Author Topic: Progress as a beginner  (Read 14968 times)

Rodan

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Progress as a beginner
« on: August 23, 2021, 12:16:30 AM »
Hello everyone,

I thought I would introduce myself here. My name is Rodan and I'm a beginner meditator and have been practicing for approximately 6 months. I wanted to introduce myself and illustrate my practice and progress so far to get some criticism on how I'm progressing. I hope I've submitted this thread in the right area.


Practices

I began initially by dividing my meditation into two sessions, one when I wake up and the other towards the end of my day/night. I do tummo meditation to start my day; this involves visualization of the flaming short a while performing a breath retention. The last meditative session involves visualization of a symbol in my mind.

At the beginning I meditated a total of 40-60 minutes a day, with roughly 20-30 minutes per session. I have increased it to 3 hours a day approximately 3 months ago with a 1 hour session at the beginning of the day to a 2 hour session at the end; Though I will be honest, the quality of the sessions do not match their length. My concentration is spotty and scattered towards the end of most of my sessions.

I spent a month and a half around may fixing my posture as much of my access concentration ended up being ruined by my back tilting forward; I was also taught by a few that keeping a straight back facilitates movements of energies through my subtle body. I began to run into trouble as my posture began to improve; my left arm would develop a phantom pain despite not living a physically laborious life. This pain ruined my sits for weeks until I learned to mindfully 'transmute' the pain into pleasure by imagining energy moving into it. That did not always work and I was forced to simply power through most sits.

As of now, I have more bodily tranquility as the phantom pains and posture have been mostly fixed. What I'm working on now is a lengthening of my access concentration moments.

Experiences

Quite early on before I began working on my posture, my access concentration was able to develop into moments of euphoric bliss. It was amazing; it felt like I was in love again, this feeling would last for a few hours up to 30 hours sometimes. Sadly, I need to work up to the access concentration necessary to achieve it again as I have lost it ever since I began working on my posture; It seems like when I ignored everything around me and delved deeply it allowed me to access these blissful states; once I began applying discipline and watching my body for any signs of departure from good form, I lost my deep access concentration.

In terms of the jhanas. I don't believe I've experienced them fully yet. I believe first jhana is supposedly quite distinct and leaves one without any of their senses in play? I also don't believe my concentration was strong enough to allow me to reach that. I believe I may have dipped my toes into first jhana however; there were times I would feel pleasurable numbing sensations on my face or arms, the spots of pleasure would begin to spread over my face but then dissipate slowly. The other sign for being close to jhana was the blissful euphoria I had mentioned in the previous paragraph.

I believe I may have dipped my toes into the 4th jhana as well; during some of my good sessions, I would often fall into a 'black' void and I would feel like I was floating. I would play around with this feeling and I began to get the distinct feeling of flying above my body, despite feeling the ground beneath me. I would simulate the act of rotating my body and I felt as if my body were truly rotating.

Outside of my sits I've begun to have dreams that were loosely precognitive; I say loosely because they weren't particularly super accurate but too specific to have been a coincidence.

I have begun to have OOBE's as well, I have often woken up in the middle of the night to find myself floating around my home or even in someone else's body watching what they were doing. Prior to a consistent meditative schedule, I had listened to the Monroe tapes regularly and tried to induce OOBE's but was unsuccessful until I began meditating regularly. My OOBE's are also quite short in nature and it's tough to induce them while fully conscious. When I am conscious and wake up from bed and try to induce them, I find myself falling asleep in the 'astral body' as well; it's bizarre. I leave my body and suddenly the astral body i'm in feels exhausted and collapses; then I fall asleep again. Other times, I manage to leave my body but then as soon as I enter my room, I enter a lucid dream; I know it's a lucid dream because I'll see people who shouldn't be around in the physical world at the moment. I'm alone in the home but I'll see members of my family once I've left my room.

Continuing on about my OOBE's. An interesting thing I've noticed is that I only feel the vibrations prior to separating from my body when I fully wake up from sleep; If I immediately exit as soon as I open my eyes, the vibrations do not precede the exit. I'm beginning to think the separations without vibrations might have been induced within a dream, perhaps a lucid.

I have also begun attempting to lucid dream in the last two months. I perform vipassana noting practices and the intensity of the noting varies but I'm seeing progress albeit tiny. I have only had one lucid dream if you don't consider the OOBE's lucid. I'm attempting to induce DILD's (dream induced lucid dreams) through maximizing my awareness. Though my progress is slow, the trajectory seems favourable; memories of my circumstances are beginning to seep into my dreams. I've never been able to recall recent experiences (within hours or a day) within dreams; my dreams are now beginning to remind me of tasks I have to perform or that something seems off; like noticing a price difference for a bus fare that was not ridiculous but simply incorrect as I remember it. My dreams have also begun to be life-like. I used to have crazy dreams where-in I'm flying, or fighting monsters, etc. They are now 90% mundane.  Another interesting effect of the awareness/noting practices are that my surroundings have begun to teleport themselves into my dreams. An example of this would be when I was dreaming about being in a zombie apocalypse and suddenly found myself in my bed with the dream continuing on around me; another time, my desk phased in-front of me as I was going about some dream task; it began to overlap with the dream object in-front of me. It feels as if my awareness is pulling my surroundings in. I also wonder if my astral body/dream body is waking up in the middle of a dream and placing itself within the confines of the physical world as I dream.

Thank you for listening. Apologies if the writing is a bit awkward or if I ramble. My writing has gotten worse over the years and I'm excited to share my journey.,

Alexander

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2021, 03:26:44 PM »
Welcome Rodan, to the community of mystics. It sounds like you are making excellent progress and are a true contemplative. I would encourage you to continue your practice. I saw your entry when you made it, but want to defer to Jeff to respond to you in detail. Feel free to ask any questions if you are interested in the history of mysticism.

Om Namah Shivaya  ;D
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Rodan

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2021, 08:08:09 PM »
Thank you Alexander, I still have a lot to work on. I'm particularly disappointed with my weak streaks of access concentration during my sits but i'm slowly improving it. My mental and bodily tranquility are improving as I begin to understand how to engage with ekaggata.

I will definitely continue on with my practice. Some of the sessions in the past have been grueling (atleast to me) but I am not the type to give up even if my practice can be sloppy at times.
« Last Edit: August 24, 2021, 08:19:11 PM by Rodan »

Rodan

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2021, 12:45:32 AM »
I must add to my experience that's becoming more common as of late. Whenever I enter periods of strong momentary concentration especially during vipassana noting, or even during my attempts at access concentration on a sit, it feels as if my body is softening; when I notice the sensations of my mouth, it feels as if my teeth and jaws are melting in a sense but not really. It feels slightly tingly and pleasant like parts of my body are becoming air.

Jhanananda

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2021, 02:34:56 PM »
Welcome, Rodan, and thank you for posting your introduction here. I see that you are coming from several influences, both Tibetan and Theravadan. We here come from these sources but have found that they have a number of traditional accretions to the Buddha Dhamma that conflict with the original message, so I hope you don't mind a few corrections, so that we can all be speaking in the same context.

First: It is just a matter or record here that most of the people here who document attainment of significant fruit (phala) we all practiced, and continue to practice breathe observation, as expressed in the Anapanasati Sutta (MN 118) "Mindfulness of the breath".

Secondly: we do not use the terms of "concentration" for samadhi, or "access concentration" we find that in both cases these terms reflect a deep corruption of the dhamma. Please see this discourse for further detail: What is Jhána?
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Rodan

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2021, 07:08:23 PM »
Hi Jhanananda,

Thank you for the response and corrections. I will go to those two links for reading and then come back with some more questions. I used access concentration because it's what seems to be thrown around for the state prior to jhana in most meditative circles. I'm not sure what else to call my preliminary state during those euphoric moments; I know it's not a full fledged jhana for sure.


Rodan

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #6 on: August 26, 2021, 05:16:25 AM »
Another facet of my practice that's been hampering me lately is that I sometimes feel phantom movement or twisting in my body. I feel as if my left side is twisting inward or that my back is bent forward or that my entire torso is twisted around; I open my eyes and I seem to be fairly normal. It often distracts me as I'm constantly pulling attention away from the breath to whatever is going on with my body in an attempt to correct or see what's going on.

Jhanananda

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2021, 02:13:25 PM »
Hi Jhanananda,

Thank you for the response and corrections. I will go to those two links for reading and then come back with some more questions. I used access concentration because it's what seems to be thrown around for the state prior to jhana in most meditative circles. I'm not sure what else to call my preliminary state during those euphoric moments; I know it's not a full fledged jhana for sure.

It is good to read you plan to read the 2 links I posted for you. Basically, we reject the use of the term "access concentration," because in most cases people for whom that term is used are actually experiencing one of the jhanas.  our premise here is, if you can recognize a pleasant state that arises during meditation it is most probably the first jhana.  And, while we are discussing the stages of jhana, then we have to also acknowledge that the second jhana is defined here as the stilling of the mind.

Another facet of my practice that's been hampering me lately is that I sometimes feel phantom movement or twisting in my body. I feel as if my left side is twisting inward or that my back is bent forward or that my entire torso is twisted around; I open my eyes and I seem to be fairly normal. It often distracts me as I'm constantly pulling attention away from the breath to whatever is going on with my body in an attempt to correct or see what's going on.

So, here the advice we have developed is to move from one stage of jhana to the next deepest level is to observe it with precision, without engaging in cognitive exploration of it, and allow that state to deepen.

So, the feeling of movement is a common experience for deep meditation.  So, let it happen, enjoy the ride, and let it take you deeper.  Just remember, the phenomena of each stage of jhana is your vehicle to deeper states; and if at anytime the stage you arrive at feels too deep, or scary, then just end your meditation session by opening your eyes, and getting up to engage with the world.

Good work.  Keep up your practice, and feel free to report back here, because your reports help others understand their meditation experiences.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2021, 02:16:56 PM by Jhanananda »
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Rodan

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2021, 09:16:30 PM »
Quote
It is good to read you plan to read the 2 links I posted for you. Basically, we reject the use of the term "access concentration," because in most cases people for whom that term is used are actually experiencing one of the jhanas.  our premise here is, if you can recognize a pleasant state that arises during meditation it is most probably the first jhana.  And, while we are discussing the stages of jhana, then we have to also acknowledge that the second jhana is defined here as the stilling of the mind.

Interesting, I read it and I guess I have hit the first jhana semi-frequently when I felt that euphoria. I assumed I didn't because although the five hindrances disappeared, I still had some semblance of my senses. Most people seem to categorize the first jhana as being more spectacular; some people say there's a rush of electricity and a paralysis of the body and an orgasm. Surprisingly, I've experienced some of these systems as I've gone to bed a few times. I would lay in bed and as I start clearing my mind, suddenly a pleasant numbness begins to spread across my face. It is both painful and pleasurable as it feels like there's a balloon expanding in my head as well, then a rush of electricity seems to pervade through the rest of my body, this usually lasts a few seconds. Funny enough, last night I hit what I thought was first jhana as I lay in bed contemplating emptiness and stilling my mind, all of a sudden a rush of electricity and pleasure pervaded my body and I lost sense of my self. I don't remember what happened afterwards, I think I must have fallen asleep. I've never had those strong experiences during a sit though, euphoria.

I guess I also had a full fledged experience of the immaterial jhanas as well since I had a vague sense of bodily exit and entrance into a void in some of my sits. I was told I have experienced aspects of the jhanas but not a full fledged one yet. I guess this is encouraging! I thought all this time I had not hit a full jhana yet! I felt I was progressing slow for 6 months.


Quote
So, here the advice we have developed is to move from one stage of jhana to the next deepest level is to observe it with precision, without engaging in cognitive exploration of it, and allow that state to deepen.

So, the feeling of movement is a common experience for deep meditation.  So, let it happen, enjoy the ride, and let it take you deeper.  Just remember, the phenomena of each stage of jhana is your vehicle to deeper states; and if at anytime the stage you arrive at feels too deep, or scary, then just end your meditation session by opening your eyes, and getting up to engage with the world.

Good work.  Keep up your practice, and feel free to report back here, because your reports help others understand their meditation experiences.

Thank you for the advice!! I will try this out in the next sit. Yes, I agree about reporting. One aspect of this journey that's been frustrating me online is that many people do not really chart the nitty gritty details, especially of things that hamper them. Meditation feels like a craft with technical tinkering that's required.

Rodan

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #9 on: August 26, 2021, 10:54:47 PM »
Another question I have. How straight must the back be during meditation? I try to keep as straight a back as I can, but the upper back particularly the shoulders, I feel like they don't truly maintain one of the aspects of the 'seven point posture of vairocana': Shoulders spread like a vulture’s wings. Essentially, its' difficult to keep my shoulders arched backwards like a vultures wings as often. How crucial is it to maintain such a composure to attain Jhana? I've read about the importance of posture in the past and its' relation towards cultivating the subtle body, so I'm worried i'm hampering myself.

I'm beginning to notice a slight tingly sensation outside of my sits, especially in my tongue and around my mouth; it comes with the melting sensations I remarked on earlier.

I also didn't mention much about my goals. My overarching goal is to gain a fuller understanding of the universe through living a contemplative life but I have a more mundane secondary goal. My secondary goal is to become such a strong lucid dreamer that I can create persistent realms to study in. Some people find this to be outlandish as reading is considered difficult within a dream but I have not had any such trouble during my non-lucid dreams. Imagine how liberating it would be to spend nights reading and even meditating, without 'anxiety' of life eating away at your time.
« Last Edit: August 27, 2021, 07:53:33 AM by Rodan »

Jhanananda

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2021, 02:50:19 PM »
Interesting, I read it and I guess I have hit the first jhana semi-frequently when I felt that euphoria. I assumed I didn't because although the five hindrances disappeared, I still had some semblance of my senses. Most people seem to categorize the first jhana as being more spectacular; some people say there's a rush of electricity and a paralysis of the body and an orgasm.

So, we have to be willing to accept that the 8 stages of samadhi are steps in depth.  So, if the first step is a state without sensory experience, then where do we put all of the other phenomena that are associated with depth in meditation?  And, most significantly, people who meditate consistently tend to find various observable phenomena. One of those phenomena is the stilling of the mind.  And, in our experience the mind becomes still far before the fantastic experiences of deeper states arises, and we here agree it is the second jhana.

Now you are becoming aware of the conflict in interpretation of the 8 stages of samadhi, which suggests there is surely not a single cohesive understanding of samadhi in the 3 vehicles of Buddhis, which means the schools of Buddhism do not even understand the Noble Eightfold Path, because samadhi is the 8th fold.

Religions in general tend to make their religion fantastic and full of mystery.  After all, there is no money for the priesthood when the religion is accessible to everyone.

Surprisingly, I've experienced some of these systems as I've gone to bed a few times. I would lay in bed and as I start clearing my mind, suddenly a pleasant numbness begins to spread across my face. It is both painful and pleasurable as it feels like there's a balloon expanding in my head as well, then a rush of electricity seems to pervade through the rest of my body, this usually lasts a few seconds. Funny enough, last night I hit what I thought was first jhana as I lay in bed contemplating emptiness and stilling my mind, all of a sudden a rush of electricity and pleasure pervaded my body and I lost sense of my self. I don't remember what happened afterwards, I think I must have fallen asleep. I've never had those strong experiences during a sit though, euphoria.

I guess I also had a full fledged experience of the immaterial jhanas as well since I had a vague sense of bodily exit and entrance into a void in some of my sits. I was told I have experienced aspects of the jhanas but not a full fledged one yet. I guess this is encouraging! I thought all this time I had not hit a full jhana yet! I felt I was progressing slow for 6 months.

Thank you for the advice!! I will try this out in the next sit. Yes, I agree about reporting. One aspect of this journey that's been frustrating me online is that many people do not really chart the nitty gritty details, especially of things that hamper them. Meditation feels like a craft with technical tinkering that's required.

It sounds like you are definitely experiencing various stages of samadhi (jhana) and you are certainly beginning to understand that being mindfully self-aware through the process of negotiating the 8 stages of samadhi, while submitting to the natural process.  And, you might also begin to understand that almost everyone who claims to have authority in an understanding the the religious experience is proving to be an unreliable source.  Good work, and keep it up, and keep in touch.

Another question I have. How straight must the back be during meditation? I try to keep as straight a back as I can, but the upper back particularly the shoulders, I feel like they don't truly maintain one of the aspects of the 'seven point posture of vairocana': Shoulders spread like a vulture’s wings. Essentially, its' difficult to keep my shoulders arched backwards like a vultures wings as often. How crucial is it to maintain such a composure to attain Jhana? I've read about the importance of posture in the past and its' relation towards cultivating the subtle body, so I'm worried i'm hampering myself.

I find posture helps; however, I also found deep relaxation is critical to depth in meditation, so I found a daily practice of hatha yoga helped me transform my body so that I could meditate while relaxing and thus acquire depth. So, if your posture is strained, then you will have less success.

I'm beginning to notice a slight tingly sensation outside of my sits, especially in my tongue and around my mouth; it comes with the melting sensations I remarked on earlier.

Yes, we have had many reports here of residual sensations of depth in meditation following the contemplative around.  I have had this experience, and I found if I keep my attention upon it, and avoid stress and anxiety, and a still mind upon the present moment throughout the day then I enjoy these "charisms" (nimitta) throughout the day, and when I next sit to meditate I find I drop to depth instantly.

I also didn't mention much about my goals. My overarching goal is to gain a fuller understanding of the universe through living a contemplative life but I have a more mundane secondary goal. My secondary goal is to become such a strong lucid dreamer that I can create persistent realms to study in. Some people find this to be outlandish as reading is considered difficult within a dream but I have not had any such trouble during my non-lucid dreams. Imagine how liberating it would be to spend nights reading and even meditating, without 'anxiety' of life eating away at your time.

This sounds like a noble goal that may lead to greater understanding; however, I find your goal a bit too cognitive.  How about you just let your lucid dream state inform you by allowing it to unfold, instead of you informing it by forcing it to be something that it may not be?
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Rodan

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2021, 08:21:05 AM »
Quote
It sounds like you are definitely experiencing various stages of samadhi (jhana) and you are certainly beginning to understand that being mindfully self-aware through the process of negotiating the 8 stages of samadhi, while submitting to the natural process.  And, you might also begin to understand that almost everyone who claims to have authority in an understanding the the religious experience is proving to be an unreliable source.  Good work, and keep it up, and keep in touch.

Thank you! I will definitely keep reporting back here. I enjoy the investigative process of these practices.

Quote
I find posture helps; however, I also found deep relaxation is critical to depth in meditation, so I found a daily practice of hatha yoga helped me transform my body so that I could meditate while relaxing and thus acquire depth. So, if your posture is strained, then you will have less success.

Alright, I will dedicate myself more to yoga stretches. I do downward dog and upward dog for a bit before a session, but I will look into a more rigorous regiment.

Quote
Yes, we have had many reports here of residual sensations of depth in meditation following the contemplative around.  I have had this experience, and I found if I keep my attention upon it, and avoid stress and anxiety, and a still mind upon the present moment throughout the day then I enjoy these "charisms" (nimitta) throughout the day, and when I next sit to meditate I find I drop to depth instantly.

Yes, I've noticed that too, when I have multiple sessions throughout the day, The subsequent sessions deepen and get easier to absorb myself in.

Quote
This sounds like a noble goal that may lead to greater understanding; however, I find your goal a bit too cognitive.  How about you just let your lucid dream state inform you by allowing it to unfold, instead of you informing it by forcing it to be something that it may not be?

I understand what you mean by it being too cognitive; many others previously have told me the OOBE and lucid dreaming states tend to dissolve or have difficulty maintaining themselves when the cognitive functions are activated. I'm still unsure myself. Considering your decades of experiences and attainment, I do defer to your thoughts on this but I have such an ambitious regard for what could possibly be done in these worlds. If they cannot be approached cognitively the way one would while awake, there must be another way to consciously extrude knowledge. You mention allowing the dreams to inform me, perhaps I can crystallize a similar process happening unconsciously while asleep or resting; many people including myself often are able to solve issues after a nap or a night of sleep. There's so much to explore. I cannot wait to attain consistent lucid dreams.

Thank you btw, I appreciate your help. This is a great forum/website.

Rodan

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #12 on: September 01, 2021, 06:27:49 AM »
Tonights session went quite well during my 2 hour anapanasati session. As usual I lose steam approximately an hour into my session but I was able to crawl back a few times and regain features of the first jhana. I didn't experience the strong euphoria as I would get in some sessions but I have a feeling I generated the nimitta. I'd sometimes see blackish/purpleish clouds with very pale and grey white clouds seeping through; as far as I'm aware, I believe the nimitta sometimes comes about as a diffuse white light. Would a greyish white cloud count? I've experienced the white nimitta dot once in awhile in and out of my sits, but they're always incredibly tiny and pulsate in and out of existence. I had a more strongly persistent white shiny dot manifest itself this morning after I woke up, it was quite cool.

After my sit, I felt as if my mind was nearly 'stilled.' Not totally mind you, there were thoughts here and there but I felt like I wasn't thinking at all, none of the usual chatter. My body also felt slightly squishy and soft in some parts such as my head and mouth again. I hope to carry this feeling of tranquility and charism (I think it's a charism?) into my sleep; if not I'll try meditating again for 30 minutes to regenerate the samadhi while laying down.

The more intense yogic stretches have been a great help Jhanananda! Thank you for the suggestion!

Rodan

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #13 on: September 02, 2021, 02:08:53 AM »
Another goal of mine is to take my meditation sits into the dream realm as well. Should I ever find myself strapped for time in real life, I figure I can use my dream time as an auxiliary session for contemplation.

I' almost meditated in a dream once (not lucidly). I was attempting to sit down and I became accosted by a homeless man who would pelt garbage at me, so I would move away as I'm hesitant to engage in confrontation when I can just leave. He kept following me and interrupted me when I would sit with more garbage before I could start concentrating. The dream ended shortly afterwards. I'm prone to dream interpretation and I feel like the dream was telling me I'm prone to distractions and give way to them too easily.

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Re: Progress as a beginner
« Reply #14 on: September 02, 2021, 04:37:03 AM »
Great session tonight, one of my best I think. After the first hour I usually lose steam but I was able to regain a sense of tranquility and contentedness instead of the purple cloud visuals. Normally it's tough for me to hit the first jhana like that after the first hour but I managed to replicate it a couple of times. However, I would say my experience of the first jhana is not 'hard' or deep.

The other thing is, I did not experience a very strong euphoria as I used to, but I felt 'happy' nonetheless. It even lead to a spontaneous smile on my face for most of the second half. I felt some nice vibrations all over my skin as well. The training in tranquility that i've been doing and learning from this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv48zvvjEhs has paid off, as well as the bodily tranquility I've gained through yoga stretches.

Also, I think I've figured out why my mouth and tongue feel tingly or 'squishy' as if they were about to melt. I think parts of my face are falling asleep. I'm not really alarmed by this as I try to practice self-hypnosis induction methods every day to induce relaxation.