Jhanon's Meditation and Mystical Experience Records

[Jhanon]

Here are some of the things I have been practicing these days:

- simplicity
- evacuation of all thoughts/concerns
- no planning
- no solicitude for others
- receptivity to whatever spiritual affects me
- not trying to find any siddhis
- receptivity to the dark night
- receptivity to spiritual violence
- remaining saturated in the 3rd jhana --- and if possible moving into the 4th
- going on long, isolated walks outside, or else staying in seclusion

Like you I am interested to finally experience the fantastic. At the same time, if I will have to confront ghosts and demons and angels in the spiritual realm, I am glad I am not there just yet.

You bring up a good point I hadn't considered, Alexander. And another reason I wish we had a chat function. Am I really the only one on here who's noticed the tremendous power of real-time discussion? In other words; both minds are engaged in the discussion at the same time.

Anyway, the meditative absorptions I've enjoyed most do appear to have been "OOBE", even if I didn't leave the physical body. The one I just recently catalogued, appears to have been one of the samadhi's without my having viscerally experienced a shift.

From the very beginning in 2011 (I just reviewed my earliest journals of post-psychedelia meditation), I've been interested chiefly in three absorption phenomena.

1) Union with God(?) - I have had a long time to reflect on that first Big Bang of Sheer Energetic Ecstasy, Light, and SupraMundane Insight. It was either the intermediary phase between 4th jhana and leaving the body (like I figured it was all these years), or it was in fact Union with God. All I know is that all my efforts have been, admittedly, fueled by that experience.

2) The white wall of light and annihilation. Which appears to be prelude to union with God--although I've only once been able to overcome it's fear.

3) Being saturated in kundalini energy blasts throughout most of daily life

Yeah, 3rd jhana is nice, so is 4th jhana--but it's when things become psychedelic and divine that I find true inspiration (in-spirit) to push on.

I share your hesitance with the latter samadhi. Devas and demons I am not quite interested in. I am interested in the sheer energetical ecstasy of God. But I would settle for anything that safely recharges my batteries.

I didn't respond to all your post, Alexander. I intend to shortly.

[Jhanon]

What do you mean "receptivity to spiritual violence?" Do you mean when you have vision of spiritual violence? If so, then I understand why you are endeavoring to do so. Right before my last pleasant and profound meditation (it's like three posts back), I experienced some violence in a vision that I at first "turned away" from. But instead, I faced it, and let the pain of empathy come. I think I cried for whatever it was that was being hurt.

I am seeing a recurring theme which is prelude to all that "fuels" us (the fantastic.) We have to make progress. As in, the greater obstacle(s) overcomed, the greater the fuel provided.

[Jhanananda]

Today has been a day fairly dedicated to remaining self-aware, rigorous, present, and as expansively aware as possible. It has been mostly a dark day, however.

I'm really getting sick and tired of a few things.

1) Inconsiderate noise and idle chatter at my residence.
2) Being unable to meditate in crossed-legs or corpse pose without significant pain or numbing/unpleasant tingling in left leg (Appears to be nerve damage from all those years of slouching through boring school classes.)

About 40 years ago I discovered maintaining a daily hatha yoga practice helped me reshape my body so that I was comfortable in cross-legged meditation; and I found cross-legged meditation to be the most useful posture for experiencing massive kundalini thrusts, and deep samadhis; however, I have also practiced regularly standing, lying down, and walking.  I found these basic postures are all very useful to practice for the attainment and mastery of the 8 stages of samadhi.

3) Samadhi sessions being unremarkable. Today, despite boozing, crying babies, and irresponsible behavior all around me; I was able to reach 4th jhana. And you know, it was disappointing like it is most times.

I found the right atmosphere is also critical for mastering the 8 stages of samadhi.

I can absorb fairly easily. I absorbed in the sunset earlier today, with eyes open and the usual human racket on a Friday evening in a park. But it's nothing more than an altered state and some mild reprieve in the form of slight novelty.

I wanna know why so few of my meditations have been pleasant, despite arriving at 4th samadhi fairly consistently whenever I have at least 1.5 hours to meditate.

And I want to know where the hell the kundalini is hiding...

I do know that the pleasure of my samadhi sessions has something to do with serotonin balances,  which suggests to me 5-HTP may worth more extensive tests.

I suppose anything which stimulates or messes with serotonin may be useful. DL- Phenylalinin, 5-HTP, stuff like that. I've also found that the day after a mild psychedelic dose tends to have the best meditations. The meditations then have the "magic" they've otherwise almost never had.

If anyone would like to make suggestions, please let me know. I've tried looking at the experience as "sacred" or "communing with the divine." I have a fairly excellent diet. And I use too many daily medications. I know they are mostly to blame, but I need to find something to make absorption more enjoyable before I can count on the resolve to get off and stay off them. Absorption would need to replace them without interfering with my daily responsibilities.

I found another critical component of the religious experience that needs to be cultivated is finding the first four stages of the religious experience (samadhi) fulfilling, pleasing, desirable.

When I first got back from my sunset absorption, I was determined to write a booklet detailing the many circumstances and causes which were in-place during any mild surge or full on blast.

I believe writing a book about your personal journey to and through samadhi to be a very valuable effort, and wish to inspire all of those who come here to write that book.

[Alexander]

What do you mean "receptivity to spiritual violence?" Do you mean when you have vision of spiritual violence? If so, then I understand why you are endeavoring to do so. Right before my last pleasant and profound meditation (it's like three posts back), I experienced some violence in a vision that I at first "turned away" from. But instead, I faced it, and let the pain of empathy come. I think I cried for whatever it was that was being hurt.

By this I mean the violence of living in seclusion. To be alone all the time is very unhealthy/dysfunctional. Human beings are supposed to be social. But, from a spiritual perspective, it is a way to transform oneself.

[Jhanon]

I see.

Personally, I've found a balance works best. Although I choose very carefully how I engage my time with others. Basically, it's always practice--whether I'm at home writing through inspiration, or I'm stranded at a bar an old buddy thought would be fun.

[Jhanon]

Before falling asleep, I had visuals of silhouettes coming from the left side which would come right up to my face to "sniff" me. I didn't get a warm fuzzy feeling from these, and after the fourth one, I began to direct my awareness toward angels/devas, which is maybe only the second time I've done such a thing. I asked for the help of an old friend who has transitioned onto the Pure or Heavenly Abodes. Nonetheless, I continued to absorb into jhana/samadhi sleep. What follows:

Lessons/teaching in sleep? Ghosts? Kundalini that wakes one from sleep? 3+ hours into sleep, I woke up to kundalini that frightened me. It was the usual ecstatic kundalini, but it's stimulation was through a subject I'm not fond of. So despite how much I yearn for kundalini, I found myself evading the situation. I awoke to inner heat in the body, likely due to my fear.

I just want to get this "on paper". I was teaching someone or something during sleep when somehow the issue of ghosts came into the picture. I said/discovered/taught something and kundalini began entering, which woke me from my sleep and caused mild fear.

This reminds of why I stopped meditating to sleep a year ago. During these pre-OOBE's or dreams, I was still what/who you know, but layers of egoic protection are not there.

Still, I think there is merit in meditating to sleep for this exact reason. When I am not in my body, I do not have the usual "egoic protection" that is apparently there. I am wondering what indications this may have on level of attainment.

[Jhanon]

Changes and Realizations:

1) If I meditate to sleep, I end up teaching other beings.

2) I rarely require the faculty of thinking, or at least it doesn't feel like thinking. It is observation and direct Knowing. Which brings us to #3

3) At least half of the day my actions and experience are direct Knowing. But it's not "my" actions. Which brings us to #4

4) I am no longer the witness. The witness is God. Yes, I am witnessing, but there is no "I". It is God Witnessing God. Or Dhamma witnessing Dhamma. It is supremely peaceful and full of ease. Which brings us to #5.

5) Half of the time there is no will, unless the identity surfaces the other half. This is conservative. It is Dhamma, or God, or Tao, or whatever "Force", flowing like water.

6) As I fall asleep meditating, "I" remote view people. Again, it is not me. It is Dhamma remote viewing Dhamma.

7) Often "I" will do or say something that utilizes the thoughts of others, knowledge of others, or supramundane knowledge that is not consciously known to me. Again, it is this "Force" flowing like water.

8 ) 95% of what I eat is not sensuous.

9) Absorption is extremely easy. I am already absorbed. Whenever I check in with the charisms, they are already strong. It is due to this connection with Dhamma, Force, whatever.

10) The mind is silent (or tranquil) almost 100% of the day.

11) Knowing says this awareness is Anagami, headed for enlightenment. Those words fail to communicate accurately, but it is close enough.

12) The burden, the world weariness, is significantly lighter.

13) Watching this Force create is blissful.

14) Fear and Anxiety have significantly diminished.

Criticism or questions are welcome. Something has happened, and the above are observations I can offer.

[Jhanon]

4th jhana "tactile weightless charism" at around 20 minutes in (tactile is my anchor until awareness encompasses entire tactile field, then I add more charism senses). Rather uneventful, though visions of pain surfaced a few times. Awareness was confused. Should watch unattached? Or did put wrong causes in place which lead to pain visions? Some felt like past, some felt like future. Some felt like they weren't of this human plane.

[Jhanon]

Changes and Realizations:

1) If I meditate to sleep, I end up teaching other beings.

2) I rarely require the faculty of thinking. It is observation and direct Knowing. Which brings us to #3

3) At least half of the day my actions and experience are direct Knowing. But it's not "my" actions. Which brings us to #4

4) I am no longer the witness. The witness is God. Yes, I am witnessing, but there is no "I". It is God Witnessing God. Or Dhamma witnessing Dhamma. It is supremely peaceful and full of ease. Which brings us to #5.

5) Half of the time there is no will, unless the identity surfaces the other half. This is conservative. It is Dhamma, or God, or Tao, or whatever "Force", flowing like water.

6) As I fall asleep meditating, "I" remote view people. Again, it is not me. It is Dhamma remote viewing Dhamma.

7) Often "I" will do or say something that utilizes the thoughts of others, knowledge of others, or supramundane knowledge that is not consciously known to me. Again, it is this "Force" flowing like water.

8 ) 95% of what I eat is not sensuous.

9) Absorption is extremely easy. I am already absorbed. Whenever I check in with the charisms, they are already strong. It is due to this connection with Dhamma, Force, whatever.

10) The mind is silent (or tranquil) almost 100% of the day.

11) Knowing says this awareness is Anagami, headed for enlightenment. Those words fail to communicate accurately, but it is close enough.

12) The burden, the world weariness, is significantly lighter.

13) Watching this Force create is blissful.

14) Fear and Anxiety have significantly diminished.

Criticism or questions are welcome. It would be good to have the discernment of others.

Perhaps this is temporary, brought on by a week of contemplative lifestyle, and will be replaced with the old mode of suffering when the contemplative lifestyle is interrupted. It also appears that teaching has a lot to do with this. I am aware that Dhamma flows easiest during creative works or teaching (which is also creative through use of simile, metaphor, etc.)

[Jhanon]

There are many mystical experiences I've not recorded here. One of which just came back to me, in memory of a discussion I had with Cal regarding the recollection of past lives. I thought what I was referring to as a past life was a past life. But, now I am uncertain. The reader will be kind to help me understand.

One night, about 2 years ago, upon absorbing to sleep, I came upon a vision. I left what appeared to be a first floor apartment or duplex, and had headphones in my ears (as I always do when I leave on my own.) The home I left appeared very empty, which is, again, how I tend to live. I even had a backpack, if I recall correctly--which I always leave home with.

Soon I experienced a burning in my mid-section. For some reason, I did not suffer from it, but I knew what it was. I had been shot.

I began to feel weak in the knees as I ripped the headphones out of my ears and looked around. I saw people running, and there was some kind of projectile in the air everywhere. I don't know if it was bullets. I tried to run, but fell to the grass and pulled my body along with my arms. I was calm, for some reason. I looked across the yards of some apartments/houses, and saw a news crew following a dark-skinned man with what appeared to be a large gun.

I saw other people, and tried to warn them. I tried to help. Then I laid on my back, and died.

When I awoke, I was vibrating all over and in great fear. I thought I had died. Having woken my companion, I told her what I had experienced. It should be noted here, that I have since discovered my companion has dreams in which she dies. This appears to be something she's always experienced. Also, it should be noted we have a strong energy bond, especially at that time, and we could know each other's minds.

But.....was it my death? There were headphones. Earbuds like I normally use. There was a backpack, again, like I normally use. I was happy, again, like I normally am when I leave the house. It was all modern in appearance. Everything I can remember suggested it was in fact this current life, this body. After this dream, this is when I stopped recalling dreams.  I have since begun to recall them again.

Is it possible that I saw how I am to die? Or was this just a gift from the Divine? A way to encourage progress, and show what it's like to be further down the path. I say this because there was no suffering and no anxiety. Even in regular dreams then I would have anxiety or suffering. This was peculiarly missing. My internal experience was nothing like I did in any previous dreams.

This is the most hyper real death I've ever experienced, although strangely vacant of anxiety and suffering, unlike usual. As a result of this lack,  I was tremendously concerned that I had just witnessed someone else die in another world or part of the world, except it was first-person and felt like "me."

[Cal]

I would like to ask the forum this, when you dream, you most often "know" you are dreaming, correct? Yet when you relive something, there is an omniscient "aura" about it. Perhaps some anxiety, no? The senses are flared, all of them. Everything is lucid and real, yet you are helpless to the event. It concludes without heeding any resistance; You get fucked! The screams of death tear into your very being and courage becomes an illusion of the misunderstanding you called "bold". Just eat an axe to the face, and you'll know what I mean.

You "feel" it. Like running until you vomit, the pain in the lungs, the heart beating from chest;"feel" it. Please correct me.

[Jhanananda]

Hello Cal, and Jhanon.  Jhanon's dream sequence can be explained in a number of ways, and only he is ever going to know what explanation fits.

1] This dream sequence is classic, past lifetime recollection.  The modern ensemble is the mind attempting to explain the experience.

2] This dream is also a classic future scenario.

3] This dream is also a classic shared dream.  Yes, when a mystic sleeps with someone, then the mystic could experience the dreams of the other.

Cal, in these kinds of dreams we rarely know that we are dreaming.  It is more like reality is just dreams within dreams, within dreams.  So, which dream is one going to be aware of?

[Jhanon]

Thank you for your input, Jhananda. When you say "future scenario" do you mean to say it's possible to be a future life death, or possible current life death?

I would like to record an additional experience that I feel will be very interesting due to its circumstances.

Yesterday, I went in for a complete scoping of my upper and lower GI. I used to have extreme health complications, and ended up in the hospital a couple times because of my digestive system. Well, since having resolved 99% of the discomfort and complications through a skillful diet, I decided I owed it to myself and family to ensure my digestion system is now healthy.

So, I've been through this before. They give you a drug called propofol. Which is known as "conscious sedation." So, you will respond to their efforts and directions during the procedure, but will not accrue experience or memory. In the past, I simply "blacked out" and was suddenly awake being pushed back into my recovery room.

But this time I was curious about the effect of this drug. It reminded me of the reports i'd seen of ketamine users, who would often observe their bodies dancing at raves. So, their identity would be dancing, and their awareness would be observing. I was assured that this drug is not like ketamine, which is a "dissociative". So, since I was gifted with a long-wait time due to an earlier patient needing much more time, I took the hour and a half to absorb as deep as I could.

During the procedure in which I was supposed to be "blacked out," I was somewhere else. When I say "I", I mean of course the Awareness. The body/identity were still in the procedure room. When i re-entered the body, the first thing I became aware of was a nurse asking "Do you remember anything?" and I said "Not from here." It should be noted that this drug makes one extremely honest and forthcoming (which was a concern of mine, considering what I could tell them.)

I spent the first couple minutes back in the body to commit to memory what I had experienced while in the procedure. I was in some heavenly, peaceful, isolated place, where I was being taught by a highly enlightened being.

The main points worth anyone contemplating is this. The body and identity were active in the procedure room. But I, the Awareness, was not there. We all know it's possible to leave your body this way, but while it is still active? That is further proof we are not "Jhanon" we are not the body.

[Jhanananda]

Thank you for your input, Jhananda. When you say "future scenario" do you mean to say it's possible to be a future life death, or possible current life death?

Yes, a possible death in this life time or a future life time.

Interesting comments on your consciousness in the procedure.  It sounds like you were in the immaterial domains.  I hope your GI track is in good condition.

[Jhanon]

Thank you, Jhananda. I have in fact completely healed it. Or rather, jhana, the charisms, awareness, did. It is in perfect health now