Bodhimind's Blog

[bodhimind]

The donkey and water buffalo are the conveyance of the peasant.  Sitting backwards shows the buffalo does the driving while Lao Tsu, being a stand in for the spirit, does not attend to the world, but attends to awareness/spirit.

Now that makes more sense! Haha, thank you for clarifying this.

Every religion corrupts the teachings of the enlightened mystics, so new mystics have to come along and pull wisdom (dhamma wheel) out of the gutter where the priests of mainstream religion put it.

That makes sense, thank you.

In recent years I conducted extensive experiments with grounding and shielding.  I found grounding, or shielding, alone did nothing to improve my health; however, I found implementing both grounding and shielding at the same time did.  I also found it was more useful at night while I slept, and less useful through the day.  You can find some of my experiments under Electromagnetic radiation and health and also under Space weather and health.

If you are only interested in grounding equipment, then you can search Google for "ESD" or ElectroStatic device.  The electronic industry requires grounding of technicians when they are working with electronics, and the equipment for this has been in place for decades, so competition has driven down the price, and should be quite affordable.  If you check the above two links, then you will find links for ESD equipment.

Thank you for the resources, I will definitely check it out.

Would you recommend an antistatic wrist band, or simply a mat, for example? Also, from what I understand, grounding also occurs on electrical appliances. Would it not be possible to link a wire directly from the metallic surface of an existing appliance? Or perhaps a water pipe connected to the ground? I am in no way an electrician, maybe I need to read up more on it.

Is there a reason why both must be done together? Shielding is from EMF, while grounding is the dispelling of charges in the body, right? Would it be a good hypothesis to say that EMF causes the build-up of charges in the body?

----

I was thinking about what Jhanananda said in this post about collective delusions. Does this actually mean that every single thing that we could ever experience, either in the lowest planes of the astral plane, in dreams, and even all the way up to the Brahma realms, are all collective delusions? Does this also mean that this very reality right now is also a collective delusion?

I'm trying to understand this experientially. If I watch the four cornerstones of mindfulness, it appears that these things appear out of nowhere and disappear to nowhere. If I were to grasp at the present, it would simply be an impression while the moment has already slipped into the past. But throughout, in the "empty block" between future and past, between thoughts and phenomena, before things arise, there has always been this awareness. Does this mean that any thing this awareness is aware, or "unconsciously aware" of, is delusion, hence the word Maya comprising everything else that is not nibbana?

Therefore, lucid dreams - astral projections - remote viewing - or even just perception of reality through the five sense contacts, are just collective delusions? It is a collectively generated matrix?

From what I understand, there are also collective "archetypes" as Jung expressed. So would it be that all beings have collectively contributed to this thought-form? Would it be what people call an Egregore ?

---

Another point was the concept of Shaktipat that I came across while reading some things about kundalini yoga. From what I read, it says that sages emit a "field" around them. So if one does not restrain the field, it can cause all kinds of emotional reactions from people around them, causing them to be offended, emotional, etc. I read of people bursting into tears, becoming moved, or even angry at the mystic. Or in other words, 'accelerating' one's karma/habit energies (as if they were going through the Dark Night??). Do you think this is true?

The reason why I even brought this up was because of my experience in group meditation. I know that if one is able to achieve jhana, then somehow, as if we were swinging metronomes, then everyone else rises up to that depth of meditation. So perhaps it is possible that we influence others around us when we keep ourselves in jhana throughout the day (which in this case, they called shaktipat). If this is true, is there a way we can prevent such a thing from happening? I mean, we certainly don't want people around us to go into emotional bouts while they are completely unaware of how to understand what is happening...

[Jhanananda]

Would you recommend an antistatic wrist band, or simply a mat, for example? Also, from what I understand, grounding also occurs on electrical appliances. Would it not be possible to link a wire directly from the metallic surface of an existing appliance? Or perhaps a water pipe connected to the ground? I am in no way an electrician, maybe I need to read up more on it.

It depends upon what is easiest, and most effective, to implement.  If you check the links then you will find lots of ideas there.

Is there a reason why both must be done together? Shielding is from EMF, while grounding is the dispelling of charges in the body, right? Would it be a good hypothesis to say that EMF causes the build-up of charges in the body?

In electronics grounding without shielding is completely ineffective.  The same is true for biophysiological EMF fields.

I was thinking about what Jhanananda said in this post about collective delusions. Does this actually mean that every single thing that we could ever experience, either in the lowest planes of the astral plane, in dreams, and even all the way up to the Brahma realms, are all collective delusions? Does this also mean that this very reality right now is also a collective delusion?

Yes, and no.  The higher we go in the immaterial domains, the less delusion, and the more blissful the experience; nonetheless, it is still a delusion.

In the material world, we only control it through effort.  Most people are deeply delusional, so their efforts at modifying the world result in continued delusion.  However, when trees fall in the forest they make a sound, even if no one hears it.  When an asteroid impacts the earth, it makes a crater, and a sound, and may kill animals and plants and people.

I'm trying to understand this experientially. If I watch the four cornerstones of mindfulness, it appears that these things appear out of nowhere and disappear to nowhere. If I were to grasp at the present, it would simply be an impression while the moment has already slipped into the past. But throughout, in the "empty block" between future and past, between thoughts and phenomena, before things arise, there has always been this awareness. Does this mean that any thing this awareness is aware, or "unconsciously aware" of, is delusion, hence the word Maya comprising everything else that is not nibbana?

Therefore, lucid dreams - astral projections - remote viewing - or even just perception of reality through the five sense contacts, are just collective delusions? It is a collectively generated matrix?

From what I understand, there are also collective "archetypes" as Jung expressed. So would it be that all beings have collectively contributed to this thought-form? Would it be what people call an Egregore ?

When the mind is still, and we withdraw into awareness alone, then there is no past or future and there is no delusion.

Another point was the concept of Shaktipat that I came across while reading some things about kundalini yoga. From what I read, it says that sages emit a "field" around them. So if one does not restrain the field, it can cause all kinds of emotional reactions from people around them, causing them to be offended, emotional, etc. I read of people bursting into tears, becoming moved, or even angry at the mystic. Or in other words, 'accelerating' one's karma/habit energies (as if they were going through the Dark Night??). Do you think this is true?

Most of this comes from Muktananda, who had a hydraulic bed that he used for seducing women.  So, since we know a tree by its fruit, then he bore rotten fruit.

The reason why I even brought this up was because of my experience in group meditation. I know that if one is able to achieve jhana, then somehow, as if we were swinging metronomes, then everyone else rises up to that depth of meditation. So perhaps it is possible that we influence others around us when we keep ourselves in jhana throughout the day (which in this case, they called shaktipat). If this is true, is there a way we can prevent such a thing from happening? I mean, we certainly don't want people around us to go into emotional bouts while they are completely unaware of how to understand what is happening...

Yes, and I have used this field of charisms for healing others.  So, one who meditates deeply could be a very effective healer, and could make a modest living doing so.  Also, group meditations, and meditation retreats are very effective for this reason.

[Cal]

I was thinking about what Jhanananda said in this post about collective delusions. Does this actually mean that every single thing that we could ever experience, either in the lowest planes of the astral plane, in dreams, and even all the way up to the Brahma realms, are all collective delusions? Does this also mean that this very reality right now is also a collective delusion?

Yes, and no.  The higher we go in the immaterial domains, the less delusion, and the more blissful the experience; nonetheless, it is still a delusion.

In the material world, we only control it through effort.  Most people are deeply delusional, so their efforts at modifying the world result in continued delusion.  However, when trees fall in the forest they make a sound, even of no one hears it.  When an asteroid impacts the earth, it makes a crater, and a sound, and may kill animals and plants and people.

That reality is still reality, even if not perceived...

Another point was the concept of Shaktipat that I came across while reading some things about kundalini yoga. From what I read, it says that sages emit a "field" around them. So if one does not restrain the field, it can cause all kinds of emotional reactions from people around them, causing them to be offended, emotional, etc. I read of people bursting into tears, becoming moved, or even angry at the mystic. Or in other words, 'accelerating' one's karma/habit energies (as if they were going through the Dark Night??). Do you think this is true?

Most of this comes from Muktananda, who had a hydraulic bed that he used for seducing women.  So, since we know a tree by its fruit, then he bore rotten fruit.

LOL

[bodhimind]

I read up on the hydraulic bed and that was hilarious. It is quite troubling that so many yogi "teachers" are sprouting virtuous words but yet succumbing to lust behind-the-scenes, even going as far as claiming it to be "sexual tantra". I seriously wonder which part of hell this could belong to - it doesn't feel far away from rape.

---

A friend of mine (devout Mahayana practitioner who meditates quite rigorously) shared with me the following, and I thought it was interesting how they described the 'demons' - Apparently it's a quote from the Surangama Sutra:

The Buddha said: "You must all understand that there is no difference between the universal mind of the twelve types of beings birthed in the worlds of suffering and illusion and that of the Buddhas of the ten directions. However, because of distorted thinking, people become ignorant and greedy, and ignorance and greed become universal. Therefore, the original, absolute void is ceaselessly transformed into illusion, and thus the world is created. In reality, this very earth came into being from the stubborn and erroneous thinking of the unenlightened. You must know that voidness is created in your own mind like a wisp of cloud against a clear sky; how much more so the worlds within this void. If just one among you realizes your true nature and reverts to the original source, then the whole void is obliterated. Would not all the nations of this void be shaken and shattered?

"When you practice dhyana and samadhi, all the bodhisattvas and great arhats, whose mind-essences are in perfect accord, remain unmoved, but the king of the demons, together with the ghosts, spirits, and lesser heavens witness the spontaneous collapse of their palaces, and the whole earth is shattered. All the creatures of land, sea, and air are startled. The worldly man labors in darkness and feels no change, whereas the hosts of demons, who have acquired the five supernatural powers but have not yet extinguished their passions, are still attached to the troubles of this world. How can they allow you to destroy their dwellings? This is why when you enter the state of samadhi, the ghosts and spirits, Deva Mara, and monsters and demons swarm about to harass you.

"However, do not be concerned about the maras' rage, for they are afflicted with the passions of the world, while you enjoy wonderful bliss. They can no more touch you than wind can blow out light or a knife can cut water; you are like boiling water and they are like solid ice. As the warm air draws near, the ice is soon melted. Though they rely on their supernatural powers, these are merely external and can only succeed in destroying you through your own internal five skandhas--form, sensation, conception, volition, and consciousness. If you are deluded, they will take advantage of you. When you are established in dhyana, enlightened and free of delusion, what harm can the maras do to you? When your skandhas are wiped out, and you enter a state of perfect clarity, then all evils are but dark vapors. As light overcomes darkness, they will perish as soon as they approach you. How could they dare to disturb your samadhi?

I found it interesting because I was pondering over the collective illusion and happened to read this as well. The last line I bolded also seems to suggest that traits from jhana such as equanimity are required to navigate through it - Also found the "light overcomes darkness" part uncannily similar to how Cal described it.

---

Another resource I picked up was "The Mind Illuminated", written by Culadasa. One thing to note is that it uses the Abhidharma, which I know that the GWV does not acknowledge as an accurate/authentic/legit source. The second thing I found quite disturbing while reading it was the translation of "samadhi" as "stable attention". I cringed quite a bit whenever I read that.

However, I give it merit in the way they described samatha and vipassana as a fruits gained from continuous practice. The book also emphasized the attainment of bliss, joy, tranquility and equanimity, which also leads to insight, which he calls "experiential insight".

The second thing that was great was how they emphasized skilfulness by employing mindfulness throughout the day. They did this slightly differently, however - using an "intention" to move back to the one-pointed attention. It would have been great if they used the four cornerstones of mindfulness to categorize the various phenomena. Also, they then said that these jhana factors can perfuse into daily life, and with more training, one becomes "unsurpassable".

A few interesting concepts they had - especially - was the concept of direct and peripheral awareness (Or foreground/background, in my understanding).

It was written by a neuroscientist, which also suggests that the understanding is limited to the functions of the brain and not beyond. However, I saw a chapter on the conscious/unconscious mind, so perhaps I am wrong - I will attempt to finish the chapter and repost a continuation of the review.

---

Practice has been going steadily as normal. I am finding that I tend to not dip into "sluggish" phases as much, and most of my meditation sessions are filled with an opened sensation in my chest and throat, along with that blissful energy that circulates in my body. I find that this blissfulness also moves along with my breath, which is very curious.

I find that if I focus on "external activities", it seems to feel as if my energies dissipate outwards. When I attend to the comfort of the charisms, it feels like a "withdrawal from the six senses", and it also feels as if my "batteries" recharge.

I have been seeing some kind of strobing light for the past few meditations, and I was wondering if this is a normal visual charism, since most of it that I have experienced before was more of a luminescence or a shining light in the heart/coming from the crown etc.

[Cal]

Ya man, theyre a bunch of fuckers.

This sutta is extremely interesting and I will read it. I am curious what these 12 types of beings are. It also adds some reinforcement to some thoughts Ive been having lately as to why the world is the way it is, why it is led in the direction that it moves, as well as how the collective delusion is maintained.  I've felt myself influenced externally for a long time and as I've seen it more intimately, more frequently, some pieces start to fall into place; this sutta helps with that, thank you for sharing it.

That golden strobe light is exactly what I spoke of when I described the sun bursting through the clouds. It can form shapes, or dance, but most prominently it can form a Kasina. I've come to recognize this golden as the first light, however, as it can become much more brilliant as well as more encompassing. Jhananda told me that his entire vision is light...what an amazing experience that would be. Be aware of the chakra that is "active" as you view the visual field and this golden light appears. In my experience, you dont have to leave the body to glimpse higher realms, as a matter of fact, traveling into the golden light, with fuckers attached, is one way ive felt their burden lifted from me. I notice this when the thir-eye chakra is extremely pronounced, almost painfully, in a deep meditative state.

Cheers Bodhimind

[Jhanananda]

I read up on the hydraulic bed and that was hilarious. It is quite troubling that so many yogi "teachers" are sprouting virtuous words but yet succumbing to lust behind-the-scenes, even going as far as claiming it to be "sexual tantra". I seriously wonder which part of hell this could belong to - it doesn't feel far away from rape.

We just need to keep in mind that "we know a tree by its fruit."  And, when we see corrupt religious leaders are more common than truly enlightened teachers who do manifest the fruit of the contemplative life, then we know that we are in hell.

A friend of mine (devout Mahayana practitioner who meditates quite rigorously) shared with me the following, and I thought it was interesting how they described the 'demons' - Apparently it's a quote from the Surangama Sutra:

The Buddha said: "You must all understand that there is no difference between the universal mind of the twelve types of beings birthed in the worlds of suffering and illusion and that of the Buddhas of the ten directions. However, because of distorted thinking, people become ignorant and greedy, and ignorance and greed become universal. Therefore, the original, absolute void is ceaselessly transformed into illusion, and thus the world is created. In reality, this very earth came into being from the stubborn and erroneous thinking of the unenlightened. You must know that voidness is created in your own mind like a wisp of cloud against a clear sky; how much more so the worlds within this void. If just one among you realizes your true nature and reverts to the original source, then the whole void is obliterated. Would not all the nations of this void be shaken and shattered?

"When you practice dhyana and samadhi, all the bodhisattvas and great arhats, whose mind-essences are in perfect accord, remain unmoved, but the king of the demons, together with the ghosts, spirits, and lesser heavens witness the spontaneous collapse of their palaces, and the whole earth is shattered. All the creatures of land, sea, and air are startled. The worldly man labors in darkness and feels no change, whereas the hosts of demons, who have acquired the five supernatural powers but have not yet extinguished their passions, are still attached to the troubles of this world. How can they allow you to destroy their dwellings? This is why when you enter the state of samadhi, the ghosts and spirits, Deva Mara, and monsters and demons swarm about to harass you.

"However, do not be concerned about the maras' rage, for they are afflicted with the passions of the world, while you enjoy wonderful bliss. They can no more touch you than wind can blow out light or a knife can cut water; you are like boiling water and they are like solid ice. As the warm air draws near, the ice is soon melted. Though they rely on their supernatural powers, these are merely external and can only succeed in destroying you through your own internal five skandhas--form, sensation, conception, volition, and consciousness. If you are deluded, they will take advantage of you. When you are established in dhyana, enlightened and free of delusion, what harm can the maras do to you? When your skandhas are wiped out, and you enter a state of perfect clarity, then all evils are but dark vapors. As light overcomes darkness, they will perish as soon as they approach you. How could they dare to disturb your samadhi?

This sutra does provide a context for the spiritual crisis; and I have found it is true that when we drop our delusions in deep meditation, the demons from all directions are threatened; however, I found no evidence to suggest that the physical universe we cease to exist if all humans became enlightened.

I found it interesting because I was pondering over the collective illusion and happened to read this as well. The last line I bolded also seems to suggest that traits from jhana such as equanimity are required to navigate through it - Also found the "light overcomes darkness" part uncannily similar to how Cal described it.

Yes, in Mahayana Buddhism, the term 'dhyana' is an erroneous Sanskrit translation of the Pali term 'jhana.'  Knowing this we can place the sutta into the context of this forum dialog.

Another resource I picked up was "The Mind Illuminated", written by Culadasa. One thing to note is that it uses the Abhidharma, which I know that the GWV does not acknowledge as an accurate/authentic/legit source. The second thing I found quite disturbing while reading it was the translation of "samadhi" as "stable attention". I cringed quite a bit whenever I read that.

However, I give it merit in the way they described samatha and vipassana as a fruits gained from continuous practice. The book also emphasized the attainment of bliss, joy, tranquility and equanimity, which also leads to insight, which he calls "experiential insight".

The second thing that was great was how they emphasized skilfulness by employing mindfulness throughout the day. They did this slightly differently, however - using an "intention" to move back to the one-pointed attention. It would have been great if they used the four cornerstones of mindfulness to categorize the various phenomena. Also, they then said that these jhana factors can perfuse into daily life, and with more training, one becomes "unsurpassable".

A few interesting concepts they had - especially - was the concept of direct and peripheral awareness (Or foreground/background, in my understanding).

It was written by a neuroscientist, which also suggests that the understanding is limited to the functions of the brain and not beyond. However, I saw a chapter on the conscious/unconscious mind, so perhaps I am wrong - I will attempt to finish the chapter and repost a continuation of the review.

Yes, I am not surprised that you would have a problem with the writing of Culadasa.  He joined my earlier Yahoo forum and made quite a bit of effort to assassinate my character there; then after I banned him, he started his own forum, which basically defined jhana in terms of creative visualization.  Then a few years later I found myself at Diamond Mountain Buddhist center in South-eastern, AZ, and there a sizable group drove to the Dragoons to meditate and study with Culadasa.  I went along to meet him, and as a lark.  I figured he would be very threatened by me showing up at his home.  He used the opportunity to assassinate my character again.  He also demonstrate no understanding of the other superior fruit of attainment. So, I would not recommend his book for anyone who wants to understand deep meditation or jhana.

Practice has been going steadily as normal. I am finding that I tend to not dip into "sluggish" phases as much, and most of my meditation sessions are filled with an opened sensation in my chest and throat, along with that blissful energy that circulates in my body. I find that this blissfulness also moves along with my breath, which is very curious.

I find that if I focus on "external activities", it seems to feel as if my energies dissipate outwards. When I attend to the comfort of the charisms, it feels like a "withdrawal from the six senses", and it also feels as if my "batteries" recharge.

I have been seeing some kind of strobing light for the past few meditations, and I was wondering if this is a normal visual charism, since most of it that I have experienced before was more of a luminescence or a shining light in the heart/coming from the crown etc.

Yes, flashes of light are common manifestations of the charisms (jhana-nimitta).  It sounds like you are making excellent progress.

...I am curious what these 12 types of beings are.

I beleive that this is an Astrological reference.

...That golden strobe light is exactly what I spoke of when I described the sun bursting through the clouds. It can form shapes, or dance, but most prominently it can form a Kasina. I've come to recognize this golden as the first light, however, as it can become much more brilliant as well as more encompassing. Jhananda told me that his entire vision is light...what an amazing experience that would be. Be aware of the chakra that is "active" as you view the visual field and this golden light appears. In my experience, you dont have to leave the body to glimpse higher realms, as a matter of fact, traveling into the golden light, with fuckers attached, is one way ive felt their burden lifted from me. I notice this when the thir-eye chakra is extremely pronounced, almost painfully, in a deep meditative state.

Cheers Bodhimind

The spherical light of various colors, which is known as a 'kasina' in the suttas, is the opening to the immaterial domains.  It is a tunnel of light that we can leave the body in an OOBE, and at death, to enter the immaterial domains.  It thus lies just after the 4th jhana and just prior to the 5th samadhi.

[bodhimind]

Ya man, theyre a bunch of fuckers.

This sutta is extremely interesting and I will read it. I am curious what these 12 types of beings are. It also adds some reinforcement to some thoughts Ive been having lately as to why the world is the way it is, why it is led in the direction that it moves, as well as how the collective delusion is maintained.  I've felt myself influenced externally for a long time and as I've seen it more intimately, more frequently, some pieces start to fall into place; this sutta helps with that, thank you for sharing it.

That golden strobe light is exactly what I spoke of when I described the sun bursting through the clouds. It can form shapes, or dance, but most prominently it can form a Kasina. I've come to recognize this golden as the first light, however, as it can become much more brilliant as well as more encompassing. Jhananda told me that his entire vision is light...what an amazing experience that would be. Be aware of the chakra that is "active" as you view the visual field and this golden light appears. In my experience, you dont have to leave the body to glimpse higher realms, as a matter of fact, traveling into the golden light, with fuckers attached, is one way ive felt their burden lifted from me. I notice this when the thir-eye chakra is extremely pronounced, almost painfully, in a deep meditative state.

Cheers Bodhimind

You're welcome. It might be possible that the suttas are fabricated and not the original words of the Buddha, or that it might have been inserted by mystics along the path. Or perhaps it might have been botched by translators too.

I also wonder what it would be like to see light even if you close your eyes, that's pretty amazing. I feel that my third-eye might not be completely open, although I do receive intuitive insights. Perhaps I am not focusing on the right space. It's hard to phrase the question, but where exactly do you look when you have the visual charisms? From my memory, when I experienced the kaleidoscopic vision, it was as if my eyes were rolled upwards and the vision was as if it was 'internally projected' on a mental screen. I say this because even when I had my first OBE, I felt that I often lacked the ability to see clearly and was "blind".

For me, the strobing light comes faintly and it becomes especially prominent if I open my eyes. Not sure if it is the same one as you mention though.

Yes, I am not surprised that you would have a problem with the writing of Culadasa.  He joined my earlier Yahoo forum and made quite a bit of effort to assassinate my character there; then after I banned him, he started his own forum, which basically defined jhana in terms of creative visualization.  Then a few years later I found myself at Diamond Mountain Buddhist center in South-eastern, AZ, and there a sizable group drove to the Dragoons to meditate and study with Culadasa.  I went along to meet him, and as a lark.  I figured he would be very threatened by me showing up at his home.  He used the opportunity to assassinate my character again.  He also demonstrate no understanding of the other superior fruit of attainment. So, I would not recommend his book for anyone who wants to understand deep meditation or jhana.

Thank you for the clarification. I guess I will stop reading his book then. I felt that it was far too cognitive and restrained to neuroscientific concepts.

Yes, flashes of light are common manifestations of the charisms (jhana-nimitta).  It sounds like you are making excellent progress.

I hope so, because I feel that when it comes to visual-charisms, I tend to be a little 'blinder'. I can feel the tingling and the auditory as if it was day and night, but the visual-charisms for me tend to be a hit or miss, where sometimes I perceive an internal bright light, or sometimes it is completely dull, and only when I open my eyes do I see a strobing bright light.

---

Just one more thing to add that I forgot in my previous post:

I've been feeling "mini-explosions" throughout my body and was wondering if it was typical phenomena. They feel as if they are balloons being popped. Just a while ago, I got into a meditative state and then my knee just popped, as if there was "cracking" sound. Then a few days ago, I had popping occur right in the middle of my head. It was quite sudden so it felt a little shocking.

I was thinking that it might have to do with blood vessels suddenly opening and letting blood fill, but it is strange in the sense that the sound seemed to happen inside my head. Is it a charism of some sort, or a typical phenomena, or do I need to get my health checked haha.

[Cal]

Hahaha I like the way you think Bodhimind. You ask the right, and challenging question.

Ya man, theyre a bunch of fuckers.

This sutta is extremely interesting and I will read it. I am curious what these 12 types of beings are. It also adds some reinforcement to some thoughts Ive been having lately as to why the world is the way it is, why it is led in the direction that it moves, as well as how the collective delusion is maintained.  I've felt myself influenced externally for a long time and as I've seen it more intimately, more frequently, some pieces start to fall into place; this sutta helps with that, thank you for sharing it.

That golden strobe light is exactly what I spoke of when I described the sun bursting through the clouds. It can form shapes, or dance, but most prominently it can form a Kasina. I've come to recognize this golden as the first light, however, as it can become much more brilliant as well as more encompassing. Jhananda told me that his entire vision is light...what an amazing experience that would be. Be aware of the chakra that is "active" as you view the visual field and this golden light appears. In my experience, you dont have to leave the body to glimpse higher realms, as a matter of fact, traveling into the golden light, with fuckers attached, is one way ive felt their burden lifted from me. I notice this when the thir-eye chakra is extremely pronounced, almost painfully, in a deep meditative state.

Cheers Bodhimind

You're welcome. It might be possible that the suttas are fabricated and not the original words of the Buddha, or that it might have been inserted by mystics along the path. Or perhaps it might have been botched by translators too.

I think most all of the Suttas have been botched in translation, but the meanings are there, if we look close enough. What we lose in translation is correct adjective; which could change the meaning all-together. Sometimes relying on discernment and intuitive insight (that inner feeling or voice) helps us with seeing what was meant to be seen in them.

But, I know them not to be fabricated; not because I've read them, (there are many that I have not) but that there are many I can relate to a personal experience. Outside of cosmology and descriptions of the highest planes; theres always some part within the Sutta that can resonate from within.

What I appreciate most about the Suttas is they are progressive. So when I encounter something in them that I have not experienced yet, the Suttas themselves still provide a base of progression; both in what could be expected and to where I might be within a particular progression.

Now this one is tricky but, I dont think it matters so much if they are indeed the words of the Buddha himself; only that the experiences described within them resonate true. One difficulty that I would have with some descriptions within coming from a student or another mystic, is the depth, accuracy, and clarity in which the Suttas themselves are able to describe the religious experience. Who ever wrote them, or rather, whoever understood the meaning intended to be conveyed, truly had an immensely intimate understanding of...well...everything.

Many times I have found the Suttas to be metaphorical and requiring some depth of inspection. So for those able to discern, we may find the meaning within them. I'm pretty sure that most of what is written was never intended to be taken at face-value. So as to the above, I do not understand the full meaning, but I do recognize a place within the progression, and that there may be more to the spectrum than I have seen.

I also wonder what it would be like to see light even if you close your eyes, that's pretty amazing. I feel that my third-eye might not be completely open, although I do receive intuitive insights. Perhaps I am not focusing on the right space. It's hard to phrase the question, but where exactly do you look when you have the visual charisms? From my memory, when I experienced the kaleidoscopic vision, it was as if my eyes were rolled upwards and the vision was as if it was 'internally projected' on a mental screen. I say this because even when I had my first OBE, I felt that I often lacked the ability to see clearly and was "blind".

For me, the strobing light comes faintly and it becomes especially prominent if I open my eyes. Not sure if it is the same one as you mention though.

With me, it can depend on a number of things; depth of meditation, "concentration", the level in which I am committed to surrender etc. If I am completely withdrawn, absolutely just had enough with everything, I will close my eye and see a golden light almost immediately. In these times, I will look to the light.

Other times it becomes progressive, and I may not see a golden light until some time into a meditation sit. I can no longer say what level of depth this occurs in because it seems the levels just blurr together anymore; but I can say that it will arise. In the meantime, you can attend to the visual charism in the static snow of the visual field.

However, with me, I only do this if the meditation moves to the third-eye. I know it has moved there when I feel it open; a pressure above the center of the brow, center for-head. When I do attend the visual charism, it feels as if lenses are in front of both eyes and as "intention" is sustained in expanding view, these lenses can roll towards the respective temple on either side of the head.

Theres quite a few things I havent figured out; but I have experienced applying intention to "piercing the darkness", and the golden light appearing. This was done by first applying intention to seeing through the third-eye. It's hard to explain, but basically I do what happens when the third-eye opens in meditation. I know the point prominently, though, so I'm not sure how well that will work for you. But, if you're able to move energy in your body, focus it center forhead and "look beyond" what is there, expand. I do this with my eyes physically closed. You probably wont see anything by doing this initially, but it should at the very least push the third-eye open for you.

I've also experienced this "blindness". I used to ask Jhananada about this alot. It does get clearer, and there really isnt anything you can do to help it right now other than returning to meditation. I found that as the third-eye would flare more in meditation, the clearer "seeing" became. Ya know, it's almost ironic that I was excited and asking questions about opening the third-eye because, it was blurry and unclear when I did see things, to finding that once it was open, it is now my physical eyes that struggle in this regard haha.

Yes, I am not surprised that you would have a problem with the writing of Culadasa.  He joined my earlier Yahoo forum and made quite a bit of effort to assassinate my character there; then after I banned him, he started his own forum, which basically defined jhana in terms of creative visualization.  Then a few years later I found myself at Diamond Mountain Buddhist center in South-eastern, AZ, and there a sizable group drove to the Dragoons to meditate and study with Culadasa.  I went along to meet him, and as a lark.  I figured he would be very threatened by me showing up at his home.  He used the opportunity to assassinate my character again.  He also demonstrate no understanding of the other superior fruit of attainment. So, I would not recommend his book for anyone who wants to understand deep meditation or jhana.

Thank you for the clarification. I guess I will stop reading his book then. I felt that it was far too cognitive and restrained to neuroscientific concepts.

Yes, flashes of light are common manifestations of the charisms (jhana-nimitta).  It sounds like you are making excellent progress.

I hope so, because I feel that when it comes to visual-charisms, I tend to be a little 'blinder'. I can feel the tingling and the auditory as if it was day and night, but the visual-charisms for me tend to be a hit or miss, where sometimes I perceive an internal bright light, or sometimes it is completely dull, and only when I open my eyes do I see a strobing bright light.

I tend to not open my eyes much during a meditation sit unless it is one that is in the dark. Daylight I've found to be somewhat of a distraction if I do.

But, the way youre describing this "strobing light" makes me think of the annihilating light. It comes with me in deep meditation sits, at the deepest surrender, just before the OOBE. It's where I can go unconscious before leaving the body. A bright light comes from the right to left and freaking deletes me, hits the "off switch". I am unsure if this is what you were meaning, though.

This thought leaves me thinking about how crazy that moment is, the visual field will vibrate, the blue fire melts away the fabric of whatever the hell it is...deleted...awake, immersed, feeling.

---

Just one more thing to add that I forgot in my previous post:

I've been feeling "mini-explosions" throughout my body and was wondering if it was typical phenomena. They feel as if they are balloons being popped. Just a while ago, I got into a meditative state and then my knee just popped, as if there was "cracking" sound. Then a few days ago, I had popping occur right in the middle of my head. It was quite sudden so it felt a little shocking.

I was thinking that it might have to do with blood vessels suddenly opening and letting blood fill, but it is strange in the sense that the sound seemed to happen inside my head. Is it a charism of some sort, or a typical phenomena, or do I need to get my health checked haha.

I experience this "mini-explosion" in the middle of the head, during meditation, as well. I always thought it was the sinus opening, but I do not know for sure. I do know that it happens every meditation sit, and is like you described it.

[Jhanananda]

I also wonder what it would be like to see light even if you close your eyes, that's pretty amazing. I feel that my third-eye might not be completely open, although I do receive intuitive insights. Perhaps I am not focusing on the right space. It's hard to phrase the question, but where exactly do you look when you have the visual charisms?

A mystic attends to the light charism, so just attend to the light, not the shadow.

I've been feeling "mini-explosions" throughout my body and was wondering if it was typical phenomena. They feel as if they are balloons being popped. Just a while ago, I got into a meditative state and then my knee just popped, as if there was "cracking" sound. Then a few days ago, I had popping occur right in the middle of my head. It was quite sudden so it felt a little shocking.

I was thinking that it might have to do with blood vessels suddenly opening and letting blood fill, but it is strange in the sense that the sound seemed to happen inside my head. Is it a charism of some sort, or a typical phenomena, or do I need to get my health checked haha.

This is interesting phenomena that you describe.  It can either be small kundalini bursts, or spontaneous movements, which tend to occur when we learn to relax deeply, and learning to relax deeply is a skill those who meditate deeply develop.

I think most all of the Suttas have been botched in translation, but the meanings are there, if we look close enough. What we lose in translation is correct adjective; which could change the meaning all-together. Sometimes relying on discernment and intuitive insight (that inner feeling or voice) helps us with seeing what was meant to be seen in them.

This is how it works for me.

Now this one is tricky but, I dont think it matters so much if they are indeed the words of the Buddha himself; only that the experiences described within them resonate true. One difficulty that I would have with some descriptions within coming from a student or another mystic, is the depth, accuracy, and clarity in which the Suttas themselves are able to describe the religious experience. Who ever wrote them, or rather, whoever understood the meaning intended to be conveyed, truly had an immensely intimate understanding of...well...everything.

I agree.

[bodhimind]

Now this one is tricky but, I dont think it matters so much if they are indeed the words of the Buddha himself; only that the experiences described within them resonate true. One difficulty that I would have with some descriptions within coming from a student or another mystic, is the depth, accuracy, and clarity in which the Suttas themselves are able to describe the religious experience. Who ever wrote them, or rather, whoever understood the meaning intended to be conveyed, truly had an immensely intimate understanding of...well...everything.

Many times I have found the Suttas to be metaphorical and requiring some depth of inspection. So for those able to discern, we may find the meaning within them. I'm pretty sure that most of what is written was never intended to be taken at face-value. So as to the above, I do not understand the full meaning, but I do recognize a place within the progression, and that there may be more to the spectrum than I have seen.

Very true, thank you for that.

With me, it can depend on a number of things; depth of meditation, "concentration", the level in which I am committed to surrender etc. If I am completely withdrawn, absolutely just had enough with everything, I will close my eye and see a golden light almost immediately. In these times, I will look to the light.

Other times it becomes progressive, and I may not see a golden light until some time into a meditation sit. I can no longer say what level of depth this occurs in because it seems the levels just blurr together anymore; but I can say that it will arise. In the meantime, you can attend to the visual charism in the static snow of the visual field.

However, with me, I only do this if the meditation moves to the third-eye. I know it has moved there when I feel it open; a pressure above the center of the brow, center for-head. When I do attend the visual charism, it feels as if lenses are in front of both eyes and as "intention" is sustained in expanding view, these lenses can roll towards the respective temple on either side of the head.

Theres quite a few things I havent figured out; but I have experienced applying intention to "piercing the darkness", and the golden light appearing. This was done by first applying intention to seeing through the third-eye. It's hard to explain, but basically I do what happens when the third-eye opens in meditation. I know the point prominently, though, so I'm not sure how well that will work for you. But, if you're able to move energy in your body, focus it center forhead and "look beyond" what is there, expand. I do this with my eyes physically closed. You probably wont see anything by doing this initially, but it should at the very least push the third-eye open for you.

I've also experienced this "blindness". I used to ask Jhananada about this alot. It does get clearer, and there really isnt anything you can do to help it right now other than returning to meditation. I found that as the third-eye would flare more in meditation, the clearer "seeing" became. Ya know, it's almost ironic that I was excited and asking questions about opening the third-eye because, it was blurry and unclear when I did see things, to finding that once it was open, it is now my physical eyes that struggle in this regard haha.

Good to know this is a common problem! haha

I'm starting to find the difference between how I perceive a dream through my internal vision and my flesh eyes, but I'm still trying to differentiate it. I realize it is when my eyes are slightly turned upwards, just like you said, but I am not aware of how much. It feels a little like a withdrawing away so that it becomes a purely mental image... as if there was a projected screen way behind the eyes.

I tend to not open my eyes much during a meditation sit unless it is one that is in the dark. Daylight I've found to be somewhat of a distraction if I do.

But, the way youre describing this "strobing light" makes me think of the annihilating light. It comes with me in deep meditation sits, at the deepest surrender, just before the OOBE. It's where I can go unconscious before leaving the body. A bright light comes from the right to left and freaking deletes me, hits the "off switch". I am unsure if this is what you were meaning, though.

This thought leaves me thinking about how crazy that moment is, the visual field will vibrate, the blue fire melts away the fabric of whatever the hell it is...deleted...awake, immersed, feeling.

Haha I don't think I've reached that depth yet.

I experience this "mini-explosion" in the middle of the head, during meditation, as well. I always thought it was the sinus opening, but I do not know for sure. I do know that it happens every meditation sit, and is like you described it.

Okay, I thought I burst a vessel or something haha, it can be quite freaky when it happens to the physical body and is not a mental event.

A mystic attends to the light charism, so just attend to the light, not the shadow.

Thank you for this, I realize that it also seems to manifest, as if it was a reflection of my mental state.

This is interesting phenomena that you describe.  It can either be small kundalini bursts, or spontaneous movements, which tend to occur when we learn to relax deeply, and learning to relax deeply is a skill those who meditate deeply develop.

Hmm, yes it does feel a little similar to some of the spontaneous kriya movements.

---

I increasingly find that "mindfulness of the body" seems to refer to understanding the body as non-self, and hence if applied in meditation, being withdrawn away from the 5 sensory gates. I tried doing a variation of an old meditation I did, contemplating the body as a corpse with flesh rotting away, leaving away the bones. I think it was a Tibetan technique, where I would then invoke metta by joyfully giving away my flesh. Then using that mental state I move into a blissful state and go on from there.

I'm starting to understand the link between breath and mind. The breath seems to have 3 components: In, gap and out. The gap feels like it is when the mind is most silent. It is also when the blissfulness seems to be at, and then eventually it extends to throughout the breath, until I am solely aware of the bliss behind the breath and not the physical breath itself. If I attend to the blissful sensations, I find that my heart opens up as if there was a huge hole and I see light in this area. I also don't know if this is correct or not, but I find that if I try to feel the experience using my heart, instead of trying to cognize the whole thing within my "brain", I naturally give rise to tranquility and so on.

I read through the old advice in my thread and found a good reminder... to stop all doing and ride it on. The more I try to do, the more grasping I have. So I'm just going to shift myself continuously towards the light, the wholesome states, the positive things, the bliss, etc.

[Jhanananda]

I increasingly find that "mindfulness of the body" seems to refer to understanding the body as non-self, and hence if applied in meditation, being withdrawn away from the 5 sensory gates. I tried doing a variation of an old meditation I did, contemplating the body as a corpse with flesh rotting away, leaving away the bones. I think it was a Tibetan technique, where I would then invoke metta by joyfully giving away my flesh. Then using that mental state I move into a blissful state and go on from there.

This actually comes from the Pali Canon and predates Tibetan Buddhism by about 1500 years.

I read through the old advice in my thread and found a good reminder... to stop all doing and ride it on. The more I try to do, the more grasping I have. So I'm just going to shift myself continuously towards the light, the wholesome states, the positive things, the bliss, etc.

It sounds like you are having direct experience with a successful model.

[Cal]

I increasingly find that "mindfulness of the body" seems to refer to understanding the body as non-self, and hence if applied in meditation, being withdrawn away from the 5 sensory gates. I tried doing a variation of an old meditation I did, contemplating the body as a corpse with flesh rotting away, leaving away the bones. I think it was a Tibetan technique, where I would then invoke metta by joyfully giving away my flesh. Then using that mental state I move into a blissful state and go on from there.

This actually comes from the Pali Canon and predates Tibetan Buddhism by about 1500 years.

It's such a great metaphor, if we actually think about it. What happens in that state? When one "joyfully gives away the flesh"? How quickly the aura can just come over you... I also choose to remind myself that "I am not this body". I've found it to be most effective in surrender.

Now this one is tricky but, I dont think it matters so much if they are indeed the words of the Buddha himself; only that the experiences described within them resonate true. One difficulty that I would have with some descriptions within coming from a student or another mystic, is the depth, accuracy, and clarity in which the Suttas themselves are able to describe the religious experience. Who ever wrote them, or rather, whoever understood the meaning intended to be conveyed, truly had an immensely intimate understanding of...well...everything.

Many times I have found the Suttas to be metaphorical and requiring some depth of inspection. So for those able to discern, we may find the meaning within them. I'm pretty sure that most of what is written was never intended to be taken at face-value. So as to the above, I do not understand the full meaning, but I do recognize a place within the progression, and that there may be more to the spectrum than I have seen.

Very true, thank you for that.

No problem at all  It is so helpful to give these matters serious thought, and these discussions have been a great medium for that.

With me, it can depend on a number of things; depth of meditation, "concentration", the level in which I am committed to surrender etc. If I am completely withdrawn, absolutely just had enough with everything, I will close my eye and see a golden light almost immediately. In these times, I will look to the light.

Other times it becomes progressive, and I may not see a golden light until some time into a meditation sit. I can no longer say what level of depth this occurs in because it seems the levels just blurr together anymore; but I can say that it will arise. In the meantime, you can attend to the visual charism in the static snow of the visual field.

However, with me, I only do this if the meditation moves to the third-eye. I know it has moved there when I feel it open; a pressure above the center of the brow, center for-head. When I do attend the visual charism, it feels as if lenses are in front of both eyes and as "intention" is sustained in expanding view, these lenses can roll towards the respective temple on either side of the head.

Theres quite a few things I havent figured out; but I have experienced applying intention to "piercing the darkness", and the golden light appearing. This was done by first applying intention to seeing through the third-eye. It's hard to explain, but basically I do what happens when the third-eye opens in meditation. I know the point prominently, though, so I'm not sure how well that will work for you. But, if you're able to move energy in your body, focus it center forhead and "look beyond" what is there, expand. I do this with my eyes physically closed. You probably wont see anything by doing this initially, but it should at the very least push the third-eye open for you.

I've also experienced this "blindness". I used to ask Jhananada about this alot. It does get clearer, and there really isnt anything you can do to help it right now other than returning to meditation. I found that as the third-eye would flare more in meditation, the clearer "seeing" became. Ya know, it's almost ironic that I was excited and asking questions about opening the third-eye because, it was blurry and unclear when I did see things, to finding that once it was open, it is now my physical eyes that struggle in this regard haha.

Good to know this is a common problem! haha

I'm starting to find the difference between how I perceive a dream through my internal vision and my flesh eyes, but I'm still trying to differentiate it. I realize it is when my eyes are slightly turned upwards, just like you said, but I am not aware of how much. It feels a little like a withdrawing away so that it becomes a purely mental image... as if there was a projected screen way behind the eyes.

This is a good way of looking at it. Another way that I have understood it is like that of a movie theater screen. The screen itself is very large, and if seated to close to it, it becomes hard to actually perceive it in its entirety. So, like I do with my physical eyes in this scenario, I lean back, and expand my vision.

There is a difference in my own perception from yours, as I've never really seen it as looking inwards, but rather looking very far outwards. Perhaps the GWV might give some clarity to this?

I tend to not open my eyes much during a meditation sit unless it is one that is in the dark. Daylight I've found to be somewhat of a distraction if I do.

But, the way youre describing this "strobing light" makes me think of the annihilating light. It comes with me in deep meditation sits, at the deepest surrender, just before the OOBE. It's where I can go unconscious before leaving the body. A bright light comes from the right to left and freaking deletes me, hits the "off switch". I am unsure if this is what you were meaning, though.

This thought leaves me thinking about how crazy that moment is, the visual field will vibrate, the blue fire melts away the fabric of whatever the hell it is...deleted...awake, immersed, feeling.

Haha I don't think I've reached that depth yet.

I've also thought to ask others about this, as I don't know at all what it is, or why it happens.

I experience this "mini-explosion" in the middle of the head, during meditation, as well. I always thought it was the sinus opening, but I do not know for sure. I do know that it happens every meditation sit, and is like you described it.

Okay, I thought I burst a vessel or something haha, it can be quite freaky when it happens to the physical body and is not a mental event.

I don't really know what this is either haha, only that it can happen.

A mystic attends to the light charism, so just attend to the light, not the shadow.

Thank you for this, I realize that it also seems to manifest, as if it was a reflection of my mental state.

This is interesting phenomena that you describe.  It can either be small kundalini bursts, or spontaneous movements, which tend to occur when we learn to relax deeply, and learning to relax deeply is a skill those who meditate deeply develop.

Hmm, yes it does feel a little similar to some of the spontaneous kriya movements.

It may indeed be kriya, as it is somewhat similar. I guess a noticeable difference though would be that this "pop" will only happen once, where when kriya is being spontaneous, the same muscle may spaz out repeatedly.

[Cal]

Bodhimind, I noticed something else that may be in connection with the "balloon popping" experience we talked about before. It comes around the third jhana, it seems as though some kind of secretion happens with me from the roof of the mouth and travels down the throat. It becomes extremely difficult to not swallow as there is a choking sensation, or burning, or something associated with it? Might this be something you experience as well? I only note this because while it is easy to re-establish the sit afterwards, it has tended to be un-avoidable in ignoring. Its semi painful. Oh I forgot to say, when it happens, it seem like there is this endless amount of saliva that forms haha. Weird, I know.

I also noted something else recently. You know how the Buddha has described being aware of internal organs and their functions, movements etc? Well as I lay in meditation before bed i became aware of a constant sound in one ear, like something consistently ruffleing my pillow case. I directed awareness to it to find that it was my pulse. As I maintained focus, I found that I was able to follow the entire pulse from the heart, to near the ear, and through the face. Not only could I feel it, I could see it as a visual image in my mind. Just found that interesting =).

[bodhimind]

Bodhimind, I noticed something else that may be in connection with the "balloon popping" experience we talked about before. It comes around the third jhana, it seems as though some kind of secretion happens with me from the roof of the mouth and travels down the throat. It becomes extremely difficult to not swallow as there is a choking sensation, or burning, or something associated with it? Might this be something you experience as well? I only note this because while it is easy to re-establish the sit afterwards, it has tended to be un-avoidable in ignoring. Its semi painful. Oh I forgot to say, when it happens, it seem like there is this endless amount of saliva that forms haha. Weird, I know.

I also noted something else recently. You know how the Buddha has described being aware of internal organs and their functions, movements etc? Well as I lay in meditation before bed i became aware of a constant sound in one ear, like something consistently ruffleing my pillow case. I directed awareness to it to find that it was my pulse. As I maintained focus, I found that I was able to follow the entire pulse from the heart, to near the ear, and through the face. Not only could I feel it, I could see it as a visual image in my mind. Just found that interesting =).

I seem to have that "cool liquid" down the back of the throat as well. There's not much burning for mine though, so I am not sure if that is what you talk about. It feels like I need to swallow it, but then again if I leave it alone, it simply feels as if something cool is flowing at the back of my throat. I think this might be "ambrosia". Some yogi claim it to be the cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) overflowing from the spine into the throat.

Once a doctor asked me if I was able to feel my own heartbeat and I said yes. Apparently 'normal people' aren't supposed to feel the heartbeat. Maybe we have simply just extended and trained our awareness to capture more of it.... I don't know haha. I've never felt it to the extent you do yet, though.

----

I read on the GWV site that Jhanananda found "Clarifying the Natural State" by Dhagpo Tashi Namgyal to be valuable (rarely for a Vajra text), therefore I bought it to read more about it.

I recently had a heartbreaking experience with another contemplative, and I suddenly realized how "autonomous" the entire subconscious can be. The heart aches even though I clear my mind consciously. The joy and bliss rises, but along with it comes a sad pain that recognizes how impermanent all things are.

It actually aches physically, showing me how the mind and body intrinsically linked. I'm simply trying to observe how it goes, to see what it feels like, to watch how my perception contributes to it. Perhaps it is the reaping of a karmic seed from a past connection. I continuously turn myself away from the future and the past - to quit reminiscing, ruminating and expecting. Simply abiding in the present, being satisfied, grateful, and finding the bliss.

It still comes with that tinge though. Do you happen to have any experience with dealing with this? It is so true that attachment is the very source of suffering. It tells me that my cultivation is insufficient - my mindfulness was not guarding well - it had allowed my mind to fall into despair.

I also find that loving comes with a vulnerability, which also denotes a kind of letting go. Loving is not done, but what is left behind when all doing is let go. When we try to lie, steal or kill, we hinder the true expression.

I kind of understand what Lao Tzu means by:

"High virtue is not virtuous
Therefore it has virtue
Low virtue never loses virtue
Therefore it has no virtue
High virtue takes no contrived action
And acts without agenda
Low virtue takes contrived action
And acts with agenda
High benevolence takes contrived action
And acts without agenda
High righteousness takes contrived action
And acts with agenda
High etiquette takes contrived action
And upon encountering no response
Uses arms to pull others"

Isn't it because when we "try to be virtuous", that is already doing? It is not exactly a true expression that is birthed from letting go and listening to one's intuition. To give, without the thinking of giving - just like the nature of the sun is to shine, the nature of the trees to provide shade, the nature of all things to do what they do without "thinking" about it.

I can only hope it subsides, meanwhile I shall work on my mindfulness.

[Cal]

I recently had a heartbreaking experience with another contemplative, and I suddenly realized how "autonomous" the entire subconscious can be. The heart aches even though I clear my mind consciously. The joy and bliss rises, but along with it comes a sad pain that recognizes how impermanent all things are.

It actually aches physically, showing me how the mind and body intrinsically linked. I'm simply trying to observe how it goes, to see what it feels like, to watch how my perception contributes to it. Perhaps it is the reaping of a karmic seed from a past connection. I continuously turn myself away from the future and the past - to quit reminiscing, ruminating and expecting. Simply abiding in the present, being satisfied, grateful, and finding the bliss.

It still comes with that tinge though. Do you happen to have any experience with dealing with this? It is so true that attachment is the very source of suffering. It tells me that my cultivation is insufficient - my mindfulness was not guarding well - it had allowed my mind to fall into despair.

We are still very prone to experiencing emotion, possibly even more so if we look at empathetic traits. The point that we can observe them tells us this much. Contrary to insufficient cultivation, I believe you have cultivated it precisely how you should. Not too long ago we talked about how even though a person may be enlightened, they still feel.

You said this person was also a contemplative? Perhaps there is a way to rationalize the situation by attempting to view the root of the problem? I feel like you have a good handle on the situation, so you'll know whats best in this regard.

Most friends might advise that when going through a tough time to do anything you could to distract yourself from it. However, this presents a unique sort of obstacle for a contemplative, as we tend to be aware of everything, and thus that sting is felt much more keenly.  I have been married for a number of years, and with any marriage it has had it's ups and downs. There are times that my wife can get to me in the worst of ways, and it's these times that my heart will also physically ache. But for me, it has also provided a concrete reason for refuge. However, there are days I absolutely cannot meditate deeply due to being unable to find peace, and contentment. Love is certainly a doubled edge-sword, much like the charisms. I believe all we can do is observe it for it's beauty and endure it for it's pain.

A friend of mine said not too long ago that "Expectations are premeditated resentments". In a physical sense, I believe love to be composed primarily of expectation of reciprocation. I hate to dull it down in that way, as while going through the motions, it can be amazing. But, there really is no trick to a heart-ache, sadly. Time is the only thing I know that can cure them; one just becomes numb to the pain. But, never forget that you've got all that you need partner. It's all about someone else deserving it.