Michael's Blog

[follinge@gmail.com]

Micheal, I believe you're in the those wonderful Youtube videos?

If so, thanks for the excellent input. I have really learned a great deal from both your speech in the videos as well as what you have written here.

In fact, you were one of the people (via the videos) who convinced me that I should meditate with Jeffrey pronto.

I always wanted the "Full Monty" in terms of a spiritual path -- something that not only leads to direct experience, but that opens me to the guidance of that experience no matter where it takes me.  That I (and many of the contemplatives here) am having to engage such deep, destructive and painful darkness is something I can accept... so long as I'm able to continue on the path, so long as I'm able to surrender as fully as possible, so long as I'm willing to confront the Death-before-death that has (and is) upon me.

This is not a path for the feint of heart....

I was a bit confused by this. On one hand, deep meditation seems like peaches n' cream. On the other hand, there's this dark side. I know there's a Dark Night of the Soul. Is this what you speak of? I thought the Dark Night was a stage then there was something better.

But after this, and other posts, I was a bit confused on this.

I'd appreciate any more illumination of the negative aspects of meditation.

This won't discourage me because I can't think of anywhere else to go. The life of pleasure and mindlessness seems to be closed off to me now. Meditation is my greatest refuge.

Much gratitude.

[Jhanananda]

It is a two-edged sword follinge.  With one edge of the sword we penetrate through our delusions, drop our addictions and neuroses, and are free, free, free.

However, when we become enlightened we realize that the herd is deeply delusional.  When the herd does not have a person's full participation in the collective delusion, then the herd turns against the one who sees through the delusion.  So, the herd marginalizes the enlightened one.

With the other edge of the sword we are thus intimately aware of the collective delusion around us.  The problem with those who are driven mad by the awareness of the collective delusion is, they never develop the necessary equanimity to handle seeing through the collective delusion.

This is why I emphasis the significance of mastering the 4 levels of deep meditation, known in Buddhism as the four jhanas.  Without mastering the fourth jhana, one is still subject to deep darkness.

[Michael Hawkins]

Hello Follinge,

Thanks for your kind words.

You wrote:

I was a bit confused by this. On one hand, deep meditation seems like peaches n' cream. On the other hand, there's this dark side. I know there's a Dark Night of the Soul. Is this what you speak of? I thought the Dark Night was a stage then there was something better.

In 2009 I wrote an essay on the Dark Night (https://rightabsorption.wordpress.com/2009/02/21/dark-night-of-the-soul/), from which I quote in my latest post (https://rightabsorption.wordpress.com/2015/11/28/trade-off/).

My understanding is that the Dark Night is over if and when its work on the full contents of our unexamined Shadow material is complete -- and not a moment earlier.  As Jeffrey mentions, mastering the 3rd and 4th material jhanas is the key -- but even when visiting these levels of absorption on a regular basis, we are not guaranteed a quick emergence from the Dark Night.  We are asked to immerse ourselves in whatever is present, see the experience as an infallible Guide, and trust that the process with resolve in due time.  The idea that frequent deep meditation (that leads to bliss, joy and ecstasy) is the most skillful way through.

The benefit is that, when we are steeped in 3rd and 4th jhana, our drama-based problems are at least temporarily put on hold....

Blessings to you,
Michael

[Michael Hawkins]

Zack wrote:

Living in a world diametrically opposed to the bulk of your experience, being housed in a vessel thick with emotion and self-recriminating thought processes, barely having enjoyable activities to pursue -- it's maddening! And yet somehow within all this I feel the need to not take it all so seriously. That may be the battle itself: knowing there exists a lightness, while trudging along dragging the anchors of darkness and exasperation.

I realize I never acknowledged your comment, Zack -- apologies for that.

And thank you for contributing to the conversation.  Your observations from personal experience resonate with mine.  There is this profound gift that we've received -- meditative absorption and all that it unfolds -- that is (as Jeffrey says) a two-edged sword.  The sword carves out a place in our life through which we become saturated in bliss, joy and ecstasy.  It also relentlessly, ruthlessly and honestly chops away at all the barriers (fetters) blocking our path to full Freedom.  We have all these ideas about how things are supposed to be, along with vague notions of where we "should" be headed with all this -- but it's all garbage, every last scrap of it.  Until we are totally and completely GUTTED, we will continue to experience suffering like we never anticipated for our lives.

The principle I've been working with lately is based on the imperative to surrender.  Every time another aspect of my Shadow arises, I endeavor to surrender to its message -- which is ultimately emerging from the same Source as jhana/samadhi, yes?  Getting to a place where I don't take my own ego-identity so seriously is very helpful -- which is what happens when I spend a lot of time in the 3rd and 4th material jhanas....

[Jhanananda]

My understanding is that the Dark Night is over if and when its work on the full contents of our unexamined Shadow material is complete -- and not a moment earlier.  As Jeffrey mentions, mastering the 3rd and 4th material jhanas is the key -- but even when visiting these levels of absorption on a regular basis, we are not guaranteed a quick emergence from the Dark Night.  We are asked to immerse ourselves in whatever is present, see the experience as an infallible Guide, and trust that the process with resolve in due time.  The idea that frequent deep meditation (that leads to bliss, joy and ecstasy) is the most skillful way through.

The benefit is that, when we are steeped in 3rd and 4th jhana, our drama-based problems are at least temporarily put on hold....

...There is this profound gift that we've received -- meditative absorption and all that it unfolds -- that is (as Jeffrey says) a two-edged sword.  The sword carves out a place in our life through which we become saturated in bliss, joy and ecstasy.  It also relentlessly, ruthlessly and honestly chops away at all the barriers (fetters) blocking our path to full Freedom.  We have all these ideas about how things are supposed to be, along with vague notions of where we "should" be headed with all this -- but it's all garbage, every last scrap of it.  Until we are totally and completely GUTTED, we will continue to experience suffering like we never anticipated for our lives.

The principle I've been working with lately is based on the imperative to surrender.  Every time another aspect of my Shadow arises, I endeavor to surrender to its message -- which is ultimately emerging from the same Source as jhana/samadhi, yes?  Getting to a place where I don't take my own ego-identity so seriously is very helpful -- which is what happens when I spend a lot of time in the 3rd and 4th material jhanas....

Precisely, and well stated.

[Zack]

Thanks.

Along the way it is a lonely path. Sometimes it's a feeling of profound alienation, but more often just a subtle disconnect, with others never quite 'hearing' you. It's the subtle disconnect that provokes the most resignation.

[Jhanananda]

Yes, the path of the mystic is a solo path.  As we can see from history you are not likely to ever be valued for your effort and successes.  So, we keep it interior, because the experience of the mystic is interior.  A secret joy.

[Michael Hawkins]

Once you leave the Reservation, there's no going back.

When I was 13 years old, I told my father, "Dad, I'll never be able to live within the System."  He laughed and said, "Hope you don't mind being poor!"  But the thing is, I already knew that I'd never be able to derive peace and harmony from the status quo -- that nothing short of direct experience of the Divine would ever give the slightest solace in this world of alienation.  And even there, as Jeffrey says, our joy is an interior one, shared only with the very few who even begin to understand....

[Jhanananda]

Once you leave the Reservation, there's no going back.

Yes, we are no longer in Kansas any more.

When I was 13 years old, I told my father, "Dad, I'll never be able to live within the System."  He laughed and said, "Hope you don't mind being poor!"  But the thing is, I already knew that I'd never be able to derive peace and harmony from the status quo -- that nothing short of direct experience of the Divine would ever give the slightest solace in this world of alienation.  And even there, as Jeffrey says, our joy is an interior one, shared only with the very few who even begin to understand....

Yes, all too true.  It is a secret pleasure that eradicates our addictions.  Sadly, when we attempt to share this with a herd member who expresses suffering and a desire to overcome suffering, then think we are nuts.  Oh well.  I smile, shake my head and walk away.

[Michael Hawkins]

Hello contemplative friends,

It's been a spell.

I left my marriage on April 8, 2022, so it's been one year and eight months that I've been acclimating to living on my own.  By far the longest period of daily sovereignty this lifetime; my previous record was nine months.

I focused on trauma resolution, physical crises, taking personal responsibility, anxiety/PTSD-management, diet and finances until maybe a couple months ago.  Gradually, however, I'm finding my own natural rhythms again, migrating into patterns and cycles that are not influenced by relationship dynamics.

For instance, I read somewhere on this forum that someone uses the Obsidian app for recording and working with dreams.  Since I am a Linux enthusiast, I found the app in my distribution's repository, installed it, watched a few tutorials, and have been regular about writing down my dreams first thing in the morning.  This has been going on for close to a year now.

Awareness of our dreams puts us in touch with the unconscious, which (I believe) is the mysterious realm from which we derive our mystical experiences.  Something about linking up with the unconscious has led me into a daily oxygen therapy protocol; a mono diet customized for my body's unique needs; abstinence from recreational drugs, alcohol and (of course) all pharmaceutical products; an increasing compulsion to read contemplative texts - i.e., the Suttas, mainly, but also biographies and writings of mystics, the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, the Bible, etc.

And, in a natural way without responding to any shoulds or shouldn'ts... I started meditating again.  Not just dabbling my feet in the water, but an hour+ whenever it strikes me to sit.  I have been drawn into a retreat lifestyle without even trying, which is how I'd hoped things would unfold.  For a while now I've listened to the inner longing, and it's to the point where the contemplative life has settled in for the long haul.

And yes, it's like riding a bicycle.  You never forget how to do it, and it doesn't take long to resume the experience as if it never paused.  I know right where I am in the material jhanas, I know just how to comport my body when various pains and pleasures arise, I can sense when a shift is about to occur, and my being hungers for the chance to surrender as the rocket boosters fire.

My intention is to use this space (Michael's Blog) to report insights as they occur to me, hoping to engage others who may have similar experiences in their interior castles.

Blessings to you all.

[roamer]

It is a two-edged sword follinge.  With one edge of the sword we penetrate through our delusions, drop our addictions and neuroses, and are free, free, free.

However, when we become enlightened we realize that the herd is deeply delusional.  When the herd does not have a person's full participation in the collective delusion, then the herd turns against the one who sees through the delusion.  So, the herd marginalizes the enlightened one.

With the other edge of the sword we are thus intimately aware of the collective delusion around us.  The problem with those who are driven mad by the awareness of the collective delusion is, they never develop the necessary equanimity to handle seeing through the collective delusion.

This is why I emphasis the significance of mastering the 4 levels of deep meditation, known in Buddhism as the four jhanas.  Without mastering the fourth jhana, one is still subject to deep darkness.

It's been a long long while since I've checked in here.  Its a blessing to find Michael and Jhananda sharing their hard earned insight.  Just wanted to share how deeply resonant I find Jhanananda's quote here.  About 15 years ago I started accessing 3rd and 4th Jhanas.  Some years later I'd worked through enough shadow material that I eased up on practice got married started a farm retreat project and had a kid.  Now access to those states are challenged and I find it all too easy to lose equanimity and fall out of charisms and inner peace.  It is all too clear to me that skillfully stabilizing 3rd and 4th jhanas is a must for any seeking fruits of the contemplative life.

[Jhanananda]

It is so nice to hear again from both Michael and Roamer, and to gain from their insights.  Life certainly has a way of heaping up the obstacles to deep meditation, so it is nice to find some insights posted from our friends here who have decades of maturity in their contemplative life to inspire us.

I have stumbled upon some linguistic and archaeological insights that I have been doing more in depth research on and I have been planning some posts on these subjects, but the material world has heaped up some obstacles for me to deal with as well. So, perhaps we all will find a second wind to come our way to push through those obstacles and make some contributions. I am looking forward to is for sure.

[Michael Hawkins]

Feels like old times to get responses from roamer and Jhanananda.  Roamer, it's interesting that you chose today to visit the forum, as I've not contributed in several months.  I appreciate you sharing a glimpse of your home life during the past 15 years, which helps me to know that I'm not alone on my domestic journey.  It's been a rocky road, but it seems to be smoothing out, knock on wood.  In my return to frequent meditation, the longing for equanimity and peace through navigating and transcending pain and pleasure, and just resting in the fullness of the Present in complete abandonment of the cruelties of the world - I can validate and appreciate your insight around the need to stabilize in the 3rd and 4th jhanas.  This type of statement is exactly why I decided to resurrect this blog - I'd missed our very basic, simple and true discussions around the importance of a dedicated contemplative life and all that it entails.  It's so good to spend time with you again.

Jhanananda, I look forward to your linguistic and archaeological discoveries and insights, and to everything else that you continue to contribute.  You are always present in my meditations and my dreams, as you are the most important influence on my current lifetime.  The form that your influence takes often occurs when I realize that I "left the reservation" long ago, but my ability to just admit that this is who I am (someone who doesn't care about money, status, material possessions or any other transient aspect of existence) has been hit and miss since we met some 25 years ago.  I feel as though I'm accepting it more fully now, and am so happy that this forum still exists.  The community that I've neglected turns out to be what I need most.

[Jhanananda]

Jhanananda, I look forward to your linguistic and archaeological discoveries and insights, and to everything else that you continue to contribute.  You are always present in my meditations and my dreams, as you are the most important influence on my current lifetime.  The form that your influence takes often occurs when I realize that I "left the reservation" long ago, but my ability to just admit that this is who I am (someone who doesn't care about money, status, material possessions or any other transient aspect of existence) has been hit and miss since we met some 25 years ago.  I feel as though I'm accepting it more fully now, and am so happy that this forum still exists.  The community that I've neglected turns out to be what I need most.

For the mystic it is essential that we realize that the world of humans is driven by lies, so it is essential that we work through those lies, and much of the falsehood we have to shed is associated with materialism, which explains why most mystics we mendicants. So, we modern-day mystics really need to stick together and function as a community. So, I am encouraged by seeing how this community continues to come together in spite of the many difficulties that the world presents us.

I am currently preoccupied with rounding up my medical record and studying it to support a research paper that I have been working on for a few years to express my findings with respect to my recovery from COPD. However, I continue to have an autoimmune condition that makes me extremely allergic to air pollution, so I have to spend a great deal of time on a respirator, which is why I have overcome COPD.

[Michael Hawkins]

For the mystic it is essential that we realize that the world of humans is driven by lies, so it is essential that we work through those lies, and much of the falsehood we have to shed is associated with materialism, which explains why most mystics we mendicants. So, we modern-day mystics really need to stick together and function as a community. So, I am encouraged by seeing how this community continues to come together in spite of the many difficulties that the world presents us.

The world of humans truly is driven by lies.  If I'm honest, a lot of what working through the lies means to me is discovering them within myself.  My assumptions, beliefs and conclusions about what's really going on in the human world are constantly challenged, and the further down the rabbit hole I go, the more I realize that this truly is Hell.  Evil (or sin) is that which leads to suffering, while virtue is that which leads to succor and healing.  The mystic's quest is to transform suffering into bliss, joy and ecstasy, and to send it out into this broken world in the form of genuine love.  The more I learn about the utter depravity and brokenness in the world, the more I realize how the world needs love if it's going to survive.

Meanwhile, this community is an island of support in a boiling ocean.

I am currently preoccupied with rounding up my medical record and studying it to support a research paper that I have been working on for a few years to express my findings with respect to my recovery from COPD. However, I continue to have an autoimmune condition that makes me extremely allergic to air pollution, so I have to spend a great deal of time on a respirator, which is why I have overcome COPD.

I haven't breathed so fully since childhood these past five months, since I started oxygen therapy.  Truly a panacea, it wouldn't surprise me if it has an application to COPD.  One of the operating principles is that, since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, humans have been breathing polluted air, which in turn has reduced the oxygen content of our blood to dangerously low levels.  This, in turn, has hampered our natural immune responses to the point where the body's systems begin to malfunction.  Oxygenating the blood reignites the immune system and balance is gradually restored.  The list of benefits I've noticed, even in a short five months, is getting really long.  I know how irritating it can be to have unsolicited advice flying at you after all the research and work you've done to find relief from your symptoms, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least put it out there.  The book to read is called The One Minute Cure, by Madison Cavanaugh.  I just looked it up and found that the Second Edition Kindle version is on sale for $1.79, which is ridiculously cheap for the life-saving information that it provides.