Lately I have been trying to keep some measure of time to my meditations, as recently, I have been taking my rest periods for 12+ hours. I've always been one to stay up late, as most of my working career was on the graveyard shift, and I've just kept near that schedule. But I've never really slept for so long. As a matter of fact, when I was working, I would rarely sleep more than 5-6 hours. So, the last 3 nights, instead of snapping myself out of the meditative state and just rolling over to sleep, I've thought to check a clock. I've noticed my meditations have been anywhere from 2-4 hours-so that at least accounts for a portion of my rest period.
These meditations have been extremely deep. I feel as though I have connected with my inner self in a way I had not known before. The meditation progressions are swift; with my only enemy being my "rouge mind". The odd thing though, random thoughts or "awareness darting" really only seems to get in the way near the climax's of these meditations. It seems as though I am able to keep a constant awareness on the charisms, whether they be the audio charism, or the breeze upon the skin, all while having a brief reminder that there is something that I should not forget in the coming days. I should note that these thoughts are only a single arising thought, and I will only briefly entertain them, nonetheless, even this single thought arising can get in the way when moving into the 5th.
Which brings me to that place. Over and over again, while in the void where I do not feel my physical body, there comes this hissing, surging, rushing, sparkling, vacuum, amazing-ness. This is where my "rouge mind", or even awareness darting from event to event, gets me into trouble. I've learned how to return to this place, where all this wild stuff starts happening, but not how to surrender to it. Theres always something that will distract my awareness from this very beautiful thing. Whether that be that my breathe is constricted to where it feels like I cannot exhale, or that my heart begins to beat rapidly and is like a bass drum throughout my entire body. These 2 are the usual culprits, but, occasionally it can be an out of left field random thought; "I really like blue".

These last couple weeks in this place have changed my perspective massively. For one, I think I have a much better understanding of why physical health has earned its emphasis here. To be honest, while it is of course a natural thing to be concerned about health, I used to be unsure about how it may have an effect on meditation. Let's just say I've learned that even the slightest joint inflammation feels like fire if you're aware of it for the span of hours. I also learned that I have a slight amount of swelling in my gums that I was unaware of previously lol.
There was this sort of "flatness" that started to come over my "body" that I havent felt before tonight. It was in the 4th, as there was only a void (except for a shifting awareness of a heartbeat and breath), except there was a familiar shitbag heat to it. So as this flatness systematically came over me, something started pulling my arm. I wrestled with allowing it to move, gently, but as I did so, my sit regressed. Apparently stopping movement or resisting them requires more cognition than I am allowed in that space. So I let it go until my arm was fully extended. Then the same thing happened with my head. It was moved from an upright position, while prone, laying on my back, to my left cheek laying flat on the couch where I was meditating. I've felt this kind of crap before, but never really so gently. In the past it has been yanks and awkwardness. I do not think this was connected with the flatness Im talking about, only that it happened around the same time. This flatness was like pouring a film of liquid over a surface, however it did not have a liquid feel, I only use it to describe how it slowly crept over me. It was much like when I first began meditating deeply, in the 2nd-3rd, scanning in awareness and the charisms slowly engulfing me. But this only had heat and a flatness...idk
Man, the kriya was intense tonight as well. I had major muscle spasms in large muscle groups. I swear, if someone had been watching me, Im sure they would have thought I was having a seizure at times. Super awesome though, as it was also newish in the extent of them, so it helped me with equanimity. They didnt distract me long, but when your thigh muscle spasms and kicks up, it warrants a small reaction

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I feel as though I should start a mid day meditation to go with the waking/before sleep. There are times before my night meditation that I can become uneasy. If I can say anything, having an awareness to whats around me has been one of my bigger challenges. For example, 3 nights ago I believe, something came rushing past me. This was a good feeling, thankfully, and that nights meditation was asshat free. If I was paying better attention at the time, I would have thanked them, as Im sure it had something to do with the peaceful meditation. Ya, the midday meditation could definitely do some good.
On a final note, I've been having very long, continuous dreams. These dreams are extremely intriguing...and even entertaining at times haha. The other night for a good long while, I was a pirate on a ship. Splendid detail in what was going on, the events, my "same" personality. I didnt have a close connected feeling in this one though, although I did have a a knowledge of what was to come, somehow someway. It ended in a flash and a new one started, idk maybe I got bored with it haha. The dreams arent always very vivid, as most have been "distant", but it seems like all of them have their moments of lucidity. I should make a note to remind myself to "wake up" during them, after I end my night meditation.
Thanks again for listening to my rants GWV =). If you guys have any advice on the transition to the 5th, or about these newer things that are happening, it would be much appreciated. If not, thats ok too, as I really do love the place I am in now, and I know ill get used to it eventually

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