and the soul is empty for the fullness of God to enter it. More vivid than a strobe light in your face in a dark room, one directly experiences the profound Truth, Way, Dhamma, God, etc. Perhaps religion formed of desire/attachment/clinging, no? Such a wicked irony.

The Discourses of the Buddha
St. John of the Cross
St. Teresa of Avila
Jesus and his Disciples
The Bhagavad Gita
Yoga
Tao Te Ching
On and on...
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 05, 2014, 03:11:54 AM
Some fundamentalist Christian Missionaries just came by, although they didn't see or notice me. I don't know why, but I found the situation amusing. Here I am, working in the shadows--and they walk door-to-door without even feeling my presence. How ironic.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 05, 2014, 11:23:54 AM
Thank you, Alexander. I've found St. John of the Cross to be full of useful writing, especially for the penultimate and final attainments.

"For, as we shall afterwards say, a single unruly desire, although there be in it no matter of mortal sin, suffices to bring a soul into such bondage, foulness and vileness that it can in no wise come to accord with God in union until the desire be purified."

In other words it appears he is saying "Even one "innocent" desire will prevent full Enlightenment. One with even one desire is not fully enlightened. And perhaps he even means "craving=no kundalini ecstasy"
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 05, 2014, 06:19:01 PM
Before falling asleep, I had visuals of silhouettes coming from the left side which would come right up to my face to "sniff" me. I didn't get a warm fuzzy feeling from these, and after the fourth one, I began to direct my awareness toward angels/devas, which is maybe only the second time I've done such a thing. I asked for the help of an old friend who has transitioned onto the Pure or Heavenly Abodes. Nonetheless, I continued to absorb into jhana/samadhi sleep. What follows:

Lessons/teaching in sleep? Ghosts? Kundalini that wakes one from sleep? 3+ hours into sleep, I woke up to kundalini that frightened me. It was the usual ecstatic kundalini, but it's stimulation was through a subject I'm not fond of. So despite how much I yearn for kundalini, I found myself evading the situation. I awoke to inner heat in the body, likely due to my fear.

I just want to get this "on paper". I was teaching someone or something during sleep when somehow the issue of ghosts came into the picture. I said/discovered/taught something and kundalini began entering, which woke me from my sleep and caused mild fear.

This reminds of why I stopped meditating to sleep a year ago. During these pre-OOBE's or dreams, I was still what/who you know, but layers of egoic protection are not there.

Still, I think there is merit in meditating to sleep for this exact reason. When I am not in my body, I do not have the usual "egoic protection" that is apparently there. I am wondering what indications this may have on level of attainment.

Here are the fetters I've found to remain:

1) Fear
2) Daily substance use (It's diminished by 75%, but still there. I live in the most crowded place within about 40 miles, and often the dysfunctional noise and energy is too much unless I am free to meditate to the 3rd or 4th jhana all day, which I'm not.)

I know what I will do today. I will take the substances so I can go through with acquiring food down the street from the crowded store, then I will come home and do my obligations for the day. The rest of the day will be entirely devoid of these substances, where I will meditate and write more of the book.

I am learning how to restrict their use, and they are slowly, yet gradually diminishing. I no longer look at them with the fondness I once did. One should note I've been on substances almost everyday for over 2 decades. 1 of these decades I was treated universally as "Did you take your pills today?" because they couldn't handle my ecstatic and sensitive nature. Therefor, since it is the furthest back conditioning of my identity, this is a great challenge for me, but I feel I am going to do it.

Gotta face those demons...
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: stugandolf September 06, 2014, 03:44:21 PM
Ok we all extol the Tao, but few mention its take on words...  I for one find go back and forth on the efficacy of words and their limits - "The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal name.  The unnameable is the eternally real" - Mitchel translation.  So where does one stand with words?   Words are useful but...  Stu
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 06, 2014, 09:05:33 PM
They don't work, you are right. This is why I am struggling to convey the meaning of what has arisen.

We are like a conduit through which Nature flows. The conduit is not a self, but the conduit is aware. The awareness is you, but it is Nature.

This appears to be the closest expression in language to what has arisen.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 08, 2014, 02:09:23 AM
REMINDER: Benjamin Franklin ended each day by recording which of his 13 virtues he broke.

I have also heard something similar mentioned on here by one of the GWV.

This appears to be a very good idea. Should look into which disciplines of Buddha/other are ideal to keep track of daily.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 08, 2014, 11:48:52 PM
There are only two escapes from the inner-heat caused by desire. One is short term and dysfunctional and another is long-term and noble. The short-term is to give into the desire. The long-term is to absorb into the present moment via charisms.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 15, 2014, 04:49:38 AM
NO ONE LET ME FORGET. I NEED TO OBSERVE PHYSICAL THINGS AND REMEMBER THAT MOST HUMANS FIND THEM REALLY IMPORTANT. LIKE IF SOMEONE SAYS "i'M CRAVING SUSHI", i HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT, RATHER THAN DISCOUNTING IT BECAUSE IT'S A CRAVE/DESIRE FOR WORLDLY THINGS.

It could cost me my daughter and companion if I don't remember this. I wasn't doing everything I can, because I couldn't see the above. I am gonna do it on my own, but I need to do anything and everything I can to cover this. It's important I be at least blameless.

I finally got the "dance of yin and yang" going again between the misses and I. And damn it's good. Can't lose it!
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Cal September 15, 2014, 05:41:37 AM
lol  ;D okay, i wont let you forget
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 16, 2014, 09:29:18 PM
The self is a whiny, spoiled, indulgent, ignorant, pain in the ass. And every time it kicks and screams, we put it in the corner. Until it is so exhausted and demoralized, it gives up to obedience.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 16, 2014, 09:49:54 PM
What if one was to write a fictional novel from the internal perspective of an average American. Capturing the audience first with the usual chaos and conflict, while documenting the savage insanity of the ordinary adult mind. But half way through the book, the character begins to develop self-restraint, and eventually, charismatic phenomena. Essentially, one would simply tell a "fictional story", yet it would be truth, and lend an inner perspective to the process of enlightenment--as well as how to do it. This would require absolutely no familiar religious terms be used, as if the central character is stumbling across enlightenment on their own. I think this would be to the benefit of it's likely popularity, essentially implanting the process like sitting in front of a TV all day. Except it would be positive. The author(s) would have to remain anonymous, and use only pseudonyms in order to avoid the book being corrupted by critique of the author(s).

I wonder if this interests Alexander. It seems to be for him.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel September 16, 2014, 10:10:35 PM
The self is a whiny, spoiled, indulgent, ignorant, pain in the ass. And every time it kicks and screams, we put it in the corner. Until it is so exhausted and demoralized, it gives up to obedience.
Hahaha. I personify "the self" or my ego as the fool within me. I try not to believe everything it tells me. It is so damn stupid. It consumes a great deal of energy if you allow it to.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Cal September 16, 2014, 11:15:00 PM
The self is a whiny, spoiled, indulgent, ignorant, pain in the ass. And every time it kicks and screams, we put it in the corner. Until it is so exhausted and demoralized, it gives up to obedience.

I made no progress this way. The only progress I made with "the self" was by simply calling its actions or thoughts what they were. In this way it learned what it's incorrect actions and thoughts were, it gave it no wiggle room. Slowly I began to have a silent moment in between this where the self waited to be told what it was doing. When that started happening, the work towards changing it was already being done.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 17, 2014, 12:03:40 AM
Yes, but in my experience, that's just in the beginning. Later on it starts putting up a big fight, it turns into a beast, because we get to the more deeply ingrained, previously invisible conditioning. You can observe this in intimate relationships.

We're dealing with a child, educating it to mature. In the beginning, it's like a baby or first date with your future spouse. There's an innocence. You have to be gentle. But as one get's deeper, it turns into a teenager with all of it's vicious malevolence. With a baby, or on a first date, you don't have to think much. Just pay attention, and be gentle. With a teenager, or enraged spouse, you have to outsmart it. "Outsmart" is another way of saying how one learns the subtleties of absorption to reach the deep conditioning. "Putting it in the corner" is meant to mean "absorption." I was using imagery to express it differently.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 17, 2014, 12:16:47 AM
The self is a whiny, spoiled, indulgent, ignorant, pain in the ass. And every time it kicks and screams, we put it in the corner. Until it is so exhausted and demoralized, it gives up to obedience.
Hahaha. I personify "the self" or my ego as the fool within me. I try not to believe everything it tells me. It is so damn stupid. It consumes a great deal of energy if you allow it to.

Yes, it does. Just like any dysfunctional relationship with a co-worker, spouse, or family member.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 21, 2014, 07:55:21 PM
I keep having flashbacks of drawing eyes on my schoolwork as a child. It was only one. There was never two. Although I might draw many single eyes.

I drew eyes on almost every piece of schoolwork, and continued to do so into high school. Why? I don't know why.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 22, 2014, 07:32:50 PM
It's so slow making progress on your own. Such a drag and lack of inspiration.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Sam Lim September 22, 2014, 07:46:20 PM
Slow and steady wins the race. So the saying goes. There will always be ups and downs but one must be discipline.  ;)
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 22, 2014, 08:18:59 PM
I just want to be forthcoming and get this down since you mentioned discipline. About 10 years ago, when I realized life was shit and I needed to do something about it, I began this whole campaign for "discipline and balance." I knew nothing of meditation or other practices.

10 years later, and I'm utterly worthless when it comes to discipline. I have to see the pain of lack of discipline over and over and over and over before I even come close to making progress. Times of discipline coincide with times of inspiration. And I've pissed away the last one like an idiot. I could die in a few minutes, and even when I recall that as I'm faced with the choice of discipline or not, I fail miserably and choose to forego the discipline.

If I ended up dying in a few hours and having to do it all over again on earth, I can't say I don't deserve it. I'm so fed up with identities and egos. How quick progress could be made in physical proximity to other dedicated mystics. It's become clear to me that is where progress comes for me. So everyday I counsel and help others resolve mundane issues with supramundane knowledge. Every once in a while they are ready for jhana, and then things get rolling.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda September 22, 2014, 11:01:41 PM
A fruitful contemplative life assures that discipline becomes a natural expression of life.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 23, 2014, 01:19:35 AM
A fruitful contemplative life assures that discipline becomes a natural expression of life.

It's true that I have more discipline than most anyone I know outside of the GWV. But, I am frustrated with some stubborn addiction.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda September 23, 2014, 11:46:12 AM
It's true that I have more discipline than most anyone I know outside of the GWV. But, I am frustrated with some stubborn addiction.
As you become saturated in the charisms to the depth of the 4th jhana, then you will find even the most stubborn addictions will fall away.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon September 25, 2014, 07:15:55 AM
I need to arrange for a retreat. Get all my work done as soon as possible (no projects for the GWV), and then meditate for as long as I can for as many days as I can manage. I understand--it's just that damn fear getting in the way. And if I can meditate enough, and stay absorbed in the tiny moments I need for food and bathroom, then eventually I think within 5 days of relentless meditation should overwhelm the identity, allowing fear to step aside and the understanding to be finally realized.

This might seem arrogant, but it's not. I know now why arrogance is always accused of enlightened beings. I know what the main truth is, but I am afraid to accept it. But enough time in bliss an ecstasy should be enough to reduce the conditioning enough to transcend the fear and accept the realization.

Otherwise it's like taking two steps forward and 1.9 steps back everyday.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda September 25, 2014, 12:45:04 PM
Yes, the fear is our final barrier, but the bliss keeps us coming back until we go for complete annihilation.

The accusation of arrogance comes from the frauds at the mystics.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon October 03, 2014, 05:01:14 PM
Thank you, Jhananda.

Unfortunately, it feels like I can barely even get time to meditate in the morning. There are too many things to do "for the long term." I think it's because I have an utter lack of faith. I never talk about faith. And I rarely see anyone talking about it on here.

But, it seems without faith there is room for lots of fear and anxiety. Always rushing around, in body and mind, trying to make sure everything doesn't fall apart. Between my daughter, and companion, and the state and federal government bullshit (SSD/DSHS), and doctor's not mailing in my medical records, and roommates never knowing if they will have enough for rent--it's just exhausting. I woke up today feeling really dysphoric. I can only do so much before I need to retreat, at least for most of a day.

I almost forgot how nice it is to just be, alone, in a room or somewhere else of solitude. Moving at a natural pace in a natural way.

If I'm not in my "happy place of solitude", I usually worry that something won't work out, or that I get things done too slowly (which I do). And I don't know why I do. Because I look back on my life, and my basic needs have always been met. Things have always been "okay." So why worry and cause myself to fall away from meditation and the charisms?

I don't think I mean faith "in" anything, really. Even with equanimity there is still a lot that requires attention, which is why so many mystics have taken to the wilderness or other forms of refuge. I wonder if faith is even part of it this far down the path. At a certain point of trying to get everything "covered", it just becomes too much.

Maybe I should just start "being" as if everything already has worked out, and is worked out. Only problem is I adapt so slowly to new situations. Like the first couple hours of picking up my daughter for the day--they are brutal. In the end I have to abandon my peaceful center, and run around like a chicken with my head cut off.

I don't know what i mean by all this. Like I said, the mind is in a blender right now. There's no foundation. And I have schoolwork and doctors to call, at the least.

This all probably should have gone into a private journal. Yet another thing I had to abandon due to lack of time.

It's funny. The longer I sit here, writing authentically, the more of an uprising joy and contentment I feel. God, I hope my daughter is a Buddha. LOL! So we could just sit quietly together in some meadow, meditating. And then it's time for the day's homeschooling. Her Mother comes home and there's just two very calm and peaceful humans there to meet her.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon October 24, 2014, 03:14:53 PM
This may not make sense yet. But, I don't think it's just about being present, being absorbed. Yes, that gets you to some profound places.

We always say "let go." But maybe more appropriately, it is to dance. I don't mean physically dancing, or at least not just.

I mean when you hear a good song, or experience fractal kasina, or get a sudden surge of tactile, or whatever--you don't just let go. You go with it. You embrace it, and you flow with it like a dance partner. This is to resonate with.

A dance will not be beautiful if the follower is trying to push their own agenda in the dance. A following dance partner would look stiff and resistant. The dance would look and feel awkward. But if the following dance partner lets go, goes with and resonates with the lead, it will look--and feel beautiful.

And in the supernatural powers list I'm working on, I see this over and over. The higher abilities are just a deeper resonance, a deeper letting go and going with the always present and normally subtle forces that lead the way.

I think it is foolish to assume the same language will work for every person. Because each word points to a slightly different meaning for each conditioned individual.

And so for me, humorously, despite my aversion to what most people mean when they say "dance"--finding joy, bliss and ecstasy in life is a dance. It's like getting swept off your feet.

This is why stiff stoicism and intellectualizing can never work. There has to be an artistic approach and appreciation for all forms life takes--whether it's a kundalini blast or flat tire.
: Jhanon's Blog: Something's Wrong
: Jhanon November 16, 2014, 04:13:12 AM
Something's wrong. Lately, I've been indoctrinated by television, even though I know so thoroughly it's a waste of time and debilitating. I have almost no shred of discipline left. Since I began with so little in the first place, that means there is hardly any. I avoid writing this in my journal because I'm concerned it is self-indulgent. Yet the cycle continues. So, I take a chance and write it here.

Somedays I wake up when my medications haven't been taken for 12-16 hours, and I actually FEEL things. Even something that makes me cry, feels good. And yet I take the medications. Some archaic conditioning from childhood says, indirectly "You need to take me. You'll feel better." Except FEELING things is so much better than what the medications do. They numb. They turn me into a zombie. None of this is new. I've known this since I was 7 and first forced to take them. And yet, it remains.

I go to bed and tell myself I will wake up early and go for a run. I know I need to exert myself to the point of being out of breath and sweating. Yet I wake up and grab the tablet and begin watching television. It's like I'm trapped in a prison. I have a burning in my throat chakra as I write this.

The kids next door make so much noise. Part of me wants to yell at them. The other part knows there's no point.  I put some earbuds in to muffle all the disruption, or distract myself more with a television show that I barely learn from. At least my heart is still in the right place, of wanting to learn and overcome all this conditioning.

No one contacts me anymore. Maybe it's because of fall and winter, as it seems these seasons have such an effect. Or maybe it's because I am not as vibrant as I was in the summer. Maybe it's because I've regressed to a state in which I am of no help to others. It feels like limbo or stasis. Neither of which are the words I was looking for. My mind is mushy and soft from it's low level of interactivity lately.

It's not really despair. Or sadness. Anger or frustration. More like inaction. Almost like awareness has checked out for the time being. Leaving the inner-dog to do what was and has been done the day before. Perhaps an unconscious effort to avoid all the suffering of this world. It's been trying to build for so long. Trying to suck me back into old ways. But I don't quite go there, either. Just barely, I avoid the familiar extremes of the past.

It feels like waiting. Why? Why am I waiting? There is no need to wait.

Numbness is not equanimity. Carelessness is not equanimity. Evasion is not equanimity. Equanimity is equanimity.

it's so sad, that something so simple to everyone else can be the bane of your existence. As simple to others as "Well, just take a breath. And remember to take another after that." And yet you forget. Over. And over. And over. Instead you hear "Don't breathe. Don't Breathe" interspersed with the rare and occasional "BREATHE."

No one needs to respond to this rambling. It probably belongs in a private journal, but it refused to go into it. Maybe, at least, it will serve as an indication of honesty. Or, it will help someone in the future.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel November 16, 2014, 01:59:40 PM
Sorry to see that you are uninspired these days, Jhanon. I get my inspiration from reading the suttas everyday.

If was in a high noise environment, I would seriously consider building a do-it-yourself soundproof box where I could meditate and do my studies.

Something like this: http://www.directindustry.com/prod/studio-box/acoustic-doors-26379-1552837.html

I hope this helps.

: Re: Jhanon's Blog: Something's Wrong
: Jhanananda November 16, 2014, 02:31:27 PM
Numbness is not equanimity. Carelessness is not equanimity. Evasion is not equanimity. Equanimity is equanimity.
Mindful self-awareness can be quite painful at times, but we have to be honest with ourselves, as you are doing, if we are going to develop the level of self-awareness necessary to walk the talk, drop our addictions, and consistently meditate deeply.

You may also be suffering from seasonal disorder from lack of sunlight.  Perhaps installing a grow light in a comfortable space in your living space will help?
: Re: Jhanon's Blog: Something's Wrong
: Jhanon November 17, 2014, 01:32:03 AM
Numbness is not equanimity. Carelessness is not equanimity. Evasion is not equanimity. Equanimity is equanimity.
Mindful self-awareness can be quite painful at times, but we have to be honest with ourselves, as you are doing, if we are going to develop the level of self-awareness necessary to walk the talk, drop our addictions, and consistently meditate deeply.

You may also be suffering from seasonal disorder from lack of sunlight.  Perhaps installing a grow light in a comfortable space in your living space will help?

Yes, it is painful. It's such a subtle pain. Like the physical discomfort that causes us to change posture in our sleep. But it's not a physical sensation. It's mental, and subtle.

It's like I'm out of gas. I know what needs to be done. I know it is good to do it. But instead I unconsciously choose stasis. When I finally check back in, like I did an hour ago, I get rushed with so much. Missing my daughter. Missing my companion. Wondering if something is wrong. Trying to persuade my self to just drop all the drugs, and risk seizure or whatever. I miss the ecstasy from two years ago. One moment, of probably only a few minutes.

It's true that every year, it seems, I dive deep into stasis during the cold months. Like an involuntary hibernation. Even when the sun is shining and go outside for a walk, I feel shelled off. Like I'm in a cave, alone, in purgatory. I take the Vitamin D. I get out when the sun is out. Maybe it's the cold. Or the short days.

I've thought about seasonal affective disorder for many years. After trying so many things, I've come to wonder if it's simply just natural. Everything in nature is dying or going to sleep. A human is part of nature, are they not? Why is it so unusual for a human to also go through it? It's like I get starved of human contact. If I get some, then I begin to feel better. Slowly. But somehow my life has consistently resulted in being alone during the cold months.

Both me, and my sister whom I am very similar to, have considered moving south for a long time. Somewhere that it doesn't really get cold. Where there isn't really a defined winter or fall. But I'm still north.

I used to have one of those "mood" lights. I don't remember using it much, or getting much use of it. The only times I've felt myself lately have been when I've had the pleasure of being in a warm house, with other people, or the sun shining into the warm room. I don't live in a house.

Sorry to see that you are uninspired these days, Jhanon. I get my inspiration from reading the suttas everyday.

If was in a high noise environment, I would seriously consider building a do-it-yourself soundproof box where I could meditate and do my studies.

It's not so much the noise as it is the energies around me. I'm very sensitive to them. I tend to be heavily influenced or bothered by the energies at my present home. That's why I spent most of spring and summer in the parks.

I used to get inspired by quality spiritual writings. I read some last night. Before I even finished a paragraph, I found myself writing something that made me feel pleasant. Then the next day came, and I was immediately back to the old cycle.

I wish I could just pick up my girls and move somewhere warm. With redwoods. Just us, or anyone else needing the same.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog: Something's Wrong
: Jhanananda November 17, 2014, 01:24:21 PM
Both me, and my sister whom I am very similar to, have considered moving south for a long time. Somewhere that it doesn't really get cold. Where there isn't really a defined winter or fall. But I'm still north...I wish I could just pick up my girls and move somewhere warm. With redwoods. Just us, or anyone else needing the same.
The redwood forests of Northern California this time of year will be in fog most of the day, and it will be raining, cold and dark for the next 9 months, so you might want to think about palm trees, or saguaros, instead.
: Jhanon's Blog: Considerations
: Jhanon November 24, 2014, 11:17:47 PM
Miscellaneous Hypothesis, Considerations, and Intuitions Regarding Union, Brahma-Vihara, Psychedelics, and Jhana


These have only been recorded for sake of recording them, as they seem significant. Being significant doesn't necessarily mean they are entirely true.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog: Considerations
: Michel November 25, 2014, 12:04:56 AM


  • Brahma-Vihara (Heavenly Abodes) are states of being which must be continuously cultivated in daily life and any jhana beyond the 1st. In both psychedlic/entheogen and meditation traditions, and in my experience, they are considered the ideal "set and setting" for absorption.
  • Past experience reveals that intense and ceaseless cultivation of mindfulness and absorption in brahma-vihara are the most important practices when one is not in formal meditation. These have been the greatest tool, outside jhana, for breaking cycles of depression and anxiety.
  • Brahma-Vihara can sometimes seem impossible to cultivate when one is in an ordinary human mind state. Recalling memorable past experiences of brahma-vihara can function as a "flashback" does in psychedlia. Recreating such experiences in the mind can give the individual the fuel needed to begin generating and absorbing thoughts in-line with Brahma-Vihara states. It may seem fake, or stupid at first. But very soon it becomes the state of being. These states are far more blissful than ordinary, unkempt mind states.
  • As far as my personal experience goes, an individual not absorbed in the Heavenly Abodes (brahma-viharas) will be highly unlikely to reach beyond the ordinary OOB experiences and phenomena that occur in the transitional phase between 4th jhana and 5th jhana. Experience of God or Union (jhana 5-8) has only occurred in my experience when ample absorption in brahma-vihara is present. Also in my experience, the state of Union in jhana 5-8 is far more profound and beneficial than an ordinary OOB experience which occurs in the transitional phase. Below is the GWV resource revealing this distinction.

    http://www.greatwesternvehicle.org/jhana.html
Interesting, Jhanon. Could you go into more detail on how you cultivate loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity?

: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon November 25, 2014, 04:12:32 AM
(This was my effort to address the core of your question. It took a lot of external processing. Reading it may be useful to see how the simple answer to the core of your question was genuinely arrived at. The answer is below in bold.)

Sure! You know how I was depressed and stuck in a rut until just recently? A decent meditation put things in perspective and restored mindfulness. After leaving the meditation, I began cultivating noble intentions, even though they felt fake and fabricated. Then reflecting on noble actions of the past which immediately caused a shift. The shift made the initial noble intentions feel real. This lead to noble thoughts, then to visualizing new noble intentions which lead to noble actions. Reflection on the noble action resolved the depression and put me into a state of brahma-vihara. This is why I became active on the form again, and why I am writing this post.

There are many variables at play, such as psychoactive drugs/medication, weather, and other set and setting. Regardless, you could try this right now. Think of something noble you did relatively recently. Maybe it's a post you made on here to help welcome a newcomer. Then think about how much good came from you finding this forum and feeling welcome here. Take that and allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to feel it. So that's the fuel, even if it feels weak at first.

Now you ask the mind "where do I have an opportunity to be noble?" It will come up with something, and the more often you do this, the easier it becomes. Maybe just identifying a message or post given to you on the forum where the intention was to be helpful, and thus wanting to return or pass along the gift. Something will pop up. Then you do it, reflect that it was noble, and allow yourself to feel it and visualize how it feels for the recipient. Allow that feeling to fulfill you.

In my experience, brahma-vihara is like anything else practiced. Like muscles, or jhana, they grow stronger everytime they are used. But they can improve far quicker than muscle strength. The more time you spend with the mind in some area of that cultivation process, the more it will grow. That's the gist of it.

In my experience it is possible to cultivate multiple brahma-vihara simultaneously. So for example, you can throw gratitude into the cultivation process, and it will lead to altruistic joy or loving-kindness. You're free to come up with your own cultivation in every moment. Three years ago I had such an established Heavenly Abode that I often cried of joy, and had blasts of kundalini--even just walking down the street as I cultivated. I was blissed out on virtue. Establishing in the many wonders of jhana caused me to forget about the heavenly abodes until YOU posted about it. Your action brought me back.

I don't focus on specific brahma-viharas like altruistic joy or loving-kindness. I just cultivate in any noble way I can think of or the conscience brings to mind, as I described above. It's the cultivation process that seems most important, not the names of each abode. Personally, my biggest hurdle is allowing myself to feel, recognize, and honor my actions and intentions enough to impact me. It's the combined impact of numbing or regulating medications along with a heavy conscience. But once that's overcome, the ride sure does become awesome again.

Any questions or obstacles?
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon November 25, 2014, 04:34:30 AM
I'm sorry if my response was lengthy and confusing. I'm working on communicating better. But it is taking time.
: Jhanon's Blog: Additional Considerations
: Jhanon November 25, 2014, 05:18:10 AM
Some Additional Considerations:

: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon November 25, 2014, 05:34:31 AM
So, Michel, I would suggest finding a mantra like "May all beings find happiness." Something that resonates with you. Something noble. And you just remember to mindfully think, reflect, and contemplate that mantra throughout the day. You'll begin to relate it to you, to friends, to family, to strangers, to your current situation, to your meditations.

From there will soon sprout your own cultivation process as you begin to feel it more deeply resonating within.  From here, I KNOW it is possible for all 4 brahma-vihara's to develop organically. Don't be afraid to let it develop organically, instead of "by the book." Because nothing truly develops "by the book." It's like planting a seed. At first it doesn't look like anything at all. Just a patch of dirt. But with enough attention and care, it begins to sprout in its own unique way. In very little time there will be many branches and fruit.

I know Jhananda said "In my experience the seven enlightenment factors and the four heavenly abodes (brahmavihāras): boundless lovingkindness, compassion, altruistic joy, and equanimity all come from mastering the 8 stages of the religious experience (samadhi)". I think because Jhananda was on his own in most of his practice that this is true. But that has not exactly been the case for me as you've seen.

I think that at least one jhana experience is necessary to begin developing the brahma-viharas. But I also think if we are fortunate, we can skip some suffering with a refresher course from a spiritual friend. Just like you did for me today, and I've tried to repay. Otherwise, why did the Buddha teach the Brahma-Vihara's? Why didn't he just teach jhana and tell everyone "just keep meditating?" Why did he stress the importance of spiritual friendship?

We have a lot to be grateful for when it comes to Jhananda and the GWV
: Re: Jhanon's Blog: Considerations
: Jhanananda November 25, 2014, 12:24:25 PM
Miscellaneous Hypothesis, Considerations, and Intuitions Regarding Union, Brahma-Vihara, Psychedelics, and Jhana

Brahma-Vihara (Heavenly Abodes) are states of being which must be continuously cultivated in daily life and any jhana beyond the 1st. In both psychedlic/entheogen and meditation traditions, and in my experience, they are considered the ideal "set and setting" for absorption.
I read through your thoughts to the end and found that you had apparently succeeded in working your way through your unpleasant emotional states and established pleasant emotional states.  Since you mentioned psychedlics/entheogens I just wish to point out that I have never met anyone who was successful at cultivating or establishing religious experiences, and/or the pleasant emotional states via the use of psychedlics/entheogens.  A lot of people try it.  None of them seem to succeed, but they keep trying.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel November 25, 2014, 11:51:15 PM
I'm sorry if my response was lengthy and confusing. I'm working on communicating better. But it is taking time.
This is all useful information. I understand what your saying.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel November 26, 2014, 12:19:18 AM
I know Jhananda said "In my experience the seven enlightenment factors and the four heavenly abodes (brahmavihāras): boundless lovingkindness, compassion, altruistic joy, and equanimity all come from mastering the 8 stages of the religious experience (samadhi)". I think because Jhananda was on his own in most of his practice that this is true. But that has not exactly been the case for me as you've seen.
Back in the days of the Buddha you needed a sangha to learn the Dhamma which was transmitted orally. Today we have books and the internet with forums such as the GWV. But it is not the most ideal situation. Jhananda managed somehow on his own to walk the entire path.

I guess Jhananda's experience is unique since he acquired the brahma-viharas after mastering the 8 stages of Samadhi. So, since you can arouse the wholesome states of the devine abodes and you have not mastered the 8 stages of Samadhi then I conclude that there are more ways than one to skin the cat.

I have also noticed that I feel in an emotional state more conducive to meditation when I practice the Brahma-Viharas.

I think that at least one jhana experience is necessary to begin developing the brahma-viharas. But I also think if we are fortunate, we can skip some suffering with a refresher course from a spiritual friend. Just like you did for me today, and I've tried to repay. Otherwise, why did the Buddha teach the Brahma-Vihara's? Why didn't he just teach jhana and tell everyone "just keep meditating?" Why did he stress the importance of spiritual friendship?
That's a good point. But late in his life the Buddha advised Ananda that he should take no other refuge other than the Dhamma. Now Ananda did not need a sangha since he had learned the Dhamma from the Buddha.

We have a lot to be grateful for when it comes to Jhananda and the GWV[/b]
Yes, we certainly do.

I appreciate your detail response to my question Jhanon. I hope that you write your heart out on this topic. We should start a thread on the Brahma-Viharas and their practice.

I wonder if Sam and the others practiced that Brahma-Viharas before they attained awakening?

: Why are Enlightened Teachers So Repetitive?
: Jhanon January 06, 2015, 04:55:02 AM
Why are Enlightened Teachers So Repetitive?

Have you ever wondered this!? Why are all the authentically enlightened teachers so repetitive? You ask one question and they say "It is as it is", you ask a completely different, like where's the bathroom, and "It is as it is." Or in the case of our beloved guide/teacher here, "rigorous, self-aware, contemplative life." Now listen. I'm writing this with a smile of friendship on my face. I mean no insult at all. Instead, I show my compliments, as you will see.

The Initial Elation of Intuitive Insight
For the last week or two, I've developed a system of meditation, walking and writing that has proven very efficacious for me. I found if I go on meditative walks, or what I call "intuitive walking", I experience insight after insight into dhamma. I began jotting down the comprehensive summaries of these insights on my phone, and then continue walking until something more compelling arose. It's a remarkable experience, because numerous coincidences and/or synchronicity between the internal and external experience that generate a strong draw--perhaps more aptly "gravity."

The Growing Burden of Insight
I would go home, and write for hours as the intuitive stream continued. They really began to pile up. Soon, on these walks, these insights that I hadn't seen expressed anywhere before began to interconnect with well-known ancient knowledges, and then modern interpretations of the ancient knowledge. And, well, you get the idea. The web became larger and larger until I just couldn't figure out how to focus the book. In honesty, I want the book to contain ALL OF IT in all it's splendor, but I am beginning to feel like there will be no end to this. Which is half my point about teacher providing short or repetitive answers.

The Ultimate Question
I began looking for ways to concisely express the most important knowledge, because I'm fairly certain no one will be able to read through what would be a bible-length book once finished. Which brings us back to our repetitive teachers. "Presence" this, "self-aware contemplative" that. I think, maybe like it is beginning to feel like my experience, they see TOO much. Perhaps to the tipping point, where the constant stream of insight is no longer as palpable as tranquility and peace.

After years, decades of explaining and teaching, do you think they would eventually just roll it all back in? I liked how the Buddha did it. He had only the most important information, as carefully organized and expressed as possible.

The Fool Inside Still Lives
And yet, there is a part inside me--probably the intellect becoming addicted to the intuitive conscience--that wants to spend the rest of this life putting the compelling inter-connectivity of the Dhamma down on paper so that a generation full of intellects can have their minds blown, the hearts uplifted, and their consciousness liberated.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda January 06, 2015, 11:29:46 AM
It is true, Jhanon, that wisdom is endless, so one gets to a point that one finds stillness is better than a constant stream of insight, so one learns to turn it off most of the time, and turns it back on when needed.

I think it is a good thing that you write down your insights, and work to organize your insights in book form, so perhaps one day your book will take form, when the time to publish it. 

Also, the world needs mystics to contextualize their wisdom by showing how it is like past mystics.  So, before your book will be complete, you will need to build a collection of quotes from a range of mystics that support your premises.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 11, 2015, 02:37:31 AM
It is true, Jhanon, that wisdom is endless, so one gets to a point that one finds stillness is better than a constant stream of insight, so one learns to turn it off most of the time, and turns it back on when needed.

I think it is a good thing that you write down your insights, and work to organize your insights in book form, so perhaps one day your book will take form, when the time to publish it. 

Also, the world needs mystics to contextualize their wisdom by showing how it is like past mystics.  So, before your book will be complete, you will need to build a collection of quotes from a range of mystics that support your premises.

Well, Jhananda, I have found the ability to turn it off....sometimes. Okay, when I'm exhausted--hahaha! But, I'm really experiencing a tremendous amount of ecstasy, fulfillment, bliss, refinement of conscience, insight, and I feel like I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Guided, accommodated, at almost every step. It's like walking in rhythm with devas of creation--I suppose.

And, I'm sorry if I've ignored attending to other matters on here. I'm learning to prioritize, or at the least, I've learned to keep track of not only the entries of original words of inspiration--BUT THE INSPIRATION ITSELF. I come back, and re-enter the state I was in. I will not claim to be St. John of the Cross, but is it not so that he would lock himself away and his important writings simply poured out? That is really quite humbling to consider.

This is a wondrous life, the life of a mystic, all alone in a room for days on end--and absolutely fulfilled. I intend to talk about that side of it more on here, or in the book.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 11, 2015, 02:40:24 AM
Also, I intend to share some, when it is ready. I've learned to restrain myself when the really profound insights come. And let them flow at their own pace. Waiting to know they are finished.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda January 11, 2015, 11:58:56 AM
Insight is a good thing.  It does need to be tempered by critical thinking, and a great deal of reading.  Because, when you think that you have figured something out that no one else, is when you need to balance that insight with critical thinking, and a great deal of reading. When you do so, is when you will know whether you have come up with some truly new and unique, or something that every mystic in the past has expressed, or something that is just manic-delusional.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 16, 2015, 06:35:19 PM
Insight is a good thing.  It does need to be tempered by critical thinking, and a great deal of reading.  Because, when you think that you have figured something out that no one else, is when you need to balance that insight with critical thinking, and a great deal of reading. When you do so, is when you will know whether you have come up with some truly new and unique, or something that every mystic in the past has expressed, or something that is just manic-delusional.

I humbly agree.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon January 22, 2015, 10:04:17 PM
There's always 7, while the eighth is all of them, and the ninth one is ineffable: Nibanna

~ Chakras: the eighth one is culmination of all, and the ninth one being nibanna.
~ N8P: the 8th (right absorption) one is culmination of all, and the ninth one being nibanna.
~ Stages of Samadhi: the eighth one is culmination of all, and the ninth one being nibanna.
~ Factors of Enlightenment: the eighth one is culmination of all, and the ninth one being nibanna.
~ Stages: Ordinary, Awakened, Stream, Once-Returner, Non-Returner, Arahant, Deathless, Nibanna

Just writing outloud. Don't mind it. I don't have access to my digital journal or PC. Please so not misinterpret this content as a claim.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon February 14, 2015, 04:57:13 AM
I apologize for not being around on here lately. I've been making a steady rate of progress that I've chosen to absorb into. I've recorded mostly everything which interestingly increased the rate of progress further. Then people starting asking for and seeking guidance spontaneously. I accommodated the best i could which made progress even more rapid.

In short, I am finding there are definable mind-archetypes of those in the stream, with specific affinities which when followed and developed consciously, arouse the factors of enlightenment. When I have a free moment for formal meditation, the rapidity and insights into the arising of factors of enlightenment in samadhi is profound. It reminds me of how Neo from the Matrix learned things directly and rapidly. I want to share this gist and that I am recording as much as possible in hopes it will benefit many more.

The initial cause which eventually prompted this post:

Ignorance and negligence is EXHAUSTING. I have found i must limit the amount of interaction with the kind of individuals, for example, those who cling to religious doctrine or any doctrine.

However, If they are willing to question everything they think they know, then it is energizing.

In the case of the former, I notice an interesting and unique inner-sense. It's difficult to put in words.

This fails to express it adequately, but I will risk seeming arrogant and say that Jhananda I understand now why you sometimes are "short" with someone or something. That was the first insight into it I had, but I did not want to appear presumptuous.

I am so sorry for what you've had to endure for the likes of me and the precious few. Or at least, I thank you for being patient--exceedingly patient
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda February 14, 2015, 01:14:27 PM
Good to hear from you again, Jhanon.  The suttas describe people who, in your words, "cling to religious doctrine or any doctrine."  They are said to suffer from the hindrance of fixed views.  In English we would say they are dogmatic. 

The devout tend to obsess over their religious doctrine, without ever asking whether it is properly translated, or understood. This is why they rarely become contemplatives; and if they rarely become contemplatives, then they even more rarely become mystics. 

In fact the history of mystics shows that most of them were marginalized.  Who would marginalize a mystic?  It would be the devout.  So I recommend avoiding the devout and working with people who have enough self inquiry to become contemplatives, and who apply sufficient effort in the contemplative arts to begin to become mystics.

While my writing here might seem to be short with people, I do not find myself so.  I just have to keep reminding the members of this forum that just because someone is a Buddhist monk or nun does not mean he or she ever meditated, or learned to meditate skillfully.  Just because a Buddhist monk or nun translated some suttas, and got them published does not mean that their translations are not deeply flawed by bias.  Just because someone published a book or chart describing the experience of deep meditation, or as it is known in the suttas as samadhi or jhana, does not mean that person knows anything about deep meditation (samadhi or jhana) from direct experience.  Just because someone claiming to be a scientist who did some research on deep meditation does not mean that "scientist" even bothered to find out whether his or her subjects properly understood what deep meditation (samadhi or jhana) was, or ever had such an experience.  Just because a religious person is well liked, or loved, by thousands, millions, or billions of people does not mean that person is even a contemplative, let alone a mystic.  In fact it is more likely that individual is most probably not even a contemplative, let alone a mystic, because historically mystics have been marginalized in every religion.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel February 14, 2015, 02:55:54 PM
"Right View" must be derived and proven from direct experience. Sounds like a pretty dogmatic statement, LOL...

: Wiki
The Buddha of the early discourses often refers to the negative effect of attachment to speculative or fixed views, dogmatic opinions, or even correct views if not personally known to be true. In describing the highly diverse intellectual landscape of his day, he is said to have referred to "the wrangling of views, the jungle of views."[6] He assumed an unsympathetic attitude toward speculative and religious thought in general...

Sorry I couldn't come up with a better source than Wiki. But it's food for thought.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon February 15, 2015, 04:40:16 AM
I agree, Jhananda. I was trying to say the strength and frequency with which you communicate these things is by no means unjustified or excessive as might appear to some. Actually, having been attacked with copy/pasted doctrine in an attempt to marginalize what I've stated--that instead illustrates what I stated--is maddening. This is what the individual did.

The various forms of lunacy in such an act is enough to drive one insane.

"Right View" must be derived and proven from direct experience. Sounds like a pretty dogmatic statement, LOL...

: Wiki
The Buddha of the early discourses often refers to the negative effect of attachment to speculative or fixed views, dogmatic opinions, or even correct views if not personally known to be true. In describing the highly diverse intellectual landscape of his day, he is said to have referred to "the wrangling of views, the jungle of views."[6] He assumed an unsympathetic attitude toward speculative and religious thought in general...

Sorry I couldn't come up with a better source than Wiki. But it's food for thought.

Michel, the bold phrase you provided, let's imagine it was directed at me as admonishment--that would be a perfect example of what I just described. LOL!

It's good to see you back from retreat! You seemed to have increased Energy and Invesrigation, among other factors, just before you went on retreat, and in my repeat experience, if that is sustained while meditating, it leads to terrifyingly ecstatic samadhi. Did you record some samadhi experiences? I would love to read some :)
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda February 15, 2015, 12:49:48 PM
I agree, Jhananda. I was trying to say the strength and frequency with which you communicate these things is by no means unjustified or excessive as might appear to some. Actually, having been attacked with copy/pasted doctrine in an attempt to marginalize what I've stated--that instead illustrates what I stated--is maddening. This is what the individual did.

The various forms of lunacy in such an act is enough to drive one insane.
Yes, it is quite maddening when I found every where I go I am attacked for expressing myself.  This is why I have retreated back to my own 2 forums, and do not go onto other forums any more.

"Right View" must be derived and proven from direct experience. Sounds like a pretty dogmatic statement, LOL...

: Wiki
The Buddha of the early discourses often refers to the negative effect of attachment to speculative or fixed views, dogmatic opinions, or even correct views if not personally known to be true. In describing the highly diverse intellectual landscape of his day, he is said to have referred to "the wrangling of views, the jungle of views."[6] He assumed an unsympathetic attitude toward speculative and religious thought in general...

Sorry I couldn't come up with a better source than Wiki. But it's food for thought.

Thanks, Michel, for the interesting quote.  I wonder if the term that is being translated as "speculative view" could also be translated, or interpreted, as a belief system which is not supported by direct experience?  Because, most religions, including Buddhism today, depend upon blind faith in a belief system; whereas, the suttas really do not offer, nor expect, faith in a belief system. 

The suttas really offer a cogent and logically true philosophical system, critical thinking, an ethical system, a contemplative practice strategy that does not require any faith or devotion to a religious system, and an excellent description of the meditation experience.  In fact I have been reflecting recently that what the suttas offer could be embraced by any person regardless of their religion or culture, without the individual having to renounce their religion or culture.  This means a Christian, or Jew, or Muslim, or Hindu, or Taoist, etc. could embrace the philosophical system, critical thinking, ethical system, contemplative practice strategy, and description of the meditation experience found in the suttas without renouncing, or violating, any part of their religion.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel February 15, 2015, 02:29:15 PM
I agree, Jhananda. I was trying to say the strength and frequency with which you communicate these things is by no means unjustified or excessive as might appear to some. Actually, having been attacked with copy/pasted doctrine in an attempt to marginalize what I've stated--that instead illustrates what I stated--is maddening. This is what the individual did.

The various forms of lunacy in such an act is enough to drive one insane.

"Right View" must be derived and proven from direct experience. Sounds like a pretty dogmatic statement, LOL...

: Wiki
The Buddha of the early discourses often refers to the negative effect of attachment to speculative or fixed views, dogmatic opinions, or even correct views if not personally known to be true. In describing the highly diverse intellectual landscape of his day, he is said to have referred to "the wrangling of views, the jungle of views."[6] He assumed an unsympathetic attitude toward speculative and religious thought in general...

Sorry I couldn't come up with a better source than Wiki. But it's food for thought.

Michel, the bold phrase you provided, let's imagine it was directed at me as admonishment--that would be a perfect example of what I just described. LOL!
Hahaha. No, it wasn't directed at you, Jhanon. But forgive me, I do love to copy and paste. I hope it doesn't drive to lunacy.


It's good to see you back from retreat! You seemed to have increased Energy and Invesrigation, among other factors, just before you went on retreat, and in my repeat experience, if that is sustained while meditating, it leads to terrifyingly ecstatic samadhi. Did you record some samadhi experiences? I would love to read some :)
Well I'm still on my solo retreat. I may remain on retreat until the spring where Ill emerge from hibernation like all the other creatures that keep a low profile for the winter months. It's the dead of winter here in the North Country. It's very quiet.  I'm blessed to have all this time to myself with so very few responsibilities. So it's perfect.

My meditations are more intense and deeper. I'm learning different approaches. Will tell you my findings later. But wish to keep a low profile for now. I couldn't resist posting on this subject of views. It's so important to understand what we are discussing here.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel February 15, 2015, 03:17:20 PM

...In fact I have been reflecting recently that what the suttas offer could be embraced by any person regardless of their religion or culture, without the individual having to renounce their religion or culture.  This means a Christian, or Jew, or Muslim, or Hindu, or Taoist, etc. could embrace the philosophical system, critical thinking, ethical system, contemplative practice strategy, and description of the meditation experience found in the suttas without renouncing, or violating, any part of their religion.
Well said, and thank-you, Jhananda.

It's coincidental, since in the last few months I have been thinking something similar. I think that if you are of a different faith or belief system, and you are considering the Buddhist path as described in the Pali suttas, you might very well have initial skeptical doubt about "Right View" of the N8P. So take away kamma and rebirth and leave in the Four Nobile Truths. Some would call this secular Buddhism. But I agree that there should be no problem for any religious group to practice the N8P without violating their faith. But Buddhism is perceived as a religion because some groups have turned it into one. What we see in the suttas is to me a method of practice, a philosophy, that will lead one to realize through direct experience various knowledges such as kamma and rebirth, culminating in final liberation. The Buddha beckons us to find out for ourselves, to prove for ourselves, if his approach works. So if my understanding is correct these knowledges are the fruits of Jhana.

I agree with you, if I understand you correctly, what is presented in the suttas is not a religious doctrine at all.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda February 16, 2015, 12:24:05 PM
The Buddha beckons us to find out for ourselves, to prove for ourselves, if his approach works. So if my understanding is correct these knowledges are the fruits of Jhana.
Yes, that has been my experience.  This is why I encourage people to meditate deeply, because I have found all of the other fruit come just from learning to meditate deeply.

Yes, I also agree that not much has to be taken out of the N8P to "sanitize" it for another culture and religion.

Funny I have developed a friendship with a local biologist, who happens to be a Jehovah's Witness.  He thinks he is converting me to his belief system.  In our conversation last week he got onto the topic of suffering.  He said there was not much in the bible on the subject.  He gave me a quote to look up, first Timothy 3:16
: NIV
Beyond all question, the mystery from which true godliness springs is great: He appeared in the flesh, was vindicated by the Spirit, was seen by angels, was preached among the nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up in glory.
: NW
Indeed, the sacred secret of this godly devotion is admittedly great: ‘He was made manifest in flesh,+ was declared righteous in spirit,+ appeared to angels,+ was preached about among nations,+ was believed upon in the world,+ was received up in glory.’
Well, his quote does not do much for me.  I see that he goal, as it is for most Christians, is to obsess over one mystic, and seek the fantastic. I prefer the practicality, and cogency, of the 4 Noble Truths.

I told the Jehovah's Witness biologist about the 4 Noble Truths.  He was clearly offended.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon April 26, 2015, 06:57:15 AM
I am sorry I have not been active or supporting others on here...

"There is so much pain in this world. I'm not even referencing myself. I see it everywhere and it's really painful. I'm sure it doesn't seem like a sincerely honest thing to say. I can't record via voice to convey my sincerity, because I'll get all choked up and then other people will feel it, too, which is just more pain.

I walked through CostCo today with a friend, and I realized "the only reason you'd visit Costco is if you're using a lot of the same things for 3 months or more. Which isn't how life works, as life is change.

Which means they (the customers) are stuck. Repressing the natural forces of change. In accordance with the mechanics of repression (pressing and re-pressing natural forces down) the whole place was filled with overweighted body's and faces. I mean quite actually they were bent over, backs aching, under the profound pressure of the emotional/spiritual baggage they struggled to press into their body and keep from feeling. IM NOT TALKING ABOUT FOOD. Not specifically, at least.

That was just Costco. Before I even walked in, I was conscious of the clothes I was wearing which were old athletic stuff that is too big, because I hadn't accumulated enough laundry to do a load without wasting energy or water, and they were the only clean clothes I had left. And I could feel they saw me as some kind of degenerate. What saddened me is they detested a being that already loves them enough to be sad at the sight. And my friend, who is kind and modest from India who they see the same as a Muslim terrorist.

As we left, I had a snap intuition I would have my backpack searched. I never think about this, nor does it ever happen. But I also never go to CostCo, especially on a Saturday afternoon.

I left the intuition behind, while my friend and I continued our observational conversation as we left. So forgotten was it (the intuition) that I was surprised when a lady employee at the exit stopped me to search my bag. I felt sad for her, and I asked her if she searched every purse on the way out--because it must be a difficult job. Then I felt anger and nervousness, but realized it was hers.

She said that she DID search every purse, as three women with large handbags walked out. I looked at them, then looked at her. Guilt overcoming her she said "you're fine" before I even had it opened all the way.

Then at target my friend was walking in the parking lot with me and he walked between a car and the parking space it wanted. Knowing that most car drivers, including clearly this one, look down on walkers, I told my friend "dude, you should come around this way." As he did, a person in the car said "idiot", to this genius IQ individual with more herbalism and health knowledge than anyone in the area, much less at a store. My friend noticed they said this, but I hadn't. I was already starting to ignore things, and I knew I needed to get somewhere to meditate.

I felt sad. Who violates pedestrian right of way and then calls them an idiot for being considerate? Someone with a lot of sadness in their heart. Just thinking of them again my eyes go wet.

Skipping some additional events, I'll skip to getting home. I let it all go, as much I could. But I knew a friend needed help and so I sent them a message before trying to meditate. I was unable to because a cat I rescued and found new owners for, had need to be rescued once again. I felt the cat's pain of being stuck in my tiny room all day, so meditation wasn't totally dedicated. By the time my friend got back to me, and the cat had relaxed, the busses were about to stop running. Since the neglected infant I live with was screaming her head off like a high performance car redlining before shifting gears, I decided I would rather help someone and try to meditate on the bus.

When I got there, my daughter's Mother calls to offer me time with them. When I tell her I'm out helping someone, She says "oh never mind." As in "oh, since you didn't spend the last week at home watching for the phone to ring from me, you must really not care if you see your daughter." I was then left to make a hasty exit to utilize the only chance in the last 8 days I had been allowed to  to see her. I don't wish to discuss any worldly matters regarding my daughter and ex, but suffice to say for the sake of this remaining entry that the math works out to me seeing my daughter less than 6 hours of every week.

So, I've missed formal meditation again, and left to see my daughter for what little time I'm allowed. We got to the park with her, I picked her up and she hugged me like she was breathing oxygen for the first time in days. Suddenly I could feel all her sadness. But it is hard to explain this next part.

 It wasn't my daughter, the identity's, sadness. It was her "essence" or some version of her not so bound by the worldly, that was the sadness I felt. And then it began to rain. So we had less than a minute alone in a park, because out of compassion for my exes rigid mindset, I brought my daughter back to the car instead of playing in the rain like we would have done if my ex wasn't there.

My daughter began to sob, and I felt terrible as I buckled her in to her car seat. But worst above all, is I only saw her for 37 minutes total out of the last 7 days. After I "synced" with her and showed her it was okay, that I would be alright--she played like it didn't matter. She did this for my ex--her mother. Because my ex's only source of happiness is my daughter, and the belief that she alone is good for her.

But when I looked into my daughter's eyes, I felt how deeply sad her "essence" was. Not so much for herself. She was sad for me. I can't convince you this is true and utterly accurate.

She saw what I was sacrificing for her and her Mom. Having spent what only felt like seconds in the back seat with her while we were back at my place, I began to find my attachment(?) to her was making it increasingly difficult to leave. So I knew I had to go as soon as possible.

I had a genuine smile as I pulled myself away from my daughter. I kept my voice calm so her Mom wouldn't hear, but tears were rolling down my face. Like they are now.

I hugged her Mother because I didn't want her to be sad. I knew she sensed, at some level, what she was doing was painful for everyone. But when I hugged her, I felt her sadness. And it was so overwhelming it almost took my breath away. That has rarely...if ever happened in my life.

The only thing I could do was grip tightly around her so she wouldn't see into my eyes. She asked "What's wrong?" She knew what was wrong. But I just said "I just never get to see her (my daughter)." Because that's what she (her Mom) wanted to hear--that she was causing me pain. But at the same time she hurt to see genuine flowing tears.

I couldn't answer her honestly and tell her how much pain she was in was agonizing to feel. She would deny it and be angry with me. Then she would be in even more pain...

People mistake sadness for depression. For a lack of "looking on the bright side" or "selfish indulgence in ones inner story." But they are not the same. Sadness, or whatever word it might be, is what you feel of others.

I've done my best to explain this. I'm afraid I'm still too naive to do it well. Thank you for reading, if you have. "
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda April 26, 2015, 01:36:30 PM
I am sorry I have not been active or supporting others on here...

I had wondered about your absence, but I figured you needed some time to yourself, as we all do.  The object for me in starting this forum is really to develop a community of people who support people who have learned how to meditate deeply, since there does not seem to be any other such support in this world.  And, the clergy of the various religions have clearly shown that they do not understand, nor value deep meditation, and those who meditate deeply.

"There is so much pain in this world. I'm not even referencing myself. I see it everywhere and it's really painful. I'm sure it doesn't seem like a sincerely honest thing to say. I can't record via voice to convey my sincerity, because I'll get all choked up and then other people will feel it, too, which is just more pain.

Yes, I have been saying to myself, "If you do not weep everyday for the corruption, addiction and delusion in this world, then you are not enlightened."  When one begins to realize just how corrupted, addicted and deluded this world is, then one is inclined to go completely mad, so I recognize this stage as one of the spiritual crises.

I walked through CostCo today with a friend, and I realized "the only reason you'd visit Costco is if you're using a lot of the same things for 3 months or more. Which isn't how life works, as life is change.

Which means they (the customers) are stuck. Repressing the natural forces of change. In accordance with the mechanics of repression (pressing and re-pressing natural forces down) the whole place was filled with overweighted body's and faces. I mean quite actually they were bent over, backs aching, under the profound pressure of the emotional/spiritual baggage they struggled to press into their body and keep from feeling. IM NOT TALKING ABOUT FOOD. Not specifically, at least.

That was just Costco.

After becoming diabetic and reading Comparison with ancestral diets suggests dense acellular carbohydrates promote an inflammatory microbiota, and may be the primary dietary cause of leptin resistance and obesity (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3402009/), I came to the conclusion that post-industrial food processing may very well be at the heart of obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and many of the other health problems of the post-industrial world.  However, I also agree that people use their addictions to self-medicate their emotional/spiritual baggage.  If they only knew how effective leading a fruitful contemplative life is for relieving their suffering, then I am certain many more would take up a fruitful contemplative life.

Before I even walked in, I was conscious of the clothes I was wearing which were old athletic stuff that is too big, because I hadn't accumulated enough laundry to do a load without wasting energy or water, and they were the only clean clothes I had left. And I could feel they saw me as some kind of degenerate. What saddened me is they detested a being that already loves them enough to be sad at the sight. And my friend, who is kind and modest from India who they see the same as a Muslim terrorist.

As we left, I had a snap intuition I would have my backpack searched. I never think about this, nor does it ever happen. But I also never go to CostCo, especially on a Saturday afternoon.

I left the intuition behind, while my friend and I continued our observational conversation as we left. So forgotten was it (the intuition) that I was surprised when a lady employee at the exit stopped me to search my bag. I felt sad for her, and I asked her if she searched every purse on the way out--because it must be a difficult job. Then I felt anger and nervousness, but realized it was hers.

She said that she DID search every purse, as three women with large handbags walked out. I looked at them, then looked at her. Guilt overcoming her she said "you're fine" before I even had it opened all the way.

If you were to describe this "intuition" that you had to most psychiatrists they would diagnose you as paranoid and up your medication until you no longer experience intuition.  The thing that the fruitful contemplative has to develop is equanimity, because your experience is not uncommon for contemplatives.  We just have to learn that the paranoia that we experience is not our own.  We are simply tapping into the collective unconscious.

Then at target my friend was walking in the parking lot with me and he walked between a car and the parking space it wanted. Knowing that most car drivers, including clearly this one, look down on walkers, I told my friend "dude, you should come around this way." As he did, a person in the car said "idiot", to this genius IQ individual with more herbalism and health knowledge than anyone in the area, much less at a store. My friend noticed they said this, but I hadn't. I was already starting to ignore things, and I knew I needed to get somewhere to meditate.

I felt sad. Who violates pedestrian right of way and then calls them an idiot for being considerate? Someone with a lot of sadness in their heart. Just thinking of them again my eyes go wet.

Skipping some additional events, I'll skip to getting home. I let it all go, as much I could. But I knew a friend needed help and so I sent them a message before trying to meditate. I was unable to because a cat I rescued and found new owners for, had need to be rescued once again. I felt the cat's pain of being stuck in my tiny room all day, so meditation wasn't totally dedicated. By the time my friend got back to me, and the cat had relaxed, the busses were about to stop running. Since the neglected infant I live with was screaming her head off like a high performance car redlining before shifting gears, I decided I would rather help someone and try to meditate on the bus.

When I got there, my daughter's Mother calls to offer me time with them. When I tell her I'm out helping someone, She says "oh never mind." As in "oh, since you didn't spend the last week at home watching for the phone to ring from me, you must really not care if you see your daughter." I was then left to make a hasty exit to utilize the only chance in the last 8 days I had been allowed to  to see her. I don't wish to discuss any worldly matters regarding my daughter and ex, but suffice to say for the sake of this remaining entry that the math works out to me seeing my daughter less than 6 hours of every week.

So, I've missed formal meditation again, and left to see my daughter for what little time I'm allowed. We got to the park with her, I picked her up and she hugged me like she was breathing oxygen for the first time in days. Suddenly I could feel all her sadness. But it is hard to explain this next part.

 It wasn't my daughter, the identity's, sadness. It was her "essence" or some version of her not so bound by the worldly, that was the sadness I felt. And then it began to rain. So we had less than a minute alone in a park, because out of compassion for my exes rigid mindset, I brought my daughter back to the car instead of playing in the rain like we would have done if my ex wasn't there.

My daughter began to sob, and I felt terrible as I buckled her in to her car seat. But worst above all, is I only saw her for 37 minutes total out of the last 7 days. After I "synced" with her and showed her it was okay, that I would be alright--she played like it didn't matter. She did this for my ex--her mother. Because my ex's only source of happiness is my daughter, and the belief that she alone is good for her.

But when I looked into my daughter's eyes, I felt how deeply sad her "essence" was. Not so much for herself. She was sad for me. I can't convince you this is true and utterly accurate.

She saw what I was sacrificing for her and her Mom. Having spent what only felt like seconds in the back seat with her while we were back at my place, I began to find my attachment(?) to her was making it increasingly difficult to leave. So I knew I had to go as soon as possible.

I had a genuine smile as I pulled myself away from my daughter. I kept my voice calm so her Mom wouldn't hear, but tears were rolling down my face. Like they are now.

I hugged her Mother because I didn't want her to be sad. I knew she sensed, at some level, what she was doing was painful for everyone. But when I hugged her, I felt her sadness. And it was so overwhelming it almost took my breath away. That has rarely...if ever happened in my life.

The only thing I could do was grip tightly around her so she wouldn't see into my eyes. She asked "What's wrong?" She knew what was wrong. But I just said "I just never get to see her (my daughter)." Because that's what she (her Mom) wanted to hear--that she was causing me pain. But at the same time she hurt to see genuine flowing tears.

I couldn't answer her honestly and tell her how much pain she was in was agonizing to feel. She would deny it and be angry with me. Then she would be in even more pain...

People mistake sadness for depression. For a lack of "looking on the bright side" or "selfish indulgence in ones inner story." But they are not the same. Sadness, or whatever word it might be, is what you feel of others.

I've done my best to explain this. I'm afraid I'm still too naive to do it well. Thank you for reading, if you have. "
I have often considered that life seems to conspire against the fruitful contemplative.  I believe this is why many of the fruitful contemplatives of the past gave up the world and retreated into solitude.  This is certainly why I do my best to do so.  However, life seems to conspire to invade the solitude of isolation as well.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon October 19, 2015, 09:13:29 PM
Well, I have been homeless now for about 3-4 weeks. I've had temporary shelter here and there, but as Jhananda said in the post above this--I often wonder if the world conspires against the contemplative. I am virtually convinced. Everything that happens to me is saying "Get out. Get out. Get out."

One night, I was waiting for a ride from what I thought was a reliable person. It was cold--very cold. They were late, and I was not prepared for the cold as I was made to leave those preparations behind. I looked up at the sky, and I realized "I want to die. I really do." And for the first time ever, I meditated and sincerely let go--hoping for death to come.

What happened is in a very short period of time I rose to a level of meditation where I could no longer feel the pain or cold of my body. I became elated--in a sense of words. This is when my ride showed up and abruptly brought me back. It was difficult not to feel anger. I was going to finally let the body die, and already be deep in samadhi.

Now, I find myself in a similar predicament. When I cross roads, I don't often use the crosswalks at stop lights. Sometimes I just walk across with no regard for what is coming. I realize this is reckless. But so is the invention of automobiles.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Alexander October 20, 2015, 12:39:40 AM
I share your craving for death, Jhanon. What the world would see as the supreme symptom of being dysfunctional, I hope is a symptom of transcendence. What constitutes my present pain is my impoverishment of any happiness; my disappointments in every area in life; my bitterness at the world and other people; and my doubts over whether the spiritual and material are as incompatible as I've believed. I often feel as though I have been cursed: and the inner man is under so much pressure that it could crush coal. Unfortunately, there has been no relief.

: John of the Cross, the Living Flame of Love
17. But Thou, O divine life, never killest but to give life, as Thou never woundest but to heal. Thou hast wounded me, O divine hand! that Thou mayest heal me. Thou hast slain in me that which made me dead, and without the life of God which I now live.

Having hope that it is the way forward still...

: John of the Cross, The Living Flame of Love
28. Here comes the question, why is it that so few ever attain to this state? The reason is that, in this marvellous work which God Himself begins, so many are weak, shrinking from trouble, and unwilling to endure the least discomfort or mortification, or to labour with constant patience. Hence it is that God, not finding them diligent in cultivating the graces He has given them when He began to try them, proceeds no further with their purification, neither does He lift them up out of the dust of the earth, because it required greater courage and resolution for this than they possessed.

If it will help I can transfer some money over; however, you'll have to send me a paypal, or routing number.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Cal October 20, 2015, 01:29:00 AM
: John of the Cross, The Living Flame of Love
28. Here comes the question, why is it that so few ever attain to this state? The reason is that, in this marvellous work which God Himself begins, so many are weak, shrinking from trouble, and unwilling to endure the least discomfort or mortification, or to labour with constant patience. Hence it is that God, not finding them diligent in cultivating the graces He has given them when He began to try them, proceeds no further with their purification, neither does He lift them up out of the dust of the earth, because it required greater courage and resolution for this than they possessed.

This scares me.

Jhanon, if youre hungry youre more than welcome to stop by. Need a shower or wash some clothes, or some more limited provisional things, I can help with that. I received your message, but didnt know how to reply. Its doubtful yuliya would even hear me out if i tried to talk to her about helping out. I can try, if you'd like. But I can promise, you'll find little peace around her...maybe thats why I married her? haha

She came home today with a burning hatred inside of her for me. Apparently she thinks I have a mistress because I dont go to bed when she does. Reality is thats when I meditate and research. So theres that, just so youre aware.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Zack October 20, 2015, 01:57:11 AM
I could send something as well, though it might not be much.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda October 20, 2015, 02:25:00 AM
Thank-you, Jhanon, Zack, Cal and Alexander, for posting your comments to Jhanon's Blog. Thank-you, Alexander, for posting the superb quote from John of the Cross.  I am sorry to read, Jhanon, that you are now homeless.  Perhaps you will find the mendicant life suits you.

Just as understanding the Four Noble Truths is a critical understanding for the contemplative who is heading toward the superior fruit; so also one must realize just how truly corrupt the world really is. 

These realizations tend to bring us to a desire to give up the world in death.  This too is a critical step toward the superior fruit, because we must be so willing to give up everything, including life itself. However, one need not act foolishly, and recklessly, but simply put one's head down every time one meditates and at night to rest, with the sincere intent, "I will die now."  Doing so will result in abundant fruitful attainment, which I know from direct experience; and it sounds you all will as soon know it to.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel October 20, 2015, 12:49:16 PM
I'm so sorry to hear of your desperate circumstances, Jhanon.  I can spare some cash this month. I will PM you for details.



: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel October 20, 2015, 01:09:12 PM
Its doubtful yuliya would even hear me out if i tried to talk to her about helping out. I can try, if you'd like. But I can promise, you'll find little peace around her...maybe thats why I married her? haha

She came home today with a burning hatred inside of her for me. Apparently she thinks I have a mistress because I dont go to bed when she does. Reality is thats when I meditate and research. So theres that, just so youre aware.
You sure know how to pick them, Cal, lol. It seems that you are married to the 1st Noble Truth: Woman, thy name is suffering!!! Hahaha...
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Sam Lim October 20, 2015, 01:09:48 PM
I have always felt that I have been pushed/forced (guided) into this contemplative life. Don't think society have anything to do with it.
Don't know if that being homeless is your choice or due to circumstances, I just hope that you take care of yourself. With what I've read about being homeless in America is quite dangerous, please be on the alert. I wish I could be of assistance but I am also in dire straits and we are oceans apart. Take care and you know that our hearts are with you.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Cal October 20, 2015, 08:35:56 PM
Jason I had hoped to hear back from you. I have class from 11-1 tomorrow but if you came by, or I could pick you up and bring you by, after 1 pm. Let me know.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon October 23, 2015, 07:41:15 PM
I share your craving for death, Jhanon. What the world would see as the supreme symptom of being dysfunctional, I hope is a symptom of transcendence. What constitutes my present pain is my impoverishment of any happiness; my disappointments in every area in life; my bitterness at the world and other people; and my doubts over whether the spiritual and material are as incompatible as I've believed. I often feel as though I have been cursed: and the inner man is under so much pressure that it could crush coal. Unfortunately, there has been no relief.

: John of the Cross, the Living Flame of Love
17. But Thou, O divine life, never killest but to give life, as Thou never woundest but to heal. Thou hast wounded me, O divine hand! that Thou mayest heal me. Thou hast slain in me that which made me dead, and without the life of God which I now live.

Having hope that it is the way forward still...

: John of the Cross, The Living Flame of Love
28. Here comes the question, why is it that so few ever attain to this state? The reason is that, in this marvellous work which God Himself begins, so many are weak, shrinking from trouble, and unwilling to endure the least discomfort or mortification, or to labour with constant patience. Hence it is that God, not finding them diligent in cultivating the graces He has given them when He began to try them, proceeds no further with their purification, neither does He lift them up out of the dust of the earth, because it required greater courage and resolution for this than they possessed.

If it will help I can transfer some money over; however, you'll have to send me a paypal, or routing number.


Alexander, I appreciate this very much. And, any support you can offer I will humbly accept and use as best as possible.

You took my post as serious as it was. But you found words of inspiration from past contemplatives and offered them to me. I sincerely appreciated it. It may be interesting to note that in this whole process, I've lost my phone, most friends, and almost all family. I was shocked. Surely Jhananda saw the family abandonment coming in my past posts.

But, actually, I find that this has been a good, albeit very challenging thing. There are tears most days. But, I've entered into a rehab clinic where I have already cut all medications and addictive behavior toward them in half. I also go to group meetings twice a week which has revealed to me people more like me. It seems, my theory that many contemplatives in america these days are using opiates or marijuana, is accurate. I found it so baffling that in my most desperate moment, freezing on that curb (of a church), I found the greatest courage to let go.


: John of the Cross, The Living Flame of Love
28. Here comes the question, why is it that so few ever attain to this state? The reason is that, in this marvellous work which God Himself begins, so many are weak, shrinking from trouble, and unwilling to endure the least discomfort or mortification, or to labour with constant patience. Hence it is that God, not finding them diligent in cultivating the graces He has given them when He began to try them, proceeds no further with their purification, neither does He lift them up out of the dust of the earth, because it required greater courage and resolution for this than they possessed.


This scares me.

Jhanon, if youre hungry youre more than welcome to stop by. Need a shower or wash some clothes, or some more limited provisional things, I can help with that. I received your message, but didnt know how to reply. Its doubtful yuliya would even hear me out if i tried to talk to her about helping out. I can try, if you'd like. But I can promise, you'll find little peace around her...maybe thats why I married her? haha

She came home today with a burning hatred inside of her for me. Apparently she thinks I have a mistress because I dont go to bed when she does. Reality is thats when I meditate and research. So theres that, just so youre aware.

I understand, Cal. I'm finding those we know all have a breaking point. A point at which they can no longer proceed with their association with us without having intense friction. However, as my current companion has shown me, it is possible to overcome those friction points if each individual is wholly committed to a contemplative life of rigorous virtue. So, perhaps there is hope yet. Nonetheless, as was the case with my last companion; should a separation occur, if practice is continued, I suspect it will happen in a loving way.

Jason I had hoped to hear back from you. I have class from 11-1 tomorrow but if you came by, or I could pick you up and bring you by, after 1 pm. Let me know.

I am sorry, Cal. As stated above, my phone was stolen. I only just today got service restored on a new phone. I am spending the day at the Union St Library to try and find a new place or temporary shelter before the end of the day. My present housing is already paid for, but the individual who owns the house has very little threshold for the contemplative. He has asked me to leave today, and intends to repay me for the rent I already provided.

It would be good just to see you, my friend. It would do me wonders. It really would. Please stop by.

I could send something as well, though it might not be much.

Zack, this is up to you. I'll provide my PayPal to all who have requested it. Whether you give or not, I most certainly appreciate the morale support. Just hearing from, or meeting with a contemplative is like manna from Heaven right now. Otherwise, I feel absolutely alone in a desolate and paradoxical hell. LOL

Thank-you, Jhanon, Zack, Cal and Alexander, for posting your comments to Jhanon's Blog. Thank-you, Alexander, for posting the superb quote from John of the Cross.  I am sorry to read, Jhanon, that you are now homeless.  Perhaps you will find the mendicant life suits you.

Just as understanding the Four Noble Truths is a critical understanding for the contemplative who is heading toward the superior fruit; so also one must realize just how truly corrupt the world really is. 

These realizations tend to bring us to a desire to give up the world in death.  This too is a critical step toward the superior fruit, because we must be so willing to give up everything, including life itself. However, one need not act foolishly, and recklessly, but simply put one's head down every time one meditates and at night to rest, with the sincere intent, "I will die now."  Doing so will result in abundant fruitful attainment, which I know from direct experience; and it sounds you all will as soon know it to.

Jhananda, your words uplift me. Although I have no car or shelter other than an extremely infested mission (I've exhausted all other public assistance, and have had 3 professionals confirm this for me), I AM finding that there is a certain solace, or refuge in this way. It takes time to adjust, and I've cried many, many, many nights. Over and over spontaneous intuition, for the last 5 years, continues to say "Santa Cruz, California." I can't ignore that, nor the warmer climate and acceptance of the homeless. I also can't ignore that all I have left here is the rehabilitation clinic, a daughter I rarely get to see in person, and a superbly virtuous companion who I am graced with from time to time. We simply embrace, face to face, and cry when we find ourselves with an alone moment. She appears to be teaching me what love really is. That's a long story.

I'm so sorry to hear of your desperate circumstances, Jhanon.  I can spare some cash this month. I will PM you for details.

Again, Michel, you are so very kind, and I am deeply grateful for the abundant support. Most ordinary people believe me to be seeking sympathy. But, I do not see it that way at all. I want to share what I am experiencing, in the hopes it may aid others in their pursuits.

I have always felt that I have been pushed/forced (guided) into this contemplative life. Don't think society have anything to do with it.
Don't know if that being homeless is your choice or due to circumstances, I just hope that you take care of yourself. With what I've read about being homeless in America is quite dangerous, please be on the alert. I wish I could be of assistance but I am also in dire straits and we are oceans apart. Take care and you know that our hearts are with you.

Yes, I have always felt pushed or guided into this life. I became homeless due to a complete exhaustion of resources, but it also seems life is conspiring to make it this way. Little things. And, yes, I am on the alert. I hope ou take care as well, Sam. Thank you, and may this lead to the supreme attainment Jhananda has attained. I meditated (because I finally had the chance) this morning, and it was absolutely sublime. Should the weather be more forgiving, and I adapt more readily, I suspect I would spend as much of the day meditating as possible. But there is still things to do that might ensure a supported pursuit (disability.)

I have the greatest love and appreciation for you all. And if I don't, then I wish I did. LOL. Thank you so much. Your words alone have been like warm sunshine on my shoulders. Thank you.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda October 27, 2015, 01:24:33 AM
This difficulty may work to your benefit, Jhanon.  I hope it does.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Cal November 24, 2015, 08:59:52 PM
How are things for you lately, Jhanon? I have you in my thoughts, I hope everything is well.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon April 13, 2016, 07:22:41 PM
I have been in retreat since becoming homeless. Then realizing I was merely houseless, and I always had a Home, I decided to return.

Firstly, I must thank you all for the donations. In total, you provided me with $700! Then I was gifted even more from an anonymous donation.  I spent many nights wondering how I could adequately thank you all. Because once you showed your support in whatever form it was, I found my way back Home.

I hope to catch up on the many messages and posts, soon.

I love you all. You are my family.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Michel April 14, 2016, 10:40:19 PM
I have been in retreat since becoming homeless. Then realizing I was merely houseless, and I always had a Home, I decided to return.

Firstly, I must thank you all for the donations. In total, you provided me with $700! Then I was gifted even more from an anonymous donation.  I spent many nights wondering how I could adequately thank you all. Because once you showed your support in whatever form it was, I found my way back Home.

I hope to catch up on the many messages and posts, soon.

I love you all. You are my family.
Welcome back, Inspiral. I thought of you from time to time and was wondering how things were going with you. Good to hear that you can actually manage a retreat despite all the challenges that being homeless must entail.

: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon June 30, 2017, 07:30:20 PM
I want to apologize for being MIA for so long. I've been through a lot, but it has given me tremendous improvement in perspective.

I will be working on catching up with the forum threads I was active on, and I will also be posting articles that were written two years ago during the height of my investigation into the mystic life and meditative absorption.

Much love to you all!
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda July 06, 2017, 07:04:43 PM
It is good to hear from you again, Jhanon.  I look to reading what you have to contribute here.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon May 28, 2018, 01:53:04 PM
Through many life changes and experiences pointing me back to Samadhi, I've returned. I became lost for so long. Many times I almost returned.

Last night, I rewatched the Samadhi film (which is both on YouTube and Gaia and I strongly recommend it.) It completely reoriented everything. I remembered why I began this, and even how I strayed back in my first days on the forum.

I realized I experienced Samadhi because I was turning away from anatta consistently. Back then I began seeing it as turning toward bliss. It can be said it is both. But without seeing both I strayed.

I did create a 25 minute video which shows this face and explains where and what I've been doing. I recall this being requested in the past, and have in the last few years, created several videos. I have not yet finished it as my perception continues to change dramatically, each day.

I no longer fear putting my so-called real-world name or likeness on this forum. Likewise, I continue to see Jhanananda as a being at least the most awakened as I've ever seen in this world.

As an aside, I would like to ask Jhanananda if at least one van is running?

I haven't yet recalled how to post a video with thumbnail. But here is the url to the Samadhi film (https://youtu.be/Bw9zSMsKcwk).

https://youtu.be/Bw9zSMsKcwk
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon May 29, 2018, 03:13:26 PM
I awoke this morning after several vivid dreams. The day prior, I meditated for two one-hour sessions for the first time in a very long time. When I wasn't in sitting meditation, I was still meditating. Whether walking or talking or whatever. The meditations were not anything epic or revolutionary.

Upon waking today, I discovered to my surprise the auditory charism ringing quite loudly. This encouraged me to meditate again, knowing, once again, that I WAS making progress toward the bliss and ecstasy and enlightenment I miss so dearly.

The day prior I watched a video on tantric sex (I have a partner committed to the same goal of enlightenment.) They mentioned Mula Bandha. After research, I discovered I already know how to do this, intuitively. However, I was not aware that with this you can direct energy up the spine to whatever chakra you wish.

While meditating this morning, I experimented. And to my great delight, I found I could bring tremendous comfort and stimulation to the body. As I type, my whole body is buzzing with bliss. I soon learned how to do this with each chakra. The third eye is alight, and I can feel it strongly. The same is true of the throat and heart. The heart chakra radiates a wonderfully warm sensation. I shed a few tears while meditating.

I only meditated for 30 minutes. I felt compelled to write this all down. This is a great discovery for me. With all these wonderful sensations I feel grounded, at peace, and confident.

If you are struggling to begin a committed practice again, I urge you to have faith and put in at least one full hour of a session. Preferably two. And continue to at least watch the breath throughout the day. You will quickly find the benefits manifesting in an obvious way.

I want to conclude this by saying these efforts are to make the body and mind more comfortable for the seeking of Self. They are working wonderfully, and I feel more strength and capability than ever to continue.

What I now wish to do is enter 3rd or 4th jhana and seek the true Self.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda May 29, 2018, 04:17:24 PM
Good to hear from you again, Jhanon.  And, it is good to read that you are increasing your commitment to leading a rigorous, self-aware, contemplative life.  Since, as you experienced, and I have for 45 years, then we have to conclude that the righteousness of the bible, must be leading a rigorous, self-aware, contemplative life; because it leads to the charisms, which the Gospels refer to being in the presence of the "holy spirit.

I added the link to the video in your earlier message that you posted a link to, so that you could see how adding links works.

: wiki
righteousness  (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Righteousness)
Righteousness is defined as "the quality of being morally correct and justifiable."[1] It can also be considered synonymous with "rightness".[2] It is a concept that can be found in Dharmic traditions and Abrahamic traditions as a theological concept. For example, from various perspectives in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam it is considered an attribute that implies that a person's actions are justified, and can have the connotation that the person has been "judged" or "reckoned" as leading a life that is pleasing to God.

William Tyndale (Bible translator into English in 1526) remodelled the word after an earlier word rihtwis, which would have yielded modern English *rightwise or *rightways. He used it to translate the Hebrew root צדקים (TzDYQ), tzedek, which appears over five hundred times in the Hebrew Bible, and the Greek word δίκαιος (dikaios), which appears more than two hundred times in the New Testament.

Philosophy, history, linguistics, meanings, and translation

In the word "righteousness," the suffix "-ness" modifies the adjective "righteous," which is "right" modified by "-ous." Righteousness is a phenomenon or state or condition of: resembling or displaying the nature of moral, good, correct, true, factual, excellent, just, virtuous, natural, morally upright, correct for situations, balanced, and honorable being or being in such a state.

Origin Old English rihtwīs, from riht ‘right’ + wīs ‘manner, state, condition’. The change in the ending in the 16th century was due to association with words such as bounteous.[3]
Ethics or moral philosophy

Ethics is a major branch of philosophy, encompasses right conduct and good living. " Rushworth Kidder states that "standard definitions of ethics have typically included such phrases as 'the science of the ideal human character' or 'the science of moral duty'".[3] Richard William Paul and Linda Elder define ethics as "a set of concepts and principles that guide us in determining what behavior helps or harms sentient creatures".[4] The Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy states that the word ethics is "commonly used interchangeably with 'morality' ... and sometimes it is used more narrowly to mean the moral principles of a particular tradition, group or individual."[5] "[4][better source needed]
Connections of concepts in world history

Righteousness is one of the chief Attributes of God as portrayed in the Hebrew Bible. "Eusebeia" enters the New Testament in later writings, where it is typically translated as "godliness," a vague translation that reflects uncertainty about its relevant meaning in the New Testament.[5][better source needed] In mid 20th century, an inscription of the Indian Emperor Asoka from the year 258 BC was discovered. This rock inscription contained Sanskrit, Aramaic and Greek text. According to Paul Hacker,[34] on the rock appears a Greek rendering for the Sanskrit word dharma: the word eusebeia. In common parlance, dharma means ‘right way of living’, 'laws of nature' and ‘path of rightness’.[6]

"The word εὐσέβεια as it is used in the Greek New Testament carries the meaning of "godliness", and is distinct from θρησκεία (thrēskeia), "religion". Eusebeia relates to real, true, vital, and spiritual relation with God, while thrēskeia relates to the outward acts of religious observances or ceremonies, which can be performed by the flesh. The English word "religion" was never used in the sense of true godliness. It always meant the outward forms of worship. In 1Ti 3:16, the Mystery, or secret connected with true Christianity as distinct from religion, it is the Genitive of relation. (This specific meaning occurs only in Act 3:12.)] This word arises in the Greek New Testament in 1 Tim 2:2, 1 Tim 3:16, 1 Tim 4:7, 1 Tim 4:8, 1 Tim 6:3, 1 Tim 6:5, 1 Tim 6:6, 1 Tim 6:11, 2 Tim 3:5, Tit 1:1, 2 Pt 1:3, 2 Pt 1:6, 2 Pt 1:7, 2 Pt 3:11.[7]"[7][better source needed]
Yi (Confucianism)
Main article: Yi (Confucianism)

Yi, (Chinese: 義; simplified Chinese: 义; traditional Chinese: 義; pinyin: yì; Jyutping: Ji6; Zhuyin Fuhao: ㄧˋ), literally "justice, righteousness; meaning," is an important concept in Confucianism. It involves a moral disposition to do good, and also the intuition and sensibility to do so competently. Yi resonates with Confucian philosophy's orientation towards the cultivation of benevolence (ren) and skillful practice (li). Yi represents moral acumen which goes beyond simple rule following, and involves a balanced understanding of a situation, and the "creative insights" necessary to apply virtues "with no loss of sight of the total good. Yi represents this ideal of totality as well as a decision-generating ability to apply a virtue properly and appropriately in a situation."

 In application, yi is a "complex principle" which includes:
   skill in crafting actions which have moral fitness according to a given concrete situation
   the wise recognition of such fitness
   the intrinsic satisfaction that comes from that recognition.[8][better source needed]

Dharmic traditions

Dharma is a key concept with multiple meanings. There might not be a single-word translation for dharma in Western languages. Dharma धर्म can be translated as righteousness, religion, faith, duty, law, and virtue.[9] Connotations of dharma include rightness, good, natural, morality, righteousness, and virtue. It means moral, right, just, balanced, or natural etc. In common parlance, dharma means ‘right way of living’ and ‘path of rightness’. Dharma encompasses ideas such as duty, rights, character, vocation, religion, customs and all behaviour considered appropriate, correct or morally upright. It is explained as law of righteousness and equated to satya (truth, Sanskrit: satya सत्यं). "...when a man speaks the Truth, they say, "He speaks the Dharma"; and if he speaks Dharma, they say, "He speaks the Truth!" For both are one." — Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, 1.4.xiv

In Hindu religion and philosophy, major emphasis is placed on individual practical morality. In the Sanskrit epics, this concern is omnipresent.[10]. Including duties, rights, laws, conduct, virtues and ‘‘right way of living’. The Sanskrit epics contain themes and examples where right prevails over wrong, the good over evil.

In mid 20th century, an inscription of the Indian Emperor Asoka from the year 258 BC was discovered. This rock inscription contained Sanskrit, Aramaic and Greek text. According to Paul Hacker, on the rock appears a Greek rendering for the Sanskrit word dharma: the word eusebeia. In his 250 BCE Edicts used the word "eusebeia" as a Greek translation for the central Buddhist and Hindu concept of "dharma". This rock inscription, concludes Paul Hacker,[34] suggests dharma in India, about 2300 years ago, was a central concept and meant not only religious ideas, but ideas of right, of good, of one’s duty.[11]

For Sikhs, the word Dharm means the path of righteousness and proper religious practice.

The major Jain text, Tattvartha Sutra mentions Das-dharma with the meaning of "ten righteous virtues". [12]

Judaism
Righteousness is one of the chief attributes of God as portrayed in the Hebrew Bible. Its chief meaning concerns ethical conduct (for example, Leviticus 19:36; Deuteronomy 25:1; Psalm 1:6; Proverbs 8:20). In the Book of Job the title character is introduced to us as a person who is perfect in righteousness.
Christianity
See also: Sola fide and Christian views on the Old Covenant

The New Testament continues the Hebrew Bible's tradition of the ethical (1 Thessalonians 2:10) and legal (1 Corinthians 4:4) aspects of righteousness. William Lane Craig argues that we should think of God as the paradigm, the locus, the source of all righteousness.[13] Matthew's gospel contains the most utterances of the word. In Matthew's account of the baptism encounter Jesus tells the prophet "it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness" as Jesus requests that John perform the rite for him. The Sermon of the Mount contains the memorable commandment "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness". The Greek word dikaiosune also means justice[14] and the sole translation using this rendering for Matthew 6:33 is the New English Bible.

Jesus asserts the importance of righteousness by saying in Matthew 5:20, "For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven." Jesus also re-affirms the Laws of Moses by saying in Matthew 5:19, "Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven."

However, Paul the Apostle speaks of two ways, at least in theory, to achieve righteousness: through the Law of Moses (or Torah); and through faith in the atonement made possible through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ (Romans 10:3-13). Some interpret that he repeatedly emphasizes that faith is the only effective way. Reference (Romans 4:5). (Romans 3:21-24). For example, just a few verses earlier, he states the Jews did not attain the law of righteousness because they sought it not by faith, but by works (Romans 9:30-33). The New Testament speaks of a salvation founded on God's righteousness, as exemplified throughout the history of salvation narrated in the Old Testament (Romans 9-11). Paul writes to the Romans that righteousness comes by faith: "...a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: 'The righteous will live by faith.'" (Romans 1:17)

In II Cor. 9:9 the New Revised Standard Version has a footnote that the original word has the meaning of 'benevolence' and the Messianic Jewish commentary of David Stern affirms the Jewish practice of 'doing tzedakah' as charity in referring to the Matt. 6 and II Cor. 9 passages.[15]

James 2:14-26 speaks of the relationship between works of righteousness and faith, saying that "faith without works is dead." Righteous acts according to James include works of charity (James 2:15-16) as well as avoiding sins against the Law of Moses (James 2:11-12).

2 Peter 2:7-8 describes Lot as a righteous man.
Type of saint

In the Eastern Orthodox Church, "Righteous" is a type of saint who is regarded as a holy person under the Old Covenant (Old Testament Israel) but also sometimes used for married saints of the New Covenant (the Church). According to Orthodox theology, the Righteous saints of the Old Covenant were not able to enter into heaven until after the death of Jesus on the cross (Hebrews 11:40), but had to await salvation in the Bosom of Abraham (see: Harrowing of Hell).
Islam

Righteousness is mentioned several times in the Qur'an.[16] The Qur'an says that a life of righteousness is the only way to go to Heaven.

    We will give the home of the Hereafter to those who do not want arrogance or mischief on earth; and the end is best for the righteous.
    — Qur’an Sura 28: Verse 83

    O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).
    — Qur'an Surah 49: Verse 13

    Righteousness is not that you turn your faces to the east and the west [in prayer]. But righteous is the one who believes in God, the Last Day, the Angels, the Scripture and the Prophets; who gives his wealth in spite of love for it to kinsfolk, orphans, the poor, the wayfarer, to those who ask and to set slaves free. And (righteous are) those who pray, pay alms, honor their agreements, and are patient in (times of) poverty, ailment and during conflict. Such are the people of truth. And they are the God-Fearing.
    — Qur'an Surah 2: Verse 177
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: bodhimind June 01, 2018, 04:57:43 AM
Good to see you Jhanon!

Well, considering the bottom three chakras related to the animal-body's desires, we should let the energy flow smoothly through the Heart and upwards. I have a few points I was pondering, and wonder if they correlate with GWV's:

* The heart chakra's opening associated with unconditional love and compassion. Non-dualistic awareness without subject and object. Siddhis like clairvoyance, telepathy, etc start to open up when this area becomes free and open.

* The throat chakra's opening associated with non-dualistic awareness even at night during sleep. Also the elimination of the "I" or "me" or "you" concepts. Intense joy and blissfulness beyond worldliness. Whatever words we speak just automatically becomes Dharma itself, verbal karma has become totally virtuous with no possibility of unvirtuousness.

* The third-eye chakra's opening associated with merging the self with the universe. I believe this is why people say "zen is a method of no method" or a "gateless gate". It is like going yet further with another layer of non-duality. Becoming absolutely One with the laws of Mother Nature, the fabric of the Universe.

* The crown chakra's opening is possibly associated with the complete annihilation into Nirvana. From that emptiness comes forth form and being, from being comes forth emptiness, with no place whatsoever to rest in, nor to abide in, nor to cling onto.

From my limited opinion, the feeling of the charisms becomes more intense when we switch from the flesh body to the spiritual body, otherwise the energies just seem 'muted', but they're always there unless the chakras are less active. The chakras hold some of the memories of past lives, and the same traumas and habits just continuously resurface. So the lower chakras bring us to the physiology of the animal body, downwards - whereas the upper 4 chakras lead us towards liberation :)
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanananda June 04, 2018, 05:02:42 PM
I agree with much of what you wrote.  I find the spiritual life begins at the heart chakra, so the lower 3 chakras are not necessary to focus upon; because they are all about materialism.  In fact, I use it as a gauge of whether someone knows anything about the spiritual life.  If they advocate meditating upon the lower 3 chakras, then they know nothing of the spiritual life.
: Seven Years in Forget: A Distillation of Realizations
: Jhanon April 18, 2022, 02:48:20 AM
Introduction
The beauty of poetry is in its asymmetrical symmetry.

Eight years ago, I had a daughter and fiance. A year later my quality of life and practice vaporized as I was forced out of their lives and those of nearly everyone I held dear. At least, that's what I thought at the time. I spent the next seven years forgetting.

The first three years were spent on the streets, or in brief stints living with friends which invariably resulted in more seemingly causeless persecution. The nourishing water of my practice was still there, but as it was in the form of vapor, it was of no more use to me than a cloud floating overhead in a desert.

As those three years concluded, having little responsibilities and armed with significant funds, I threw everything to the wind and began wandering.

A few days before my 33rd birthday, my father killed himself. At the same time I received the news, I met many like-minded individuals. My new friends and I explored the continent, different representations of "success," how each individual was responsible for defining their own version of it, and the stories of those who achieved it.

Scientists and psychologists like Newton, Einstein, and Jung. Entrepreneurs like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet. Artists and inventors such as Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, and believe it or not--even Lil' Wayne. I interviewed all walks of life on topics such as these, as well as controversial topics like Law of Attraction, psychedelics, gender fluidity, and COVID.

I studied all these and more from a fresh perspective. In this way, I've found missteps to be a path to more holistic knowledge. After all, if you circle a mountain you intend to summit, you fully under-stand the mountain. In the same way, when a liquid such as the practice is turned to vapor, it removes all impurities through distillation when it is concentrated back into liquid form. I offer this purified distillation below.


What the Buddha taught, and what he attained, are different. He taught the path to liberation. This is because liberation cannot be communicated with words, since words are of existence, and existence is inherently dualistic.


Zen
Reality doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes.

This level is knowing the fundamentals of reality which echo in a fractal nature throughout all phenomena. One will see "coincidences" which act as the penmanship of reality. Reality doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes. 1+1=2, 2+1=3, 3+2=5, etc. This is also called compound interest, the Fibonacci sequence, Golden Ratio, etc.

Other fundamentals like what is often called the Laws of Motion, Law of Attraction, cause and effect, karma, you reap what you sew, etc, fall under this. Everything contains this, even words themselves--such as fundaMENTAL--meaning the FoUNDAtion is MENTAL, the mind. Every major historical human being utilized this knowledge either consciously or unconsciously. When unconsciously utilized, it is dangerous in its power. When we remain consistently conscious of this fundaMENTAL, it is more beneficial in its power and known as Zen.

The more holistically one becomes aware of this, the greater their ability to utilize it toward attaining more extra-ordinary results.


Enlightenment
Becoming lucid in a dream is the poetry of Enlightenment in reality.

Varying levels of ability to control and navigate reality due to greater breadth and intensity of awareness of the fundaMENTAL. This includes "miracles." In all levels of consciousness from "dreams," to "death," to higher and lower planes, and even daily life, one oscillates between different intensity and breadth of awareness of the fundaMENTAL.

Because one sees the "coincidences"--the consistent penmanship of reality--one also sees inconsistencies between the endless levels of consciousness. It's like when you read someone's penmanship when they were under the influence of sleep-deprivation or a drug. You notice the inconsistency because you're familiar with the consistencies of their penmanship.   

As the consistencies of reality's penmanship emanating from the fundaMENTAL becomes the foundation of our awareness, we wake up. Having experienced "death"(NDE) in the last 7 years, I say that these consistent inconsistencies can be utilized to become and remain aware of the nature of reality which enables increasing levels of power of choice.

An example many can relate to is how looking at a clock in a "dream," looking away, then looking back at it again causes one to notice the inconsistency in the flow of time compared to "waking life", become lucid, and take control of the dream. Becoming lucid in a dream is the poetry of Enlightenment in reality. This same thing is happening on all levels of consciousness. The intensity and breadth of this awareness can be increased or decreased, but once we awaken in this life, we cannot go back to sleep all the way.

Trust me: I tried. Jhanananda knows about my attempts to. I was basically Cipher in the Matrix, "They're going to reinsert my body. Ignorance is bliss."

Once we reach this point, there's no going back. In other words, if most of what I'm saying makes sense, you've reached this point of no return. That's what the Buddha meant by "liberation within 7 lifetimes." I'll explain how I came to know this through direct experience via the near-death experience later.



Nibbana
To snuff out.

Interestingly, as we increase our power of choice by making the fundaMENTAL our foundation of awareness, we continue to find suffering. Obviously someone who can perform miracles appears to experience less suffering by comparison to a common human. However, there is still suffering as experienced.

Surely, even in higher states of consciousness where I've exercised such power, there was still subtle suffering, albeit comparatively subtle. In the same way as many of the wealthiest people I studied enjoy less suffering compared to impoverished people, yet the inverse is also true. Whatever the level of power or lack of power, whatever the level of consciousness, suffering still exists.

Therefor, Nibbana is "beyond levels of consciousness," and beyond reality. Minor attachments in awareness like allowing oneself to be distracted by miracles or looking down on humans which are less aware, desire for ecstatic states of higher consciousness, and even attachment to the seeking of liberation keep one from attaining liberation because these are all still OF reality. Words fail to communicate it and I therefor have little to say on it since it just goes in circles.



Conclusion
Choosing my next life is enough for now.

My experiences have shown me that within reality, the levels of consciousness are endless. This means all the planes we may take life in. Even becoming one with all existence eventually brought me to a state where you and I were insignificant specks in the body of a being just like you and I are right now.

To get an idea of this, observe how we can zoom into our body and find entire universes within a single bacteria which makes up our bodies. Indeed, science has even shown that the bacteria in our digestive system makes up a large quantity of our automatic impulses. Of course, intensity of awareness can navigate these impulses.

So as I became one with first the planet, then the solar system, the galaxy, the universe, the universe of universes, etc, I soon found myself to be aware as a being just like you and I are aware of ourselves now. Except within that body in this experience, our bodies were like that of tiny specks within a single bacteria. This is where the phrase "God made us in His image" comes from.

It's beyond these endless levels and levels of levels which the Buddha "went to," and why it can't be put into words. The closest words I've come to is Absolute Snuffing Out (ParaNibbana) or existencelessness.

Anyone familiar with my earlier writings will note an undercurrent of almost competitive racing toward attainment. However, since the Near-Death Experience, I know now from direct experience, that when this body is returned to the planet, I will have choice of where I take life next. Choosing my next life is enough for now.

This is what I meant earlier about the Buddha's statement of "enlightenment within 7 lifetimes." I now know from direct experience that my writings from 8 and 9 years ago on the forum about at least attaining Stream-Winning are true.

As you will also note in every story of an enlightened being, the moments leading up to their enlightenment they dropped all striving. It had to be whole-heartedly dropped. Attachment to attainment prevents attainment.

However, in a natural feeling way, I am energetic in my practice. I've noted that as knowledge increases, and attainment develops, the effort of beginning stages gives way to energy.

To summarize; anything expressed or desired within the self-similar, dualistic nature of existence is itself part of the fractal, echoing spiral of existence. Therefor, it cannot accurately convey the supreme attainment of absolute nibbana. We cannot know what nibbana is because knowing is itself the opposite of unknowing. Meaning, "freedom from suffering" is "beyond" suffering and non-suffering, beyond experience and non-experience, beyond existence and non-existence.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Tad April 24, 2022, 05:15:33 AM
Jhanon,

Thanks for coming back to this forum with a great post. It is inspiring to see that you continued to progress over those years. You described the end state where the noble path leads to and some of the key principles behind it. Now I would like to extract some of your knowlesge about practical aspects of implementation of the the path. Hence, the following questions. 

1. What would be your recommendations for  building a daily routine?

2. I remember reading in your old posts that you were thinking about spending some time at the monastery. Did you ever end up going there and what was your experience? What from your experience can be learned from monastics and what should be avoided?

3. What would be your advice regarding livelihood (jobs, making financial ends meet, and all that stuff) that allows to survive yet is nnot detrimental to practice?

4. What would be your advice for difficult times when "shit hits the fan"?

: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Tad April 24, 2022, 10:27:34 AM
Additionally, in one of your old posts you wrote that you felt that making progress was easier for you in a company rather than secluded. Did that change over the years?
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon May 11, 2022, 08:53:23 PM
Jhanon,

Thanks for coming back to this forum with a great post. It is inspiring to see that you continued to progress over those years. You described the end state where the noble path leads to and some of the key principles behind it. Now I would like to extract some of your knowlesge about practical aspects of implementation of the the path. Hence, the following questions. 

1. What would be your recommendations for  building a daily routine?

2. I remember reading in your old posts that you were thinking about spending some time at the monastery. Did you ever end up going there and what was your experience? What from your experience can be learned from monastics and what should be avoided?

3. What would be your advice regarding livelihood (jobs, making financial ends meet, and all that stuff) that allows to survive yet is nnot detrimental to practice?

4. What would be your advice for difficult times when "shit hits the fan"?

Hi Tad! I'm glad to hear you found it helpful!

1. What would be your recommendations for  building a daily routine?


No single plant grows at the same rate nor best in the exact same circumstances, although there are consistencies. In considering how nature works, such as a plant, what do you think a good routine recommendation would be?

2. I remember reading in your old posts that you were thinking about spending some time at the monastery. Did you ever end up going there and what was your experience? What from your experience can be learned from monastics and what should be avoided?

I did. It was a Theravada monastery. I spent several days there on a self-led meditation retreat, although another laypractitioner friend I had made prior at the monastery showed up and joined in. Shortly thereafter, I discovered my own path to higher states of consciousness which I've explained in earlier blog entries.

What I learned from those monastics was that they ate all kinds of food including fast food. They had internet access and the Abbot spent a lot of time on the computer watching Thai pop music videos. The house next to the monastery often had a television on in it. I identified one monk there who reflected more of what I hoped from a monk.

They offered to send me to a master in Thailand. I declined.

In terms of what should be avoided? Having only visited a single monastery and within it alone experienced a great diversity, I will say to avoid this: Making any sweeping should statements. Each plant grows at its own rate and in its own way.

However, I do encourage you get close to anyone who reflects who and what you wish to be and have, just as all the monks and nuns who followed the Buddha and Sangha did.

3. What would be your advice regarding livelihood (jobs, making financial ends meet, and all that stuff) that allows to survive yet is not detrimental to practice?

This is an excellent question! I recommend getting intimately knowledgeable about how you create your reality with mind, moment-by-moment. This is the Right Thought and Right Understanding of the Noble Eightfold Path.

I instructed and witnessed countless individuals not only surviving but thriving and travelling all over the country and the world with no jobs and without detriment to their practice. At one point shortly after COVID, I formed a caravan of 25 people, including two families with children who travelled with me all across the continent manifesting everything from food to gas money to clothes. Not a single one got sick. At present, I enjoy exceeding security and abundance.

The mind creates all of this. The more "Right" it is, the more you will not need to be concerned with Right Livelihood. The Noble Eightfold Path even goes in order of how life is manifested. They build on each other in order of priority.

THE NOBLE EIGHTFOLD PATH
Right understanding (Samma ditthi) - Understanding that the mind creates your reality. There is more Dhamma than that, but this is in reference to your question.
Right thought (Samma sankappa) - Thinking in a way that most positively creates you and the world, since they are one in the same.
Right speech (Samma vaca) - You can figure the rest out from here.
Right action (Samma kammanta)
Right livelihood (Samma ajiva)
Right effort (Samma vayama)
Right mindfulness (Samma sati)
Right concentration (Samma samadhi)

4. What would be your advice for difficult times when "shit hits the fan"?

This is the most important question here.

When this happens, observe how your thoughts, perceptions and statements contributed momentum to the proverbial shit eventually hitting the fan.

Were you on the lookout for things going wrong? Did you often perceive events negatively? Did you think negative thoughts about yourself, situation, and others? Observe what occurred regarding those thoughts and perceptions when next you encountered them.

Remember, any thought you have has direct impact on your reality--even if you never share it. This is merely the Noble Eightfold Path of Right Thought and Right Understanding.

Then begin thinking and reframing everything positively and nobly, and surround yourself as much as possible with similar influences. Remember that the mind is where it all begins. It sounds delusional to some when they hear this, but there is a middle-way about it which can be subtle to learn.

Truly, no circumstance is truly "shit" unless we think so, and then it will be so. In other words, shit doesn't hit the fan, unless we throw shit at the fan.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Jhanon May 11, 2022, 08:55:12 PM
Additionally, in one of your old posts you wrote that you felt that making progress was easier for you in a company rather than secluded. Did that change over the years?

It did not. In fact, it became more and more important as I've illustrated in my recent responses. It's said the Buddha and his disciples would practice on their own, but would meet daily at 6pm-10pm to ask questions or present their realizations. In modern days, this can be achieved via real-time interactions on the internet. Interestingly, I even find this occurs organically: between 6pm-10pm my group becomes active in sharing.

The refuges are the Buddha-the Teachings, Dhamma-the Truth, and Sangha - community.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Tad May 15, 2022, 10:08:53 AM
Jhanon,

thanks for your in depth response. After your initial post in this new discussion, I noticed how you mentioned LOA and wanted to ask about it. But for some reason decided to leave it for later. So interesting that your recent posts focused mostly on LOA. I would say you have quite a unique perspective. Of course, it is good to look at things from various angles.

Some years ago I was very interested in LOA and it formed my framework of operation. What I found is that I "attracted" most goodness in my life when I cultivated tranquility and general goodwill rather than trying to get specific external outcomes. At one point it felt that things were going so well that I had everything figured out. I was also high on youth as well to be honest. Then I adopted the framework of the commercialized version of LOA which promotes desire and sensual pleasure. I believed that this world was for us to enjoy and I deserved all the nice things. However, some things that were very important to me did not go the way I wished, which made me upset. Then more things seemed to go wrong. I then spent years trying to figure out what I was doing wrong that I could not control the outcomes. But it only caused me more clinging and suffering. So my take away from LOA would be that our intentions have power that manifest reality of this world. But at the same time there are a lot of things we can control. Just the fact that everything is temporary and we all are subject to aging, sickness, and death no matter how well we master this world. In addition, somewhere in the suttas Buddha said that karma is such a complex process that trying to fully understand it one can break their mind. So while we can dilute our bad past karma with good, we don't know when something from our endless previous lifetimes can pop up.

So my next biggest question would be about reconciling LOA with the 4 noble truths. But I really appreciate the reminder that we are directly involved in creating our reality. Knowing that does give some comfort. 
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Alexander May 15, 2022, 12:31:17 PM
I think there is a lot to the law of attraction. I am certainly skeptical of The Secret and the massive money-making enterprise it has spawned, but the core idea makes sense. The premise is, if you set a goal in your mind, you will make progress toward it. Indeed, at minimum, simply thinking of a goal will subconsciously produce all sorts of efforts and ponderings at accomplishing it. And if you sincerely want something and think about it frequently, it follows that at least your own actions will help you advance to it.

Perhaps this in itself is a major part of the spiritual path... "A divine Hand leads the hungry to food in the wilderness, and those with a strong desire for liberation will find it."

I've read in some OOBE writings the idea of worlds where imagination is used to construct nonphysical reality. If true, human imagination would be just a more basic version of the same power. In these same writings, they've argued imagination is a core reason for our being here. The 3d world slows everything down, creates a fixed environment following physical laws: and that lets us experiment, make mistakes, and learn through trial and error. Then, as we build discipline and refine our faculties, we are better equipped for functioning in a solely nonphysical reality. It is an interesting idea...

Another idea you make me think of, Tad, is the division between the Divine Will and self-will. Often, we humans are so concerned with lust, greed, and gluttony... so fixed in our own delusions through pride... we seek only our own satisfaction. We conflate our self-will with what is good. But, doing this denies that we are products of a divine wisdom that knows us best and seeks what is most excellent for us. Indeed, it is paradoxically the submission to the Divine Will, the acceptance of slavery to the divine, that liberates us and allows us self-transcendence.
: Re: Jhanon's Blog
: Tad May 16, 2022, 08:43:23 AM
Alexander,
 
Very good points in your first and last paragraphs. I might be wrong, but LOA/karma have not been discussed too much here. So it is a good topic. Looking at my life, I can say I achieved my major objectives whenever I was going after genuine desire coming from the heart and kept sticking to the intent of getting there. The odds many times were against, but I just kept going. Sometimes it felt like magic with too many coincidences aligning. So I do believe in the power of intent. There seems to be some kind of universal force trying to synchronizing all processes for the benefit of all. In Christianity it is God's work. But I have not found an exact equivalent for that force in Buddha's teachings. Probably it falls under karma as one of its aspects. Since Buddha was mostly concerned about teaching people how to get out of this world, he probably just wanted to keep his instruction very focused.