Bodhimind's Blog

[bodhimind]

Thank you so much all, for your replies, they are really helping to guide me on the right path. I am currently working on my diet.

I find that I have suddenly this awareness that what I eat and drink and breathe... Feels like solid, liquid and gas - Earth, water and air principles following into my body, rearranging themselves and becoming part of my body. I feel so much gratitude for it sustaining my loaned body so that I can continue my cultivation work. I now feel the preciousness of human life, and my intensity for spiritual seeking has increased sharply.

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I now understand that what I do not know, I do not know. Hence, it must only be by direct experience that I will be able to genuinely understand. By admitting that I do not know, I empty the mind of fantasy and preconceived notions, and allow myself to see things as they are, not what my afflictions and patterns want them to be like.

I've been practicing sati with reference to the four cornerstones for the whole day:

• Body: I walk mindfully, relax my muscles of subconscious tension mindfully, breathe mindfully, feel the moving static charisms across my body mindfully and the blissful, joyful feeling that seems to emanate from the chest area. I am also aware of this magnetic-like feeling that seemed to draw my hands together after a short meditation session.
• Sensations: I am aware that I try to classify things as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Hence, as I observe it, I now simply see it as what it is, and not what my previous compulsions and afflictions make them out to be. Coincidentally, it seems that this only happens when I try to classify it, when I do not live in the present and try to live in my mind.
• Thoughts: I only make thoughts when I need them. I understand intuitively that I am not the thoughts that arise. My mind is as clear as a lake, but with a few thoughts rising here and then. But I am aware when a thought rises in the mind. I label an ear-worm as an ear-worm.
• Mind qualities: This seems to be the one which I am not yet prepared for sati. I cannot understand how it is to understand inconstancy, etc. I am however, aware of the transiency and impermanence of the mental states. I try to reside in a clear mind state that is equanimous.

I understand that I am still bound by afflictions and am still subtly identified with the body, because I still link pain to suffering, and link pleasure to bliss. I am aware of it though, and am trying to disidentify from it.

I will try to use the five aggregates as a framework, but I am not very used to seeing it from that point of view, since I have been using the Anapanasati and Satipatthana suttas as frameworks.

Currently, I feel constantly blissed out. When I meditate, I often get kriyas. I felt myself swaying quite a bit. Also, I notice that sometimes I seem to "fall unconscious", then jerk back up and suddenly I'm in a much deeper state of absorption than before. As i meditate more, I then to become impervious to the physical body's sensations. I feel like I'm in this very .. empty kind of non-dual state, with no awareness of my body. The hum constantly rings throughout the day.

[bodhimind]

I meditated before i slept and i suddenly went into absorption while sleeping. I felt like i spontaneously placed mt palms together and said "namo amitabha"... then i felt my whole body swirling. I was swirling but i was blind. I gave a leap of faith and i felt myself separate from the body. I knew i separated, but it didnt feel like i was in anywhere familiar as i couldn't open my eyes. Then i heard something say that to do it with faith. And i let go completely.

Then i felt myself in this space... with music playing softly in the background. It felt like i was lying down somewhere. Then i felt some kind of mental vision appearing where i could see where i was. It felt like an internal vision instead of looking through where my eyes would be.

Then i felt like my absorption was lapsing. Before i knew it, i was back in my bed, my body clasped in prayer and my legs in weird positions. My ears rang with a high pitched sound. I checked my clock.. 1.5 hour passed, but it felt like ages.

I was wondering... was that hallucination? Or was that a somewhat, bad but legit astral trip lol

One thing to note was that when i closed my eyes, i saw all kinds of strange symbols and patterns that i couldnt understand. It felt a bit like the other time when i saw faces.

[Sam Lim]

Yes, it's an OOBE. Great!!

[jay.validus]

Sick man! Congratulations!

[Alexander]

Great experience, bodhimind!

[bodhimind]

Thank you all for the encouragement and confirmation.

After I woke up and wrote the post, I went back to sleep, trying to go back into jhana again. I got to the point where I felt a fuzziness/tingling through my body, separate from my physical body. However, I felt like I was a little stuck as there was no separation. I remember doing some sort of backflip in my first try, and I was just spiralling out of control. It was a mess lol

Come to think of it, I remember the Buddha's description of it as being like a reed drawn out of a sheath/sword out of a scabbard, but it felt nothing like that. It was like I spun out of my body, it felt a little wild and out-of-control. I did feel the separation part though, it was like I instantly became "lighter".

One thing that confused me was I couldn't open my eyes. That made me feel like I was asleep but paralyzed in sleep. When out-of-body, is this normal? Are we supposed to look through internal vision instead of through the eyes? I can't help but think that it might have been a lucid dream instead, because I was missing the visual part of it.

[Jhanananda]

Currently, I feel constantly blissed out. When I meditate, I often get kriyas. I felt myself swaying quite a bit. Also, I notice that sometimes I seem to "fall unconscious", then jerk back up and suddenly I'm in a much deeper state of absorption than before. As i meditate more, I then to become impervious to the physical body's sensations. I feel like I'm in this very .. empty kind of non-dual state, with no awareness of my body. The hum constantly rings throughout the day.

These are all good indications of progress.  A common experience of deep meditation is to feel tired, or dose off just before moving into a deeper state.  I believe it is because the body and brain are used to associating deeper states with sleep, so as we explore deep meditation states we have to retrain the body and brain to accept awareness there.  Another way of putting it, is as we explore deep meditation states we are pushing our awareness into deeper states, where we were not conscious before.

I meditated before i slept and i suddenly went into absorption while sleeping. I felt like i spontaneously placed mt palms together and said "namo amitabha"... then i felt my whole body swirling. I was swirling but i was blind. I gave a leap of faith and i felt myself separate from the body. I knew i separated, but it didnt feel like i was in anywhere familiar as i couldn't open my eyes. Then i heard something say that to do it with faith. And i let go completely.

Then i felt myself in this space... with music playing softly in the background. It felt like i was lying down somewhere. Then i felt some kind of mental vision appearing where i could see where i was. It felt like an internal vision instead of looking through where my eyes would be.

Then i felt like my absorption was lapsing. Before i knew it, i was back in my bed, my body clasped in prayer and my legs in weird positions. My ears rang with a high pitched sound. I checked my clock.. 1.5 hour passed, but it felt like ages.

I was wondering... was that hallucination? Or was that a somewhat, bad but legit astral trip lol

One thing to note was that when i closed my eyes, i saw all kinds of strange symbols and patterns that i couldnt understand. It felt a bit like the other time when i saw faces.

This was a classic OOBE.  In the early stages of developing the skill to go OOBE we have to learn all over again not just how to move without a body, but, as you experienced, even how to see without eyes, and hear without ears.  Congratulations on very good progress.

The spiraling, rotating, back-flipping, etc. are all ways by which one can leave the body, and are all common methods.

[Sam Lim]

I think it will take time for you to get used to it. Be consistent in your practice.

[bodhimind]

These are all good indications of progress.  A common experience of deep meditation is to feel tired, or dose off just before moving into a deeper state.  I believe it is because the body and brain are used to associating deeper states with sleep, so as we explore deep meditation states we have to retrain the body and brain to accept awareness there.  Another way of putting it, is as we explore deep meditation states we are pushing our awareness into deeper states, where we were not conscious before.

This was a classic OOBE.  In the early stages of developing the skill to go OOBE we have to learn all over again not just how to move without a body, but, as you experienced, even how to see without eyes, and hear without ears.  Congratulations on very good progress.

The spiraling, rotating, back-flipping, etc. are all ways by which one can leave the body, and are all common methods.

That makes a lot of sense... I will reflect on that.

Yes, it felt so weird to not be able to see through my flesh eyes... It is as if I had to 'imagine' something internally. Hearing strangely wasn't difficult. Perhaps it was because I am used to hearing the humming auditory charism, that I adapted quickly.

I think it will take time for you to get used to it. Be consistent in your practice.

Thank you, I think I will take a while too, haha.

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I felt extremely drained throughout the day after that projection, it was as if I lost a lot of vitality doing it. I was still able to feel blissful throughout the day though, and i believe that it helped with the recovery. I feel much better today.

[Jhanananda]

That makes a lot of sense... I will reflect on that.

Yes, it felt so weird to not be able to see through my flesh eyes... It is as if I had to 'imagine' something internally. Hearing strangely wasn't difficult. Perhaps it was because I am used to hearing the humming auditory charism, that I adapted quickly.

This suggests that if one were to spend more time in deep meditation using the various charisms as the object of meditation, then one will gain quick facility with the non-physical counter parts of our sensory array.

I felt extremely drained throughout the day after that projection, it was as if I lost a lot of vitality doing it. I was still able to feel blissful throughout the day though, and i believe that it helped with the recovery. I feel much better today.

This is atypical.  Most people experience increased energy, inspiration, and wakefulness throughout the day following an OOBE.  However, those who meditate deeply tend to have greater awareness of their body-mind complex, AKA self-awareness.  This often times is interpreted by people who are less self-aware as hypochondria.

It is my firm conviction after decades of deep meditation experience that cultivating deep meditation requires a radical lifestyle change.  This radical lifestyle change requires radical self-awareness, which requires deep meditation experience.

However, the herd will perceive those who make these radical lifestyle changes as eccentric.

[bodhimind]

Yesterday, I was meditating with Anapanasati and I quickly reached this point where I was non-dual and I was sure that my breath stopped. I however, did not feel significant physical bliss in my sit. My mind was really quiet. I did feel a joy inside though, it was a slightly calm type of joy but it felt different from the very eruptive kind that I usually had. I didn't have any itch. I felt a little detached from physical sensations.

When I lay down to sleep right after the session, I suddenly felt myself wobbling and ending up in different positions in bed. I had a vision of myself following someone and I sat down to meditate. Then I flickered back and forth, from wobbling on my bed in awkward positions and meditating on that space. It was quite confusing. However, I was able to maintain lucidity for most of the dreams, although the memory of them faded away slightly quickly and I could scribble just a few notes into a dream journal that I've recently kept.

Perhaps I should try to focus more on the visual nimittas? I find that my control seems to be very scattered when I seem to move out of body. It is as if I do not have lucidity in control, but I am perfectly aware of what I am experiencing.

This time, I felt very invigorated and I woke up an hour before my alarm clock. My current practice through the day is to focus on the "no-self" of the five aggregates.

I have been cutting my diet down. I realize that eating too much can take a toll on my digestive system, and my mind seems to work much better when the stomach is empty.

[Jhanananda]

Yesterday, I was meditating with Anapanasati and I quickly reached this point where I was non-dual and I was sure that my breath stopped. I however, did not feel significant physical bliss in my sit. My mind was really quiet. I did feel a joy inside though, it was a slightly calm type of joy but it felt different from the very eruptive kind that I usually had. I didn't have any itch. I felt a little detached from physical sensations.

Non-dualism and the loss of breath-awareness is typical of the 4th jhana, so you might be getting there.

When I lay down to sleep right after the session, I suddenly felt myself wobbling and ending up in different positions in bed. I had a vision of myself following someone and I sat down to meditate. Then I flickered back and forth, from wobbling on my bed in awkward positions and meditating on that space. It was quite confusing. However, I was able to maintain lucidity for most of the dreams, although the memory of them faded away slightly quickly and I could scribble just a few notes into a dream journal that I've recently kept.

The perception of wobbling and ending up in different orientations in bed, as well as remaining lucid during the dream cycle, are classic early stages of the OOBE, which provides supporting evidence that you were in the 4th jhana during meditation.

Perhaps I should try to focus more on the visual nimittas?

All of the nimittas are critical, not just the visual nimitta.

I find that my control seems to be very scattered when I seem to move out of body. It is as if I do not have lucidity in control, but I am perfectly aware of what I am experiencing.

This time, I felt very invigorated and I woke up an hour before my alarm clock. My current practice through the day is to focus on the "no-self" of the five aggregates.

I have been cutting my diet down. I realize that eating too much can take a toll on my digestive system, and my mind seems to work much better when the stomach is empty.

It just takes skillful practice, practice and practice.

[bodhimind]

I started college after break and didn't have as much time to post my sessions on the journal, but I still lurk around in the forum time to time. Just wanted to post a few reflections over my past sessions:

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Falling sick

I caught a flu as a result of a friend passing the virus to me, but I realized that the way to cope with this was to not identify with the body. I seemed to be quite clear about what the pain was, but it didn't seem to affect me as much. When the body was fatigued, I let it rest, but it didn't really generate any kind of "pain" towards me. I didn't classify it as anything, but just something that needed repair in the "guest-house". It came quite naturally and I haven't fallen sick for a few years, so this came as a strange surprise.

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Blissfulness

I've been rapidly getting very blissful and hot sensations in my palms and feet, sometimes as if they were burning. At certain points in my meditation, my breath would seem to stop, and an indescribable wave of ecstasy rises from within me, filling my whole body. It feels like so much energy is rushing through me - Almost like a tsunami of some sort. So much vigor... I can't seem to ride that intensity for long though, because it gets REALLY intense.

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Spatial feelings

When I get into deeper states, I often reach points where I no longer feel the body. At this point, I would have no awareness of my physical body, and it was as if I was "trapped" in physical matter. I didn't really "pop" out of my body. When I do pop out, it is normally in sleep where I do weird positions such as back-flipping out. My dreams are often lucid or half-lucid too.

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Changing exercise routines

I used to run to keep the lympatic system pumping toxins out, but now I'm switching to something that is less harsher on the knees - Jumping/jogging on a rebounder. I read in a research by NASA that it helps in building immune system function due to the g-force.

[Jhanananda]

Blissfulness

I've been rapidly getting very blissful and hot sensations in my palms and feet, sometimes as if they were burning. At certain points in my meditation, my breath would seem to stop, and an indescribable wave of ecstasy rises from within me, filling my whole body. It feels like so much energy is rushing through me - Almost like a tsunami of some sort. So much vigor... I can't seem to ride that intensity for long though, because it gets REALLY intense.

---

Spatial feelings

When I get into deeper states, I often reach points where I no longer feel the body. At this point, I would have no awareness of my physical body, and it was as if I was "trapped" in physical matter. I didn't really "pop" out of my body. When I do pop out, it is normally in sleep where I do weird positions such as back-flipping out. My dreams are often lucid or half-lucid too.

Good to hear from you again, Bodhimind.  Sorry to hear you were sick, but good to know that you are better. These are all good signs of deep meditation.  The challenge for the mystic is to keep honing one's lifestyle, and contemplative practice to maximize the experience of deep meditation.  So, good work, and keep going deeper.

[bodhimind]

I'm starting to be a little confused...

I know that I am in a first-person's perspective... But sometimes when I go into deep states, I often go non-dual and lose even that feeling of first-person. Isn't this losing consciousness, similar to deep sleeping states? Or, is it required that we stay conscious throughout the deep state? Is good meditation one where you stay perfectly clear of what you are doing? Or do you fade in and out of this lucidity?

Sometimes I am subtly aware that I am in dreams or have left the body in sleep. However, I feel like I am powered by compulsions or certain suppressed mannerisms and repressions. I do not have much control over what I see or what happens to me. They are quite spontaneous and in the moment.

Now I'm starting to question what enlightenment really means... Some people say that it is the awakening to the dharmakaya that has always been there, union with the divine, etc. I still cannot fathom what it means, it feels as if there is a large gap between where I am and what the divine is.

From what I understand, we let the thought-stream cease so that the mind becomes clearer. So when we perceive a stimulus, it becomes a sharp juxtaposition to this unmanifest, non-dual mind. I can somewhat feel or instinctively know there is something there, but I cannot reach it.

Even when I follow the charisms, it feels as if these charisms are part of a certain sense that is birthed from this non-dual mind. I'm still stuck... I hope that I can progress in the immaterial samadhis after having strong jhana factors cultivated, and this might help me understand it experientially to a deeper degree.