I'm grateful to be accepted to this platform of like minded people.
My real name is Matthew. My handle is a precognition I perceived when asking myself what I would liked to be known on this forum. I have been meditating what I call pretend meditation (lack for a better word) for a while. I've only had real deep meditation 3 times. Many years ago when I was a lot younger and twice within these two weeks.
Welcome to this forum, Matthew. And, thank-you for posting your comments here.
Pretend meditation was my lack of understanding. It could have been hiding in plain sight for all I knew. The books and explanation weren't clear and lacked depth of the mechanics to the procedure. I questioned myself quite often about this subject and thought it was a mystery. How could so many people successfully be meditating? Just read through the techniques they said. Then one day it hit me. These people are just doing pretend meditation. We have guru explaining away consciousness and others just regurgitate what guru has said. Forever the serpent circling its tail.
Yes, I agree with you that most people surely are just engaged in "pretend meditation" and just "regurgitate what guru has said;" because, otherwise why do so few people meditate deeply, including all of those gurus? It must be that most of the gurus are just pretend gurus, who teach pretend meditation.
I eventually arrived at access concentration (word I picked up not necessary correct. More correct could be contact) by sheer luck. It hit me right out of my sitting. As I breathed into my lungs I saw around me indigo purple. The whole mind rushed to the centre of my chest and I felt like ice. That was it I have blown my mind I thought. What happened during that week was hell. I had fleeting moments of fear rush through my being. At times I thought I was still sitting on the cushion and the noise coming from above were the people trying to wake me up.
Here we do not use the term "access concentration," because it comes from schools of Buddhism who clearly are just pretend gurus, who teach pretend meditation, and use the term to dismiss anyone who actually has the experience of deep meditation as you described above.
In your description it sounds like you actually made it to what we call here the third stage of depth in meditation, or the third jhana.
I didn't dare to meditate. On top of that I had the flu which wasn't helping either.
Real meditation leads to genuine depth in meditation, and that depth can be very frightening, and when we discuss genuine depth in meditation with a pretend guru, then the pretend guru warns us not to go there again. If we go there regularly then we would realize that the pretend guru is a fraud and the religious frauds of the world do not want to be exposed as the frauds that they are.
After the madness passed I was all for the better. But I was left with the key to the door of the inner mind. What now? Do I venture in? What if I go mad and lose my sanity? I contemplated this over and over and came to a conclusion. One day I will pass from this scene so It might be better to go insane than to miss out what could be the time of my life. And that was that I'm continuing.
Fear however is still a big factor and my last sitting was very short and very intense. But the aftermath left me shaking and wired as I practice at night. The two experiences have changed me. During the days I feel contentment. Other times its joy or short bursts of ecstasy.
So the journey begins....
Yes, our premise here is to go for depth in meditation, and seek as much depth as one can handle. We find that the experience is truly transformative. So, you are in good company, and thank-you for joining us.
