What I was trying to say before is that it sounds like you have vastly overestimated your level of attainment. I would also guess that you are wrong about having been in Jhana as well. The only thing that is clear is that your case is very challenging. You need a teacher who can talk with you face-to-face. In person. It sounds like you have never been taught about equanimity in the face of the three marks.
I’ve been at this work for 15 years, and you are speaking to literally the world’s expert (from a scholarly perspective) on mysticism. Jeff would be the expert from a practical perspective (which is obviously the preferable of the two to be, thus my deference to him always on this forum).
I have a whole website filled with books, articles, and dialogues representing that this has been a life quest. I’ve experienced the vibrations and inner sound while meditating with a silent mind, which I believe is the third Jhana. Where I’ve struggled is getting to the “feels like I could meditate forever” stage of Jhana 4. Absorption. I have never experienced it. And, facility with the out of body experience (only my 2 mediocre ones, a false awakening and a blind OOBE).
In regard to the fetters - contemplate them. You can also use Gurdjieff’s four stages of enlightenment, which are clearly the same as what the Buddha taught, but focusing on different faculties that develop as you spiritually mature. Nonreturning is the absence of ill will and sensuality. I’ve been at this stage for over 10 years.
I would say that just because someone has horrible trauma, and ends with a personal crisis, does not compromise their spiritual attainment. For example you could trip tomorrow, hit your head, and be living the tale of Job from the Old Testament. A brain trauma could affect an arahant, losing the ability to sleep, sit still (if the part of the brain that controls psychomotor activity is damaged), or the ability to be articulate/insightful. I don’t recall the exact story of Francis of Assisi, but one thing I remember from years ago was his turmoils leading him to choose to die of exposure.
Remember that the physical domain is a hell-plane, filled with all sorts of impediments, tragedies. It is a world where infants die in war, where teenagers like Claire Wineland die of cystic fibrosis, where people’s lives and ambitions are cut short by multiple sclerosis or cancer.
Re: the fetters, the Buddha gave an excellent and precise table for assessing one’s spiritual progress, so long as you have an abbot (spiritual senior) to admonish you, or have cultivated self-awareness and self-knowledge.
In regard to the higher fetters, you may need someone at Jeff or Michael’s level of attainment. Craving for form based existence, craving for formless existence, restlessness, ignorance, and conceit. I can tell you I have no conceit - and in terms of ignorance there are few with the breadth of spiritual knowledge as me other than the people on this forum. Keep in mind I didn’t write this post to be defensive or self-aggrandizing, but it seemed an appropriate response to your message.
Perhaps you could give this one a read
https://alexanderlorincz.com/index.php/books/the-book-of-shiva It is pushing you out of your comfort zone (Buddhism), but might be of interest to comprehending the ascetical-practical side of the religious life. If like attracts like, you want to “climb the ladder,” Jacob’s ladder, so you can be with the wise and noble in the post death state.
Re: our forum
It is filled with the most rigorous spiritual practitioners. Meaning, these are posters who not only demonstrate expertise at the scriptures and religious teachings, but they are adepts in the meditation and astral travel world also. Usually people are segregated in the one box or the other. Jeff is unique for his reconciliation of both. It is the most mature perspective.
Re: the forum
So, it is an extraordinary legacy Jeff leaves behind, and we should attempt to prolong it after his mahasamadhi if at all possible.
