In search of understanding...

[Cal]

It's been a few months since ive posted here. Over the last few months ive tried to move away from deep meditation and back more into a social place. i was having a very hard time finding any kind of motivation to do anything but meditate and learn as much as I could about jhana. I feel alot of guilt typing that here, as I know everyone here is doing thier best to further thier own progress. But id still like to share.

I feel more drawn to this forum than ive ever felt drawn to anything, just wanted to put that out there. Also, even though i have not been meditating for at least 6 months, Im always at least partially absorbed. I feel this mostly in my hands and feet, a tingling sensation. I know that it is abosrption because when i rest there, i begin to feel it elsewhere. There is also the constant chime or whistle that i hear. I remember writing before that I only heard it in one ear, but i think I just wast paying close enough attention to is, as it is most definitely both. It could have also been that its just so loud, constant, and does not ever leave.

I suppose alot of the reason im posting is that i want to admit that I have been doing wrong. That I have taken this time to be completely idle. I have made no progress in life or in meditation. I have literally just been here, playing video games or w/e simple minded distraction I could come up with. My wife really wants me to focus on the future. I guess that has something to do with my posting as well. She and I had a conversation the other night about religion, and i actually gave it some thought again. It was pretty amazing how much I had learned here had stuck with me. Just thinking about what ive read here and elsewhere brought about a calmness, my thoughts slowed, and I realized how welcoming meditation is. So thoughts of the future, I couldnt produce any. All thoughts to the future were of meditation.

 

[Jhanananda]

Good to read your thoughts and experiences, Cal.  As you may know the experience of deep meditation is called 'samadhi' in the Indic religions; whereas, it is called the 'Holy Spirit' in the Abrahammic religions. 

The one aspect of the Abrahammic religions that is different from the Indic religions, is an understanding that the Holy Spirit can take over our life and radically change it, often times without our willing consent.  I see this happening for quite a few of the people who have posted their case histories here.

The one thing that is true of all religions, is the more we submit, take refuge, surrender to the experience of deep meditation AKA 'samadhi,' AKA the 'Holy Spirit' the more the transformation, and the more rapid the transformation.  So, we get to put our foot, somewhat, on the brake and the accelerator peddle to decide how rapid that transformation is going to be. 

However, once we have made contact with the 'Holy Spirit' the transformation is often times inevitable.  We may even participate in the demonizing of the mystic who guided us, but still end up fully submitted to the holy spirit, whether we like it or not, like Paul.

[Cal]

Good to read your thoughts and experiences, Cal.  As you may know the experience of deep meditation is called 'samadhi' in the Indic religions; whereas, it is called the 'Holy Spirit' in the Abrahammic religions. 

The one aspect of the Abrahammic religions that is different from the Indic religions, is an understanding that the Holy Spirit can take over our life and radically change it, often times without our willing consent.  I see this happening for quite a few of the people who have posted their case histories here.

The one thing that is true of all religions, is the more we submit, take refuge, surrender to the experience of deep meditation AKA 'samadhi,' AKA the 'Holy Spirit' the more the transformation, and the more rapid the transformation.  So, we get to put our foot, somewhat, on the brake and the accelerator peddle to decide how rapid that transformation is going to be. 

Thank you Jeff, this is something that has become a reality for me and your guidance is definitely appreciated. I will admit, that i thought hat if i stopped meditating that these experiences could just go away. That life would go back to normal. The thing that keeps itching at me though is the validity of this. When i first started meditating, and had my awakening i tried to stay skeptical. I thought alot of it be a product of my imagination. Instead ive become anxious and i miss the tranquility of meditation. id also say that its not an effect of any specific event either. Its just the only thing that feels right, and i miss it.

However, once we have made contact with the 'Holy Spirit' the transformation is often times inevitable.  We may even participate in the demonizing of the mystic who guided us, but still end up fully submitted to the holy spirit, whether we like it or not, like Paul.

I dont think that i could ever harbor any hard feelings towards the person who guided me. I believe that everyone has a choice and that choice is theres to make. in most cases its pretty clear cut,  theres a line and a choice can be made. This was completely different. I remember back to my first time, the feeling to procede was overwhelming. It was literally like connecting with a part of myself that i had lost and once id felt that nothing could have stopped me from proceeding. it has definitely been a changing moment in my life though. But never will i blame or demonize the person who showed me the way. As difficult as it is in my life, id still thank them.

[Jhanananda]

Yes, it seems once we have made genuine contact with the experience of deep meditation (AKA the holy spirit) the "ghost" is out of the box, and there is no going back.

[Sam Lim]

Nice to hear from you and see you here, Cal. In case most do not notice, there is a sort of energy on this website. Some might feel it.

One has to finished one's duty but one can also be a contemplative. I can understand your dis-associative state but like all things , it takes time and don't hang on to it. Glad to see you here again.

[Zack]

Hi Cal - nice to hear from you again.

[Michel]

Glad to see you back, Cal. I was beginning to miss your rant. LOL 

Could you tell us why you stopped meditating in more detail? What was it that put you off?

[Cal]

Yes, it seems once we have made genuine contact with the experience of deep meditation (AKA the holy spirit) the "ghost" is out of the box, and there is no going back.

It's quite a blessing, one ive taken for granted. I'm quite thankful this is the case.

[Cal]

Nice to hear from you and see you here, Cal. In case most do not notice, there is a sort of energy on this website. Some might feel it.

One has to finished one's duty but one can also be a contemplative. I can understand your dis-associative state but like all things , it takes time and don't hang on to it. Glad to see you here again.

Hi Sam, I'd have to say I agree with both. there were times, and still are times that I feel a connection, especially when i read here. Duty, that was something i was struggling with. I had or may even have lost "purpose". I was saying something about it previously, that thoughts to the future, its hard to think of anything concrete, as i really dont want anything. Most people look forward to things that they want and they shape their actions and decisions around thier desires. Aside from impulse in the moment i dont see any point to wanting or working towards a goal, as theyre pointless, at least in a materialistic sense. This is something im working on fixing, because my family requires this of me.

Its good to hear from you =)

[Cal]

Glad to see you back, Cal. I was beginning to miss your rant. LOL 

Could you tell us why you stopped meditating in more detail? What was it that put you off?

Michel! Hey there o/ i missed you too =).

This is not an easy question to answer. Also, one that im reluctant to give serious thought to...I do know why though. I had become dis-associated from everything, friends, family, society...myself. I still am, but to a lesser degree. There were times, after deep meditation that id walk outdoors at night and i couldnt discern objects due to the amount of static/snow in my view. Dreams...lucid dreams. They became intense and required a level of equanimity i wasnt willing to commit to. I fought taking that leap because it meant a complete seperation from what i knew, to what i had found. ive heard the term dual-mind used before. I recognized a conciousness within myself, and was able to seperate it. i spent most of the day absorbed, and could not focus any attention to what the others around me needed. I neglected them. theres so much more to this, and the reasoning, more specific events and experiences, its just something im struggling with right now, and would like to avoid contemplating them, as i feel they are better left alone right now. Maybe at some point ill be able to share them, just right now id like to keep away from them.

But Michel! im looking forward to your thoughts and approach on things, hahaha its something i have truly missed!! 

[Cal]

Hi Cal - nice to hear from you again.

Hi Zack o/ im glad to see youre here as well =)

[Jhanananda]

One thing to keep in mind, equanimity is often mistaken for a Dissociative disorder; and the Psychiatric Association has clearly shown they have no understanding of the religious experience, so they are likely to misinterpret equanimity and the non-dual aspect of the religious experience as a Dissociative disorder.

Dissociative disorders (DD) are conditions that involve disruptions or breakdowns of memory, awareness, identity, or perception. People with dissociative disorders use dissociation, a defense mechanism, pathologically and involuntarily. Dissociative disorders are thought to primarily be caused by psychological trauma.

[Michel]

Glad to see you back, Cal. I was beginning to miss your rant. LOL 

Could you tell us why you stopped meditating in more detail? What was it that put you off?

Michel! Hey there o/ i missed you too =).

This is not an easy question to answer. Also, one that im reluctant to give serious thought to...I do know why though. I had become dis-associated from everything, friends, family, society...myself. I still am, but to a lesser degree. There were times, after deep meditation that id walk outdoors at night and i couldnt discern objects due to the amount of static/snow in my view. Dreams...lucid dreams. They became intense and required a level of equanimity i wasnt willing to commit to. I fought taking that leap because it meant a complete seperation from what i knew, to what i had found. ive heard the term dual-mind used before. I recognized a conciousness within myself, and was able to seperate it. i spent most of the day absorbed, and could not focus any attention to what the others around me needed. I neglected them. theres so much more to this, and the reasoning, more specific events and experiences, its just something im struggling with right now, and would like to avoid contemplating them, as i feel they are better left alone right now. Maybe at some point ill be able to share them, just right now id like to keep away from them.

Wow, thanks for sharing. But stay away from the psychiatists, LOL. They'd have a field day with you.

But Michel! im looking forward to your thoughts and approach on things, hahaha its something i have truly missed!! 

I too look forward to reading your future posts. I learn a lot from them.

Any news from Jhanon?

[Jhanananda]

Wow, thanks for sharing. But stay away from the psychiatists, LOL. They'd have a field day with you.

I concur

Any news from Jhanon?

I have heard nothing.  We can only hope that he has gone off into the wilderness to find liberation and enlightenment.

[Sam Lim]

He just logged in today. He will post when he is ready to post. I think he is fine.