Bodhimind's Blog

[bodhimind]

Thank you for all the advice, been keeping up at my practice.

When I breathe, I feel as if every single cell is breathing itself. I notice now that when I take a breath in, it doesn't feel simply that the breath enters the nostril and then floods into the lower torso. Instead, it feels as if the breath is entering through the various pores of the body. Every single cell seems to have its own 'knowingness'.

The "knowing" isn't from the brain, it is non-local and omnipresent. So each cell seems aware of its own breath, just as I am aware of my own breath. But the breath itself is just a tool to watch, so that the mental chatter dies away and goes into communion with the breath.

The joy comes together with the breath, filling up the body through the breath. Sometimes it goes all the way to the soles of the feet, sometimes to the toes, sometimes only halfway, etc. As the waves intensify, the bliss spread to the entire body.

Eventually the sense of the body itself completely disappears.

[Jhanananda]

Congratulations, bodhimind, it sounds like you are making excellent progress into the 3rd to 4th jhana.

[bodhimind]

I realized a trend is that whenever I get into the deep state of utter bliss, my breath always thins out to nearly being imperceptible. I feel as if my skin is 'sucking in' air (like a frog), and my navel becomes warm. The joy radiates from the heart and extends outwards to fill the entire body, and it feels connected with the breath itself. The bliss also extends along with it and the tingling intensifies, until it's seen as 'coarse' and then there is a shift into a mind without surfacing thoughts (tranquility), where then again there is another shift into equanimity where external noises no longer affect me (or can't be heard), and then lastly the body-sense disappears, and there is no longer an aversion or clinging, and everything is just let go of. I don't feel my body, but the light orb nimitta doesn't seem to stay.

I find it strange, because when I shift my focus down, the auditory charism seems to dull, while if I shift it upwards, the charism seems to intensify, which makes me wonder if it is somehow associated with the head area. I know the ringing leads to the light though, or the 'star' nimitta. Which makes me wonder... the suttas say that the Buddha got enlightened when he saw the 'morning star'. Is it possible that he literally saw this nimitta? Or maybe I'm thinking too much.

Also, I realised that some practitioners of "vipasanya" (or more accurately sati) go into the dark night of the soul, and I was thinking - is it because they did not develop the bliss of the jhanas to counteract the unwholesome state? Or would you still go through it even if you have the jhanas? I ask because my own dark night seemed a little minimal, I only had just one sleepless night with tons of visions of people/luminous charism/etc. Maybe I haven't reached the real dark night?

[Jhanananda]

I realized a trend is that whenever I get into the deep state of utter bliss, my breath always thins out to nearly being imperceptible. I feel as if my skin is 'sucking in' air (like a frog), and my navel becomes warm. The joy radiates from the heart and extends outwards to fill the entire body, and it feels connected with the breath itself. The bliss also extends along with it and the tingling intensifies, until it's seen as 'coarse' and then there is a shift into a mind without surfacing thoughts (tranquility), where then again there is another shift into equanimity where external noises no longer affect me (or can't be heard), and then lastly the body-sense disappears, and there is no longer an aversion or clinging, and everything is just let go of. I don't feel my body, but the light orb nimitta doesn't seem to stay.

This all suggests that you are meditating consistently at the level of the 4th jhana.

I find it strange, because when I shift my focus down, the auditory charism seems to dull, while if I shift it upwards, the charism seems to intensify, which makes me wonder if it is somehow associated with the head area.

I find there is definitely an orientation of up for deeper levels of bliss, joy and ecstasy.  We could map it like this on the chakra list.  This suggests that if one is going to have an orientation toward one's focus during meditation, then it should be up.  And, it has been indeed for me.

I know the ringing leads to the light though, or the 'star' nimitta. Which makes me wonder... the suttas say that the Buddha got enlightened when he saw the 'morning star'. Is it possible that he literally saw this nimitta? Or maybe I'm thinking too much.

I do not recall a reference to the 'morning star' in any sutta that describes Siddhartha Gautama's night of enlightenment (MN26 & 36).  However, the light orb aka light nimitta, could be called the 'morning star.'  I just do not recall the suttas making this connection.

Also, I realised that some practitioners of "vipasanya" (or more accurately sati) go into the dark night of the soul, and I was thinking - is it because they did not develop the bliss of the jhanas to counteract the unwholesome state? Or would you still go through it even if you have the jhanas? I ask because my own dark night seemed a little minimal, I only had just one sleepless night with tons of visions of people/luminous charism/etc. Maybe I haven't reached the real dark night?

In my experience there are many spiritual crises.  Some people may not have them.  The bliss factor may account for the difference.  It seems reasonable.

[bodhimind]

I have been experimenting with the auditory charism...

I realized that it is like a 'black void'... Firstly, whatever sounds that come to us just disappear, as if it was absorbed by a sponge. Whatever curses, compliments, slanders, etc - they appear the same - just sounds that disappear on reaching the 'hearer'.

I discern that it is loud or soft, ill-intended or well-intended, in a certain pitch, near or far, etc. But the form of the sound itself doesn't really matter, since they all get 'absorbed' and disappear.

Then eventually it becomes deeper - the sounds outside disappear and we enter absorption. Then the sounds of the blood moving, heart-beating, grinding of the organs appear.

Then the sounds of the galaxy and the universe appear.

And all along there is this high-pitched sound that follows.

The key I found, and pondered so long... was how to ride the sound like a horse, or 'dance with it' as Jhanananda said. I realized it was not straining to try to focus on it or place a location on it. Instead, it was like... letting ourselves 'merge' with the sound - hearer and the heard merges. Eventually we no longer hear the outside sounds, nor the inside sounds - perhaps the charism left, that seems to come like ocean tides and waves.

But there is still the subtle sense of self...

Because there was a progression, the self felt like it needed to establish a presence. But then there is no 'self' to actually grasp hold of, simply because there is no reaction - pure equanimity and non-dualness. Neither self nor non-self - it was neither here or there or in-between.

[Jhanananda]

Congratulations, Bodhimind.  It sounds like you are progressing into equanimity just fine.

[Frederick]

As someone who hears sounds while meditating this was very useful.

Jefferey was the first person who suggested that when I hear things, I should drop the breath and focus on the white noise. This has made meditation much more pleasant and easier.

It's nice to hear what the next stages will be. Very encouraging.

Thanks much, Bodhimind. Your contributions have been quite helpful. I'm going to continue to study your last post.

[bodhimind]

Latest through anapana-sati.

I've just realised that sati does not mean focusing or 'attention', but more of a form of peripheral awareness. The absorption that occurs is not on the 'breath' itself, which comes and goes, gives birth and dies, but what which is always there - the deathless awareness that is not part of cognition itself. This awareness is not 'absorbed' on anything... I feel as if it was absorbed on itself, if that makes any sense... and everything else is seen as 'coarse'.

Pure equanimity, with no sense of body. I felt immense energy enter my body, but strangely I could not feel the boundaries of the flesh-body either. It was just filling and filling, as if I was receiving blessings, or the visitation of the Holy Spirit. That has to be real baptism, not the made-up water-bathing ritual Christians convince themselves is.

It was very strange, because I no longer had to go through all that itching, hypersensitivity stuff in Jhana 2. It was smooth and extremely immense. My breath seemed to become as faint as if I was breathing light itself, with no sense of tactile breath, but I couldn't help noticing that my body seemed to have this 'pumping' action before the sense of it completely disappeared later on.

This was so powerful that even 15 minutes was enough for me to get entirely absorbed within it. I feel as if I were to surrender completely I would cry in a beautiful way.

All of these things that come and go aren't it... They're all transformations of the mind. When the mind shifts perception by even a little bit, one tiny thought can completely change the entire perception-field.

I had a half-lucid dream where I was inside a dark realm, filled with darkness and blackness. I remembered that Jhanananda simply said that we had to turn towards the light, and so I did. It was extremely strange, because I just uttered mentally a word "Jesus christ" and his 'figure' manifested with a brilliant light, completely obscuring the entire realm and my perception was replaced with one with an expanse of brilliant light. Coincidentally, that was on Easter Night, and I had no idea what Easter meant until I researched later, so perhaps I might have been in touch with the collective consciousness, or this is one of those synchronicities. I chuckled a little, because he appeared just like the pictures of what I've seen of him, so it is quite clear that these images are formed inside my mind and my mind is what constructs these images, interpreting the phenomena with a certain story.

So i definitely notice that these mental-sankharas... or mental karmic-formations... are kind of like impressions within the subconscious mind, itching to come up at you during periods where lucidity is dimmed. When I sleep and do not maintain lucidity, the mind goes into auto-pilot mode, letting these mental energies go reckless.

I also realised that this is the source of the mental 'dark-night'. The mind is going into dullness and not filled with the brahmaviharas that let it be 'energised' or 'bright' (aka lucid enough). The dark night occurs because the subconscious tendencies are allowed to go wild due to the lack of lucidity. We are cultivating the lucid, bright, clear aspect of the mind, and not the dream-like unconscious... therefore the Buddha taught us to skilfully abide in wholesome mind states over unwholesomeness. AND... also why conduct is so important.

[Jhanananda]

Latest through anapana-sati.

I've just realised that sati does not mean focusing or 'attention', but more of a form of peripheral awareness. The absorption that occurs is not on the 'breath' itself, which comes and goes, gives birth and dies, but what which is always there - the deathless awareness that is not part of cognition itself. This awareness is not 'absorbed' on anything... I feel as if it was absorbed on itself, if that makes any sense... and everything else is seen as 'coarse'.

I agree with this.  What we are doing when we practice meditation that leads to depth is we are developing bare awareness; or consciousness without an object.

Pure equanimity, with no sense of body. I felt immense energy enter my body, but strangely I could not feel the boundaries of the flesh-body either. It was just filling and filling, as if I was receiving blessings, or the visitation of the Holy Spirit. That has to be real baptism, not the made-up water-bathing ritual Christians convince themselves is.

I agree here.  One of the characteristics of depth in meditation is the arising of energy.

It was very strange, because I no longer had to go through all that itching, hypersensitivity stuff in Jhana 2. It was smooth and extremely immense. My breath seemed to become as faint as if I was breathing light itself, with no sense of tactile breath, but I couldn't help noticing that my body seemed to have this 'pumping' action before the sense of it completely disappeared later on.

This was so powerful that even 15 minutes was enough for me to get entirely absorbed within it. I feel as if I were to surrender completely I would cry in a beautiful way.

This is the experience of deep meditation, which Siddharta Gautama called "jhana."

All of these things that come and go aren't it... They're all transformations of the mind. When the mind shifts perception by even a little bit, one tiny thought can completely change the entire perception-field.

I had a half-lucid dream where I was inside a dark realm, filled with darkness and blackness. I remembered that Jhanananda simply said that we had to turn towards the light, and so I did. It was extremely strange, because I just uttered mentally a word "Jesus christ" and his 'figure' manifested with a brilliant light, completely obscuring the entire realm and my perception was replaced with one with an expanse of brilliant light. Coincidentally, that was on Easter Night, and I had no idea what Easter meant until I researched later, so perhaps I might have been in touch with the collective consciousness, or this is one of those synchronicities.

This is right on.

I chuckled a little, because he appeared just like the pictures of what I've seen of him, so it is quite clear that these images are formed inside my mind and my mind is what constructs these images, interpreting the phenomena with a certain story.

So i definitely notice that these mental-sankharas... or mental karmic-formations... are kind of like impressions within the subconscious mind, itching to come up at you during periods where lucidity is dimmed. When I sleep and do not maintain lucidity, the mind goes into auto-pilot mode, letting these mental energies go reckless.

To be more precise the collective unconscious is many layers of collective delusion, which are shared by a group of people.  We can traverse them, if we are free of delusion.

I also realised that this is the source of the mental 'dark-night'. The mind is going into dullness and not filled with the brahmaviharas that let it be 'energised' or 'bright' (aka lucid enough). The dark night occurs because the subconscious tendencies are allowed to go wild due to the lack of lucidity. We are cultivating the lucid, bright, clear aspect of the mind, and not the dream-like unconscious... therefore the Buddha taught us to skilfully abide in wholesome mind states over unwholesomeness. AND... also why conduct is so important.

I agree.

[bodhimind]

Thank you for your continued advice, I appreciate it.

To be more precise the collective unconscious is many layers of collective delusion, which are shared by a group of people.  We can traverse them, if we are free of delusion.

I was wondering... are these memory-dumps from people's daily activities, and the karma that they have accumulated over countless lifetimes? For example, if people killed in the name of a God in the past, this collective delusion would cause a pretty Hellish experience. Would some people experience this delusion, while others do not?

Also... assuming that this current life in a flesh-body is just another perspective within perception, and that is just a 'less volatile' version of a dream, disappearing away in memory just like that of past-lives, then is it the case that there is really no 'state' to pass into, because what that perceives is already Deathless? Would nibbana simply mean the ending of clinging onto a "mental-stream", going into voidness?

[Jhanananda]

Thank you for your continued advice, I appreciate it.

You are welcome

To be more precise the collective unconscious is many layers of collective delusion, which are shared by a group of people.  We can traverse them, if we are free of delusion.

I was wondering... are these memory-dumps from people's daily activities, and the karma that they have accumulated over countless lifetimes? For example, if people killed in the name of a God in the past, this collective delusion would cause a pretty Hellish experience. Would some people experience this delusion, while others do not?

I agree with all of this.  It is ust a matter of perspective.

Also... assuming that this current life in a flesh-body is just another perspective within perception, and that is just a 'less volatile' version of a dream, disappearing away in memory just like that of past-lives, then is it the case that there is really no 'state' to pass into, because what that perceives is already Deathless? Would nibbana simply mean the ending of clinging onto a "mental-stream", going into voidness?

These are different topics.

It is my understanding that the 'Deathless' is the same as the eternal life of Jesus; however, the respective religions have made this all something very different.  One who has arrived at the Deathless/eternal life occurs for one who has mastered the OOBE to the point that there is no unconscious state.

Whereas, nibanna is not an unconscious state, nor a stateless existence.  Nibanna is what one has when one has overcome craving at its root.

[bodhimind]

I wish to revise my understanding of samskara/sankhara.

Firstly, I believe we lose the body's samskara (both physical and energies) and purify the Skandha of Form in the first and second jhana. Secondly, I believe we lose the mental samskara and purify the Skandha of Perception in the third and fourth jhana.

Samskara is possibly just memory, encoded in different forms. If I do a bodily action, it can be stored as memory in chemical reactions, energy, in other organisms, in the environment around me, etc. Every action has a chain-effect which is basically memory that is stored and converted into other forms unfathomable.

It seems like the goal of Buddhism is to loosen fetters, neuroses and addictions, which is akin to removing samskara, or memories that are habitual.

1. Kamupanana - desire clinging

2. Ditthupadana - ideation clinging

3. Silabbatupadana - ritual clinging

4. Attavadupadana - self clinging

It seems like the only method is like a no-method, by stopping clinging and resting, eventually letting go more and more. But preceding the letting go comes identification at deeper levels. For example, if I identify pattern-formation inside my mind towards certain stimuli, such as nama-rupa or other links of dependent origination, then these things serve as sign-posts to reverse-engineer back to the root of ignorance.

Very strange however. Since the goal is to lose 'memory' or samskara, why is the fruit the attaining of memory of past-lives, for example? It is a strange paradox, but perhaps the recovery of past-lives is not 'losing the memory', but becoming lucid of what has always been there, but has its momentum to pass.

[Jhanananda]

I wish to revise my understanding of samskara/sankhara.

Firstly, I believe we lose the body's samskara (both physical and energies) and purify the Skandha of Form in the first and second jhana. Secondly, I believe we lose the mental samskara and purify the Skandha of Perception in the third and fourth jhana.

Samskara is possibly just memory, encoded in different forms. If I do a bodily action, it can be stored as memory in chemical reactions, energy, in other organisms, in the environment around me, etc. Every action has a chain-effect which is basically memory that is stored and converted into other forms unfathomable.

It seems like the goal of Buddhism is to loosen fetters, neuroses and addictions, which is akin to removing samskara, or memories that are habitual.

1. Kamupanana - desire clinging

2. Ditthupadana - ideation clinging

3. Silabbatupadana - ritual clinging

4. Attavadupadana - self clinging

This seems reasonable.  So, we can conclude, "thou shalt not crave, cling, or covet.

It seems like the only method is like a no-method, by stopping clinging and resting, eventually letting go more and more. But preceding the letting go comes identification at deeper levels. For example, if I identify pattern-formation inside my mind towards certain stimuli, such as nama-rupa or other links of dependent origination, then these things serve as sign-posts to reverse-engineer back to the root of ignorance.

Yes, it is simple, do not: crave, cling, or covet; however, if it were that simple, then most people would be enlightened.  This is why we need a Noble Eightfold Path, which is simply a discription of a fruitful contemplative life.

Very strange however. Since the goal is to lose 'memory' or samskara, why is the fruit the attaining of memory of past-lives, for example? It is a strange paradox, but perhaps the recovery of past-lives is not 'losing the memory', but becoming lucid of what has always been there, but has its momentum to pass.

This is where simplification gets us into trouble.  It is about overcoming our: craving, cling, and covetousness; not about forgetting, or otherwise sufferers of Alzheimer's would be enlightened.

[bodhimind]

Today I learnt that stating observations or personal experiences that conflict with what a person wishes to believe in will undoubtedly cause them anger, despite it being the logical thing to do. I was called arrogant, overconfident, egotistical when I had absolutely no hint of malice and intention behind what I said - just a mere wish to state facts.

I think back to the guidelines of Right Speech and feel that the Buddha was absolutely right - choosing the right TIME to speak, and whether the individual is WILLING to hear, is also part of that virtue...

[Jhanananda]

I have found the same response from followers of mainstream Buddhism, and Christianity.